


Get It Right

by Jomarch05



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-09
Packaged: 2017-11-13 19:46:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 118,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jomarch05/pseuds/Jomarch05





	1. Chapter 1

 

**Get It Right**

_**I get Finn and you get heartbroken….** _

**What Have I done?**

It had taken Rachel exactly twenty eight days, six hours, thirty two minutes and a few seconds to give up her dream, taking down the posters of Broadway musicals that adorned her walls and putting away every cast recording her daddies had ever bought her. In their place, she puts up pictures of her and Finn. She didn't have enough of them and cut the rest out of the Glee Club pictures and even Finn's football and basketball team pictures. It was difficult to give everything up but Rachel was nothing if not persistent and in the end, she convinced herself that her new dream was even better.

She would get the happily ever after and prove to Quinn that she would get it right because she knew exactly what she wanted and she was convinced what she wanted was Finn. That morning, dressing for school she decided to forgo her usual animal sweater and short skirt, instead pulling out a summer dress of pale blue and a white cardigan. Rachel does not acknowledge her dad's surprised look and smiles at her daddy's compliment even as she pushes her breakfast away, conscious that she needs to lose a few pounds.

That first day at school, her life now transverse into her before life of wanting a Broadway career to her current need to have Finn be her future, she walked through the doors a new Rachel Berry. Dressed more like Quinn that she would care to admit but focused on the singular need to win Finn Hudson back.

It started with coy looks in the hallways and small smiles each time their eyes met but instead of boldly talking to Finn, as she was prone to do, she demurred and left him alone, a confused expression on his face as she would pass Quinn and him in the hallways.

Quinn had been faster to catch on, confronting her in the bathroom a week later, backing her into the doors of one of the stalls. "I know what you're trying to do and it won't work." Her low voice hissing and a sneer on her face as she looked down at the smaller girl. But Rachel did not give her the satisfaction of responding, instead, she pushed back, adjusted her pink cardigan and walked out, not responding to Quinn's threat leaving the blond surprised and speechless in her wake.

Surprisingly enough, her new look and quieter nature also played a part in taking her off the radar of slushie facials, Santana and Brittany were not as lucky but that was also because of Coach Sylvester's constant need for revenge because she had lost Nationals again.

Day by day, week by week, her plan slowly worked out. During Glee, she would always acquiesce to duets which more often than not meant her and Finn singing to each other but each time a solo came up, she would sit on both her hands preventing herself from raising them, knowing that she should not volunteer. Ignoring the slight ache she felt in her heart, telling herself that her new dream was better than her old one.

In classes they shared together, she would ask Finn about his day, which new video game had caught his attention or even how practice had gone for whichever sport her was playing at the time. And each time he would ask after her, she would give a short answer and turn the conversation back to him, basking in the lopsided grin he would give her as he launched into yet another story about his breakfast burrito.

She ran every morning, forsaking her elliptical for a more thorough workout, taking time to curl her hair instead of practicing her scales, putting on makeup instead of memorizing song lyrics. Her transformation so much of a change yet seemingly gradual, that her nomination of Prom Queen did take her slightly by surprise.

Only slightly because she still had her plan and Jacob Ben Israel was still a sniveling idiot with a crush. Bribing him with her real underwear and garnering every single vote from the AV Club to the Zionist student movement had got her into the running. It was obvious that nerds, geeks and outcasts outnumbered the popular kids five to one and with enough planning, making them actually vote was actually easier to accomplish that she had ever thought.

Finn's congratulatory hug in the middle of the hallway had been worth it even as she wiped the grape slushy from her face, courtesy of Quinn Fabray. It was so worth it because she had done it in front of her boyfriend who had gasped in surprised as soon as the ice cold liquid hit her face. More importantly, he had called Quinn on it right in that hallway, in front of her, Rachel Berry.

Finn had demanded Quinn apologize and her heart had been beating so wildly, she was sure all of them could hear it but everyone was focused on the train wreck they all knew was coming. Quinn stubborn as always, refusing as she sneered at Rachel, and Finn finally, coming to his senses as he broke up with Quinn right there. Gasps heard throughout the halls followed swiftly by the utter look of surprised mingled with defeat on Quinn's face as she finally met Rachel's eyes.

Recognizing the death of her own dream and the fact that against all odds, Rachel Berry had won over Quinn Fabray at her own game. That somewhere in the past six months, Rachel had slowly usurped Quinn's dream, taking Finn, her one shot at Prom Queen and the future that she had seen so clearly once.

Only, it didn't hurt as much as she thought it would, standing there surrounded by her peers. Quinn expected to fill empty, spent. Only she didn't and instead felt freer, lighter somehow. And it felt so much more like relief when she let the dream go and Quinn understood that perhaps she could have a life outside of Lima, to do things she had only read about and seen on TV. So she turned away, not wanting to acknowledge yet that the tears in her eyes were not of regret but of actually finding a reprieve.

Rachel tried not to smile in triumph but Finn's hand on her elbow, slowly steering her to the nearest handicap toilet was so sweet. He even told Artie that he had to wait until she was all cleaned up. Only when she felt his hands in her hair and the calluses on them scratch at her cheek, she could not help but shiver. At that time, she had been convinced that it was because she was so in love with him and was just amazed that he finally picked her. Although in time, she realized it was out of fear at the fact that this would be the happiest she would ever get to feel in her life.

**I wish I could run,**

**Away from this ship going under**

_**10 Years Later (Rachel)** _

She hears the shower running and turns over in bed, trying to get back to sleep but knowing that he'll expect breakfast as soon as he finishes. Her daily schedule already mapped out years ago, unchanged by time and set by inertia. Rachel pushes herself up and does not look in the mirror opposite the bed, not wanting to see the tangles in her hair or the defeated look on her face. She feels like she's drowning, like she's a hair's breath away from falling apart.

She convinces herself that all she needs is coffee to perk her up so that she can acknowledges how lucky she is to have gotten her dream, how happy she is with her life. She measures out the beans and starts the machine before rooting around in the fridge, hoping that they're out of eggs.

Her vegan lifestyle didn't survive high school and at OSU with Finn, he finally made her choose. The choice more difficult than giving up the last solo at Nationals to Mercedes but it was all for her dream and she settled for being vegetarian. Not good enough but settling was something she was used to doing by then.

She finds the last two eggs as she feels his arms go around her waist. "Grab me some OJ as well, will you." He kisses the top of her head and her eyes shut, as she reminds herself that he loved her, had chosen her and this was what she had always wanted.

She grabs the eggs with one hand and the carton of juice with another as he fiddles with the radio in the kitchen. Rachel wants to tell him to stop, that it hurts more to listen to music but she holds her tongue as he finds a Journey song and starts bobbing his head and singing along as he makes her a cup of coffee. They used to have a TV in the kitchen but their heater broke last month and Finn sold their two TVs and DVR in order to pay for the repairs.

"Do you have a showing today?" He gulps his coffee, eyeing the eggs that she's frying along with the strips of bacon." She does not know the provenance of the question but knows that he has a mortgage payment on the shop coming up and he hates asking for her help even if she always gives him the money before he can ask the question.

"Yeah" Rachel tries not to gag at the smell of the meat even after all these years, her head turning away as she puts the food on the plate. "I have the Sullivan twins' music lesson at four and then a showing on Grove Street." They had got married senior year of college, after a pregnancy scare that had Finn dragging her in the middle of the night to a justice of the peace wanting to do the right thing by her. She had said yes because he had been so earnest and she had been convinced she would love him forever.

Her wedding band was actually his high school championship ring, their future not as bright as she had hoped but she ignored the same small ache in her heart that she would feel each time she heard a familiar song on the radio or when she sang which she did less and less of. Finn made the second string team in college but never managed to move past that, always comfortable with what he had.

When they graduated, they had moved in with Burt and Carol, Kurt hugging her tightly even as his eyes hinted at the pity he felt for them. She was glad when he moved to Miami to understudy under a flamboyant designer, telling herself that he deserved to chase after his dream considering she already got hers.

Finn was on his way to take over Burt's shop and she gave music lessons on the side. It was a link to her past that abated the ache in her heart. Only the economy in Lima was a few years behind most of the other states and people didn't change tires as often as they should. So she studied part time and got her realtor's license, forgoing some lessons in order to make a bit more money.

"Isn't that the three bedroom house with the heated sub-basement?" Rachel nods distractedly as she places the plate in front of Finn before grabbing her coffee and standing by the open window. "How much do you think it's going to go for?"

She's expecting the question, knowing that he's slowly doing the sums in his head, working his courage up to actually ask her for the money even as she sighs and stops him. "I forgot to tell you..I didn't need buy a new piano, the old one just needed tuning and we saved so much from the coupons this past month." It's a lie as she turns to grab the money from her purse.

The fourth hand piano in the living room already so off key that she doesn't use it unless she really has to. She's a good realtor but even she can't make miracles happen when public schools are being closed and people move away from Lima because anywhere else was better.

"Rach" His large hand engulfs hers as he pulls her towards him. Finn loves her but she finally realizes that she does not love him. She had fallen in love with happily ever after and the chance at getting back at Quinn, at taking away the one dream she had vocalized.

She pats him on the back gently, not wanting to push him away but needing some space. "Its fine, you're going to be late. We're having ribs for dinner tonight." The more she accepts that she does not love him, the more she tries to make up for it, staying with him, ensuring that he wouldn't be behind in the mortgage payments, cooking his favorite foods.

She feels his hand on her abdomen and knows he wants a child to call his own. A baby from her with brown hair and a lopsided smile, only that's where she'll draw the line. She was not going to bring a baby into the world knowing that she didn't love Finn. He could beg and plead and he had but each time, she would tell him that it wasn't the right time. They didn't have enough money saved up and she still needed to work.

She would see his face fall but it had been the truth and sometimes she hated herself so much for choosing this, for believing that this was what she wanted and for pulling him into her delusion. Only now it was too damn late.

**Just trying to help**

_**10 Years Later (Quinn)** _

"Quinn, your phone's ringing." The loud voice echoes in her apartment even as she burrows further under the covers, the pillows already over her head as she tries her best to ignore the sound because the pounding in her head is already loud enough to drown out everything else.

However the voice is persistent, "You know how I know its ringing." She feels the covers being dragged from her grip. "It's because I'm the one calling you." The cheery voice right next to her ear as she reluctantly pops one eye open.

"Hi." The bright smile and loud voice causing her to wince. "I see someone partied too hard last night." Jackson Gellar was her ex-boyfriend, current best friend and agent in that order. And he was the only one allowed to call her on her shit.

She loses the battle with the covers but at least holds on to one of the pillows which she covers her head with, praying that he'll get the message and go away or at least talk just slightly above a whisper.

"At least you're alone." He cranes his neck to peer into her bathroom. "You are alone right? I mean I really am not paid enough to get rid of any guys.." Quinn's head comes out from under the pillow, one eyebrow arched. "Or girls this early in the morning" She smiles at him before slumping back down with a heavy sigh. So far, in the past ten years, she's had exactly three relationships including Jackson, the last one with Selena, a studio lawyer with a penchant for arguing and legs to die for despite her small stature.

She was pretty sure that if her parents hadn't already disowned her for moving to LA and never visiting Lima in years, they would when they saw pictures of her and Selena at various parties they had been invited to. By then, she knew why she had been attracted to Selena although it was the lawyer who had pursued her relentlessly, she never said no because she always wondered what it would feel like to finally say yes even if it was to someone else and not who she wanted.

"So I'm going to cut you some slack because you just won an academy award but seriously, you do need to answer some of your calls. Opportunities tend to dry up really fast around here and you won for a documentary so you're still going to have to prove yourself to the big boys." He's known her for six years, ever since she hit him up for funding for a student film she had been making. His father made his fortune with a string of convenience stores that sold everything from digital content to condoms and left him with more money than he wanted or needed.

She had been upfront with him from the beginning, honest in telling him that she needed him to fund her project and that she knew of his trust fund. Initially, he had wanted to sleep with her so he hadn't said no, listening to her speak so passionately about her project made him more enamored that he cared to admit. Jackson had made his move exactly a month after she first approached him and had been surprised when she said yes, never questioning how he got so lucky. Short, Jewish guys like him, no matter how cute rarely got the quintessential blond goddesses.

He was even more surprised when she refused to take his money for her project, instead maxing out her credit cards and getting grants and other friends to chip in. They dated for two years before he finally understood that Quinn was different, that she didn't see the world like he did or anyone else he knew for that matter.

She was searching for something, always looking for it, restlessness permeated her life and she was only with him because she hadn't found what she was looking for. A U2 song as her anthem and he was just brought along for the ride. Only to slowly realize that she knew exactly what she wanted but just couldn't bring herself to go for it and therefore settled for others instead.

"Why do you put up with me?" There is wistfulness to her question, an uncertainty coloring it that he's not used to. She hates showing her weakness to anyone and the glimpses he's had of it can be counted on one hand. She finally disentangles herself from the bedding , props herself on her hand as she stares at him.

"I love you." He will never admit that he's still in love with her because she would run so he smiles and hides his feelings, "And you are going to make me a lot of money." The slight fear he sees in her eyes at his initial words, dissipating as he allows her to reset the boundaries of their relationship.

"Ok, so what do I have to do?" Quinn can't believe the night she's had. To be honest, she can't believe the last ten years of her life. Each decision made that led up to the amazing time last night, the culmination of all her hard work and dreams. Something that she would never have thought she could have achieved if it weren't for one person. And knowing that it wasn't the end either as she needed to do more, finally make a difference.

"Hey, you ok?" She feels Jackson's hand on her face, his thumb catching the tear falling from her eye as she blinks the rest back, not sure if she really wants to think about the past.

"Yeah, I'm just…well, it's a bit overwhelming." She wonders if her parents had seen the news or even if they caught the ceremony on television. But they're not who she's thinking about as she looks at Jackson. He was just an inch taller than she was with brown hair and big brown eyes, half Jewish and if she wore heels, she would still look down at him.

It took her a year to realize that she was dating a facsimile of Rachel only male. A whole year of laughing at his jokes and wondering what she saw in him to make her say yes. She never questioned his good intentions or the fact that he really seemed to love her despite her prickly nature.

It was when he surprised her with a trip to New York. His parents had asked him to come home for thanksgiving and he knew she wouldn't fly back to Lima. So he surprised her with plane tickets, a hotel booking and a matinee performance of the newest musical on Broadway. As the lights dimmed and the music started and Jackson started to hum the opening bars under his breath, it finally hit her that he reminded her of Rachel Berry.

She didn't break up with him straight away, instead she planned on making him hate her because she hated herself for using him like that. He was supposed to catch her making out with one of the actors of her short senior film. Only she couldn't go through with it even after a few shots and three beers.

Jackson sensed something though as he held her gently as she retched for most of the night. He stayed with her when she started crying and couldn't stop and in the end, he did what she was too cowardly to do. He broke it off with her, citing his need not to feel tied down even as she could see that he was lying.

"Which is why I'm your manager and as the talent, all you need to do keep directing what you love and look pretty." She laughs at his words and wishes not for the first time that she was braver than she actually was.

"So what do I have to do?" Her words already spurring him to get on with the reason he had come over as he pulls out the mail that he collected for her and he rattles off the interviews and meetings that he had lined up for her.

"Two interviews, one with E and the other with the Today show in the next week as well as print interviews with Vanity Fair who wants to do a spread on Directors who could belong in front of the camera." He sees her scoff at his words and it still surprises him that she chose to remain in the background even though she could have easily made it onscreen.

"But more importantly, we have a development deal meeting with Universal and a later one with a Producer." He holds his hands up when he sees she's about to protest. "I know you want to remain independent and pick your projects." He's caught glimpses of the script she's been working on for like forever, never pushing to see it but wondering when she'll trust him enough to show it to him. He knows exactly where she keeps it, in the drawer next to her bed, the pages dog-eared and the back filled with her own writing.

"It's where the money is and with your current win and my amazing negotiating skills, we should be able to iron something out that will allow you to work on your own script." He sees the surprise on her face as his words sink in. So far he's done really well for her, picking a few music videos for her to work on in between her documentaries and short films, letting her make a name for herself as someone with personal artistic flair and taste.

"It's…I'm not….The script's not..…" She's at a loss for words. Her plans so well executed that she had to pinch herself last night when they had announced her name. Each decision she had made all leading up to an end game that she had only dreamt about and never really articulated. Winning the award was just the beginning.

"I'm not going to tell them about it but just letting you know that when you think it's ready, we should be able to line up funding and backers and such." He's surprised when she launches herself at him, her arms pulling him closer as he inhales her scent.

He's content to just stay in her arms but he can feel her heartbeat through her thin cotton shirt and knows that it beats not for him, he just wonders and hopes that when Quinn does reveal who she's been searching for, the decision would finally make her happy. "So even though I love the way you smell of lavender and mint, the alcohol on your breath could probably get me contact drunk so go have a shower and I'll sort through your mail."

She nods and makes her way to her bathroom as he looks longingly at her back, averting his gaze to the pile of envelopes when she turns around. He almost throws the last one in the pile away, thinking it was a solicitation for donations only to realize it was an invitation, more specifically a High School Reunion invitation for McKinley High's Class of 2012.

**End Part 1**

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

**Get It Right**

**Hurt everyone else**

Rachel can hear the knocking sound from her car engine and prays that it doesn't die before she reached Grove Street. Finn had promised to look at it last weekend and she's almost sure he didn't because it sounds even worse now than it did a few days back and there had been a college game playing that she knows he had money on.

She knows he doesn't do these things on purpose and likewise when she tunes out his constant chatter about football games or one of his new tools, it's not about hurting him even if all they're doing is hurting each other by default.

She sees the turning up ahead and sighs in relief when she parks without any issue. Her dads' house is four streets over and she knows that they would welcome her back if she knocked on their door but she can't bear to see the sadness mirrored in their faces as they look at her, wondering how she could give up so much and receive so little in return.

She and Finn had barely made it through the weekly dinners there in the beginning and in recent years, had whittled down the get togethers to every other month or so. She loved them with all her heart but could not face looking at them, seeing the unasked questions on their faces. Why had she changed so much, why had she given up her dreams to be a star and why Finn. She has no answers for herself much less for them.

But they were her parents and loved her unconditionally so they held their tongues even as they held onto each other and cried when she had broken the news of her marriage, citing tears of joy even if she could tell that she had broken their hearts.

The sun's bright as she puts on her sunglasses and steps out of the car, waiting for the potential buyers. A couple actually moving back to Lima, like a myth made real and she's almost sure someone some where's playing a prank on her like on those past TV shows. Only she's just Rachel Hudson, music teacher and part time realtor from Lima Ohio, who hadn't done anything or been anywhere, the epitome of a Lima Loser if she were being honest with herself.

She sees the SUV pull up and takes a step back when she recognizes the occupants through the glass. Her focus on their matching smiles, so reminiscent of high school that she feels the familiar ache in her heart more prominently than she has in months.

"Hey Rachel, I told Mike that it had to be you. When the company said that we would be meeting a R. Hudson, I was so sure that it was you." She feels Tina's arms around her, hugging her and almost lifting her off the ground. Her sudden onset of tears almost unexpected as she quickly scrubs at her face, thankful that she still as her sunglasses on.

"Hey is everything ok?" Mike's kind voice cuts through her haze and his quick look to Tina makes the Asian woman quickly drop Rachel back down.

"Sorry, Rachel." The sheepish smile on her face belying her worried tone. "Did I hurt you? Mike always says I don't know my own strength but then I tell him I'm a chiropractor." She smiles tentatively at Rachel who is staring at the both of them, the sunglasses still blocking her eyes.

"I'm fine. Sorry, I'm just surprised to see you. My office didn't tell me your names. Only that you were considering moving back to Lima and needed to see a few houses?" Ending with a question as Rachel knows that Mike's mom has a chain of restaurants in Ohio. The first one in Lima and that she had always wanted Mike to take over. Only both he and Tina went away to college never intending to return.

She looks at both of them and finally sees Tina's protruding belly and Mike's protective stance next to her. "Oh, my god, You're pregnant, congratulations." Again she sees their matching smiles but all she feels is relief that it's not her and Finn, knowing that all she would feel would be utter despair if she got pregnant now.

"Yeah. We are and we are planning to move back. My mom's retiring and she wants me to help run the restaurants. She doesn't want to move though so we promised to move back here for a year or so and try it out." Tina glances up at her husband as he speaks, nodding at his words.

She could open up a practice anywhere and it was about time Mike settled down into a career, any career. She was tired of him trying everything out and not settling on something. But she loved him and he loved her and moving back was something that they both agreed on especially after she found out she was pregnant.

"That's really great. If you come this way, I'll show you the layout and walk you through all the features. Rachel's already in her sales mode although she does tone down her smile and starts by highlighting the afternoon sun through one of the windows and cautions that they would need to install blackout blinds if they wanted to maintain the hardwood floors near that window.

She and Finn could use the money but she couldn't in good conscience talk Mike and Tina into buying a house that they didn't completely want. They had a baby on the way and clearly loved each other and trusted her so she wouldn't take advantage of the situation. She knew exactly what making a wrong decision felt like. In fact, all she can think of are the number of wrong decisions she had made thus far, each one leading on the next like a house of cards. And she knows that she's too frightened to leave Finn because everything would tumble down around them.

She spends more than two hours with them, answering their questions but also listening to their life story and giving them updates on what had gone on in Lima since they left. Not that there was a lot of updates to give although she's surprised that they've kept in touch with almost everyone. She wants to ask about one particular person but holds her tongue, hoping that they'll eventually get to Quinn Fabray.

"..and of course you know all about Kurt. I mean he says he talks to Finn every week." Rachel smiles at Tina's words. In reality, Kurt would call Finn but after uncomfortable hellos and Finn telling Kurt that both Carol and Burt were doing well, he would hand her the phone and she would talk to Kurt; counseling him through various breakups with a slew of men who didn't deserve him or setbacks when his designs were not accepted at work.

Rachel nods before leaning back on the sofa in the living room, wishing that her house was even half as nice as this one and berating herself internally for being ungrateful despite getting what she had always wanted.

"And you must have seen the show yesterday right?" Tina's excited voice cutting through her inner diatribe as she looks up, confusion on her face.

"What show?" She does not want to explain that she couldn't have watched anything because Finn had to sell their TVs. She feels like crying again but she bites down on her tongue because Tina just mentioned Quinn's name.

"Quinn won an academy award yesterday." The excitement in her voice bubbling over as Rachel tries to understand the implications of what she had just heard. She knew that Quinn had gone to Berkley, intending to study Law or Business or some other staid, traditional subbject but then she had switched majors halfway through. She had been surprised at first to know that Quinn was majoring in Film studies. But Quinn always had a sense of style about her and she was the only one who had the vision to see what staying in Lima truly meant. So in the end, Rachel thought it was fitting.

Surprisingly, Puck was the only one Quinn had kept in touch with and it was him who told Rachel about her studying cinematography and directing, surprisng her parents. She had told him about falling in love with being behind a camera and seeing everything unfold through the lens. How she felt in control for the first time in her life. He had been surprised that Rachel had wanted to know anything about Quinn and she had lied telling him that Shelby wanted to know for Beth.

She hated herslf then, when she saw his face fall at the mention of the daughter he never got to know and she felt so guilty that she cried herself to sleep that week after Finn would fall asleep.

"For directing?" It was such a foreign concept to her, being somewhere else and winning something so prestigious. Ten years ago, she had dreamt of being onstage and winning Tonys' and Grammys'. But Quinn actually had done it. She had proven that she was the one that didn't belong in Lima and had been meant for greater things.

"Yeah. I mean it was for Best Documentary but her name's been in all the papers as the new 'it' director. I hope she'll come to the reunion." Tina sees Rachel expression go from confused to happy and then to stunned.

"Reunion?" She knows it's been ten years since high school but so far, she's done her best to ignore the passage of time; each year depressingly similar to the one before such that they all bled together in her life, nothing to distinguish one for the others, nothing to look forward to and none worth reminiscing about. Finn was still trying to apply for a part time coaching position at McKinley and he would have known if there was a reunion planned but so far he had never said anything to her. She had been offered a part time position teaching music and assisting Mr. Schue with Glee and she had wanted so badly to take it but Finn had been angry that his application had been rejected yet again so as always, she held her tongue and swallowed her need.

"Yes, it's scheduled for end of next week, Class of 2012 back together again. Mr. Schuester's in charge and he sent out the invites a few days ago although he's emailed everyone months back. Tina and I were going to drop by the school and see if he needs any help." He's about to ask her why she and Finn hadn't volunteered but stops when he sees her pale features, meeting his wife's eyes and shrugging his shoulders at her unasked question.

"Rachel, are you feeling ok?" Rachel feels stupid and embarrassed to have Tina, who's four months pregnant, actually worry about her welfare.

"Sorry, I'm fine. I think Finn may have mentioned it but you know how absent minded I can get." She wonders how long Finn was planning on keeping it from her but worse she wonders why. She knows that she's guilty of keeping a secret from him as well but hers is understandable and in the end for his own good. She had chosen this dream, this life and she was going to stick to it because it was what she deserved.

She couldn't understand why Finn would keep the reunion from her unless he didn't want her meeting anyone else, unless he was worried that she didn't love him enough. It was a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts and Rachel realized that it would be up to her to prove to him that despite what she felt deep down, she wasn't going to leave him.

"So if you want to take your time and consider this house, I'll just leave you my number and.."She fumbles in her purse only to feel Tina's hand on her arm.

"It's ok, Rachel, we'll take it." She can't begin to describe the respite she feels at Tina's words and this time, she does not stop her tears as they roll down her face. She knows that this small win is nothing like winning an academy award but her dreams had shrunk in size and in her mind, this commission was like a godsend.

**Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders**

"No" The word falls from her lips with a finality that brooks no response. Even so, she turns away from him as she grabs her jacket from the closet and her car keys from the hook by the telephone. Jackson's friendly banter still ringing in her ears but all she can focus on is the invitation he had in his hand.

She received Mr.' Schue's email months ago but had chosen not to think about it. She was still working out her plan and even if her script was finished, she needed to make a name for herself if she wanted to get her own movie made, withot any interference, without any changes and with the one person she needs to have in it, the only person really.

Timing was finally perfect but she's scared of so many things, most of all, she's frightened that the illusion she's created of her put together life would vanish the moment she sees Rachel, that instead of thanking her for setting her on her way, she would revert to being that self centered bitch whose only goal during that time was to be prom queen. Who didn't think enough of herself to imagine that she could be more, achieve more. It had taken a small brunette spitfire to force her to finally face reality and understand that she was worth so much more even if it wasn't Rachel's initial intention. She really owed Rachel so much and she knew exactly what she needed to do to pay her back. Only she was scared and worried that she had read the situation wrong and that in the end, Rachel wouldn't want to have anything to do with her.

Not that she would blame her. Quinn had made her life difficult right until Finn had broken up with her just before prom. When Rachel had won, she actually joined in the cheers and applauded as loudly as she could, at last feeling free and unencumbered from any expectations. Realizing that she could plan beyond high school and reach for things just out of her grasp by just pushing herself a bit harder. Applying to Berkley and finding what interested her the most. Not being afraid to tell her dad that she wasn't going to Law school because she finally found something that made her feel good about herself, something that made sense in her head.

Her biggest regret though was never warning Rachel that Finn would never leave Lima, that he was tied some how to that tiny town and by choosing him, she would be as well. So she had always planned on making it up to Rachel eventually, ensuring that she would know how much Quinn felt beholden to her. Going back to Lima meant having the chance to do just that. But she wasn't sure she could face rejection from Rachel.

She knew all about the brunette, her quickie marriage and subsequent settling down with Finn. For the first few years, she had dreaded receiving calls from Kurt knowing that he was going to tell her that Rachel was pregnant. Only she began to realize that it wasn't going to happen six years ago when he innocently told her that Rachel wanted to wait because they were still scrapping by. And the story never changed year after year.

It didn't sound like the Rachel she knew, the one who would push to get her way and who would overcome all odds in order to do it. So she started asking questions back, small ones at first, interspersed with questions about the rest of their glee club members so as not to arouse suspicion even if Kurt saw through it and told her what she needed to hear.

All in all, she managed to put together a picture that saddened her as much as it frightened her, one of shattered dreams and wasted potential. How it could have been her life instead of Rachel's and how she needed to save her. What started out as a stupid fantasy had taken a life of it own as she began to plan, incorporating the outcome she desired into her career, knowing that she needed to make a name for herself as a director before she could work on her own project.

Jackson's been looking at her as all these thoughts scramble through her mind, as if he can divine everything in her head and understand the implications of the invitation he had in his hand. And truth be told, he was close to guessing at least part of it.

He knows some of her background, her repressed Catholic upbringing, the short fall from grace resulting in her teenage pregnancy and finally the push that sent her out of Lima. Losing Prom Queen and surviving the humiliation because it wasn't about peaking in High School but planning for a real future.

Lessons that she had learnt mostly the hard way but there had been someone who had been there, who had shown her the way. Someone that she didn't want to talk about but only alluded to when she got too drunk to control her thoughts and feelings. A person she was tied to whether she wanted to acknowledge it or not.

He knows that if he doesn't push her, she'll continue to hide from whomever she wants to reach out to but can't. Maybe he's being selfish in doing it but he figures that when she finally confronts everything and decides on what or whom she wants, he'll finally feel free of her as well. That he won't keep waiting for her to turn to him and realize he's always loved her and was still in love with her. He needed her to move on before he could.

"Why the hell not? You're at the top of the world, just in time to go back and rub everyone's face in it." He sees her stricken look and backtracks a bit. "Or finally prove to them that you're more than that HBIC in high school." Se smiles at his words and he's glad to have her back and not off in her head, feeling guilty and remorseful even though he can still see those emotions reflected in her gaze.

"Can you get the studio to read a script treatment before our meeting?" Ten years was relative in the scheme of things. It was like a blink of an eye if she focused on the positives and so long in the making if she thought about what she needed to do to make it up to Rachel. And if she was serious about the latter than it was time she started.

He's surprised that she doesn't put up more of a fight and realizes that perhaps she's finally come to terms with whatever's been holding her back. "Sure, I think they would love to review something that you're passionate about."

Quinn nods her head, all the pieces of her plan finally in place. "Ok." She turns to him finally. "Jackson." His name always sounded better when she said it and he meets her gaze from across the room.

"Yeah, Quinn?"

"Thanks."

**What can you do when your good isn't good enough**

**And all that you touch tumbles down?**

It wasn't suppose to be like ths, she knows how this will end and she's scared but still cannot bring herself to stop or change directions. Rachel can see that he's really angry,so much so that his hands are in fists and his breathing is so loud that it echoes around her. She had made him ribs and potatoes and had held her tongue all throughout dinner even when he denied knowing about the reunion only to backtrack that it had slipped his mind.

Howver, for te first time, instead of nodding and accepting that things were the way they should be, she had questioned back, pushing him to admit that he had lied t her, that he had known about it but didn't tell her and in the end, it had been inevitable that he finally saw through her own charade and called her on it as well.

"Why do you have to come down on me? You think I don't know that you're unhappy. You think I can't hear you cry yourself to sleep. How do you think that makes me feel, huh, Rach?" He's screaming at her from across the room, holding himself back from striding across and towering over her because he can see the fear in her eyes. He hates that she's afraid of him and he hates her for showing it.

"I'm sorry." She hadn't wanted to accuse him of lying to her but he had. She had called Mr. Schue yesterday on the pretext of asking if any of his glee students wanted additional voice lessons. He had been so nice to her the past few years. Sending students her way and running interference when parents would sometimes complain that she was too direct in her criticism of their kids' talents or lack thereof.

Rachel knows that he does that because he pities her and can't understand how she could just throw away her dreams and she had stopped trying to convince him that she was truly happy because she really wasn't.

Halfway through the call, he had asked her if she was planning to go for the reunion, already receiving replies from Mercedes, Kurt, Tina, Mike, Lauren and Puck. Finn had all the details and Mr. Schue had talked to him last week and Finn had said that Rachel was still considering it.

"I…I just wanted to know why you told Mr. Schuester I was thinking about it when you never told me." Her voice goes soft at the end, hoping that in doing so, Finn would also lose some of his anger.

"I don't know, ok." His tone is still belligerent because he does know why he lied. He just can't bring himself to have this conversation right now. But Rachel could read him better than anyone else in his life and she could tell that he was lying even if he refuses to meet her gaze.

"Am I not.." She stops her words when his eyes flick up towards hers as if he was challenging her to finally say the words that has been going through their minds for the past few years. "Do you not love me anymore?"

"Did you ever love me?" His counter question at once unfair but still justified.

"Yes…" Her answer quick such that it surprises him but even more so, she finally does not stop but continues on the path that they had both suddenly found themselves on . "Once. "

He swallows at her honesty and nods slowly. "And now?" He knows the answer but needs her to say the words. He's always wanted a simple life, an easy one and in the back of his mind, he knew, he always knew that Rachel was never simple.

"No." this time she's slower with the word as if measuring the amount of hurt it will render but still she says it, her eyes closing as the word settles between them. Finn thinks that this is the exact moment that their marriage ended although when he's finally honest with himself, he'll realize that it ended years back only they were both too afraid to admit it.

"I'll pack some stuff and stay at the garage." He turns before she sees the tears in his eyes. He's not embarrassed but he also does not want her to know that mingling with regret are tears of relief.

"No, I can go to my dads." She can't bear to stay here, knowing that it's her fault that she couldn't make it work. "Please Finn." The plea in her voice stopping him. "I'll get the rest of my stuff over the weekend."

He looks up at the low ceiling and blinks before turning back to Rachel and nodding his acceptance.

She takes a step forward only to see him tense and she doesn't take another step instead waits until he walks out of the front door, shutting it behind him softly.

Rachel doesn't cry until she knocks on the door to her childhood home. The tears streaming down her face enough to frighten both her dads such that they embrace her without a word, not demanding any explanation as they made up the bed in her old room. The walls still bare except for the faint outlines of posters that once showed her the way to her dreams.

**End Part 2**


	3. Chapter 3

 

**Get It Right**

**Cause my best intentions**

**Keep making a mess of things,**

"Stop fidgeting." Jackson grabs at her hand stopping her from tapping another tune on the table before her. "How on god's green earth, did you manage to dress this morning with so much nervous energy?" It's a rhetorical question but she considers answering it anyway because she does feel like she's consumed five liters of coffee and mainlined sugar at the same time.

She feels excited, worried and a little bit scared all at once. Excited because this is her first big Hollywood meeting and she knows that they do want her considering the amount of money that had been mentioned.

Worried because she had a feeling Selena was also going to be at the meeting and she felt guilty for the way she had ended things. Selena had been wonderful but she had also wanted a commitment from Quinn and that became a sticking point such that Quinn eventually broke it off because try as she might, she didn't love Selena. She couldn't because in truth, she kind of, maybe loved someone else and it took her years to realize it. The being scared part stemmed from the fact that whatever she did now wouldn't matter because there was a more than distinct possibility that Rachel hated her. But regardless of anything, she was going to at least try to make it up to her and not hide any more.

_"Just come to bed." Selena's hands slide around her waist, her head pillowed on Quinn's chest. "Listen, I'm sorry I'm pushing you here. But I ..I love you Quinn."_

_Quinn feels her heart constrict at the words and she opens her mouth to refute them but nothing comes out. She knows that she can't keep doing this, pulling people into her life only to push them away like she did with Jackson and she was doing now with Selena. At least she knows why she does it but it does not bring comfort to know that she has feelings for someone whom she had tortured in high school but worse yet, someone whom she had pushed into making the worse decision of her life. All she really wants to do is to make it up to Rachel and to do that, she knows she has to be honest with herself and with the people around her._

_"I can't."She sees Selena pull back as her face falls and she tries unsuccessfully to stop her tears. "You're this amazing person." Quinn reaches out to cup the smaller woman's cheek, her thumb brushing the tears cascading down._

_"But you're not in love with me." Selena always wondered what Quinn saw when she looked at her. Every once in a while, Quinn would look at her, her head cocked to one side and a faraway look on her face as if she was thinking about something or probably someone else. Her face would soften and she looked like someone in love only Selena always knew deep down that it wasn't directed at her._

_She sees Quinn nod slowly, tears forming in her eyes as she tries to blink them away. She does love the young director but she also knows she deserves someone who loved only her and even if the sex had been great, she wanted a relationship and Quinn didn't. "So this is a new experience for me." She sees Quinn's arched eyebrow. "Rejection I mean."_

_She kisses Quinn before the blond can say anything else, wanting one last memory because the sex really was amazing._

She shakes her head slightly, coming out of the memory and glances at Jackson's hand covering her before smiling softly as she finally answers him, "I changed my outfit six times and had to go back because my shoes didn't match." She chuckles at his raised eyebrows and question back.

"Didn't match your outfit?"

She loves to make him laugh, "Didn't match each other." Quinn keeps a hold of his hand, wanting the connection, needing the stability he brought to her life. She realizes that she's been holding him back, that he hangs around not because he loves being her manager but because he loves her. She does love him too but it's not a romantic love, not one borne out of need and want. He's her best friend and she knows that she needs to let him go because he deserved to find someone who loved him and she deserved to finally find out if she really had a chance. She sees the people file into the room, Selena taking a seat as far away from her as possible.

"Ms Fabray, Mr Gellar. Sorry to keep you waiting." The words are not heartfelt but they don't expect them to be coming from the Head of the Studio as both Quinn and Jackson turn to look at him and his bevy of lawyers and assistants assemble in the large conference room. She already feels like leaving but can feel Jackson give her hand a small squeeze, indicating he's there for her as much as with her.

Her eyes stray again to Selena and she's surprised to see a small encouraging smile on the brunette's face, acceptance and understanding and Quinn swallow the lump in her throat as she nods slightly before turning to the Head of the Studio, his expression already one of impatience.

"I have to leave for a flight in about twenty minutes but wanted to finally meet you and tell you that we would love to have you join our family." He gestures for a thick sheaf of papers. "This is our offer to you." He slides the papers across the polished mahogany table.

Jackson reaches out for the papers only to have Quinn still his hand. She's only here for one reason and the sooner she sets her plan in motion, the less chance there was for her to chicken out.

"And my script?" There is a note of hope in her voice that fades quickly when she sees a frown appear on the man's face. She knows that her story is good, unique but Jackson had warned her not to get her hopes up.

"Listen, Quinn" His tone is part patronizing, part irritated at having to explain what to him would be an obvious answer. "Your first feature will be something we pick out for you. We give you the money and the stars and a guaranteed summer hit." He turns to smile at Jackson before turning back to her, his teeth too white and straight to be natural. "As a studio director, all you need to do is show up on time, come in under budget and make these pampered Hollywood fucks look good and then we'll talk your script, maybe."

He pushes the papers towards her. "You have a day to decide if the three million we're offering you is acceptable. Think about it and sign or don't and continue to work on your vision." He air quotes the word and there's nervous laughter from his aides. He stands up, nods at the both of them and leaves the room with his aides trailing behind, leaving Selena and Jackson in the room with her.

"Quinn, it's a good offer." Selena is glad for the huge table separating her from Quinn because she still has feelings for the blond and knows she needs to leave before they become apparent and embarrasses the both of them. She knows that she would be able to see more of Quinn if she did end up working for the studio but in her heart, she also knows that like her, Quinn deserved to find the person she wanted to be with. So she gets up and walks over to whisper in Quinn's ear, "But you deserve better and I hope you find what you're looking for." before walking out without looking back.

Quinn takes a deep breath as she listens to Selena's words, her anger slowly deflating but as she looks down, she can see that her hands are still shaking. "He's an ass." Jackson's word cut through her thoughts and she feels his hand on her arm, trying to calm her down.

She can't say that the outcome was unexpected as she had been living in LA for over four years and had heard all the different stories about selling your artistic soul. She just expected more. "Yeah." But agreeing with Jackson still didn't mean that he didn't want her to sign on the dotted line. Her career trajectory had always been carefully managed by him and as much as she hates the way the meeting went, she would listen to Jackson's view and sign if he thought it as the right thing to do.

She didn't care about the money. It was a huge sum but she was comfortable, not rich by any standards but not poor either. She finally knows that all she really wants to do is get her own movie made and to get Rachel the break she deserved and if Jackson told her she had to sign here to do it, then she would.

"So what say we blow this joint?"He grabs the papers before her and tosses them into the paper bin at the door and smiles at her look of bewilderment. "What? You think I'm going to let him talk to an Academy Award winning director like that? Selena's right. You deserve better." He extends his arm to her.

She shakes her head and blows out a breath before grabbing onto his arm. "So what's next?" She's almost afraid to ask, knowing that this had been their best bet at a studio deal. "I'm sor." Only Jackson cuts her off even before she can get the word out.

"Oh ye of little faith."He shakes his head even as he leads her out the door. "We have an hour to get to Spielberg's." Her gasp at his words worth every time he had wanted to tell her of the next meeting but had held his tongue instead. The money being offered by the studio would be too good for anyone to pass up but Quinn wasn't just anyone. She was special and she had a story she wanted to tell and for that he just said goodbye to a six figure commission. Luckily he had a trust fund and a strong dislike for pricks.

**I just wanna fix it somehow**

The drive along the coast had been well spent talking about their favorite Spielberg movies and getting Quinn relaxed enough such that she would be able to have a serious conversation about her future. He had been unsurprised that Selena had taken their breakup so well but he knew that Quinn always tried to not hurt the people she loved even if she wasn't in love with them and he was a shining example of it.

He looks over at her deep in conversation with one of the most respected Directors of all time and hopes that she'll get what she wants because even if she didn't believe she deserved it, he knows she does.

The meeting was really going well, Quinn getting over her awe as she explained the story she wanted to tell, answering all the questions posed. It's only at the end when her hopes had been built up do they get dashed when she hears Spielberg tell her that he has the perfect actress to play her protagonist.

Her head already shaking in the negative when he describes the woman he has in mind. "…she's currently on Broadway and she's done a bit of tv and.."

Quinn stands up abruptly, stopping him midway through his description. "I'm sorry Mr. Spielberg, I really am but there's only one person I've ever considered for this role." She sees him look at her, a bit taken aback but she does not back down.

It's so easy to describe Rachel even if no one could believe her voice until they heard it. "She's an amazing singer but she's never acted professionally, in fact one could say she's just waiting to be discovered." Quinn knows Jackson is starring at her probably in disbelief as she throws away her last chance in the big leagues.

"I'm not sure I'm following you. I really do love your idea. Your story is really good but backing a first time director with an unproven script and an unknown in the lead is stretching it."

Quinn's heart sinks further at his words although she won't give in or give up even if she made a mess of things. Quinn just couldn't see the movie with anyone other than Rachel in the role. She knows the odds are stacked against her and that she hasn't even seen Rachel in ten years and for all she knew, Rachel could have put on a hundred pounds and lost her voice.

However, all she knows is that she needed to give Rachel a chance because she had been the one to take it away in the first place, "Ok Steven." Her voice is deceptively calm and she hears Jackson's intake of breath at the use of Spielberg's first name but puts off looking at him. "Why don't we do a screen test with both our choices and we see who made the best pick."

It's a gamble for her but she's come this far and already said no to three million dollars. Quinn figures she has nothing left to lose but something so precious to gain if only she got this one chance.

She bites her lower lip and holds her breath only to hear Jackson chime in. "You told me that the reason you wanted to meet Quinn is because she had an eye for beauty in the most mundane things, that she could capture a feeling through the lens." Jackson's paraphrasing but not by much as he sees the legendary director look thoughtful as he nods at his words.

"Ok, you bring in your choice for a screen test and if I think she's better than mine, we'll do it your way." He puts out his hand to seal the deal and Quinn stares at it.

"And if you don't like her?" She almost does not want to hear the answer because the alternative meant that her plan, the one she had spent years on, had been a waste of time and effort.

"Then you go with my choice and if you feel really strongly against my choice then you sell me the script and I'll direct it." His hand is still extended to her and she finally takes it, hoping that she'll finally get to fix it with Rachel.

Jackson doesn't press her for any answers until they're in the car and he's driving away from the large compound, still not sure if they've made the right deal but trusting that Quinn knew exactly what she was doing. He knows nothing of the woman Quinn had been describing, trying to remember if Quinn ever talked about someone with a great singing voice from her past.

He knows about her cheerleading days, having seen a few trophies she stuck at the back of her closet. And once, he found a dog eared picture of Quinn surrounded by a motley crew of people, all dressed alike but somehow each still kept each of their own individual quality. Quinn was so easy to spot right in the centre, a freakishly tall boy holding her from behind, his hands resting comfortably round her waist and an enigmatic smile on her face.

When he asked about it, she appeared nonchalant, telling him that she had been part of a Glee club but her hands had curled into fists and she had been blinking back tears shimmering in her eyes.

He never pushed further always thinking that she would eventually come to him but right now, he's too curious to wait, "Who is she?" He sees her tense beside him and he reaches across the gear box to take her hand even as she turns away from him to stare out the window.

Only he can see her reflection and that her eyes are tightly shut as if it hurts to think about the person. "Are you sure she's going to want to do this?" He sees a tear fall from Quinn's eye and she pulls her hand back to swipe at it as she contemplates his question. He wasn't just asking about the screen test and he knows she knows it as well.

He always figured that Quinn had left someone back in Lima, the boy who had been holding her in the picture perhaps. However, with the recent revelation and her actions over the past six years, Jackson had a pretty good guess that Quinn probably did leave someone behind but that someone was probably the woman she had been describing to Steven Spielberg.

Quinn hates to cry because it meant she was showing her vulnerability and letting people know what could get to her. Even with Jackson, she had been as reticent as she could about her emotions, always eschewing public displays of affection and sentiments. However, he had been an amazing friend and an even more patient manager and she knows that she does owe him an explanation why she made him give up his six hundred thousand dollar commission.

"Her name's Rachel Berry." Quinn hasn't said her name out loud in years, always just thinking of her and how Rachel had truly been the one solely responsible for setting her on her way out of Lima. It could have played out so differently in her mind and it probably should have because she had never been the one with the big dreams.

Only by some quirk of fate, Rachel had taken on the mantle of being the precursor to sending Quinn on her way even if Quinn had planned to be that for Rachel all along."She was supposed to be the one to make it big, to make something of herself." Her voice goes soft as she remembers Rachel's voice. How something so big and amazing had come out of someone so petite.

"What happened?" Jackson's voice matches hers.

"I told her of my dream with Finn, I thought she would understand that it meant that I was settling because I wasn't brave enough because I was never meant to be something." Only she misestimated Rachel Berry and her need to be right. "But she thought that he was the prize, that Finn was what she wanted. That he was the only thing she needed."

"Why didn't you stop her?"

It's a question she'd ask herself sometimes when her guard was down and she got reflective on her life and the choices she had made. "I.." She needed to be honest. "I saw a chance, something different from what I was brought up to expect.." She never thought that she deserved to be more than the sum of her parts in high school. She had been brought up to covet a tin tiara and a cheap silk sash. Her parents always telling her she was good but just not good enough.

"I left and she stayed." Sometimes she wonders if she had planned it that way all along, that her push to keep Finn was just a ploy and she had slushied Rachel in front of Finn on purpose. Truthfully, she can't remember if she knew he was there that day and deep down, she hoped that she was never that calculating.

But sometimes late at night, she wonders if she had left Rachel behind because she had been too afraid of facing the reason why she wanted Rachel to leave Lima. Of knowing that deep down she had wanted Rachel and pushing her away was the only way she could deal with those feelings back then.

"And now you want to go back and…?"

 _Save her, Be with her, Make her see…_ Quinn thinks all these thoughts in her head but stays silent because she's not sure if the Rachel she remembers, the one she had goaded into writing that amazing first song, still existed or if it was a memory long kept alive by her guilt and remorse. "I guess I want to go back and see if I can make her realize that she had a different dream and it's not too late."

Jackson knows he's pushing now but he does care for her deeply and needs her to understand the implications of her decisions. "But she has..Finn now?" He's not sure if he's taking about a man or a swimming aid.

She trusts Kurt and as far as she knew, Rachel was unhappy and maybe, just maybe Quinn could offer her what she truly needed. Rachel may have loved Finn once, hell Quinn had loved him too, a long time ago. But it had been teenage hormones and trying to conform that made her want to fall in love with him.

Finn had been sweet though and she did love him although she wasn't in love with him but with the idea that it would have been normal and what her parents would have wanted, the easy way out only Rachel had stepped in unwittingly setting Quinn free. So it was only right for Quinn to step in now. "But that wasn't how it was supposed to turn out and I need to make it right."

"Ok."

**But how many times will it take?**

Rachel smells the burnt toast and nearly burns her hands taking them out of the toaster and flinging them into the bin. She feels like crying only she's sure she's actually run out of tears. She can hear her dads awake and whispering upstairs and all she wants to do is make them breakfast. However like everything in her life over the past ten years, she just can't get any of it right.

"Hey, sweetheart, are you ok?" She sees her dad push up his bifocals as he examines her fingers, making a tsk sound when he sees the redness there. "Why don't you sit down and take it easy. I'll make breakfast.", his kind tone spurring her to finally snap out of the miasma of guilt and self doubt that's been brewing in her head.

"No", her strident tone stopping him mid-stride. "I don't want to take it easy, I can't just sit down..I.." But she runs out of steam though as the weight of her decision crashes down on her again. She had left Finn; she had finally admitted to him that she didn't love him and admitted to herself that her life wasn't working out.

It was a paralyzing thought to know that the past ten years had amounted to nothing for her. That all she brought with her were her memories from before, her realtor's license and an unwavering ache in her heart that she tried so long to ignore but that never really went away.

Being with Finn had been her one constant for so long that she feels completely lost and so very alone. Spending the night in her old room had brought back so many memories of singing in front of the mirror, waking up before the sunrise to get on her elliptical and staring at her to do list. Somehow, all that had vanished and she had made the wrong decision to choose something that she had thought she wanted, someone that she convinced herself was perfect for her.

How could she recover from that? She had lived ten years of her life pursuing something that she had finally realized she didn't really want and Rachel didn't know how to go on from here or what to do. She felt angry but deep down, she just felt like a complete and utter failure.

Her tears she long thought gone start to flow again as he dad embraces her, telling her that everything was going to be ok only she knows that it won't be. Still it feels good to feel like someone cared and she stands there with him and cries even harder when her daddy joins in, kissing the top of her head.

She can see them now, sitting next to each other, their shoulder's touching as they eat the cereal she had finally manage to pour out. "Can I stay here..until.." She doesn't even get to finish her sentence as they acquiesce almost immediately, offering her the use of one of the cars as they noted that she had taken a taxi over last night.

"Did you leave Finn?" Leave it to her lawyer daddy to get to the point but Rachel figures that if it wasn't already obvious, it would be when she brought over the rest of her meager stuff.

"Yes." She looks down at the ring adorning her left hand.

Finn never got around to getting her a real band and she never expected him to. Looking back, it's easy to see how they ended up the way they did. She had been blinded by anger and jealousy and because of it; she had managed to ruin Finn's life and waste ten years of her own.

"I fucked up." She doesn't use language like that and in all her life had never cursed in front of her parents but she can't say it any plainer than that. "I deluded myself into thinking that I knew exactly what I wanted only I was too damn afraid to admit that I made a mistake and I just went along with it."

She had accepted from the start that Quinn was better than she was, more beautiful, maybe even smarter. And when she saw the chance to take something from her, Rachel didn't hesitate, she didn't think if she really wanted Finn or she just didn't want Quinn to have him.

She sees tears in her dad's eyes before he buries his face in her daddy's shoulder. "I am so sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to us, sweetheart." Her daddy's voice is rough and thick with tears. "We're always going to be here for you. You just need to decide what you want to do"

"I don't know." She doesn't really know. She's been stuck in a rut for so long that she can't tell the way forward any longer or even if she had the ability to do anything other than be Finn's wife. And if she stopped being that, she wasn't sure what else she could do. Sure, she could continue to teach music to little kids and sell houses on the side. But there had to be something more. Only she's at a loss, never thinking beyond Lima, and knowing that despite her initial big dreams, her time to achieve them had passed.

However, if she thought back, she could still remember what it felt like to move forward, to take the little steps in the right direction so she sighs as she reaches out to take her daddy's hand in hers.

"I have to start over, maybe see if Mr. Schue needs help with Glee Club." Just because she had given up on her dreams didn't mean that she couldn't show other people the way, like she had maybe done with Quinn.

It's weird to think that despite all her past experiences in High School, she doesn't hate Quinn or blame her because in the end, Quinn had tried to push her out. She had stood on stage next to the piano and told her point blank that she didn't belong in Lima and that it was the blond's choice to settle with Finn.

She didn't listen to what Quinn was truly saying and in hindsight; she finally understands that the blond in her own way had been telling her she deserved more. She had been stupid and stubborn and had thought that Quinn was just being manipulative only she had been honest and real. And if she even met Quinn again, she would tell her that. Admit that she had been wrong and that she had been the coward because she didn't fight hard enough for what she truly wanted, instead, she had taken what she didn't want because it was easier.

**Oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?**

**To get it right?**

She had driven to school after breakfast, catching Mr. Schue in the choir room and marveling at how he hadn't seemed to age, his ever present vest and curly hair still so recognizable and to a certain degree comforting.

"Rachel?" his surprised voice jarring her out of her thoughts, "What are you doing here?" If he had been a betting man, he would have put it all on Rachel to make it out of Lima. She had the most talent and the drive to push herself except somehow in senior year, she just stopped. Like a switch had been flipped and she went from pursuing solos and Broadway to pursuing Finn. She still had the same single minded passion but completely different target.

He had tried to talk to her, to ask why and steer her along the path that he knew she was destined for. Only he couldn't get through and reluctantly, he stepped back, heart aching for missed chances but understanding that he could not make the choice for her no matter how much he wanted to. However, it did spur his own decision to finally come clean to Emma and put himself on the line.

When Rachel went to OSU to major in music, he thought that it was at least a start only she had come back married to Finn, Broadway the furthest thing from her mind. And surprisingly, it had been Quinn Fabray who had taken up the challenge and pursued something bigger, better.

She had written to him, thanking him for believing in her when no one else did and telling him that she would thank him in public one day because he had truly been an inspiration to her.

He had been crying, Emma's arms around him when he watched her accept the Academy award last week. His tears falling even faster when she actually thanked him in her speech, saying that he had been one of two people to see that she could do more, be more.

He wishes that Rachel had made it too because like Quinn, she was special even if she forgot it and lost her way in the end.

"I left Finn." She sees his eyes widen at her words, his mouth open but no words emerging. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to start this conversation with that fact. It's just that I needed you to understand the context and reason for the request that I am about to make to you." She's glad to see him nod.

"I would like very much to accept the part time teaching position you so kindly offered me last year. I know I said I didn't have the time or the inclination but truth be told I really want, no…I really need this. Please" Rachel feels like she's begging for a second chance only she knows that it's her only chance but at least it's something she wants to do. She wishes things were different and she could turn back time or have more options but right now, she's praying that he just says yes.

"Of course." He's almost pushed off balance as she launches herself at him, her hands around his waist, her tears dotting his shirt. "It's going to be alright."

Rachel knows that he's just saying the words but somehow, with her fathers' acceptance this morning and her realization that even if she couldn't undo the past, she could at least be honest about her future, the words finally ring true.

** End Part 3 **


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

**Get It Right**

**Can I start again, with my faith shaken?**

"Are you ok?" It's the fourth time Jackson's asked her the question and like before, he does not expect an answer as she continues to stare out the window of the car. He was the one who suggested driving instead of flying so that she would have time to compose herself and decide on what she needed to do.

The Reunion itself was five days away and with two days of driving, it would give her about three whole days to see her parents if she wanted to, although he knows she won't. More importantly it would give her the opportunity to work up the courage and plan what she wanted to say to one Rachel Berry. She finally told him about her overwhelming feelings of guilt for leaving, for taking the chance Rachel had created inadvertently and for leaving her behind to settle with Finn.

Quinn didn't expect him to come with but in the end realized that she still needed him because she couldn't think straight, at least not when it came to Rachel. There was so much history between them and all she could do was second guess herself and she needed Jackson to set her on the correct path.

"What if she doesn't want to talk to me or worse?" Only Quinn cannot think of anything worse than Rachel not talking. She had such a clear picture of the brunette, an amalgamation of all the times Rachel had extended friendship and tried to help her only to be rebuffed or pushed aside because Quinn had been too scared to lean on anyone else or to show how much she had been affected by the petite brunette.

So she just repressed all her feelings, pushing them deep inside and ignoring them only to have them manifest in other ways. Ways that made her ashamed as she remembered all the names and mean things she had said each time she felt Rachel getting a bit too close to her.

In the end, she could see how her words and actions had pushed Rachel into believing that her choices were the correct ones and that she had been right in pursuing Finn and getting the happy ending that Rachel hadn't coveted until Quinn had mentioned it. She had really tried to get Rachel out of Lima, had taken it upon herself to be with Finn but it hadn't worked out the way it was suppose to and all she wants is a second chance.

"What if she's happy?" It was another possibility that perhaps within the last call from Kurt four months back to the time right now, Rachel had found some semblance of happiness. It was something that she truly wanted for Rachel but Quinn was still selfish in that she wanted to be the one to bring happiness to her. Not because she was the only one that could but mainly because it would go a long way in absolving the guilt she feels for Rachel's wrong choices.

"What if she's not?" He counters, knowing that she's slowly coming to terms with dealing with everything and finally facing her future and not hiding from her past. "Listen, you've made the deal with Steven freaking Spielberg and you can't renege on it now. So just think of what you're going to say and practice and we'll be there before you know it.

She finally looks at him smiling and he realizes that he's slowly letting her go. Loving her was inevitable but maybe when all this was done, he'll stop being in love with her because she'll finally be happy and stop looking and he could stop waiting as well.

**'Cause I can't go back and undo this**

Rachel sees him weaving his way through the people and waves excitedly when she sees his head swivel left and right as if looking for her. "Kurt." She calls out, jumping up and waving as he drops his Gucci bag and pulls her into a fierce hug that signifies so much to her.

"I missed you too." She murmurs into his ear. His eyes are wet as he pulls back and acknowledges her words although he does feel like shouting at her for not calling him and just leaving it to Carol to tell him of her breakup with Finn. He had been part frantic, part relieved when Carol had called and said that Rachel had left Finn, walking out of their home after telling him that she didn't love him anymore.

He truly loved his dad and Carol but he always wondered why they ignored the obvious. But then he realized that it hadn't been obvious to them because Rachel was actually a damn good actress and she had tried her best to play the part of a good wife. Only Kurt knew what it felt like to want something he could not have and to settle for what was easy. So he recognized the look on Rachel's face each time he saw her. Knowing she wasn't happy but accepting that she wanted to try her best regardless.

He knew that it was only a matter of time before she finally realized that she had been lying to herself and worse of all, although she loved Finn and was in love with the idea of happily ever after, she wasn't in love with him. So he calmed Carol down, explaining that perhaps it was for the best because as much as they wanted to think that Finn and Rachel were happy, when was the last time she had seen them truly smile or share a spontaneous kiss or even sing to each other.

In the end, his dad had come on the line and told him that Finn was doing better than expected and maybe it would be good for Kurt to check up on Rachel. He had already planned to go for the reunion and it made sense to just fly down early, which led him to taking the first flight he could get out of Miami and three connections later, landing in Columbus and hugging Rachel in the middle of the midsized airport surrounded by other harried travelers.

"Are you ok?" The words tumble out as he looks at the shadows under her eyes and takes in her small frame under the sweater and jeans she's wearing. He hates that she looks hesitant and so unlike the Rachel Berry that used to fight him for solos and push him to be a better singer, a better friend.

But he does see a slight difference. Not anything physical but more the way she carried herself. She still looks unsure but there's a spark there that he hasn't seen in forever as she takes his hand and answers him.

"I'm.."She wants to say fine, the word almost like a reflex even though she's not there as yet but at least she was better than yesterday which had been an improvement from the day before when she had turned up crying on her dads' doorstep."I'm getting there."

It's a start and Kurt knows exactly what else he needs to do to get her back. "So what are we wearing to the reunion?" He has it all planned in his head, Rachel needed to start over and what better way than to attend the reunion and re-establish herself, not as Mrs. Finn Hudson but as Ms. Rachel Berry.

Kurt slings his bag on his shoulder as he bumps her, waiting for her response, knowing that the dress he had brought was perfect for her and all he had to do was convince her to wear it.

Initially, Rachel had wanted to go, knowing that she would be able to see all her old friends. To meet those that made it out of Lima and perhaps also to finally meet Quinn again. She didn't owe Quinn anything but it felt right to at least acknowledge that the blond had been right in highlighting that she had been naïve and that she didn't belong with Finn.

"Nothing." She sees his eyebrows rise and quickly backtracks. "I'm not wearing nothing. I mean I'm not going." It wasn't a difficult decision to make considering she had just left her husband, was almost broke and had nothing to show for the past ten years. She wasn't feeling embarrassed but more sorry for herself and she didn't need to bring the rest of the people down.

Besides, she knew that Finn was going to be there and perhaps some form of physical separation was also called for considering she had hurt him with her actions and didn't want to hurt him further by turning up.

She hears Kurt's indignant tone cutting through her morose thoughts, "Why? Because of Finn?" Kurt actually loved his step brother. Finn had been a jackass in the beginning, more afraid for his reputation than standing up for what he believed in.

However, he had learnt to accept Kurt and when it came down to it, he had watched Kurt's back and made sure that no one messed with him senior year. He and Burt actually took turns meeting all of Kurt's boyfriends throughout the years, somehow always managing to threaten them against hurting him. So he wasn't about to take sides even if he wanted to.

He loved the both of them and wanted them in his life. However, he learnt early on that life wasn't always fair and both Rachel and Finn deserved to be happy and that entailed them being apart and the sooner they accepted it, the sooner they could finally move on with their lives instead of just living a facsimile of one. It was really up to him to ensure that they moved on and for that to happen, he needed them both to acknowledge it.

"Yes. He should go." It's a self imposed exile that she can accept and a punishment of sorts that seem to fit. "He won state and was prom king." Things that seemed so damn important then but losing their luster so quickly in the scheme of things, she can hardly remembers why prom queen had been part of her dream.

"Rach, you were Prom Queen." He sees her smile wistfully, "Everyone deserves to be there, all of us. You think I'm not dreading seeing Karofsky or god forbid Sue Sylvester." He pulls her closer to him and her head rests on his shoulder as they walk towards the exit. "We'll face them together and besides, with the dress I made for you, I'd be surprise if anyone recognizes you."

She's still noncommittal but knew that he was right. If she really was serious about starting over, she had to face everyone again, not run and hide but to start to make choices again and find her way forward.

**I just have to stay and face my mistakes,**

It hadn't been her intention to meet her parents at all. She called at Christmas and Thanksgiving, sent clippings of some of her reviews and even tried to keep her private life as quiet as possible because she knew that they would disapprove. Not only of Jackson but definitely of Selena and she didn't want her father to have to explain to the Church Elders or her mother to give excuses to her reading circle.

Quinn had prayed so hard that they would have taken the opportunity to visit Frannie but luck had not been on her side as she looked up to see her father staring at her from across the dining room.

The restaurant wasn't particularly crowded and she should have looked around when they had first arrived. But she had been so caught up in her head, excited that she was finally going to get the chance to make it up to Rachel and worried that the words she had chosen were still not the right ones.

So she let Jackson order the wine and the appetizers and had been looking blindly at the menu when she felt him nudge her elbow and whisper conspiratorially in her ear. "Not that you're not the most attractive woman in this restaurant but if I didn't know any better, that man sitting four tables across either knows you or really hates the woman he's with because he hasn't stopped looking at you since he spotted you."

Quinn closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, sending up a quick prayer that it's not who she thinks it is and when she finally makes eye contact, she wishes that they had stopped in the bar before they took their seats. "It's my father."

Her words already bringing out Jackson's protective instincts as he places his hand on hers. He's never had the opportunity to meet Russell Fabray but he had heard Quinn's end of various phone calls over the years. Each one of them ending with her subdued and lost in her own head because inevitably her mother or most times, her father would comment on what a waste her life had turned out to be. And she never contradicted the statement instead choosing to remain quiet, feeding into the Fabrays' view that her silence meant consent to their view.

"I'm fine." Quinn smiles reassuringly at Jackson hoping that he'll accept her words because she's anything but. However, she wasn't going to give Russell the privilege of knowing that, as she stands and walks towards their table.

"Quinnie." Her mother's force cheeriness as she stands by her chair already grating. Her smile so false that Quinn wonders if she actually feels it anymore or if it's just reflex now, like staying with her father even though they haven't been happy since she was ten.

"Mom, Dad. I just got in. There's a reunion at the school and I'm leaving in a few days. Perhaps I could come by tomorrow?" She addresses the words to her father when she sees her mom take a swig from her glass.

"Don't put yourself out." The sneer in his voice is apparent. "Your priorities have always been skewered." Quinn wonders if he realizes that she doesn't care what he thinks any more, that he doesn't have a hold over her or her actions.

"That's because I learnt them from you. Family first but only if they don't disappoint, correct? Otherwise, ignorance is bliss." She spits out the words, knowing that she shouldn't let him get to her. When she left Lima, she managed to leave everything behind as well. All her feelings of inadequacy and her acceptance that her parents would never accept her regardless of whether she's finally accepted herself.

Quinn feels Jackson take her hand as stands next to her. "Mr Fabray? It's ..well, I guess it is good to finally meet you." His voice takes on a tone she recognizes from his father. Like he's talking to someone whom he doesn't care for but he's too polite to show it. Quinn tries to hide her smile even as she sees her father bristle at Jackson's tone.

"Who's this, dear?" Judy Fabray had learnt really early on to just skirt the edges of her life, not to be fully invested because things were bound to change and she could never hold onto anything for too long like the sanctity of her marriage or Quinn's love or even her sobriety. So she focused on the now and right now, there was a young man standing next to Quinn. Not the woman she had seen her with in some of the pictures from the magazines she read outside.

"Jackson Gellar, ma'am." He actually bows slightly, causing Quinn to smile at his antics. "I'm your very talented daughter's manager and best friend. And I care for her very much." He stands taller shifting slightly such that he stares down at Russell his hand protectively positioned around Quinn's waist.

He had seen her from across the room, her relaxed posture hardening as her father had talked to her and all he wanted to do was to wipe the sneer off Russell Fabray's face.

"Come over tomorrow. Your father and I would love to hear about your recent success." She shoots a hopeful look at her husband who clenches his jaw but nods curtly.

Quinn feels Jackson steer her away to their table. She blindly reaches for the glass of wine and drains it even before she fully takes her seat. "So I guess that finally explains a lot, doesn't it." The bitter smile and tone surprises him but he actually does understand a lot more about Quinn now.

"Only proves how completely amazing you are in accomplishing everything so far." He sees her smile falter and understands that she will always feel guilty even if she wasn't completely responsible for her parents failed marriage or Rachel Berry's choices. Quinn was the type of person to take it upon herself to correct something that she knows is not right.

He hates that she sees her accomplishments paling in the shadow of the guilt she carries and the weight of her parents' obvious disappointment in her life.

**But if I get stronger and wiser, I'll get through this**

Rachel turns as she looks in the mirror, astonished at her reflection. Kurt was right and the dress was amazing. It was made of pink shantung silk that snugly wrapped around her. It was something that people wore to award shows or state dinners, not to a high school reunion in Lima Ohio but Kurt would not hear of her refusing.

"I made it for you." He's adamant as he models his tux for her benefit. "I think we're going to be the best dressed by a mile." He sees her smiling at him and drops the news he just received an hour ago via text. "Well us and Quinn."

It's not that he suspects anything or had actually seen proof of real attachment between Quinn and Rachel. There were a handful of times in high school where either one of them would actually go out of their way to help the other. Not because they were forced into it but like it needed to be done. He always wondered why though. Why Rachel would try and extend friendship and why Quinn would stare at Rachel during glee practice, her hooded eyes following the brunette so closely each time she sang.

Even now, each time he talks to either of them, parts of the conversation would inevitably end up with them asking of each other; surprisingly subtle segues on Rachel's part and more obvious cues from Quinn. He does not expect them to be best of friends; he wasn't that much of an optimist. But he knows Rachel needed another friend right now and maybe Quinn could help her fill that void.

So he watches Rachel's face, and sees the flit of emotions play across it from fear to regret and finally settling on hope. "Quinn's coming?"

"Honey, Quinn's here." He almost squeals when he sees Rachel's eyes widen and dart about as if trying to see if she was really in the room with them. "She just got in and is staying at the Fairmont."

It was the only upmarket hotel in Lima and Finn had managed to take her there for drinks at the restaurant bar for their anniversary two years ago. The restaurant one of only a handful to actually serve vegan meals but Finn had made reservations at Breadstix that night.

It had been a nice night, only marred slightly at the end when she had sighed as they passed the restaurant and he had taken offence, forcing her to apologize throughout their subsequent meal at Breadstix. She had felt so guilty for not being happy that instead of ordering the meatless meatballs as usual, she just went with the meat. She had thrown up later that night and Finn had held her hair back, finally apologizing himself.

It always ended up with them apologizing to one another and she should have been brave enough to stop the vicious cycle of hurting each other only to say sorry later. "Have you talked to her?" His question surprising her because he knows that they haven't been in contact since graduation.

So Rachel shakes her head. "Do you want to?"  _Yes_ her answer immediate but only in her mind because she knows that she has nothing to say to Quinn except maybe to admit that she had been right all along and that Rachel shouldn't have gone after her school girl fantasy and heeded her advice instead.

And maybe Quinn did deserve to know that, to realize that she had been right and by staying in Lima, she would have settled for something that she didn't truly want. "Yes." Her answer comes out as a whisper, a wish really.

"Well, you'll get your chance at the reunion." He sees her nod before she takes off the dress.

"Maybe." She hangs it up, "I'm meeting Mr. Schue at the school. He wants to go over my lesson plan and I guess I'll tell him I'm going for the reunion." His enthusiastic nod making her think that perhaps it'll be the first right decision she's made in a long time.

**What can you do when your good isn't good enough?**

To say the visit to her parents had gone acceptably was stretching it. To call it an unmitigated disaster was a more accurate description considering it had ended with tears from her mother, her father's near apoplectic rage and her triumphant admission that her lifestyle that he had referred to in such a derogatory manner was her choice and regardless of the labels he had tried to put on her, she knew exactly who she was and who she never wanted to be.

It ended soon enough when Russell had tried to slap her only to have Jackson step between them and push him away. She knew it would end badly but decided to go through with the visit anyway, like a primer for her eventual meet with Rachel. It's not that she's equating her parents with Rachel Berry but just that she needed to put things into context, to show that despite knowing the low odds and expecting the obvious, she was still going to go through with it.

That she was going to be defiant in the face of utter rejection because taking the chance was worth it, because Rachel was worth it.

"Thanks." She still can't believe that he had almost hit her father and it was only because she had held onto his arm did he relent.

"I still want to hit him." She smiles at his words.

"So do I, all the time." She sees the sign for McKinley High and suddenly feels a pull so strong that she shouts for him to turn. "Left, turn left." He's always trusted her so he does not bat an eyelid and ignores the loud honking behind them as he follows her instructions.

He glances at her, her hands in her lap as she gazes out the window at the building before them and he sees her literally transform before his eyes when he finally parks the car.

"What?" Her voice is tentative for the first time.

"You look…" How does he describe that she seems to have gotten younger, softer, somewhat., like all her worries and fears have disappeared, giving her some respite. Different from the stories she told him of being the HBIC of McKinley. "You look like how I pictured you should have looked in high school." The soft waves of her hair cascading down her shoulders and her eyes, still bright as if she had so many things to look forward to and nothing to regret.

"So pray tell, what are we doing here? The reunion isn't until tomorrow night."

She can't explain it either, from never wanting to see this place again to almost needing to be here right now. "I don't know, I guess I wanted to see it in daylight" He can see her biting her bottom lip as if working up the courage to make it onto school grounds tomorrow, like she needed to do a test run today.

"So what are you waiting for?" He extends his hand for her to take it before he walks her to the front steps. The doors to the school closed and he sees her take a breath and at once transforms yet again, like she's donning invisible armor, something to protect herself from ghosts from her past.

Classes are over and the afternoon janitor actually recognizes her, such that he smiles and winks when she asks him for permission to look around. The school not much different from his but it's her enthusiasm that's contagious as she pulls him this way and that, finally showing him the trophy cases.

Actually breezing by the Cheerios multiple ones to stop in front of the Glee case. Pictures are tacked on the back board. Various Glee clubs throughout the years until she finally spots the few she had been searching for.

"There." She points at the one of Rachel belting out "Don't Rain on My Parade" as well as the group one of Rachel and Finn carrying their Nationals trophy.

"That" He exhales as he turns to stare at her, "explains so much." He always wondered what she saw in him or Selena for that matter. It wasn't that they weren't attractive but more that they were so different from Quinn, yet she chose to be with them. Except she wasn't choosing them but substituting them for someone whom she wanted but couldn't have.

She sees understanding in his eyes though and a bit of forgiveness too.

The door down the hall opens as Mr. Shue steps out, "Thanks for locking up Rachel. I'll see you at the Reunion." He does not see them and walks the other way, whistling a Journey tune. Quinn is too stunned to call out because all she can comprehend is that Rachel might actually be in the choir room.

There was absolutely no reason for Rachel to be but likewise, there had been no feasible rational as to why she felt compelled to stop by the school today either. She's frozen though, unable to move and not really wanting to either because this was as close as she's ever gotten and dreaming about it was very different from actually living it .

"Rachel?" Jackson's voice questioning as she looks at him, her eyes wide. She had practiced what she wanted to say. Had told him the context of the conversation that had started it all, and how it would be the one conversation that she would give anything to do over. She would never have goaded Rachel into thinking she needed Finn. Jackson can see the indecision on her face but he knows that she's ready and all she needed was a push.

So he pulls her forward even as he feels her try and turn away. "You already know what you want to say and if you can stand up to that son of a bitch Russell, you can face Rachel Berry." He yanks open the door and pushes her into the room, shutting it loudly behind him.

**When all that you touch tumbles down?**

"Did you forget your keys ag.."Rachel looks up from the piano expecting to see Mr. Schue only to be confronted with Quinn Fabray, standing there, her hands by her side and staring at her, as if ten years had not passed by.

She's been sitting by the piano, her fingers idly playing a melody, missing the sound of music in her life and finally admitting that the ache in her heart wasn't about loving Finn too much but realizing he was never going to be enough. That nothing could replace her initial dream.

There's such a strong sense of déjà vu for her because they've been in this position before except in reverse. Rachel sees Quinn steps forward and she feels like something's about to change.

"We're friends, right?" Her words are so soft that Rachel's not sure if she was meant to hear them so she stays silent, wanting to look away but not able to because she really wants to know why Quinn is here, talking to her.

Bolder this time, Quinn takes another step forward as she places her hands on the piano, her gaze never wavering from Rachel's face. "I mean.." This time her voice is louder, "we bonded over your mom adopting Beth." And they had. Rachel had been the one to broach the subject when she found Quinn crying behind the bleaches one afternoon.

She had seen Quinn go pale when Mrs. Anderson had brought her baby girl into school that day and knew that despite her external demeanor, she would never get over giving Beth up, much like Rachel would never get over Shelby's snub.

Over that summer between Sophomore and Junior year, Rachel would call or text every now and then, giving her snippets of how Beth was doing and when she felt a bit braver, she would ask in between as to how Rachel was feeling knowing that her mom was never going to be anything more than an egg donor to her. In the end, as always, she had pushed Rachel out of her mind ignoring her overtures when school had started up again.

Rachel nods at Quinn's words, her jaw clenching tight because she's remembering the summer but also the last conversation they had before her dream changed, before she made the wrong choice. "Go Ahead…ask me…" She can't remember the combination to the locker or the name of her junior year history teacher but she remembers every word that Quinn had said to her ten years ago. The conversation scorched in her memory.

"Are you and Finn together?" Quinn knows how this will play out, what Rachel will say next and she steel herself for the answer in the affirmative only she almost staggers back when Rachel says something else. It hurts but in a good way and Quinn feels the tears prick her eyes because she may actually have a chance here to do the right thing.

"No. I left him a week ago." She looks down as if ashamed before facing Quinn again, not really knowing what to expect or how Quinn would take the news. But she needs to face things now as she looks up only to see Quinn's crying, tears rolling down her cheeks, which she does not even brush aside.

"Quinn?" It's the way that Rachel says her name that actually makes her cry harder. Like Rachel was worried for her, like she wanted to offer comfort even though that was not the reason she was here.

"I'm..sor…I'm sorry." She stutters out, almost stumbling back when Rachel stands, her hand extended as if offering comfort. "You..you deserve your Happy Ending." She sees Rachel's startled look at her words, her hands once again by her side even as she walks around to stand in front of Quinn.

She does this sometimes, play over the conversation in her head, wondering what would have happened if she had accepted Quinn's words, had understood that through it all, Quinn was telling her that she could get out of Lima. But she hadn't and to hear Quinn repeat it now was like a second chance. Only, she knows that she can't get back ten years even if Quinn has given her back this one memory.

"But.." Rachel doesn't really understand what's happening although she can feel that it's important she sees this through even if she ends up getting hurt again. "But I never seem to get it right." She tries to smile but it comes out as a grimace as she bows her head.

They're both crying now as Quinn finally steps forward her arms encircling Rachel. They fit together, Rachel's head pressed into Quinn shoulder as her chin rest upon it. Quinn feels the smaller woman shudder and all she wants to do is to hold on and not let go.

It feels so right to have Quinn's arms around her but she can't afford to make the same mistakes like before. Finn hadn't been the person she expected and likewise, Quinn could never be as well. However, the moment feels true and she feels the ache in her chest abate somewhat. Rachel knows that it's just temporary but at this moment, Quinn arms around her makes her feel good and she just wants to not think of anything else except the fact that this was the first time she had felt good in such a long time.

**End Part 4**


	5. Chapter 5

 

**Get It Right**

**Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things**

**I just wanna fix it somehow**

Jackson had eventually found them still hugging in the middle of the room ten minutes later and introductions were made.

"It's great to finally meet you." He says it like he knows her or he knows about her but there really wasn't any reason to considering he was Quinn's friend and manager. She can't help it as her eyes are drawn to Quinn again, wondering why she's there and trying to figure out why having her there felt so right.

But ever since Jackson had come in, Quinn's been so quiet. Rachel had the distinct feeling she was missing something when he pointedly stared at Quinn after she had introduced him as her manager. She knows that she should feel embarrassed in front of Quinn, not only for crying but also for being such a loser. But Quinn's still holding her arm and all she can focus on is how good it feels to have that simple contact.

"I..I guess we should go." Quinn's shy all of a sudden even though nothing had occurred and she hadn't even gotten round to telling Rachel about the screen test. It was just that Rachel looked the same, in fact, she looked better and all Quinn can think of is how beautiful she'll look through the lens of her camera.

Framing that face and hearing her sing would be divine and she badly wants that to happen; except she doesn't see the spark that had been there before. This Rachel is too tentative and maybe a little broken. When they had hugged, it felt like she was holding Rachel together, that she was so delicately spun and any sudden movement would break her. At least that was what Quinn told herself as she held on to the tiny brunette and didn't feel like letting go. Even now, her fingers are curled around Rachel's arm, the connection feeling less and less tenuous than it did at the start.

"Quinn, don't you have something to ask Rachel?" He's almost sure that Quinn's deer in headlights look could be patented and sold for a lot of money and almost feels sorry for her. However, he really needs her to finally commit and do this, for his own sanity as well as her own well being.

Her sixth sense long dormant is acting up like crazy but Rachel still can't figure out what the hell's going on and to be honest, she just wants to enjoy the moments with Quinn and not think about her lost chances or the mistakes she had made over the past ten years. She looks at the blond, wondering if she was going to ask after Finn.

Despite all that had happened, she knew that Quinn had loved him once and maybe still did. As for Finn, she knew that he loved her or at least he used to and maybe deep down he still carried a torch for Quinn Fabray. She had been his first love and if Rachel hadn't pushed her or pursued Finn with such single minded determination, she was sure that he would still be with Quinn.

"What..what did you want to ask me?" She finally meets Quinn's eyes only to look away because she knows that if the question was really about Finn, it would destroy what little hope she had secreted away, hope that things really could change and the tiny kernel of hope that Quinn had come back for her somehow.

The one thing she could never fully comprehend was the constant need she felt to reach out to Quinn all throughout high school. After every rebuff, she would feel hurt and cry but like clockwork, she kept looking for ways to extend friendship yet again. Initially Rachel figured that she did it because it would eventually lead to stopping the slushy facials and name calling. But it continued even when Quinn had been more of an outcast than she was.

It was as if she was drawn to the cheerleader, like a moth to a flame. Despite the mean words, there was always this undercurrent of vulnerability that she would glimpse from Quinn and each time, she would chip away at her tough façade to see someone worth knowing. Someone she wanted very much to forge a connection with.

Only, Quinn always was so afraid that she would push her away. Each time Rachel felt that she made a breakthrough, she had to steel herself to expect some sort of retaliation from Quinn. Even right now, all she can think of is Quinn pulling back and saying something mean. And all Rachel can do is to prepare herself for it, as looks intently at Quinn.

Quinn knows it's the perfect opening to tell her of her screenplay, to let Rachel know that she had written the part specifically with her in mind. Ever since the story first took root in her imagination, she knew exactly whom she was writing for and who had been her muse. But she hates rejection and right now she can see Rachel looking at her, apprehension and confusion coloring her features. There has never been any reason for Rachel to trust her and she can't tell if Rachel will say yes . Quinn knows she's being a coward but she'd rather stay silent for the time being and just hold on to her fantasy for just a bit longer.

"Um, do you want to go to the reunion with me….I mean us." She pulls Jackson to stand beside her, ignoring his look of utter disbelief at her cowardice. "If you're going, I mean. We're staying at the Fairmont." She sees Rachel's eyes widen slightly and hastily adds, "Not together, I mean separate rooms of course, I mean…."

She hears Jackson snicker behind her and hopes Rachel doesn't see him rolling his eyes, "If you need a ride to the reunion, we can pick you up." She used to be good at this. She had been known for being a semi decent conversationalist but Rachel always brought out either the best or the worst in her.

She could never modulate her behavior with Rachel, always going to extremes and overcompensating. Right now, she knows that she needs to show Rachel that she can be stable, someone whom she could trust, and maybe eventually someone she could love.

Quinn realizes that she couldn't just blurt out the reason she had come back and she had to gain Rachel's trust first. To ensure that when Rachel looked at her, she wouldn't see confusion and fear reflected in Rachel's big brown eyes.

Rachel breathes out audibly, the offer unexpected but somewhat appropriate as she really wanted to know more about Quinn but was still too afraid to ask. Kurt's calls gave her just enough background but no real understanding and despite absolutely hating her own life, Rachel never begrudged Quinn's success, knowing that she had been brave enough to follow her heart instead of choosing something that she didn't really want.

The corner of her mouth quirks upwards as she hears Quinn's long winded invitation. She's never seen Quinn like this. "Ok, but Kurt's staying with me..I mean we're staying with my dads'. I don't have..." Her voice trails off as she glances to the side, realizing that her life is still so messed up. She does not know what to expect when she looks back up at Quinn and is surprised when she does not see judgment on Quinn's face, only understanding.

"So I'll…we'll pick you up at seven." Quinn's coy smile throws Rachel and she finally does break out in a smile, wearing it even after Quinn and Jackson left.

#$#$#$#

"You look fabulous." Kurt's not lying as he stares at her reflection. The dress didn't need much alteration and fit her like a glove. He had even convinced her to let him do her hair and the overall effect was stunning. He knows that she never considered herself beautiful; always highlighting that Quinn was more beautiful than she was and she had been so amazed that Finn still chose her. It may be true in the conventional sense but Rachel was still stunning by any measure only she could never see it.

Kurt hates that she felt beholden to Finn and stayed with him because she couldn't see her own worth and it took her ten years to finally realize that. What he hates more is the heartbreaking look of defeat she's currently wearing.

Her eyes are downcast, her face pale. It was so different from the smile she had worn for most of yesterday. When she told him of meeting Quinn and their subsequent conversation he had a feeling she was leaving certain things out, like how it made her feel considering she would get a little faraway look in her eye each time she uttered Quinn's name or how her smile would widen when she told him of the invitation to go to the reunion together.

He does know why she's looking sadder today and it had nothing to do with Quinn but everything to do with Finn. Rachel had planned on finally getting all her things from their house. Kurt had insisted on accompanying her because he did not want her to wallow as she packed up her old life. Since Rachel had told Finn of her plans, the both of them assumed that Finn would have made himself scarce.

The neighborhood wasn't a particularly bad one, not even Lima Heights adjacent but Rachel was still glad that Kurt was with her especially when she opened the door to see Finn sprawled on the couch, a couple of empty beer cans strewn around.

It was only ten in the morning but she could recognize his inebriated look even though she's only been privy to it a handful of times. Kurt on the other hand, had never seen him drunk. All throughout high school, Finn had always been designated driver and Kurt always figured that Finn never acquired a taste for alcohol. Only to finally realize that Finn probably always knew what a mean drunk he could be and never drank because of it.

It started out ok, with Finn ignoring Rachel as she quietly went round the house collecting her things. Kurt followed her, the soft sounds emanating from the radio the only noise besides the Rachel's soft footfalls and the occasional creak as she opened and emptied her drawers.

She had been putting off going into the living room for as long as she could even going into the tiny kitchen to take a small fridge magnet proclaiming  _'The Only Thing To do is to Jump Over the Moon '_ It was a relic from her life before when her dads had taken her to Broadway joking that she needed to scope out her future work place. It was a time when everything had been so clear in her head, when all she could envision was being happy and doing something she loved.

Kurt kept his eye on Finn throughout Rachel's sojourn through their house, noting that his mood seem to darken with each passing minute. Finally erupting when Rachel had meekly reached up to take the small trophy on the mantle, the one he knew each of them got from winning Nationals.

He saw Rachel flinching when Finn pushed himself off the couch to reach out and grab the trophy from the shelf to fling it against the wall.

_"How could you do this to me? How could you lie to me for so long?" The question is pushed out through clenched teeth as Finn towers over Rachel as she looked downwards at the broken pieces of the trophy, such a clear reminder of her broken dreams and her shattered life._

_It only took Kurt a second to step between the both of them, his hands held out, his voice sharp, "Finn." his tone conveying annoyance at Finn's unfair accusation._

_"You said you loved me." He ignores Kurt completely, his question directed at Rachel as he narrows his eyes. "How could you just leave? We're still married and you're still my wife."_

_Kurt hears Rachel's intake of breath as Finn's words cuts across. "Please don't do this." the plea in her voice strong despite the soft tone._

_"I'm not the one doing anything Rach. You're the one leaving. You think you're better than me, better than this town but what have you done, what do you think you can do?" Finn doesn't continue but the message is clear and it hurts nonetheless even though Rachel cannot deny its truth._

_She had done nothing and she couldn't really see her future anymore, just living each day as it came. But she was at least living again, not dreading waking up in the morning or expecting each day to blur into the next. "I'm sorry."_

_"Stop saying that." This time he does shout and Kurt finally reacts._

_"Enough!" His voice sharp and loud and it draws Finn's attention to him as their eyes finally meet. Kurt wants to put the blame on him but he can see the hurt in Finn's eyes, along with anger and confusion._

_He can see that Finn cannot comprehend how Rachel could just stop loving him, not understanding that she still loved him enough to finally stop their spiral downwards. She had taken it upon herself to take the first step in reclaiming their lives and ensuring that they could still find some semblance of happiness albeit not with each other._

_"You're drunk and right now I'm ashamed to call you my brother. " He sees Finn's eye cast downwards as he takes a step back."Come on Rach." He turns to see Rachel looking down at the broken pieces of the trophy scattered around. Her eyes brimming with tears and her posture defeated and he hates that no matter what occurred, both Rachel and Finn were just going to get hurt._

They had left soon after, ten years worth of her life fitting in a suitcase and two duffel bags with Rachel looking shell shocked and holding onto the pieces of the trophy, not wanting to let them go.

"He was drunk and hurt." Kurt knows it's not much of an excuse but Rachel had to understand that the both of them had to take responsibility for the breakup of their marriage and Finn had no right to put it all on her.

"Because it was all my fault." She lets the words slip out even as she tries her best to accept that it had been her stupidity and pride that resulted in Finn drinking so early in the morning and coming to the correct conclusion that he had wasted the past ten years of his life with her.

"Sweetie, martyrdom doesn't suit you and the last time I checked marriage was between two consenting adults. You have to realize that just because you finally came to your senses and face the fact that it wasn't working out, that doesn't make it all your fault. Finn asked you to marry him, you said yes. It doesn't always mean forever." His voice is wistful at the end because he knows she would want forever and honestly so would he. The problem was finding that right someone.

"But.." How does she explain that she had pursued him because Quinn had told her how they were going to end up and she couldn't accept it, never fully realizing that she did it not because she wanted Finn but because she didn't want Quinn to have him. The motivation so childish and stupid but it had driven her to make a choice she had regretted but could not reverse.

Winning Finn back would get her the happy ending that Quinn said she couldn't have and she never understood why that would have been a bad thing until she realized it was just that, an ending. Quinn had been trying to tell her that winning Finn shouldn't have been the pinnacle of her desires and she had been too dense and stubborn to listen.

"Listen." He turns her around, his hands on her shoulders as he looks straight at her, "You know I love you right?" She nods at his words. "And I won't lie to you?" She nods again.

Kurt remembers the smile she used to wear when she would take a bow after one of her stunning performances or when they all managed to learn some new choreography to go with the songs for Glee. How happy she had looked, her spirit infused with such joy that it seemed almost infectious.

He can't recall seeing her like that after she returned to Lima with Finn. "You've been so unhappy for so long that you think that's how life is suppose to be." Rachel stares at him, her eyes wide as she grasps the full meaning of his words. "But you need to think back to when you felt truly happy." He can see her trying to recall some impression of a memory, something that she could hold onto. "Rach, you need to accept that you deserve to feel like that always."

She lets a ragged sigh escape from her lips as he pulls her into a hug. The last time she had felt truly happy had been years ago, when they had first moved back to Lima. She had seen the flyer stuck in the window of a coffee shop and felt her excitement build up. The Lima Community Theatre were holding open auditions for their spring production of My Fair Lady. Her voice was as strong as ever and she knew that it had yet to peak.

 

It had been the first time she had cooked a roast, spending their entire week's grocery money for that one dinner. But Finn hadn't been angry, instead, he had pulled her close, kissing her soundly before telling her that she should try out.

The auditions had been on a Sunday and he had even volunteered to drive her, only she knew there was a game on and she demurred. Regardless, there had been no real competition and she won the leading role. It was as far from Broadway as she could get but Finn had flowers for her when she came home and a badly drawn congratulations sign.

He had expected her to get the part never doubting that she wouldn't. And at that exact moment, she had been content, happy, knowing that she could still perform and get the applause she still craved.

At the time, Finn had been doing their expenses and she could see the worry in his eyes but he didn't share any of it with her. Instead he had been encouraging, sending her for rehearsals and fittings.

It was only when they started rehearsing more and she had to cut some of her music lessons did he finally sit her down to tell her. He had looked so guilty and embarrassed to finally admit that although he wanted to be super supportive; her stage work wasn't bringing in money like her music lessons.

He didn't overtly ask her to cut down on the rehearsals and shows but the implications behind his words were obvious. She didn't drop out of the production, choosing to double up on lessons at night and reading up on how to get a realtor's license in her spare time. The fifteen day run for the show had been amazing, the applause nightly and twice on Saturday had been amazing and she knew would have to be enough to last her lifetime.

She had been trying to sell a two bedroom house on Cypress Avenue when the Theatre Director called to ask her to audition for their winter production of Spamalot. She could still recall the almost giddy feelings of pure joy she had experienced months before. It had been so tempting to say yes but instead she declined.

Finn had already missed his first bank payment that month and Rachel knew she needed to pull her own weight and help him. He had supported her when she had performed months back and she needed to ensure he knew she wanted to support him as well. Subsequently the calls from the theatre stopped and she felt relieved when they did because it hurt to recall how happy she could have felt.

Rachel really doesn't know if she'll ever get to feel like that again. She's does not feel like she's drowning any longer but she's far from happy and wonders if she'll ever feel like that again. She swipes at the tears forming in her eyes, accepting that she's not yet at a point where she knows what she wants or what would make her happy. But at least the tears are no longer borne out of her omnipresent sadness.

"So it's a good thing we had this talk now and not after I did you make up." She giggles as Kurt steers her to the mirror. "You are going to look beautiful."

**But how many it times will it take?**

"Will you hurry up!" Jackson tries to keep the impatience he feels from seeping into his words, knowing that she'll take longer just to spite him. Considering Quinn had only brought one dress to wear, she had taken an inordinately long amount of time to just get ready. He hears the door click open and huffs to show his displeasure only his mouth does not close as the air leaves his lungs when he sees her step out.

She smiles shyly at his reaction as she turns slightly, the neutral color of the dress should have made her seem washed out but it didn't; the strapless chiffon gown fitting her like a glove, the flowing skirt twirling around her legs as she turns again. Her hair is let loose, kept in waves by careful placement of small inconspicuous barrettes. He's always accepted that she was a classic beauty but it's times like this when he makes the distinction between classic and timeless.

She wants this to be a special night for Rachel and had taken extra care to get ready. She knows it's not a date but it doesn't preclude her from acting like it is. It's the closest she's even come to finally acting on the growing need she feels to finally take the risk and tell Rachel everything. She wants to explain her hidden motivations and oblique references, to completely elucidate on her confused feelings and missed chances and to finally declare her intentions.

"Do I look ok?" She smiles as she takes in his slack jaw reaction, hoping for such a reaction and fervently wishing that Rachel would have the same one.

"Do you even have to ask?" There's a longing in his voice that he cannot hide and he sees her eyes soften and fill with some regret. If he hadn't met Rachel, a tiny part of him would have still been hopeful that Quinn would really see him and decide that they were great together. Only, he had met the brunette and saw the way Quinn had looked at her and had to admit that Quinn never looked at him like that, ever.

In truth, there really had been no competition from the start. He sometimes wishes that he never met Quinn, that she never approached him that day in the quad and smiled. He had been smitten from the start and even if he knew she would take the blame for leading him on, he had to admit that as frustrating as the past six years were, he could not envision not having Quinn in his life.

Her friendship enough to sustain him but her complete happiness would finally allow him to move on himself. "You'll always be my best friend." Her love for him implied with her words. She pulls him into a hug, her cheek touching his as she whispers in his ear, "No matter what happens tonight, I'll always be grateful for everything you've done. I love you."

She does not let go of his hand even in the car as she drives to Rachel's house. The radio feeding into her view that the stars are finally aligned and she'll get her second chance with Rachel as a familiar song starts playing.

Quinn does not even realize she's singing along until Jackson speaks, "Why don't you sing more often?"He's blown away with the emotion in her voice, giving it a different quality and surprising him with its fervor.

"I guess, I …I guess I didn't have anyone to sing to." She never acknowledged it in glee club but she always cherished that first memory of Rachel singing Keep Holding On. Maybe it wasn't all about her but that was the first time Quinn felt like Rachel understood and didn't judge her. She does not sing as the final verse fades out over the radio and she turns into Rachel's street.

"Wow, she really look's stunning. If you don't go after her, I just might." Quinn nearly chokes at the sight of Rachel and Kurt standing on the curb as well as Jackson's words. Rachel did look amazing, the pink dress suited her skin tone but it also showed off her curves. However, before getting out of the car, she turns and punches Jackson really hard on the arm.

"Ow. What was that for?" He knows exactly why she did it but it never hurt to make her acknowledge that she really wants Rachel not only for her movie but also to be in her life.

"You know exactly what that was for." He winks at her and she smiles. She can't disagree with Jackson's view though because Rachel did look amazing. She could totally see her walking the red carpet in LA and it reinforced her view that Rachel was completely right for the role and all she needed to do was to convince her to take the screen test.

With Finn out of the picture, it would actually be an even easier discussion to have. Only Quinn was cognizant that apart from the conversation they had yesterday, she and Rachel hadn't kept in touch directly and there was no reason for Rachel to trust her or even consider her proposal.

All these thoughts race through her head as she steps out of the car, never taking her eyes off Rachel."You look…..beautiful." Her words sound so sincere that Rachel blushes and Kurt just stares at her before smiling to himself. He acknowledges that he had been wrong about Sam but Quinn had always pinged his gaydar in high school despite her history with Finn and Puck and Sam.

It wasn't that he thought she had been lying to everyone but more that she had been lying to herself. It had been obvious that she had been struggling to live up to her parents' expectations. Always trying so hard to make up for her perceived faults and for getting pregnant in high school.

It was only when she finally left, could she evolve and really find out who she wanted to be. And right now, he bet, she wanted to be with Rachel. It was a wild and crazy idea but the way she looked at Rachel when she stepped out of the car was so telling.

He knows of her previous relationship with a hotshot LA lawyer even if she refused to talk to him about it but he had seen the pictures in the magazines, had noticed the more than slight similarities to Rachel and even called her on it once. But Quinn had been adamant not to talk to him about it, changing the subject almost immediately. Only to eventually ask him about Rachel, like clockwork.

Kurt smile widens further when Quinn rushes to open the door for Rachel, ushering the both of them inside before taking the wheel. He nudges Rachel's shoulder and sees her tentative smile blossom as she catches Quinn's eyes in the rear view mirror. It was definitely going to be an interesting night.

They're relatively silent in the car, each lost in their own thoughts although Kurt can feel the tension building. It's not uncomfortable but it's fueled by Quinn staring at Rachel as the brunette looked out the window.

The radio's softly playing a new song and Kurt ignores his inclination to hum along, choosing to ask Quinn a question about her next project. He's surprised to see Quinn's eyes widen in panic before she looks away and finally, it's Jackson who answers him instead. "We're currently in talks with Steven Spielberg to fund Quinn's own script. He wants her to direct and we're looking to cast it." He sees Quinn's shoulder's tense up but she remains silent, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles are white.

"My God, Quinn, that's amazing. So what's the script about?" Kurt again poses the question to Quinn wanting to pull her out of her reticence.

Quinn knows that she owes it to Rachel to be honest and reluctant as she is with changing the status quo, she knows that she needs to at least tell Rachel about the script considering the diva had and continued to play a big part in its development even if she didn't know it.

She remembers the day she had started writing it. It hadn't been a remarkable day except for the fact that she had put in her transfer papers at school to switch her majors. Her dad had already screamed at her over the phone that morning and threatened to cut her off again.

But she didn't care either way and as she walked back to her dorm, she began to accept that she needed to start making her own choices and to make up for all the wrong choices she had made in the past but more importantly make it up to the one person she knew she had hurt, hoping that it wasn't too late.

"It's about a woman who makes all the wrong choices in her life." She glances at the rear view mirror, noting that Rachel's still staring pensively out the window. And one day, she wakes up and realizes she's as far away as possible from where she wanted to be." She see's Rachel freeze at her words.

"So, she decides to unmake all the decisions in her life starting from the most current ones to the very first decision where she thinks she went off track." She sees Rachel's eyes shut and wants so badly to tell her that it's not too late only she still doesn't have the words.

 

"And it's a musical." Jackson had been amazed when Quinn had finally shown him her script. The songs she had chosen had been perfect for the story but the eclectic nature of the genres of songs, Broadway, top forty hits and old standards,made it almost impossible to envision one person pulling it all off. Only she had been so adamant that Rachel Berry had the ability and talent to do just that.

"So you're casting for it now?." Kurt can't imagine the scope of the project. "Do you have any costume designers in mind?"

"Actually Quinn's been more involved with finding the right lead, isn't that right Quinn?" She really hates Jackson right now as she glares at him. It wasn't that she didn't want his help but he really had to work on his timing. He didn't understand Rachel and assumed that all Quinn had to do was propose the idea and Rachel would fall over herself to accept it.

Quinn finally understood that with Rachel Berry, she needed a plan; she needed to consider all angles and be as prepared as she could for the worst even as she hoped for the best. She hadn't done so ten years ago.

She had blindly rushed in, wearing her emotions so nakedly, letting the anguish and confusion slip into their conversation and inadvertently pushing Rachel into forgoing Broadway for Finn instead of fulfilling her long standing dream.

So even if this seemed like a perfect segue to offering Rachel the part in her movie, she couldn't take it because she still wasn't completely sure of the odds of Rachel accepting her offer. Much to Jackson's chagrin, she does not say anything else, instead quickly changing the subject and responding to Kurt's other questions on the number of celebrities she knew as well as who was really gay in Hollywood.

**End Part 5**


	6. Interlude 1

 

**A/N - So, I got this idea where I could expand on some scenes that were alluded to in earlier chapters. I'm enjoying writing this story and I guess I don't want it to end too soon although I think it'll have 3 or 4 more chapters and probably 2 or 3 more interludes. Anyway, hope you like this. I really wanted to give more substance to Quinn and Rachel's decisions and motivations .**

**Get It Right**

**Interlude 1**

**Junior Prom (Quinn)**

"Here." She sees the flask thrust into her hands, the coldness of the metal at odds with the oppresive heat she feels. Her face twists in distaste as she shakes her head. "Trust me you're going to need it." Quinn's actually surprised by Santana's tone, flat out annoyance with the tiniest hint of inlaid concern that only she could muster.

They're outside the gym, Quinn needing to catch her breath because she knows what's coming up and though it doesn't really hurt, she still needs to face her mom later tonight and inform her that she didn't manage to carry on the Fabray tradition of winning Prom Queen. She's fine with the loss but knows she has to steel herself for the look of disappointment and the implied view of her continuing inadequacy.

She sees Santana hand still outstretched and she takes the flask, swallowing the burning liquid and feeling the fleeting warmth it provides dissipate like her own dreams. Only, she realizes that winning prom queen really wasn't her dream but her mom's and she still doesn't know what she wants out of her life but instead of feeling scared, it feels almost exhilarating. Knowing and accepting that she didn't have to follow in her parents footsteps finally freeing her from some of her fears.

She passes the flask back to Santana and has to stop her from chugging the rest of the liquid down. Quinn knows she hurting mainly due to Brittany still being with Artie and Santana not having Cheerios as an outlet to be with Brittany or touch her any more. Like everything with Santana, she wants to share her pain and getting Quinn to drink would make it seem that she was not alone with her feelings of hurt and anger.

But Quinn wasn't angry at least not with anyone except maybe herself. She knows it's hard to explain how being humiliated by Rachel and Finn in the hallway in front of most of the school wouldn't at least make her feel embarrassed which then should have fueled her anger which would have inevitably led to her plotting revenge.

She had actually felt the acute sense of embarrassment, her cheeks flaming red even now at the mere thought of Finn breaking up with her publicly. It still rankled but then she remembered that following hot on the heels of the feelings of embarrassment were feelings of pure relief. Instead of the cold hard anger that she expected, she had felt such relief that her knees almost buckled under that flood of emotion. It was almost liberating to realize that she didn't have to put up a charade of wanting Finn to touch her or wanting to listen to him go on about how he won the game.

She was ok with the little touches and even fine with hearing about the championship game a few times but not each time they got together or when Finn wanted more. He had lost his virginity to Santana and it seemed like he wanted to erase that encounter by sleeping with her.

Quinn wasn't a prude at least not after sleeping with Puck and if she hadn't had Beth, she would have been more open with exploring with Finn or even someone else. Except she did have Beth and for nine months, she carried a life within her. It changed her, made her understand the consequences of decisions no matter how small they may have been at the time.

But she was still her parents' daughter, brought up to expect the norm, a good boyfriend, to get good grades and to follow in her mother's and sister's footsteps. A life mapped out, milestones to be met starting with prom queen.

But without Finn, she wouldn't get Prom Queen and as Quinn had stood there in the hall, hearing the snickers of the people surrounding her, she wondered if she really wanted to be voted in by them, to win the title not because of what she had accomplished but for whom she was with.

Clarity was a bitch sometimes but finding it at the right time can make all the difference. And Quinn wasn't angry because for the first time ever, she saw everything so clearly as she stared at Rachel, staring at Finn. She wasn't brave enough at that moment to really go for what she truly wanted but at least she finally could admit to what she didn't want.

She didn't want prom queen and because she finally realized she didn't need that, it was obvious that she didn't need Finn either so she had walked away, not planning revenge but actually thinking about what she could do because she didn't have to be what Judy and Russell wanted her to be.

Which led her to thinking about talking to Rachel, really talking to her, not hiding behind Finn or using Glee club as an excuse but to sit her down and apologize and perhaps tell her that she really did deserve so much more than Prom Queen and dating Finn and in time she would get everything she wanted because she was so talented and because she deserved it.

However, she's still too frighten to fully embrace everything she knows she's feeling. She's willing to accept her mother's dissapoinment but she cannot afford to get kicked out again at least not before she goes off to college. So the only thing she can do is to at least try and help Santana whether she wanted it or not.

"Maybe if you told her again." Quinn takes the flask from Santana's hand and closes it. Her words are soft and she knows she's being a hypocrite because she's never confronted any of her own feelings, always pushing them aside, hiding them or just plain ignoring them because anything was better than the truth.

"Yeah, right. Because she didn't hear it clearly enough the first time I told her I loved her and wanted to be with her." There's so much hurt and anger in her voice that Quinn wants to reach out only she knows Santana would just push her away and run.

"You may like to live in denial land but I live in the real world and right now, I'm angry and I want a drink." She reaches to grab the flask from Quinn hand. "So either join me or go back in there and pretend that you're fine with Manhands winning and dancing with Finn."

They've never overtly talked about this, always choosing to commiserate with each other by just being there for each other. Like sitting side by side as Sue Sylvester screamed at the squad for some small infraction or Quinn ensuring that Santana never got drunk enough to hurt herself. Always physically there for each other but never talking directly, just alluding to perhaps doing things differently or accepting that things were not ever going to change but they were stronger because of it.

Quinn's always known about Santana and Brittany, having witnessed their connection growing exponentially since grade school. But she's never said anything, ducking her head when one of the other cheerios would make a cutting remark but making sure to give that girl a hard time during practice.

Likewise, she stopped inviting them over for sleepovers ever since her dad looked on disapprovingly when he saw Brittany sitting in Santana's lap the last time they were over more than a year back. She can accept them like she accepts Kurt. The only problem was that she thinks she'll never accept herself. But she's still Quinn Fabray and she knows that she can sit outside and get drunk with Santana or she could walk back into prom and clap when Rachel's name is announced.

It would hurt in a way that she's still too scared to examine too closely but at least it's an emotion she recognizes. And even if she can't talk to Rachel, she could at least be there for her physically like she's done with Santana.

**Junior Prom (Rachel)**

"And your prom king and prom queen this year are…" Principle Figgins monotone voice at once comforting and expected washes over Rachel as she closes her eyes and sends up a prayer that everything she has done has finally worked out in her favor.

"Finn Hudson and …" Figgins actually stops as he turns to Jacob Ben Israel, "Is this correct? Are you sure?"His tone is filled with incredulity as he pushes up his glasses and peers closely at the paper in his hand. Turning it over and actually putting it up against the spotlight before shaking his head.

Rachel huffs out loud garnering looks from the people sitting next to her but she ignores them because she's been conditioned to ignore the eye rolls she knows she gets from the general student population. However, she realizes that things are different now, she could even describe them as better. She's not the main target of slushies and if everything goes her way, being with Finn for the past months would also finally make her other dream come true.

"Well, this is a surprise.." Figgins's words making her frown even more than before. "Your prom queen is Rachel Berry."

Rachel is actually surprised at the amount of applause her name gets. Apart from her Regionals' performances, she's never expected such acceptance and even though she knows she's changed over the past six months, it still comes as such a surprise to see that by just modulating her behavior somewhat, she could accomplish more than just bulldozing her way through.

Sometimes she cannot understand how not fighting so hard for something will actually still get her what she wants. She's always thought that if she wanted something, really wanted it, she had to go out and grab it and hold on as tightly as possible. Winning Finn and now prom queen had not come about because she had pushed and demanded her way to get them. All she really did was to give up her initial dream, change her focus and be less of who she was. It's something she tries not to think about too closely because she's always been Ms. Rachel Berry and she knows that maybe she has to give that up to fully get what she wants.

The lights are dimmed but she can see most of the tables and most of her peers clapping their hands and cheering. Her Glee teammates shouting rather loudly and she most surprising was seeing Quinn Fabray standing at the doorway, almost in the shadows but clear enough to see a soft smile on her face as she clapped her hands together.

Finn walks up to her extending his hand and the lopsided smile on his face is so familiar that she truly feels that finally everything was right in her world. That her dream of Broadway was maybe just a dream and she needed to focus on the now. Rachel looking at his hand and realizing that she should just enjoy the present and take advantage of what was being offered to her at this exact moment.

Her hand fits into his and he leads her to the dance floor. His arms now snugly around her as she places her head on his chest, listening to his heart thudding in there. Realizing that with each heartbeat, he had chosen her and not Quinn Fabray to be his.

Rachel knows she should feel incredibly ecstatic and she does but it's tempered by a sudden realization of what's going to happen next. Now that she had Finn, she needed to ensure that he stayed with her, that he loved her and wanted to be with her. They were King and Queen of Prom and that had to mean forever.

Six months ago, Prom Queen had never crossed her mind until Finn had mentioned it to her in passing. How he sometimes thought Quinn was only with him because she wanted to be Prom Queen. She would always feel inferior to Quinn in all aspects except possibly for one. Rachel knew she was a better singer but in terms of looks, even book smarts, Quinn was always ahead.

It never troubled her until Quinn had started targeting her. Rachel just could not understand why she would bother to focus on her, to make her feel so inferior when it was obvious that she was. She knew her strengths and hid her weaknesses never giving Quinn the satisfaction of knowing that she was breakable, that the taunts and slushies and MySpace comments hurt so much.

She ignored them all because she had her dream, the knowledge that she was meant for bigger things, where the size of her nose would not always be viewed in a negative light because she could follow in Barbra's footsteps. Or where being a brunette with strong features and a strong voice was a plus like Patti.

Then she had met Finn, someone whom she would never have had the courage to go after if not for that one first kiss on stage. Even if it had been aborted before she could really enjoy the feel of his lips on her, it had still counted as her first ever kiss. Things had looked up from then. Finn joining Glee and their voices matching in a way that made her heart flutter.

Hitting all the right notes together as duet partners made her seriously contemplate that they could be more, the flutter in her heart had to mean something, she was sure of it. So she pursued Finn even though she knew he was with Quinn.

Her initial plans were juvenile at best but bit by bit they worked. Finn was spending time with her not because of Glee or at least it didn't always seem to be but then Quinn had got pregnant. When she first heard the news, her first reaction had been one of pity for Quinn, not because she thought the girl deserved it but she couldn't envision having to give up everything because of a single bad decision.

Then it hit her that it was Finn's baby and she felt conflicted not because she didn't expect him to have sex but she thought that the both of them would have been smarter about it or at least Quinn wouldn't have been so dumb, except she had been and deep down, Rachel felt a bit angry at Finn and weirdly sorry for Quinn, actually wanting to reach out to her somewhat.

Quinn's past sins on her washed away by her present predicament and Rachel felt it just and decided that perhaps she should reach out to Quinn even if she was still in pursuit of Finn. And she had tied, each time getting just a little bit closer to seeing the real Quinn. Only in the end, Quinn would always pull back, close herself off and most times say something mean.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" She hears Finn's voice as she remembers trying to connect with Quinn last year. "You have this little crease on your forehead." He smiles that lopsided smile as he bends down to kiss her.

It's such a sweet gesture that her focus shifts to the boy holding her, his arms secured around her waist. And for the first time in forever, Rachel Berry feels content, like she didn't have to push herself to reach for something or to pursue a nebulous goal that was still not guaranteed.

Dancing with Finn at Prom after being crowned school royalty felt good. In fact, it felt amazing and wonderful and like nothing she's ever experienced. It felt normal and in all her life, Rachel Berry had never felt normal. Not with her dads when they used to bring her for walks in the park, each one holding on to her hand as she swung happily between them, never understanding the looks she would receive or the shaking of heads.

Or in grade school where she had first started wearing her bunny shirt on her first day and got made fun off. Normality was never a base point for Rachel and to experience it now was almost overwhelming.

"Sorry, I was just…" She bites her lower lip as she gazes up at him, the multi colored lights twinkling above their heads and she sees the love in his eyes as he bends again to kiss her. Rachel expects the flutter in her heart to start up again only it doesn't and she thinks maybe that that's ok too because she's finally got what she's been wanting ever since she changed her dream.

**The End**


	7. Chapter 6

 

**Get It Right**

**Oh, how many times will it take for me?**

"Just like old times." Quinn turns into the South parking lot and the words tumble out of his mouth before Kurt can stop them causing the mood in the car to shift immediately as he hears Rachel's low intake of breath and sees Quinn's smile disappears. Old times were not always great for them and he realizes that when he sees Quinn's pale features and Rachel's guilty look.

"But we're stronger and wiser." Rachel's whispered words maybe not meant for all of them but it resonates within the confines of the car as Quinn looks up, hope radiating on her face but still so much fear there as well. She knows she has to believe in that, to hope that they're not going to repeat the same pattern and mistakes that they had made before.

Surprisingly, Rachel's the first one to exit the car, Kurt following close behind. She turns back to see Quinn still in the driver's seat, hands on the steering wheel and facing forward. She feels the familiar need to do initiate some contact only she sees Jackson staring at her from across the car and his almost imperceptible head shakes stops her.

"We'll see you inside." Jackson sees Rachel's concern look and is heartened to know that perhaps the attraction is not completely all on Quinn's side. However, he also knows that Quinn's lost in her head currently and would not be able to appreciate Rachel's overtures.

He returns Rachel's tentative smile when he sees her expressive eyes flicker to Quinn's profile and meet with his again, an unspoken understanding passing between them such that he nods at her before she grabs Kurt's hand and walks away.

He sits back in the car, "She's worried about you." The words snapping Quinn out of her reverie as she finally turns to look at him.

"Rachel?" Quinn looks around, realizing that Rachel's not in the car, while at the same time assimilating Jackson's words. "She was worried about me? Why?"

He cannot understand why she does not feel worthy but realizes that even if Rachel has forgiven her for her past transgressions, Quinn has not forgiven herself. "Maybe because she thinks you're friends."

The same look of hope from before crosses her face. "We should have been. Best friends….more than friends." Quinn knows she's projecting her wants now but had never given Rachel the chance in high school. She had shut the brunette out so many times, often as viciously or cruelly as she could. There was no reason for Rachel to still want to be her friend except she trusts Jackson and he seemed to think that Rachel thought they were friends.

"So we should go in and you can try this friendship thing with Rachel. God knows, I deserve a break." He sees her arched eyebrow before she punches him playfully in the arm. He grabs it before she can make contact and links their fingers together. "Things are going to work out." He says the words because he means them even though he can see that she's still afraid that they won't.

#$#$#$#

Quinn can hear the music blaring from the gym and walking through the doors was like going back ten years in time. Mr. Shue in a black suit and midnight blue vest was the first to pull her into a hug before she got mobbed by Mercedes, Tina and Brittany.

She had expected to see Santana, was almost expecting to hear a quip about her seeing the light or how cheerios really does make one gay. But Brittany told her that their daughter was ill and hugged her on behalf of San. She was amazed that they didn't hold any grudges against her for not keeping in touch as regularly as she could have.

It had been mostly calls and cards at Christmas and birthday presents for little Michelle Pearce-Lopez. The only exception was the one time Santana turned up after driving for nine hours straight to sleep on her couch when Brittany had kicked her out. Quinn had been surprised but understood that Santana had cut off ties with her family when she came out and even though Brittany's parents would have welcomed her with open arms, she had no where she could have gone.

However, instead of getting drunk and commiserating, Quinn had cleaned Santana up and dragged her to the car, driving her back to Brittany. They spent the entire trip eating too much junk food and reminiscing about the past. Finally talking about their past mistakes and their present hopes with Quinn at last realizing that she would never get over Rachel and Santana realizing that she'll always need Brittany.

Jackson stayed close to Quinn as she introduced him to the various members of the Glee Club. It was obvious that she missed them as she would smile every time someone from Glee came up; whether it was Tina whom she hugged so tightly or Mercedes with whom she started talking trash with or Puck whom hugged her and didn't let her go for five minutes. Quinn had managed to introduce him to almost everyone in Glee apart from Finn and Santana.

It was so clear that they were all close although he can see the unresolved undercurrents that all of them were so used to that no one batted an eyelid when Artie, the man in the wheelchair would stare longingly at Brittany each time he spotted her. Or how Puck would hit on most of the women there but still kiss Lauren each chance he got. It was funny to see each one of them so different from the other but managing to find some common ground. Yet still having the same hang ups that they did so long ago. It was so similar to Quinn only Jackson knows she's adamant to change the situation this time.

He sees Finn staring Rachel from across the room while both Kurt and Quinn would keep track of the both of them even if Kurt is looking out for his brother and Quinn still can't take her eyes of Rachel. Where ever she went or whomever she talked to, Quinn would keep an eye out for Rachel, always focused on where she was. She also paid attention to Finn's almost constant position by the punch bowl, his cup never empty and his sobriety reducing with each passing second.

Quinn thinks she should talk to him but does not know what to say except to either berate him for not treating Rachel right or thank him for not treating Rachel right and giving her a chance to do so. But even if she can accept the opportunity, she can't forgive herself for not being there for Rachel. She sees Finn empty his fifth cup of spiked punch his eyes trailing Rachel and a sneer on his face and she takes a step forward, her jaw set.

Kurt knows that Finn thinks that he's already chosen a side. He had defended Rachel at the house in the morning and he did come to the reunion with her. However, he knows that things are always more complicated and right now he needs to protect Finn from Quinn's righteous anger. He knows it's useless to think that he can protect both Finn and Rachel but it does not mean that he won't try.

So when he sees Quinn walking towards Finn with a look on her face that he recognizes from high school, a mixture of anger and contempt, he quickly steps in front of her, his words cutting across her thoughts, "He's dealing with it as best he can." She can hear the defensive tone in his voice and tries to swallow her anger even as it bleeds out into her words.

"How? By drinking himself into a stupor? Don't make excuses for him." Quinn sees Rachel glance at Finn, guilt clouding her face and she wonders if they'll ever not feel that way. The weight of past decisions almost suffocating each them and it wasn't fair. Wrong decisions were never made to last and Rachel was past due. Hell, they all were.

Right now, all Kurt wants is to help both Finn and Rachel and he knows he can't. And he doesn't need Quinn to make it worse but the look on her face meant she really wanted to hurt someone as did her stance. He hates to hurt Quinn but he knows he needs to get her to redirect her anger at something more productive than going after Finn.

"He loves Rachel and she's left him. He's dealing with it," Kurt takes another step forward, "How did you deal in High School? What was your excuse?" Kurt sees Quinn clench her jaw before she looks down at him, her cheeks crimson and her eyes blazing,

"You dealt with it through name calling and slushie facials and drawing pornographic pictures of her on the bathroom walls." "Then you got drunk and slept.." He isn't doing it to bring her down a peg or ten. He just needs her to realize that they're all damaged in some way and if she wants to help Rachel, she can't do it by taking Finn down.

"Don't" She sees it so clearly now, her unrequited feelings camouflaged as transgressions for the sake of social hierarchy. Kurt was right. She had diverted her anger and need into something self destructive for her and took it out on Rachel. She couldn't judge Finn, as much as she wanted to call him out, she couldn't. She had set everything in motion when she inadvertently pushed Rachel into going after Finn. "You're right. I just…wish.."She runs her hand through her hair.

Kurt can't remember the number of times he's used that phrase in relation to his own hopes and dreams but wishing for something was so different from accepting their past mistakes, knowing that nothing could change the past but having courage to forge ahead and change the future.

"My dad always said that the best two decisions he ever made were to ask my mom out the first time he saw her and to tell Carol she looked beautiful when he first met her at that PTA meeting." Kurt sees Quinn smile at him, "You're still too frightened to tell Rachel how you feel, aren't you?"

Her eyes go comically wide and Kurt cannot comprehend how someone so smart and talented does not realize how obvious she's been. However, he can say the same for Rachel as well. He can't push her though because his main priority is to look out for and protect Rachel. And as much as he thinks that they'll make an amazing couple, he can't force Quinn to admit anything to Rachel unless she really meant it and was willing to do something about it.

"So, my dad also told me that he only made those two decisions because he knew exactly what he wanted and he wasn't going to stop until he accomplished it as well." Kurt sees understanding in Quinn's eyes as she nods at him. But he also sees the indecision there and knows that there is a possibility that she'll never tell Rachel.

"So maybe you should just start by being her friend." Again he sees Quinn nod, this time more determined.

"Hey, you ok?" Jackson knows Quinn can look out for herself but it's never stopped him from being protective of her as he takes her elbow and pointedly stares at Kurt even as his question is directed at Quinn. He has a good idea that they're talking about Rachel and can see the tenseness in Quinn's shoulders and how she's worrying her bottom lip.

"Yeah, Kurt was just pointing out how much of an idiot I can be." She's smiling as she says the words even if he can see that she's affected by the discussion. So he gets her mind off it as he pulls her to the dance floor, not letting go of her or saying anything until he finally feels her relax in his arms.

"So when are you going to at least tell her about the screen test?" Jackson feels her sigh against his cheek as he tightens his hold around her while they're swaying to some song he can't recognize even if she's softly singing the words softly in his ear. Her attention seemingly focused on him although he knows she's been keeping track of Rachel throughout.

Quinn can see Rachel talking to Brittany and wonders if Brittany will tell her about their life, how they're happy and how Santana's not so much of a bitch now that she and Brittany are finally together. Rachel's smiling and she wonders what Brittany could have said to elicit the smile. She wants so desperately to be able to do that, to make Rachel smile like she doesn't have a care in the world, like she's happy with her life. "She has no reason to trust me."

Quinn had her own reasons for doing this, her own guilt and issues to work through but Rachel was talented and it was a travesty for her to hide in Lima instead of sharing her voice, showcasing her talent for all to see.

She just knows that she needs to do more before she asked Rachel but she just didn't know what else she could do. "I want to tell her…I do." She just wants to do it right, to have Rachel understand that there are no string attached to the offer. She was the only one who could carry the role and Quinn needed Rachel to believe that.

Quinn's finally realized that she desperately wants to start something with Rachel. They had shared something yesterday but a couple of hugs a heartfelt talk did not a relationship make. And even if Rachel rejected her personally, Quinn still knew that she would do everything and anything to get Rachel her break even if it meant hiding her own feelings.

Rachel's talent had always been something to behold and Quinn knew that all Rachel needed was a chance, one chance to show it. And regardless of how she felt towards the brunette, she realizes that she won't jeopardize Rachel's future by scaring her off with her need. "So how do I tell her about the screen test?"

"So just sit her down and tell her you turned down three million dollars and then told Steven Spielberg that she was the only one you wanted for the role." He made it sound so easy.

"What if she says no?"

Jackson bends his forehead to touch hers, an exasperated smile on his face. "Were you this pessimistic when we were dating? It's a screen test with Steven freaking Spielberg. There's no way she'll say no."

She nods, finally agreeing with him and giving him a peck on his cheek. She turns to scan the room again to see where Rachel is standing. She had been talking to Brittany who was now with Kurt and Quinn looks around wondering where Rachel could have gone. There's no sign of the small brunette and it's only when she sees Finn's determined look as he makes a beeline for the exit does she realize that Rachel may have gone out for some air.

She does not know why she feels uneasy but she recognizes that particular look on Finn's face, anger, cold realization and hurt all mixed up. He had looked at her like that when he found out about Beth not being his. It wasn't a good combination and the fact that he had been drinking was just like adding fuel to fire.

She quickens her pace only to feel Jackson grab onto her arm. "Do you need my help?" He knows he's been pushing her and had been looking at her looking at Rachel most of the night. Kurt had also been kind enough to point Finn out and Jackson could see that the tall man hadn't been at all happy as he gazed at his wife from across the room.

"No, I think it'll be fine." At least she hopes so as she makes her way to the exit, feeling the warm breeze as she opens the door. "Just don't do anything crazy." Quinn hears Jackson's voice echoing behind her as she looks at the couples milling outside.

**To get it right, to get it right…**

She recognizes some of them from her classes and even an ex- Cheerio or two. Their names tickling the back of her mind but she does not waste time to recall them. She just nods politely but not stopping to chat as she tries valiantly to spot Rachel. The uneasiness she has been feeling intensifies as she also loses sight of Finn.

She turns completely around, her heart rate already picking up when she hears a familiar nasal voice.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't ex- Cheerio, current' it' Director, Quinn Fabray." Quinn turns at Jacob's words, expecting to see the Jewfro and plastic black frames only to be confronted by slicked back hair and thin wireframes. The only thing recognizable, are his voice and the look he's currently giving her. Like he knows a secret about her and has no qualms about telling everyone.

"So Quinn Fabray, how about an interview for the Lima Times?" He waves his notebook in front of her and she almost swats it away before pulling on his lapels, "Jacob, have you seen Finn?" Her voice is low, almost menacing and she sees Jacob swallow at her words.

"Finn? Finn Hudson?" Considering he's been the only Finn in school, she huffs at the question but nod anyway s as she continues to look around, not letting go of Jacob just yet.

"Umm, no." Jacob smells a story and leans in towards Quinn, picking up her scent too and if he wasn't still hung up on Rachel, he would definitely try his luck with Quinn. He's older now, the fro and pimply complexion, a thing of the past and he's not living with his parents at least in their house after turning their garage into a swinging bachelor pad.

"Why are you looking for Finn? Is it because you heard that he and Rachel are not together any longer and you think you finally have your shot with him?" He holds his breath, hoping for her to confirm his words. With Quinn distracting Finn, he knows he could use the opportunity to finally get his shot with Rachel. It was win-win.

"No." The denouement is sharp as she pushes him away and continues to look frantically around, hoping to spot either Rachel or Finn. It's then that it hits her that she's talking to Jacob Ben Israel, the guy who always carried a torch for Rachel and spied on her every chance he got.

Quinn sees him look away and grabs on his lapels once again, "Have you seen Rachel?" She sees him blink at her question and she almost sags with relief when he nods. "Where?, When?" Her voice rises and her eyes narrow. Her lips are pressed in a thin line such that they almost disappear as her eyes lock onto Jacob's.

Jacob wants to look away but can't. He remembers that look from high school where it signified Quinn meant business and he probably had a few seconds before she reverted to Bitchy!Angry!Quinn. He points towards the teachers' parking lot, "That way, I saw her going that way."

Quinn does not hesitate as she pushes Jacob away, ignoring his threats to write to Variety and give her a bad review on her next project. She remembers where the Teacher's lot was and she follows the well worn path towards the back of the school.

At first she can't hear anything until she picks out the faint voices getting louder as she follows the sound. She turns the corner to finally see Finn towering over Rachel, not in a threatening manner but their height difference had always been an obvious thing. More so now as Rachel's head in bowed and Finn's hands are flung outwards.

She stands there in the shadows, debating what exactly she's doing here. She can hear their words floating towards her, the anger and sting of Finn's voice coupled with the contrite tone of Rachel's. So different for high school where Finn had actually been sweet and Rachel always sounded so confident. Quinn does not want to intrude but she also can't bring herself to walk away, not again, as she listens.

"Are you seeing someone? Is that the reason?" Finn cannot understand how things devolved into the current mess. Rachel was his wife and even if he didn't appreciate her as much as he could have, it didn't mean that he didn't love her. And he thought that she loved him. "You're still my wife." He spits out the last word, like it leaves a bitter taste on his tongue.

He had tried so hard to make it work with her. Proposing immediately when she thought she was pregnant their last year at OSU. Giving her his championship ring because it was the one thing he treasured the most.

Finn knows she's been so good to him too, working two jobs and giving him the money when he had been behind on the loans. However, he had never wanted to ask for it, always planning to borrow form Burt or even Puck. But she had always offered and she had chosen him in all ways, following him to OSU and even giving up her veganism. He never gave her ultimatums and really tried to make it work.

Rachel shakes her head, remembering Kurt's words, realizing that they're both at fault and she can't take all the blame."No." She sees him take a step forward but she does not take a step back even though she wants to. Finn had never threatened her before and she can't imagine him doing so now. "I just..maybe .."

She reaches out to take his hand in hers. "I'm not in love with you." She does not tell him that maybe she never was because that would be cruel to the both of them. Only he guesses that part as he pulls his hand out of her grasp and finally towers over her, glowering.

Quinn doesn't think of the consequences as she immediately runs forward inserting herself between the two of them, her arms already pushing Finn backwards.

"Quinn?" Rachel feels her heart hammer in her chest as she recognizes Quinn but cannot reconcile the way Finn is acting. He's scaring her and Quinn's intervention is the only thing that's keeping her from turning to run away.

"What the fuck!" Finn's voice overlaps with Rachel as he looks down to see Quinn suddenly appearing as if out of nowhere and pushing him away.

"You heard her, what more do you need." Quinn stands in front of Rachel, arms akimbo as Finn stares at her. She really had no clue as to what she wants to accomplish here but she's just working off her protective instinct. She sees him clench his fist as he takes a deep breath. At the same time, s can hear Rachel behind her and wants to turn around and offer comfort only she won't take her eyes of Finn.

All Finn ever wanted was a simple life, to be happy with what he had and to have a family of his own. He never had that because his dad had died in the Gulf War. He wanted what his mom and Burt had, someone to love him, to care for him and sons to call his own. He thought Rachel wanted the same things. She never said the words out loud but all her actions towards him, everything she had done in school, her happiness when he proposed. It couldn't have been a lie. "Rachel." His voice is jagged as he calls to her, wanting the truth, needing to know.

And when she meets his eyes, he finally understands. He sees pity in them and sadness but most telling, he can see that she's telling the truth. She's not in love with him and he feels his anger bubbling up as he takes a stride forward only to have Quinn step in front of him again and he shouts in her face."What the hell are you even doing here?"

He had seen her come in after Rachel and Kurt and her presence had surprised him. She never really kept in touch after high school, at least not with him and he didn't miss her. "This is between me and my wife." He tries to step around her only to have Quinn cross her arms and shoulder check him making him stumble backwards as she smirks at him.

Finn barely regains his balance and it's the one thing that finally sets him off as he takes a step forward and pushes back, sending Quinn flying against the nearest car, her body hitting the door with a sickening thud. He hears Rachel's gasp and Quinn's moan and all he can see is the shattered remains of his marriage.

Ten years of trying to connect with Rachel, of pushing to make it work because he thought that that was what marriage and love was. Trying to make things fit and work out but in truth, he finally understands that he's not in love with her either because love wasn't about compromising. It wasn't about trying to make things fit and settling for what was available.

He looks down at his shaking hands and back up at Rachel in resignation and horror. "I'm sorry….I.." But there really was nothing else to say as he sees Quinn dazed on the ground and Rachel turn to run towards her. He wants to help but knows that he's done enough damage as he turns and walks away.

Rachel cannot fully comprehend the situation. One second she had been so afraid of Finn only to have Quinn suddenly appear, pushing Finn back all the while angling her body in front of Rachel's. It was unsettling to see their positions reversed but it didn't feel wrong either.

Her heart had clenched when she saw Quinn falling backwards and when she finally looked at Finn, she could see that at last, he understood that things were over between them. Their final connection broken when he turns and walks away and she runs towards Quinn sprawled against the side of a car. Praying that she's fine, wanting her to be ok.

"Quinn, please be ok. Please be ok. Do you need a doctor. Please be ok Quinn please…." She's not sure if she's saying the words out loud as she touches Quinn, not wanting to move her but needing to find a pulse, wanting to feel the warmth of her body.

Quinn groans, her eyes still closed as her hand automatically goes to the back of her head and feels the tender bump forming but at least there's no blood. Quinn's more used to psychological trauma than physical violence but the pain felt good because she had done something for Rachel. She feels woozy but she's rather proud of herself for protecting Rachel. However, that's not what she's focused on as she feels Rachel's hands traverse her body and her frantic voice asking if she's ok and whether she needs any medical attention.

Truth be told, her increased heart rate had nothing to do with the adrenaline coursing through her veins because of what Finn had done but most definitely due to the proximity of Rachel and the feel of her hands on her body. Rachel sounded worried and the way she said her name was as if she cared.

She finally opens her eyes and blinks a few times before she focuses on Rachel's face. She does not know how long she stares at Rachel, taking in the contour of her neck as she looks down, the way her long lashes curled upwards when she blinked and how perfectly proportioned her lips were.

"Quinn?" She hears the uncertainty in Rachel's voice, her features still twisted with worry and Quinn can still recall how frightened she had looked when Finn had towered over her. All Quinn wants to do is to ensure that Rachel doesn't look like that ever again. She wants to promise Rachel that everything was going to be fine starting from now.

 

She feels Rachel hand on her arm and reaches out to take it."Rach, it's ok, I'm fine." She squeezes her hand gently, trying to convey the fact that she's exactly where she wants to be at this exact moment; holding Rachel and looking into her eyes.

"Are you ok?" She sees Rachel stare at her, her eyes wide and her lips slightly parted. It's as if everything finally becomes so clear, all the colors bright against the dark night sky and only one thing she needs to focus on. Rachel may be afraid but Quinn realizes she's finally not scared any longer.

All the words she had rehearsed, her plan to offer Rachel the part without any conditions, her need to get Rachel her dream. All of it disappears in a blink of an eye. She's working off instinct and need. Quinn's completely focused on Rachel, on how they're inches apart and everything she's ever wanted to say, all the apologies she's wanted to give and the forgiveness she wants to beg for. All of it still there but superseded by one truth. Rachel is there with her and nothing else seems to matter.

Quinn doesn't even realize what she's doing until she closes the distance between them and feels Rachel's soft lips on her own.

Her most fervent wish coming to pass as she focuses on the kiss. It starts out languid with a hint of a promise only to escalate, transforming into something passionate. An amalgamation of their personalities as Quinn pushes forward, her hand reaching out to hold onto Rachel's arm. She feels Rachel respond back, her tongue pushing into Quinn's mouth, Rachel's hand twisted in Quinn's hair pulling her closer.

For a split second, everything was as it should have been, Quinn hears Rachel moan her name and it spurs her on, only to suddenly feel Rachel pull back. Her worse fears come to pass as she sees the confusion and fear on Rachel's face. Her eyes wide and glistening with tears and her hand going to her mouth before Rachel stands up and runs off, leaving Quinn on the ground, bereft and most definitely alone.

**End Part 6**


	8. Chapter 7

 

**Get It Right**

**So I throw up my fist**

"What the hell happened?" It's the stains on her dress and her unsteady walk that worries him as much as the look of utter defeat on her face. He quickly takes off his jacket and drapes it over her shoulders. "Quinn, where's Rachel? What happened?" his worried tone finally snapping her out of her dazed state.

"I kissed her." She still cannot believe that she had the audacity to kiss Rachel considering that she was still trying to work up the courage to even ask her to work on her movie. It was stupid and irresponsible," God, I'm such an idiot."

"What?..When?..Where?…"Jackson's confused expression and rapid questions, not unexpected as she leans on him, comforted by his arms around her.

Quinn's hand goes up to her lips as she remembers the searing kiss. "I kissed her five minutes ago in the parking lot and she ran away." She buries her face in his shoulder, biting down on her lip, forcing all her emotions downwards, not wanting to face the fact that she had her chance and blew it.

As long as he's known her, she's never been spontaneous in her romantic life, always holding back and waiting for the other party to make their move. He was the one who asked her out. Likewise, Selena had pursued her for months before she had said yes. Hence the current situation was surprising and completely out of character. Jackson can see that Quinn's really affected as he quickly leads her out, ignoring the questioning looks from the people Quinn had introduced him to earlier. He can feel her tremble in his arms and knows that she's about to fall apart and would never forgive him if he allowed it to happen in public so he navigates through the crowd and gets her to their car.

He hates to see her cry even if he hasn't always been privy to such a sight. It's just that he knows she'll be angrier at herself than at him for her perceived weakness. So he doesn't say anything as he sits next to her, allowing her some time to compose herself. He's seen her pull herself together in five minutes or less so when more than half an hour has passed, he does feel more and more worried only to finally breathe a sigh of relief when she turns to face him. Her voice is soft but still recognizable, "Thanks."

It's an all encompassing thank you, not only for looking out for her but also for knowing her well enough to give her the space she needed and for not pointing out that she had indeed done something crazy.

It's not that she regretted kissing Rachel. That had been something that she could never, could never regret. It was the look on Rachel's face when she pulled back. Apprehension and confusion and all Quinn can decipher is the fact that she had most probably ruined any chance she had and scared Rachel away.

It had taken her years to come to terms with her own sexuality. To accept the fluidity of the situation and understand that what mattered most was who you fell in love with and not what gender they were. Rachel had never shown any inclination otherwise and throughout high school and after, had only been with Finn, Puck and Jesse only to finally end up with Finn.

And instead of taking it slow and offering friendship and a second chance at her dream, Quinn had kissed her. She had looked into Rachel's eyes and thought she saw a connection, an understanding and assumed something that probably wasn't there.

"What am I going to do?" She wants him to answer her, to tell her what to do. He's been her rock and compass and she needs him to show her the way. But all Jackson does is start the car and drive off and she's almost sure that he's driving them back to LA.

"You mean besides showing her your slick moves?" He does feel bad when he sees Quinn drop her head into her hands with a moan. He extends his hand and pats her on the shoulder.

"Did she kiss you back?" Despite her ice Quinn exterior, she was a damn good kisser and it was a valid question. The memory of their first kiss still fresh in his mind, it had been raining and he had been waiting for her outside of her dorm. She refused to get under the umbrella and in the end they had walked hand in hand in the rain. Just before they reached his car, she had turned to him, pulling him close. That first kiss capturing his heart and to be honest, she never gave it back.

Quinn wants to say yes because she had felt something, it was raw and powerful and she knew that it wasn't only her active imagination but Rachel actually responding back. Only, she had just been fighting with Finn and had probably been confused and lonely and maybe she wasn't responding to Quinn but to the situation Quinn had put her in.

"Maybe…I don't know…yes." In the end though she remembers Rachel pulling her close, her hand in her hair as she caught her name off Rachel's luscious lips.

"So what are you going to do about it?" She hates that he's so logical in his thinking, while she's reduced to being a quivering mass of indecision. But it at least proves that she had been right to bring him along as she contemplates her next course of action, taking the next ten minutes to work things out in her head only to notice that he's driven back to Rachel's house.

"What are you doing?" Jackson expects that question from Quinn. He knows she's smart, had seen her SAT scores and read her thesis at Berkley. In fact, he would probably admit that she was way smarter than he was, except when it came to matters of the heart. He had empirical proof that that was her blind spot. It had taken her months, almost a year to admit that she wasn't in love with him. It had been even worse with Selena. He couldn't understand how she had stayed with the woman until he saw Rachel's picture and the close resemblance there.

"You know I love you, right?" She slowly nods in the affirmative as he pulls to the side of the road. "And that I will always look out for you?" Again, he sees her agree with his words as he takes off his seatbelt and gets out of the car. "And you trust me to always tell you the truth?" he asks the question as he opens her door, holding his hand out.

Quinn takes his hand without hesitation. "She's probably at her house and you could choose to avoid her and we can drive back to LA tonight, we sell you script to Spielberg by the end of the week, you make a ton of money and live without ever knowing if she feels the same way…" He steps behind her and gives her a little push forward, "Or, you could go and talk to her, tell her about the screen test and how you feel and if she says no, well….at least you know and you'll always have me." He's not lying, knowing that he'll be there for her even if she'll never love him the way she loves Rachel because he loves her enough for the both of them.

Jackson sees her stand there, as if frozen and he's not sure if she'll actually do it. It's not that he thinks she doesn't have the courage to find out the answer. After meeting her parents, he thinks she's braver than she gives herself credit for. But telling Rachel was not about courage but about Quinn finally showing her vulnerability to someone willingly. It was something that she's never really done, not with him nor anyone else as far as he knew. Sure, she had cried on his shoulder but she would never say anything or share what she was truly feeling or thinking, not once.

Then he sees her take a breath, straighten her shoulders, head bowed as she mutters quietly, her lips moving and he's almost sure she's praying. He wants to ask her but she takes a step forward and he doesn't want to distract her so he also says a prayer of his own, for her sake.

**Throw a** **punch in** **the air**

Quinn's steps are measured as she walks along the pavement. The walk seems familiar because she's visited Rachel a few times. Once during middle school for a birthday party that had ended in tears for Rachel and then three more times over the summer when Rachel had been the only one she could talk to about Beth. Even then, the term talk was stretching it because it normally ended with Rachel having a monologue while she would stare sullenly at the picture of Beth and Shelby that Rachel had received in the mail. Even if she didn't remember Rachel's words, her tone had been comforting but in the end Quinn couldn't accept that Rachel Berry was the one to bring her peace so she stopped going over.

She raises her hand to knock on the door, still unsure about what exactly she'll say but stops when she hears a sniffle coming from the swing by the side of the front porch. It's bathed in shadows but she just makes out the Rachel's profile.

"Rachel."

She remembers reading the bible and how Jacob described his Rachel, as lovely in form and beautiful. And it fits her Rachel as well only Quinn realizes that Rachel Berry has never been her Rachel, at least not yet and maybe it was time that changed. They're both older and wiser, each going through such different experiences, each making different decisions over time and finally intersecting somehow, right here, right now.

Rachel had seen Quinn walk up her driveway and the first thought through her head was that the ex cheerleader was still as beautiful as she was in high school. She hadn't lied to Finn back then when she told him that she knew Quinn was prettier than she was and how much she appreciated that he choose her over the blond.

Even when Quinn had blatantly told her that she was meant for better things, she couldn't believe it because she always felt inadequate next to her. So her next thought was to run only she doesn't because she's mesmerized by the look of determination on Quinn's face. It's one she remembers from school and though it used to scare her, it doesn't any longer. Still, Rachel wishes she was inside her house, surrounded by the familiar but her dads aren't home and she left her purse and spare key back at the school.

She had been lucky that Jacob had seen her run from the parking lot and actually drove her home, even luckier that he sensed how close to breaking she was that he actually patted her on her shoulder and told her that as much as he wanted to kiss her right now, he could see she was going through a lot. So he left her with his phone number and told her to call him when her divorce was finalized.

She had started to cry because she knew that the divorce was inevitable but it was the first time she heard it stated out loud. She felt cold and alone and so very sorry for herself. For a split second she considered calling Finn only to realize she had left him and then she thought of Quinn because she could still feel the tingle on her lips.

That's when she started crying even harder because that one kiss made her feel more alive and more like herself in so long than any touch of Finn ever did. She does not feel ashamed but the new guilt overlays her feeling of inadequacy and it's confusing as hell. And to top it off, Quinn was suddenly standing there, saying her name with such reverence, like it was special, like she cared.

"What do you want from me?"Confusion coloring Rachel's voice but also a sense of desperation and it breaks Quinn's heart to hear it as she steps closer to see Rachel swipe at her face, her makeup smeared and the tear tracts still so evident.

She wants to sit next to her on the swing set but she can see the look of fear in Rachel's eyes so she sits at the foot of it instead. She looks up at the brunette but Rachel doesn't want to meet her gaze as she glances away.

"I just wanted to see if you were alright.."And she looked physically ok but Quinn could see that she was shaking, maybe from the cold but probably from the shock of Quinn's kiss.

She takes off Jackson's jacket and covers Rachel's lap and hands with it before sitting down again. "I'm so sorry." Quinn infuses the words with as much emotion as she can, wanting the apology to encompass as much of her transgressions as possible. Except she knows Rachel deserves so much more than just those three words.

She's never done something like this before, always being the one to leave or just keeping silent, not sharing her thoughts or fears or wants. "I went over to my parents' yesterday." Quinn's hears Rachel's sniffle and she looks up at her, hoping to make eye contact.

She's relieved to see Rachel staring at her, her big brown eyes shimmering with tears and her expression still a bit stricken but at least she was finally meeting Quinn's gaze, so she feels embolden to continue. "Suffice it to say it didn't go well." She shrugs. "They think that I've wasted my life, not lived up to my potential, a disgrace to the Fabray line. I guess what makes them the most upset is the fact that I have no problems in falling in love with a woman."

She sees Rachel's eyes widen but still she does not say anything and Quinn continues, her voice softening, "It was good to finally be honest though, to tell them that I should have let myself be open so much sooner because…"

She can't help but reach out now, placing her hand on Rachel's knee as she sees Rachel's eyes focus on the touch. "I really did waste so much time in not telling you that you deserve so much more that what you've let yourself accept. And I want to change that. Rachel.."

Rachel can feel her heart beating in her chest, the sound of Quinn's words and the blood rushing through her ears are almost too loud to concentrate. Yet, she knows that she can discern all of Quinn's words even if her voice had dropped to a whisper.

But she's not sure if she's ready to hear the ex-cheerleader's confessions of love even if a tiny part of her feels like maybe it's something she had been hoping for all along. It would go a long way in explaining why she had tried so hard to find a connection with Quinn and why Quinn had pushed her away each time she felt that they had reach a new plateau of understanding.

"Rachel, I want you to come to LA and do a screen test for my script for Steven Spielberg."

The words uttered by Quinn not remotely what she had been expecting, "Oh."And definitely not the word that had been on the tip of her tongue just a few seconds prior but Rachel's so used to disappointment that she swallows the feeling of disappointment. The sense of regret, of losing a chance at something so keenly felt that she ducks her head.

For once, Quinn knew exactly what she wanted to do, finally able to think clearly for the first time and to plan in her head. She finally figured out what she needed to say to Rachel in order to ensure that the brunette would understand what she was offering.

Regardless of the time they had spent apart, Quinn knew Rachel Berry. She knew that despite all the changes in her life and the setbacks she had faced, Rachel would always wear her emotions like a badge of courage. Each sentiment allowed to be expressed on her beautiful face because she was the most open person she knew.

So what Quinn had hoped, had prayed to see was a sliver of disappointment at her offer of the screen test. Quinn needed to know that Rachel was expecting something more from her. She had been staring intently at Rachel and had finally picked up on her change in demeanor when she told her about the screen test.

It was an amazing offer and anyone would agree that Rachel's reaction should have been one of happy surprise, perhaps with a hint of shock. But Rachel had looked shocked and a little bit disappointed as she ducked her head.

It wasn't a declaration of love by any means. It wasn't even that obvious except Quinn had been staring intently at Rachel. And she knew that Rachel had been expecting her to say something else. Maybe she would have denied Quinn's words but it didn't mean that she wasn't expecting them. It proved that Rachel maybe wanted Quinn to tell her the truth about her feelings.

She's bolder now, as she stands and goes to sit beside Rachel, one hand still on her knee while the other under her chin, slowly making Rachel meet her gaze. The hurt she sees in Rachel's eyes almost making her apologize for putting it there but she has an even bigger commitment to make.

"Except, that's just the excuse for getting you to LA because I want to be with you, to show you that you can get your dream and you getting it is my dream too." Quinn's thumb grazes Rachel's lips and she feels the pull so strongly that she dips her head, capturing them again. The kiss even more passionate than their first, not borne out of surprise or chance but one she hopes conveys the connection she feels to Rachel.

Quinn had thought that the happiest she had ever felt was when he name was announced and the applause rang in her ears as she accepted the Oscar. Only the feeling of kissing Rachel eclipsed that experience by such a wide margin that it just wasn't a fair comparison.

Quinn feels Rachel pull at her waist and she complies as she straddles the petite woman, her hands cupping her face. This time, it's Quinn who whispers Rachel's name in her ear before she places kisses on her neck and her hand covers the swell of Rachel's breast. She wants to explore further, to spend all the time she had memorizing every inch of Rachel Berry, only to be stopped by one word.

"No." Rachel feels Quinn's body tense, her fingers stop mid touch and she cannot even begin to describe the sensation of loss she feels but she can't go through with this, not on her parents' front porch and not after a confession like that. It was too sudden and visceral. She never expected any of this. Not Quinn's confession or the fact that kissing Quinn felt so good, so right.

Growing up with her dads allowed her to accept that love came in various different forms. Accepting that as a truth was easy but recognizing true love had not been. She had convinced herself that what she had with Finn had been the real thing. For ten years, she lied to herself that she was in love with him, that she stayed with him not out of guilt but because he had her heart.

All her feelings right now, the way her heart's fluttering, her flushed cheeks and the heat building within her. She doesn't think she can trust any of it. Rachel doesn't trust herself much less Quinn. She feels like she's caught in a rip tide, not knowing which was up and losing all bearing she thought she had.

It's not that she doesn't want Quinn or her touch but she needed to find her way, to get a feel of her sense of direction. She had gone around in circles with Finn, ten years of doing the same things, repeating the same mistakes. She thought in finally leaving him, she could find her way forward but then Quinn had swept in, two days and a scant few hours of time spent together and suddenly she was feeling off kilter again, no sense of which way was forward.

Rachel can feel that it's different from Finn but it was so sudden and new and she couldn't trust herself in not making the same mistakes she did all those years ago. In assuming what she was feeling was genuine and not some facsimile of love or happiness, of wanting to finally win at something regardless of the cost to herself.

"I'm sorry, I can't."

Quinn hears Rachel's voice as she utters the four words with such heart breaking finality that it absolutely decimates her. She tells herself that she knew that this outcome had always been a possibility. She had never been an optimist and had always hoped for the best but expected the worst.

She has to remind herself that she was Quinn Fabray and she could survive this even if she felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She feels like it's the end of the world only she can feel Rachel take her hand, her voice earnest and it's then that Quinn understands that the world didn't end, just her dream.

She snatches her hand away as she stands up, unsteady on her feet as her head begins to throb. Quinn hopes it's a concussion, wondering if she can blame her recent behavior on that, giving herself a decent chance to at least leave with some semblance of her dignity.

Except she can't deny her words or her actions, after having planned for this for so long. She looks at Rachel who at least still had the decency to look hurt and now a bit guilty. Quinn knows that she should tell Rachel that it's really not her fault she didn't feel the same way. To be honest, Quinn had always figured that even if Rachel was open to being with a woman, Quinn would never be at the top of her list because of all the horrible things she had done up to and including making Rachel give up her own dream.

"Oh, God, please don't apologize. I'm the one that keeps mauling you." She runs her hand through her hair and looks up, blinking back the tears that are forming. "I promise I won't .."She looks back at Rachel and actually has to stop mid sentence because as much as she knows she shouldn't, just looking at Rachel makes her want to kiss her again only she knows she can't, not if she wanted to still give Rachel the chance she deserves. So she curls her hands into fists, her nails digging into the fleshy part of her palms .

"I won't do that again, I promise." For once, there's an unreadable expression on Rachel's face which Quinn wants so badly to believe is regret only she knows it can't be. She takes a step back, giving herself a bit more room to breathe, to not inhale and smell the scent of Rachel's perfume or the jasmine in her hair.

"But please consider coming to LA. I know it's not Broadway but.." She sees Rachel bite the bottom of her lip at the mention of Broadway and hates that she still manages to hurt her even with words. "I think you're perfect for the role and I'm not going to direct anyway so you don't have to see me every day or at all." Quinn would do anything to ensure that Rachel finally got what she deserved and giving up her script was a small price to pay. "Come with Kurt. He's clearly a great designer and the both of you could audition. Jackson will get the air tickets couriered over."

"I'll…" Kurt had told her she deserved to feel happy. She knows that she does want that feeling back. But all she's felt for so long was regret and disappointment and she doesn't know if she can feel any different. Feeling like a failure became comforting in and of itself. It meant that she accepted her life. It meant that she deserved it. It was a fucked up way of thinking but it was all she had, except Quinn was offering her something different.

Actually Quinn had offered her even more than something if she were being honest. Quinn had offered herself and if Rachel had been able to recognize that what she had been feeling was elation, happiness in its purest unadulterated form, she would have never said no or stopped Quinn.

But it had been such a long time and all she can agree to right now was maybe to consider doing the screen test. Even if she was a Lima loser, at least she would be able to finally say she did something. She wants to reach out to Quinn but she can see that Quinn's closed herself off again. Her posture guarded and her expression neutral.

Rachel feels the familiar pang of disappointment. "Ok, I'll think about it."

Quinn nods before she turns swiftly to walk back to the car, not able to say goodbye and not able to look at Rachel again because all she wanted to do was to stay and hold her and that was not an option any longer.

Her eyes are dry, her chest aches and her head is throbbing but everything pales in relation to the knowledge that she blew her one chance with Rachel. Quinn's actually surprised that Jackson doesn't say anything when she gets into the car and slams the door. But then she looks in the mirror and sees the look on her face and understands that he can divine the complete disaster that had just taken place.

He drives to the hotel in silence, collecting their bags and offering her a change of clothes before he starts their long drive back to LA. Four hours into the drive, she finally breaks. She does not cry though, just lets out a sigh and tells him that he'll need to broker the deal to sell her script but to also send two tickets to Rachel's house because part of the deal would be that Rachel still got her screen test.

Jackson just nods, wanting to tell her not to give up but he's never seen her look defeated so he holds his tongue. It's only when she tells him she wants to take a break that he finally shouts at her, accusing her of giving up and not thinking clearly.

"I know you don't believe me but I think this is the most clarity I've had in forever. This dream of mine hadn't even occurred to me until I got out of Lima, until Rachel helped get me out. But right now…" Or to be perfectly truthful, about four and a half hours back when she had been standing in front of Rachel and hearing her say no, right then, "I don't think it means so much anymore. In fact, it doesn't mean anything anymore."

**And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair**

Kurt finds her sitting on the porch, huddled under a jacket. "Rach?" She barely registers that he's there even as he takes her cold hand in his. "What happened? Why did you leave the reunion?"

She had told him she was going out for some fresh air and he didn't think anything of it until Mr. Schue had gathered the Glee club for an impromptu song. It was then that he noticed Quinn, Finn and Rachel were gone.

His concern definitely increasing when he finally saw Finn, slumped against the back wall, his expression a mixture of resignation and uncertainty. He couldn't get much out of his brother except for the fact that he was going to see a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. He sounded shell shocked and all Kurt could do was to tell him that it was probably for the best.

He had made his way back to Rachel's then, relieved to find her on the porch but worried when he saw the same expression on her face as on Finn's. He continues to rub her hand, waiting for her to say something.

Rachel remembers only parts of high school. She knows it's a defense mechanism of sorts. She needed to gloss over the parts that hurt and to focus only on the good experiences. There weren't that many of them anyway. The start of the Glee Club, winning sectionals, Finn's kiss and if she were being honest, finding common ground with Quinn Fabray .

Quinn had been an enigma to her because she always figured that they would never intersect. McKinley high wasn't a large school but Quinn was school royalty and there had been no reason for her to even notice Rachel. Only she did and Rachel always thought it was because of Finn even though the insults and looks had started even before Finn had joined Glee.

If she really thought back, through the hurt, she could never explain most of Quinn's actions. How she would insult her in the hallways, calling her names, the expression on her face conveying hate. But then to see her in Glee club and sing together and note that Quinn always looked happier and sometimes she would give Rachel a look, like she wanted to talk to her, say something more than an insult.

And eventually they had built up these snippets of conversations, never starting at the beginning with pleasantries but always going straight to the middle or sometimes to the end. It had been confusing but to Rachel, it had allowed her to connect to Quinn, to understand that those small moments were the true Quinn Fabray and all the other times; she had been playing a role.

They had talked about Beth and Shelby. Or at least Quinn had come to her and she had talked while Quinn sat next to her, their shoulders touching. Rachel would feel Quinn tense in the beginning, each time she mentioned Beth only to finally relax mid way. Bu each time she thought they were going to finally be friends; Quinn would pull back, revert and say something mean. Only in hindsight, she could see that Quinn really was playing a role back then.

"Quinn's gone." Rachel can see the confusion on Kurt's face as she says the words out loud. "She kissed me and then she left or I made her…" She sees Kurt's eyes widen as he clamps his mouth shut, lips pressed together, not wanting to say anything because he knew she wouldn't continue if he did.

"She kissed me." Rachel hands go up to her lips, her voice carrying a trace of wonderment. "I always thought…" She wants to tell Kurt that Quinn had always hated her but she knows it's not completely true.

Things were always more complicated that what they seemed, more so in high school. She could never explain why she felt the need to make a connection to Quinn despite always being rejected and even ridiculed. But Quinn had been the same way, reaching out when she didn't expect it only to pull back eventually.

They never fully connected because Quinn would always withdraw; only Quinn wasn't pulling back now. "I told her no." She finally looks up at Kurt, hoping for him to finally say something.

Kurt's always had a theory that regardless of what people projected on the outside, they would always gravitate to those whom they felt a connection with, those that were similar to themselves. Glee Club had been a nexus for them, for him to admit he was gay, for Santana to admit she was in love with Brit and for Quinn to hide amongst them.

"So that's that then." He realizes she's looking for answers but he can't be the one to give it to her even though he feels that she should take the chance with Quinn. Rachel needed to decide for herself and all he could do was to give her a nudge. "You told Quinn no and she left." He sees regret in her eyes.

"Did you not want her to go?" His voice goes soft as she sighs and leans on his shoulder. All Kurt knows is that Rachel deserved a chance. She deserve to see what else was out there in the world. And even if it wasn't Quinn, she needed to at least try it out. She had sequestered herself away, hiding her talent from the world and it was about time she just put herself out there like the Rachel of old.

She's silent for a full five minutes before she responds."I wanted her to go only…I think I'm going to miss her now that she's gone." She never considered having Quinn in her life and for a brief time, it had been such a real possibility. And now that Quinn's not there, Rachel realizes that the ache in her heart, the one that she's always carried with her. The one that she finally attributed to never getting her real dream was even more pronounced.

"Maybe.." He pauses as he kisses her temple. "Maybe that means something." Kurt's soft vice seemed to echo, it's message resonating within her.

**End Part 7**


	9. Chapter 8

 

**Get It Right**

**Yeah, I'll send out a wish**

Jackson can hear her humming under her breath, the song she had sung for her screen test and he wonders what's going through her mind. He glances over, unsurprised to see Rachel's hands clasped tightly in front of her, as she stares unblinking out the window.

He wants to tell her about what Quinn had done, how hard she had worked and what she had given up but he's not sure if Rachel was really going to be receptive. He's only spent the last week with her and she's always been open with her emotions which translated to the screen so beautifully, each nuanced facet of her personality bringing Quinn's words and character to life.

But apart from that, they had never discussed Quinn directly, the one phone call, their only contact when she first got to LA and then today when she had demanded that he drive her to Quinn's. He knows she overheard the conversation at the studio but still cannot tell if she wants to see Quinn because she finally understands everything or because she wants to just thank her for finally making her dreams come true.

He knows Quinn will kill him if he says anything and had warned him not to interfere because she just wanted to finally do the right thing and give Rachel the chance she deserved. She had reconciled the fact that Rachel didn't want her the way she wanted the brunette and it was something she accepted even if it hurt her beyond measure.

Jackson clears his throat and he sees Rachel turn to look at him, her brown eyes questioning. She had been adamant about seeing Quinn and he hopes that it'll finally all work out but he does feel the impetus to at least tell her some of the background.

"She's loved you even before she realized it and admitted it to herself." He sees Rachel's eyes go wide but at least she does not look surprised or put off so he continues, hoping that like his plan, it'll finally make a difference.

"She's an amazing director and.." he wants to tell Rachel that she's a complete idiot for not seeing how amazing Quinn was but he's always been so bias. He fell in love with her the first moment she talked to him.

"And you're still in love with her?" The inflection in Rachel's voice indicates that she's asking a question although he sees that she's perceptive enough to know the answer.

"It's kind of hard not to be." He's never admitted it out loud, always hiding behind the role Quinn had bestowed upon him, knowing that if he strayed from that, it could drive her away. "But she's not in love with me." He looks pointedly at Rachel and can see that she's taken aback but understands exactly what he's implying.

"I…" Rachel cannot fully articulate what's happened to her in the past month and a half. Ever since she left Finn, she expected to still be adrift, unsure of her future and bereft of hope. She had wasted ten years of her life and she could not see how she could recover from that. Only Quinn had serendipitously appeared in her life and suddenly, she had a chance at a career and a direction and most of all, she felt hopeful. "In High School.." she pauses as if the memory needed time to settle. "I always thought she thought I was a waste of her time."

Quinn never told him that he reminded her of Rachel. But they were both Jewish, had deep brown eyes and a weird love for Broadway and he knows that she'll recognize the line."There's a fine, fine line.." He starts the sentence as he glances at her, only to see her smile as she finishes it.

"Between love and a waste of time." She sings the words as they echo in the confines of the car, the musical reference both familiar and something that finally makes sense in her head. She could never explain Quinn because she had tried to classify her as an enemy or a friend without understanding that Quinn had always been different, unique.

She could say something even if she meant something else, not because she was being deceptive but because there really was a fine line between what Quinn meant and what she could express.

Jackson does not want to get his hopes up but he sees realization finally dawn on Rachel's face and he prays that this time, everything he had planned for would finally work out.

It took him a while but he now appreciates fully the beauty of a well thought out plan. He had always preferred to makes decisions on the fly, to decide when the clock was ticking down because the adrenaline allowed him some clarity. But it had not work for Quinn and Rachel.

His impromptu pushing and positioning had not resulted in Quinn getting what she wanted and Rachel finally getting what she deserved. So when they got back to LA, he thought about his next steps. Quinn had already told him that Rachel was considering coming out for the audition so all he needed to do was to ensure that when she did come out, she knew exactly whom she was coming out for, figuratively and literally.

After much prodding, Quinn had told him everything that had transpired. Everything she had said, the kisses they had shared and Rachel's final words. He had tried to reason with her, playing devil's advocate and highlighting that it was an almost expected response from Rachel.

Despite their history or even because of it, Quinn could not have expected Rachel to just say yes to everything especially after Quinn had kissed her. But he could see that she had. Quinn had placed all of her hopes on that one meeting and perhaps it had been his fault for not anticipating that Quinn Fabray was a crazy romantic when it came to Rachel Berry.

_"You could just explain everything, tell her what you feel as oppose to, you know, showing her." He sees he blush red as she ducks her head and he says the words not to hurt her even though he knows that they have. It's just that he thinks she shouldn't give up, not after all she had done and even sacrificing her dream in lieu of Rachel finally getting hers._

_Quinn looks at him, her hazel eyes clear but reflecting the infinite sadness she feels. "She has no reason to trust me or want to be with me. All I've done is kiss her and…"Even now, all she feels like doing is taking Rachel into her arms and promising everything and anything. And she knows that there was no way she could see Rachel and not want to do that. She had to accept that she should have taken it slow._

_If she had thought things through, she could have started with being Rachel's friend. She should have just talked to her, tell her how special she was and how she really deserved to act on screen and share her amazing voice but Quinn had to finally admit to herself that she didn't only want to do that because deep down, she was hopelessly, completely, absolutely in love with Rachel. And she couldn't not be._

_"Did you send her the tickets?" Her voice is hopeful even as she steels herself for rejection._

_"Yeah and Kurt emailed back saying that they'll come, he just needs to kind of convince Rachel but he thinks she'll cave."_

_Quinn released the breath she was holding, her eyes downcast. "She'll be amazing." The words said with such belief that Jackson found himself nodding._

_"I still think you should tell her." He sees her shake her head and realizes that he may need to intervene and prays that she'll understand eventually._

So instead of pushing Quinn further, Jackson realized that he needed work on Rachel. He needed to at least give her perspective on all of Quinn's actions. To explain what Quinn had done in the past ten years. How she had wanted to make it up to Rachel, how every decision Quinn had made, both personal and professional had taken Rachel into consideration.

Jackson never liked lying to Quinn and in the entire six years they had known each other, he had done it all of once. He remembered that night, holding her as she cried and trying to get her to tell him what was wrong. Except she couldn't look him in the eye and he finally understood that she didn't love him as much as he loved her.

And he could continue to pretend to not care but it was hurting her and so he lied to her. He had made her look him in the eye as he broke up with her telling her that he didn't want to be tied down, lying for her sake because he knew she needed him to do it.

But this was a different issue and when she asked him if he had sent Rachel a copy of the script, he had just nodded, not revealing that he had actually sent her Quinn's original copy. The one she wrote all her private thoughts in.

He thought getting Quinn's original screenplay was going to be a bit more difficult but she did make it so much easier when she asked for his help to pack up. He still tried to talk her out of leaving. Telling her that she was giving up too easily but he knew that he wouldn't be able to convince her to stay. The only one that could would have to be Rachel Berry.

So he went along with the charade as he helped her pack and coordinated for Rachel's upcoming screen test all the while setting his plan in motion starting with sending over Quinn's personal copy of her screenplay. He was taking a chance by not reading the back few pages, knowing that they were personal and probably meant only for Quinn's own eyes. However, his father had always taught him that to win big, he had to bet big.

And that was exactly what he was doing. He was betting that Rachel would realize that Quinn had been pining for her ever since she left Lima, Ohio, her feelings never waninig but deepening with each passing year. And hopefully Quinn would realize that she needed to give Rachel space to get her own bearings and shine for herself before stepping in like her savior.

He had been a bit afraid that Rachel wouldn't make it through the screen test until he found the recordings Quinn had hidden away in her closet. All of them clearly marked and chronologically arranged but also repeatedly played by the looks of the chipped cases. He had watched the DVD slack jawed as he finally realized just how talented Rachel really was. He had been amazed at her presence and that voice. It also finally made him realize that Quinn did love him but had never been in love with him because Quinn's heart had always belonged to Rachel even when they had been separated by time and circumstance.

He hopes that all his bets are about to pay off when he pulls up next to Quinn's apartment building and Rachel rushes out of the car even before he can say anything else.

**Yeah, I'll send up a prayer**

Quinn feels spent, tired but more like she's finally faced the prospect that everything that she had worked for in the past ten years didn't matter any longer and she had nothing to look forward to or to be more accurate and to acknowledge the hurt, she had no one to look forward with.

She knows she's being a bit overdramatic because she still had an academy award and sold a script that hopefully was going to make Rachel a star. It was what she had wanted to do when she first thought up the story and planned her career. It just wasn't the only thing that she wanted to do but if she had to choose between her happiness and Rachel's, Quinn knows that there would not be any contest.

She couldn't regret anything that had occurred in the past few weeks and if she had to pick one thing to do over, it would have probably been to kiss Rachel again on her porch, knowing that it would be the last time and ensuring that she remembered everything about the kiss.

Recalling how sweet her lips had tasted and the contrast of the hot sensation of Rachel's tongue against the coolness of her cheek. The way Rachel's fingers had tightened around her arm, branding her forever even as her fingers are splayed across Rachel's breast, feeling her faint heartbeat beneath her fingertips.

Quinn wonders if she'll ever stop missing Rachel and realizes that she doesn't really want to because it would at least still keep the brunette in her mind. She just had to deal with it and move on which meant finishing up packing and physically moving.

There are boxes strewn haphazardly all around her apartment, some already taped shut while others still partially packed. She hears the loud knock on her door and is surprised that Jackson hadn't already barged in with coffee or another lecture about how stupid and intransigent she's being or both as he had done yesterday.

It's not like she hasn't had the same arguments with herself, one moment thinking that perhaps she should still try and talk to Rachel only to admit that she didn't just want to talk to the brunette, she wanted to kiss the hell out of Rachel, spend hours memorizing every inch of her body and make love to her until screamed Quinn's name. Then she would be incredibly mortified and remorseful at thinking of Rachel in that way and just resign herself to not seeing her so as to not embarrass either of them further. It wasn't like she didn't know she was being completely gutless but better that than ruining Rachel's life yet again.

But all of her own self recrimination didn't stop Jackson from highlighting what a stubborn ass she was and he would invariably bring up the fact that Rachel was finally in the same town, pointing out the fact that she was just twenty miles away.

It wasn't as if Quinn didn't know that either, she had been at the airport, sitting in the back of the coffee shop right across from the gate that Rachel had disembarked from. Quinn's breath catching as she caught sight of her, her mind wishing that things had turned out differently. But she was at least glad that Rachel had come and was going to at least get a chance with Steven Spielberg.

She had stopped by a bar on the way back home. Throwing back shots and trying to stop thinking about Rachel but failing miserably when even the brown haired bartender who had served her made her think of how Rachel' hair felt as her hand tangled in them as she pulled her in.

She was about to order her fourth shot when Jackson had texted that Rachel didn't want to accept her paying for the hotel. Quinn had caved immediately and called back talking to Rachel briefly just enough to lie that the Production Company was footing the bill. She had to bite her tongue in order not to say anything else but at least she got to say good bye.

She really wants so many things right now but what she knows she will settle for is Rachel happy and in a place where she truly felt she belonged and people understood how amazing she was.

The day of the screen test, she had woken up early and ran along the beach until her muscles ached and she couldn't move. It was the only way she knew how to stop herself from going to the studio. Quinn had really wanted to be at the screen test and would have sold her soul to hear Rachel bring to life the words she had written on the paper and sing that first song.

But she had promised Rachel that if she did come to LA, she wouldn't need to see her. So she did the next best thing, she called Spielberg and told him which scene she wanted Rachel to read for her screen test. So in her mind, she could at least imagine how it would have gone and how amazing she knew Rachel would be.

It wasn't really a surprise to get the call from Spielberg admitting that she was absolutely undoubtedly right and that Rachel had been perfect even if she was a complete unknown. He didn't even go through with testing the other actress.

It was however, so difficult for her to decline the offer to direct, her voice breaking but she still didn't cry as she repeated the lie that she didn't think she was up for the job and she was actually willing to sell him the script. He hadn't questioned and told her that the option and check would be sent to her as soon as his lawyers drafted the contract.

Quinn finally cried when the thick set of papers had been sent over along with an enormous check. Both of which meant absolutely nothing to her. What made a small difference was knowing that she had finally made it right for Rachel as the story appeared in the trade papers the same day. How Spielberg was coming out of retirement to direct a complete unknown actress, Rachel Berry with an original script by academy award winning documentary director, Quinn Fabray.

It felt good to read their names in the papers together but hurt as well to know that it would be as close as she would get to Rachel. The knock on her door becomes more insistent and she sighs, wondering why Jackson doesn't just come in. Quinn walks towards the door, snagging one of her cameras from an open box and opens the door as she holds it up to her face, expecting to frame Jackson's smiling face only to be confronted with a very determined looking Rachel Berry, staring at her through her camera lens.

**And finally, someone will see**

Rachel hadn't been surprised when two first class tickets and a script were sent to her a few days after Quinn's abrupt departure. She had been expecting that but what she hadn't expected was to physically miss Quinn such that the day after, she had envisioned Quinn knocking on her door, taking her in her arms and kissing the hell out of her. Then she would blush, shake her head and try and convince herself that two kisses, no matter how knee weakening, earth shattering and life changing could not mean anything.

Still, she had felt more like her old self when she had been with Quinn for that short amount of time than in the past ten years that she had been with Finn Hudson. Deep down, she knew it had to mean something only Rachel didn't know what exactly to make of it.

It was great to at least have Kurt there and he had taken it upon himself to push Rachel. She was still unsure of taking up Quinn's offer but he had been adamant going as far as to pack for her and inform her dads about the opportunity. They had been so ecstatic, smiling so widely and for the first time in a long while, looking so happy that she could hardly tell them that she didn't want to try.

Adding to that, Kurt had spent the next week and a half going through the screenplay with her and helping her memorize all her lines. The songs choices had surprised her only because she already knew most of them by heart.

The story and the words had been amazing; the songs chosen for each scene so pitch perfect that Kurt couldn't get through any one scene without gushing. All Rachel could think of was that she would never be able to do any of it justice and that Quinn had created an exquisite work of art that needed a professional actress and not her.

She recognizes the story though or at least could relate to the first act where her character makes one wrong decision and how each decision after that just lead to another worse one and not knowing how to stop. Except in the second act, Quinn had made her protagonist strong enough to finally turn it around. She had written about someone who knew what they were worth and wanted to fight for it.

Rachel just wasn't sure if she could project that onscreen even if Kurt had no qualms about her talent. She had felt the urge to cry and laugh in equal measure when he explained that she had acted like the perfect wife to Finn for so long that even his parents had been convinced.

They sat on the front porch swing each day and read it chronologically and when Kurt had reached the last line of the last scene, instead of closing it, he flipped the page over and his gasp caught her attention. Kurt reads the first few lines out loud, the words catching Rachel off guard.

_I dream about you. Sometimes it's a flashback of sorts to high school where you're singing in the choir room but instead of looking at Finn or Jesse, you're looking at me. Or you're doing something mundane like writing in your journal or sitting by the piano, you fingers brushing the keys lightly. But all I can focus on is how beautiful you are, how you make everything seem brighter, alive. How you make me feel alive…_

Kurt stops when he realizes that he cannot read it to Rachel. They were Quinn's words and even if they were not meant to be read, he thinks that Quinn wouldn't mind if Rachel was the one to read them. The script she had written moved him to tears and he's almost sure Quinn's personal words would finally sway Rachel as he holds out the script to her.

Rachel hesitates but reaches out anyway and takes the script, her eyes looking down at the words on the paper. All handwritten and the ink is faded on the initial pages. Quinn's delicate cursive handwriting scrawled across the paper, leading to pages of words. She reads all of it. Each and every word carrying meaning beyond the obvious.

Some words pressed down such that indentations could be seen even on the subsequent pages while others crossed out and as if done over an extended period of time. All about her, about how the story and all songs were inspired by Rachel. How even when the story didn't seem to be moving forward, just by remembering how she would sing a certain verse or how she looked when she sang, like each word meant something more and how each song became more than the sum of its parts.

She devours every word that Quinn wrote, about how she finally understood that she had fallen for Rachel and how in her own way, she had tried to make her see that she had been special and meant for so many great things. How she had been a coward to leave and hopefully how she would eventually find her way back to Rachel.

It explained so much yet still didn't give her the impetus to accept what Quinn was offering because it was such a great leap of faith and Rachel just didn't think she had that kind of confidence any more.

Still, she finally relented to Kurt's constant badgering and boarded the flight with him. It had been an experience flying first class and she had refused all the alcoholic beverages offered because she was already so excited and wanted to really enjoy everything that she had missed out on as well as memorize all of Quinn's words.

When they landed, Rachel convinced herself that she wasn't expecting anything or anyone. However, when Jackson had met them at the airport, her eyes kept scanning all the other faces around to see if Quinn had turned up as well only she stayed true to her word and Rachel never saw her. She was a good actress though and her face didn't register any dissapointment even as the emotion told hold in her heart.

Kurt literally jumped into her arms when Jackson had pulled up at the Four Seasons Beverly didn't want to seem like the Lima loser she knew she was so she didn't say much until she reached their suite. As the door opened, she was completely overwhelmed by the décor and the size of it all. All the rooms were bigger than the size of the house she shared with Finn.

It was then that she realized that Quinn was probably paying for it and had almost refused to stay, not wanting to waste Quinn's money like that. It had taken both Kurt and Jackson to talk her out of leaving but in the end; Quinn had called and told her that it was being paid for by the production company.

She couldn't lie to herself as much as she wanted to but she couldn't deny that it felt good to hear Quinn's low voice over the phone. Hearing the way Quinn would say her name and wishing her luck and then saying good bye. It was the last part that she hated because it sounded so final.

She didn't think much of it as most of the next two days were spent with wardrobe and make up and testing the lights. She hadn't been sure which scene she would have to read for and had memorized most of the script. The scene that was picked was one of her favorites and she hadn't even been nervous in front of the camera, the words flowing out and the song sung as if it was her one chance and maybe it had been but at least she finally got to take it.

Kurt actually cried and even Jackson looked awestruck and she had been so surprised to meet Steven Spielberg, that she barely managed to string words together except to say yes when he offered her the part.

She had been light headed, wanting to take a breath only to hear the rest of the conversation between Jackson and the legendary director. About Quinn no longer wanting to direct her own script and was finally ok with selling it even if she had adamantly refused to do so earlier on.

Rachel knew then she needed to talk to Quinn but didn't know how to get in touch with her. She had been swept away then, with contract signings and quick publicity shots for Variety. However, as soon as she saw Jackson again the next day, she had grabbed him, demanding to know where Quinn was.

He had looked straight at her as if gauging her, measuring her to see if she was worthy of the information, only relenting when she had said please. Her voice soft but her need apparent. She had assumed that Quinn was just keeping a low profile as she had promised. She never expected to know that the call she had days back was Quinn's farewell. Rachel didn't expect Jackson's words, about how Quinn was at her apartment, packing everything because she was leaving tonight. Rachel hears Jackson speak but all she can think of is Quinn deciding to leave LA and to abandon her career despite her accolades and in effect, Quinn was choosing to leave her again.

Rachel never realized how much Quinn regretted leaving her in Lima until she read Quinn's diary of sorts. But what she cannot at all comprehend was that Quinn was choosing to leave her again. All her feelings of discontent and inadequacy suddenly paling in the scheme of things as she thinks about never seeing Quinn again.

She looks up to see Jackson solemnly looking at her, his face devoid of expression as he waits for her to finally make up her own mind.

"I want to see her." Rachel's words transforming Jackson's demeanor almost instantaneously, his smile appearing as he grabs her hand and they run towards his car. She was still feeling all kinds of worried and angry and confused but at least it finally led her to Quinn's doorstep.

**End Part 8**


	10. Chapter 9

 

**Get It Right**

**How much I care!**

Quinn's finger flexes on the camera button and she captures Rachel standing there, looking directly at her. She knows that she'll develop the picture and keep it, even if looking at it would still hurt. And she could at last confirm that she was right in her assumption that Rachel did look absolutely beautiful through her lens but more than that, she finally looked so much like the Rachel Berry she remembered from before. The one who would stomp out of Glee club if no one gave her enough respect or a solo. The Rachel Berry she had fallen in love with even before she realized what being in love meant.

There's a sparkle in Rachel's eyes even if her expression is neutral. For a tiny, infinitesimal moment, she thinks that Rachel is there to tell her that she loves her too. But Quinn pushes that thought out of her mind the second it forms because there was no conceivable reason for Rachel to change her mind and it was probably Rachel just feeling indebted and wanting to thank her or worse extend her friendship.

But she does not want to hear thanks or any other platitudes or offers of friendship. She knows Jackson had chosen that path with her. He had accepted the fact that all she could give him was her friendship and platonic love. And Quinn had actually considered doing the same with Rachel. Only, she knew herself and what she could or could not handle and Quinn had to admit that she would never be able to be in close proximity to Rachel and not show her affection.

At least now with this last chance, she'll get to say her goodbye to Rachel face to face and maybe get a hug that would allow her to wrap her arms around the brunette and hold her close for the very last time. It would never be enough but Quinn had to admit it was all she deserved.

Quinn knows that she should ask Rachel why she's there but does not trust herself to open her mouth knowing that declarations of love are still hovering on the tip of her tongue. So she bites down on her lower lip as she holds her camera to her chest like a shield. Not protecting herself from Rachel's charms but putting some barrier between them because she still so desperately wants to reach out to the brunette. But instead, she just stares at Rachel, trying to commit her visage to memory.

Rachel's always been beautiful in Quinn's eyes yet she never had the courage to tell her. Instead, she had used Rachel's insecurities to hurt her because it made her feel better; not about herself but knowing that Rachel was hurting as much as she was inside. It's her other major regret in never saying the words out loud and codifying that singular fact; because out of anyone, Rachel had always been beautiful without and within.

For the first time ever, Rachel hadn't prepared anything. Not going over what she wanted to say, like picking each word carefully or even reviewing the different scenarios in order to prepare for all possibilities. She used to always have a plan. However, when she had been with Finn, there really had been nothing to plan for. Her life had revolved around his, and each day became so similar to the next that planning for change seemed futile. So she stopped looking forward or expecting things to change or be better. Except now, there were all these possibilities before her, decisions to be made and an actual future to plan for.

If she were being honest with herself, she just really felt a strong need to see Quinn. The feeling building up within her ever since Quinn had walked away from her dads' front porch in Lima. Bit by bit, slowly but surely, the need within her grew such that she had expected to see Quinn at the airport and when she didn't, her anticipation still grew such that she then expected to see Quinn at the hotel. And each time when Quinn didn't show, she would feel a stab of disappointment that eventually became a constant ache.

The sentiment she was experiencing had been almost overwhelming when she had gone for the audition but yet, she had tried her utmost to ignore it because she was so afraid of trusting her feelings again. It was only when she realized what Quinn was giving up for her that she decided that it was something she could not ignore any longer. It was incomprehensible to her that Quinn would go so far as to give up her career just so she could keep her promise to stay away from her. No one had ever done so much for her and asked for nothing in return; no one except for Quinn who had even offered her love.

She knows about sacrifice having finally realized she'd given up most of herself for Finn but even then, she had kept hold of some semblance of her life before like her music lessons. It was a small tenuous link to her past dreams but at least she had that. Quinn was voluntarily choosing to walk away from her future because she had made a promise to her. No one had ever done anything remotely close to that for her ever and it had been the last needed push for her to finally admit she needed to see Quinn.

Getting Jackson to drive her over was easy. She just wasn't sure what she wanted to say to Quinn because she's so frightened that she truly does not recognize what love could be. Rachel loved her dads and she loves Kurt deeply but admitting that she's never really been in love was difficult for her. She's sung about it so many times but to finally realize she's never before experienced it was as humiliating as staying with Finn because she thought she had no other choice.

However, she's here now and maybe all she needs is to just take the plunge and make the first move. It helped tremendously that Quinn looked as scared as she was feeling. It meant that they were both still unsure but at least Quinn had opened the door and she was not going to waste that chance as she smiles tentatively and asks her question.

"Can I come in?" It's not like she was going to actually say no to Rachel's request but the time she was taking to process the fact that Rachel Berry was standing in her doorway looking beautiful and vulnerable and just plain amazing, was so drawn out. Adding to that, hearing her voice asking to come in was so completely distracting such that all Quinn could do was nod and step aside such that Rachel could actually gently push open the door herself and step across the threshold.

Rachel always knew that Quinn had good taste but the apartment was stunning and yet exuded a sense of home. The colors bright but not jarring and the furnishings understated. It was spacious with big bay windows overlooking the ocean and dark hardwood floors. Surprisingly, she felt comfortable and realized that if she had to pick out a place for herself, she would want it to look exactly like Quinn's.

But, the only problem with the entire situation and the only thing Rachel can focus on currently, are the huge number of boxes scattered around the place. Most of them already taped shut and just a few remain open. Then she spots the Academy award sticking out of one of the boxes in the corner. A symbol of how well Quinn had done and what she had accomplished yet Quinn had packed it away, seemingly giving up her dreams. And Rachel feels the tug in her heart, knowing what it was like to give up something precious but more than that, she does not like the possibility of never seeing Quinn again; the thought of that happening actually causing her some pain.

She remembers feeling something similar when she gave up her dreams of Broadway, but she had been so blinded then, ignoring how she felt in lieu of what she convinced herself was the right choice. Maybe just letting go and finally following her heart was the answer after all. She had made herself change her direction and focus ten years ago.

The mistakes she had made in the past was because she had specifically chosen a different path and this time, she's here not because she's chosen to be but because she feels such a strong need to see Quinn and to figure out what she wants to do about it. Maybe it was time to just let go and follow her instinct.

She turns around to face Quinn, finally accepting that this is truly where she wants to be but she needs time to figure everything out and accept that things can change and enemies can become more than friends and dreams can be saved by love. All their conversations have always never started at the beginning and Rachel needs that to change right now.

"Why are you leaving?" Her question tinged with curiosity and a trace of sadness underlying her tone. Rachel wants answers, so many of them, all the questions fighting for prominence in her head. But she knows that she needs to finally start at the beginning with why Quinn was choosing to leave LA and to be honest, leave her.

Rachel finally sees it so clearly in her head. She knows she needs to lead up to a verbose description of how the words Quinn had written made her feel so many different things. How they spoke to her and made her realize that she wanted more and more importantly, she deserved more that what she let herself settle for. And Rachel really needed to know if Quinn meant all the things she wrote, not only the beautiful story she had written, but each and every word she had inscribed at the back of the script she had sent over.

As soon as Quinn had opened the door, Rachel finally realized that all her emotions coursing through her were not overwhelming but just so unfamiliar. She had relied on settling for what was available instead of fighting for what she wanted such that she could not recognize anticipation or finally understand that the kisses, hearing all of Quinn' words and seeing Quinn, all of it made her unbelievably happy. It took her a while to place the emotion but once she did, it became so apparent.

Rachel's question is unexpected and Quinn does not really know how to answer it truthfully without confessing all of her feelings. She knows she can get away with a white lie because apart from Jackson, almost no one else could really tell. She doesn't want to lie to Rachel but she doesn't want to hurt her either.

Quinn takes a deep breath as she looks to the side, "I've been working nonstop for the past six years and I felt I needed a break. It seemed like a good time." She places the camera in the box closest to her, still avoiding Rachel's piercing eyes because she has a strong hunch that maybe Rachel could tell as well, when she finally looks up to see her standing there her arms crossed and one foot tapping almost impatiently as if daring Quinn to lie to her again.

However, she does not want to embarrass herself or Rachel and she knows she needs to divert the brunette. "What are you doing here?" Her voice is at least strong and a little bit defiant as she uses her time tested defense mechanism to question back. Quinn still can't look directly at Rachel without revealing the strong feelings coursing through her as she crosses her arms and looks down at her feet.

She most definitely does not want to test her own self control because just having Rachel there was already making her forget all her promises to stay away and not touch her or kiss her or tuck that strand of hair behind her ear as her tongue slowly, languorously found the pulse point on Rachel's neck. She shakes her head, blinking and prays that Rachel isn't a mind reader as well as a lie detector.

"I came to see you." Rachel's voice is clear and full of emotion she cannot place. " I wanted to see you." Naturally, for Quinn, her avoidance mechanism only worked if the other party was also hiding something and Rachel seemed happy to be absolutely honest right now.

Although, Quinn didn't want her to feel beholden or to receive her thanks, she wanted more than she knew Rachel was willing to give her and she knew she wasn't going to get it so maybe her only recourse was to finally break herself free. Kind of like what Jackson had tried to do for her when he pushed her to go after Rachel.

Quinn is fully cognizant that she had been unfair to him, knowing that he still had feelings for her yet she still chose to hang around with him and her leaving now was kind of a thank you to him as well. Not to mention it was definitely a way to get Rachel out of her system at the same time. "I really…I just need to get away." She slowly enunciates each word, still not making eye contact because she feels like crying, but at least it's as close to the truth as she can handle.

Rachel shakes her head at Quinn's words, not wanting to accept them, "From me? You want to get away from me?" She stares at Quinn, willing Quinn to look at her and when she does, Rachel can't help but notice how beautiful and expressive her eyes are. But more than that, she finally let's herself recognize all the raw emotions she can discern in them.

When Quinn looked at her, it was as if she was extraordinary, exceptional, like she was the one. She could see love and hope in Quinn's eyes but also fear and sadness. It was so intense and yet, it also gave her courage to continue.

"Because you told me…No, you promised me that if I showed up for the screen test, I wouldn't need to see you and you wouldn't even direct your own script?"  _And that I'll never hear you invoke my name or look into your eyes or have you look at me that way. Or that you're never going to kiss me in a way that makes me feel that I'm finally living my life again and planning for a future._

She remembers all of Quinn's words, each and every one of them. Not only the words Quinn had spoken to her but the ones she had written down as well. Even if she had wanted to forget her past, Rachel couldn't forget that night. She remembered everything about that night from the taste of Quinn on her lips, to the feel of her body as she pulled Quinn closer to her. How the feel of Quinn on her skin, her arms encircling her, made her feel stronger and so alive. How, for that short amount of time, everything coalesced in her mind and it all made sense, all her insecurities melting away, replaced with a sense of purpose of knowing exactly where she belonged and with whom.

"Yes." The word comes out in a whisper because acknowledging her sacrifice was almost too much to bear but Quinn says it regardless. Rachel deserved the truth as much as she deserved to finally live her dream. Quinn turns around, finally facing Rachel, because she can't help but stare at the brunette.

"And you're willing to give up on everything, your script, your dream?" Rachel's voice is earnest as she tries to understand the enormity of Quinn's decision.

Quinn does not know how to explain that it all meant nothing to her if she couldn't share it with Rachel. How everything she had done in the past ten years was indirectly due to her need to finally make it up to the brunette and she had finally managed to do just that. Only, in her dreams, she would be the one standing beside Rachel holding her hand because that had been her main objective all along. "I…" Quinn cannot say the words because she does not want to pressure Rachel into feeling indebted.

"That was never really my dream. I mean..I love directing and I know I'm good at it." She lets out a breath and shakes her head as if trying to get all her chaotic thoughts out. "But it was never just about that, you know?" The question is rhetorical and Rachel stays silent as Quinn's voice goes softer like she's revealing something private.

"And writing that script was more about …it was for you." It's as much of a confession she will allow herself as Quinn sighs and wraps her hands around her middle, trying to contain all the hurt she feels because she knows that it'll be something she'll have to learn to live with.

Rachel knows she needs to do this correctly, not just accept the words at face value but understand their meaning as much as recognizing their context. She needs Quinn to say more but she understands that she needs to be honest with Quinn as well and to do that; she'll have to finally trust herself. And know that she's not doing this to prove a point or to prove that she's right or that Quinn's wrong. Rachel wants to do this because she knows it'll actually make her happy.

"What if I …what if I don't want you to leave…"Quinn's not sure if she's hearing Rachel correctly so she takes a step closer only to see Rachel take two steps forward as well such that they're barely a feet apart. Rachel can see the rise and fall of Quinn's chest and wants to reach out and place her hand on her heart, to feel it beat beneath her finger tips, to realize that it really did belong to her.

Quinn had admitted as much in her writings as well as in her every interaction with Rachel and most telling, when she chose to walk away from her dream of directing her own script, giving it up so easily, just because. And she finally accepts that the strongest emotion reflected in Quinn's eyes was love for her, pure and without reservation.

It wasn't difficult to identify once she opened herself up to the possibility that she deserved to be loved and in return, she could also possibly love someone like Quinn. Someone who had loved her without condition and who actually wanted her to be happy even if it meant their own unhappiness.

"What if I tell you that I maybe could fall in love with the person who wrote these words?" Quinn sees Rachel holding up her screenplay, only it's not the copy she had sent to the studio but the original one she had kept, the one which she had used as a diary of sorts when she felt like she needed to express her inner most thoughts and work out her feelings about everything and in particular about one special person.

She never expected anyone to read it except that Rachel had but Quinn doesn't feel ashamed or even worried because out of anyone, Rachel was the only person that she would have wanted to read her words and know her inner most thoughts. She's never been brave when it came to Rachel, always pulling back and never saying what was truly on her mind and in the end, always hurting Rachel directly or inadvertently.

Quinn knows that she'd never been able to express all of her feelings out loud and to share what she wanted so it was only fair that she finally got the chance to make it right for Rachel.

"Maybe?" It's that one word that gets her undivided attention though. Quinn thinks she's hallucinating but she sees Rachel standing before her, her expression open and honest and Rachel's words are echoing within her. And she realizes is that she didn't want to deal with maybes or what ifs any longer.

Quinn wanted yes and forever and completely. She knows her heart cannot withstand another rejection but she also needs to put everything on the line for Rachel and show her that she had chosen her, would always choose her because she loved her beyond measure. It wasn't about winning or losing but finally letting go and being as emotionally naked and honest as she could. She needed to believe and trust that everything would work out because they were finally talking to each other, not at cross purposes but to find common ground.

For the first time in a long while Rachel breaks into a smile, not a small one, out of politeness or the painful one she would wear when people would ask her what she did for a living or why she didn't sing any more. Or even the wide one she wore for Finn's benefit so he wouldn't suspect that she had been so very unhappy. No, this smile was genuine, unencumbered of the past and completely focused on the one possible future that has suddenly become so clear in her mind. She knows exactly how this scene has to play out.

She wants to touch Quinn but holds herself back, her hand tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she sees Quinn's eyes follow its movement. They're finally attuned to each other but Rachel wants to have this memory, a start for the both of them that would forever overwrite all of their past mistakes.

"Yes." She can see Quinn nod at her word, deep in thought as she bites on her lower lip."It's a maybe because I'm not so sure I can love someone who is just willing to give up her own dream. I mean, I am well versed in making a similar decision, as you know."

It still hurts to think about how much time she's wasted but the pain is insignificant now in comparison to the hope and anticipation she feels bubbling up within her. To know that it's not too late to start over but more than that to actually know that someone like Quinn loved her and wanted to be with her.

Rachel feels anticipation and such joy but also some trepidation that she may be too late and Quinn won't change her mind but she pushes that feeling aside as she looks at Quinn, smiling.

She sees Quinn's eyes widen as she takes another step forward. "I lost my way. I was so caught up in believing I knew what love was, what loving someone meant that I didn't realize that I was completely heartbroken."

Quinn had been right ten years ago to say that she would be heartbroken, only it was because of Finn and not because of Quinn. Rachel acknowledges that she had been, for so long. Always thinking that that was how she should feel because she didn't know any better or experienced what true love really felt like.

Quinn feels Rachel's words reverberate against her skin and she has to control herself from reaching out. Instead she closes her eyes and just concentrates on Rachel's voice. "I gave up what I knew I wanted for what I thought I needed." It's never easy to admit the colossal mistakes she's made but she knew Quinn wasn't going to judge her because right now Quinn couldn't even look at her, at least not yet. So Rachel finally let's herself reach out.

Quinn feels Rachel's hand caress her cheek and she leans into the touch, her hazel eyes blinking open to meet brown ones, "I know what I want now." The words are so softly spoken but Quinn hears all of them so clearly as she finally recognize the look on Rachel's face. Its acceptance and wonder with the underlying hint of love.

This time, it's Rachel who tiptoes upwards, closing the gap between them and meeting Quinn's lips. Their third kiss so very different from the first two.

The first kiss had been borne out of opportunity, Quinn acting on instinct and need, choosing to grab the chance because she didn't know if she would ever get to kiss Rachel again. It was a stolen kiss that signified her intentions and showed Rachel that she was wanted in so many different ways. It was a kiss that in hindsight, made everything after it possible in both their eyes although it took some time for them to acknowledge it.

The second kiss had been Quinn's way of putting her heart on the line, opening herself up to Rachel and showing her vulnerability. It was Quinn finally being as honest as she could to herself and to Rachel. She could never express herself verbally and showing Rachel was the only thing she could really do. It was about giving Rachel the opportunity to decide what she really wanted. And for a short amount of time, Quinn had thought that Rachel had not wanted her even as the memory of the kiss had been forever ingrained in her consciousness.

The third kiss had taken Quinn by surprise, starting out slow and building into a something more, a glimpse of things to come, of finally seeing the beauty in each other, a small taste of what love could actually be. Rachel finally pulls back and smiles as Quinn moans her name in protest for the missing contact.

"What do you want, Quinn?" It's the only question that she wants to hear from Rachel right now because she's finally, absolutely, completely sure that Rachel's going to acquiesce to her wishes.

"You. I want you."

Rachel does not answer her verbally but the kiss is enough of a yes that she finally knows she's got it right.

** End Part 9 **


	11. Chapter 10

 

**Get It Right**

_**What can you do when your good isn't good enough?** _

_**When all that you touch tumbles down?** _

And knowing she needed to change Rachel's maybe to an unequivocal absolutely, Quinn does end up opting to direct the movie. But it had not been an easy start as she had already sold her script. She had called Jackson immediately and they spent all of the evening and most of the night making calls and planning to get her script back. It took a lot of begging and enlisting Jackson's dad's bevy of lawyers to draft up new contracts but in the end, she had managed to not only get the rights to her script back but also convinced Steven to allow her to direct.

Steven had been looking forward to getting behind the camera again but understood exactly what it meant to Quinn and had acquiesced because he could see how in love she was with Rachel. As Executive Producer, he did insist on reviewing all the dailies and spending as much time on set as possible. Quinn also got him to direct a few of the other important scenes that didn't have Rachel in them.

Jackson had been almost livid initially when he found out the terms of her contract but it was a small price to pay. The squeal of Rachel's laughter and excitement over the phone as she confirmed that she would be directing her was reward enough.

It didn't get better on the first day though as Rachel had hidden in her trailer, refusing to come out and almost halting the entire production even before it could begin. She hadn't done it to be difficult even if that was what the DP and Casting Director had thought. Quinn had told everyone to take a fifteen minute break before making her way to Rachel's trailer.

It wasn't the biggest one on the lot as that actually belonged to two of her other co-stars. Both established actors who had demanded more money and their names sharing equal billing to Rachel's. Jackson had worked his magic though and got Rachel a good back end deal that ensured her a great stream of income when the picture did well.

He had no doubt that it would and got Quinn a huge cut of the profits in lieu of her agreeing to direct for free as per her negotiation with Spielberg. It was a gamble but he had such great faith that Quinn had to believe it as well. She just needed to convince Rachel that she really had nothing to be scared of. She knew that wasn't the reason Rachel hadn't come out. It wasn't that she wanted to throw a fit because of the size of her trailer but more due to the fact that she'd lost her sense of fearlessness.

"Hey." Quinn leans against the trailer door as she tentatively knocks on it. She can hear Rachel moving inside and hopes that she's fine. They had talked on the phone in the intervening weeks leading up to the production and met up every few days but Quinn had wanted to take things slow and usually either Kurt or Jackson would be there to run interference.

Overall though, they had managed to connect, talking about their interests and learning about each other. Quinn noticed how different Rachel was from her high school incarnation in that she didn't talk as much about herself or state her preference. It was slightly disconcerting but she remembered what Rachel had been like and slowly, she could discern flashes of the old Rachel Berry. It was heartening to know that she was still there beneath her tentative exterior and Quinn knew it would take time for her to fully embrace being that Rachel Berry again.

"Quinn?" Rachel opens the door, as she swipes her eyes, not wanting to show her tears or how afraid she was to Quinn. But her not actually showing up on the set was already an obvious indication that something was wrong. So when she opened the door, she expected to see Quinn looking at her worried and probably a bit angry. Only, Quinn was leaning against the trailer looking relaxed and the look she was giving her was one without judgment, a small smile tugging at the side of her mouth and Rachel feels her fear recede.

"We're all ready for you but if you need more time…" Quinn let's her voice trail off as she reaches out to take Rachel's hand in hers, intertwining their fingers and hoping that it signifies her support. "No pressure, I can tell everyone to go home. I think I may have some pull with the director." She smiles fully when she sees Rachel does.

"I.." Rachel takes a deep breath, her eyes closes as she raises her chin. "I'm ready." Her voice still more tentative than strong but she does not want to disappoint Quinn after all that she's done. Rachel knows that Quinn had agreed to direct without any pay and if the movie didn't do well, she wouldn't get any money because she had bought back her script as well. She didn't want to stop the production even before it got into full swing, just because she felt frightened and unsure.

It wasn't fair to Quinn or to all the other people who had turned up and Rachel knew that she wasn't a professional actress, at least not yet but she still had a strong work ethic and knew a lot of people were indirectly depending on her as well. She let's out the breath she's been holding in a shudder and bites her lip as she looks at Quinn again.

Quinn tightens her hold on Rachel's hand as she settles on the steps of her trailer pulling her down next to her and smiling as she sees Rachel's expression morph into surprise. "Of course you're ready." Quinn plays with Rachel's fingers, enjoying the sensation of just holding her hand.

But you know what? I think I may need a few minutes myself. It's my first big movie and I think the budget alone is about two hundred times that of my normal documentaries." Quinn sees Rachel give her a look of disbelief but she's also not really lying. Having Rachel there has made her braver than she thought she could be. She wants to prove that she's good for Rachel and knows that in order to do that, she'll have to ensure the movie was a success and Rachel had someone she could always rely on.

"But I'm not afraid because…. well, you're here and so is Kurt and Jackson and I know that if things get scary, well I can do this." She leans upwards and kisses Rachel. A chaste kiss by any standards but she still feels a jolt of attraction shooting up her spine even as Rachel presses forwards with the kiss.

Rachel knows Quinn is not afraid of directing her first feature although she can see that the blond is afraid for her and can't help but feel so blessed that she would say what she was saying just to make her feel better. "I'm ready." This time her words are confident even though they are whispered against Quinn's lips. She finally stands up and pulls Quinn to her feet as they walk hand in hand onto the set, for the first day of the shoot.

' _ **Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things**_

_**I just wanna fix it somehow** _

The decision to shoot the film as close to the chronological story had been Quinn's and it was a good one because she could track Rachel's confidence growing with each scene but what was amazing was how attuned they were to each other such that they could finish each others sentences and were always near each other except when Rachel was shooting a scene. Even then, Quinn would be so focused on Rachel, allowing her to explore her character and only giving direction after Rachel was through with the entire scene.

It wasn't always easy because Quinn still on most occasions reverted to hiding her emotions and Rachel was still very bashful with public displays of affection; the both of them still so gun shy in their initial attempts to be together.

For the first two weeks, it was still more misses than hits that the betting pool started by Jackson languished with odds for a lasting union of some kind pegged at twenty five to one. Jackson knew he should not make money off Quinn and Rachel but he just could not resist taking the bets because despite the external odds, he knew how much Quinn loved Rachel and the extent she would go to in order to win Rachel's heart.

So, with each passing day, even the most self involved person on the set and there had been a number of actors, extras and such, could see how much they were meant to be.

It was unsurprising that their quiet romance on the set was already becoming part of movie making lore especially during the third week of production. Quinn had just finished reviewing the dailies with Steven and he had been so full of praise for Rachel that all she wanted to do was to find her and tell her.

She had almost run Jackson over in her haste to find Rachel and her wide smile gave her away almost immediately such that he knew exactly what to say to her. "She's with Kurt. Apparently he found a dress that suited her scene in the restaurant." Jackson had been hanging around the set partly because he knew Quinn still needed some support but mostly because Quinn's Production Manager was cute and had given him her phone number the first day on set.

"That's great. How are things going with Julie?" She sees the tips of his ears turn red and a huge grin almost splitting his face and is so happy for him as she pulls him into a hug, almost knocking him over again. "Are you happy?" She holds on to him as tightly as possible, knowing that her own happiness had so much to do with him and hoping that he was slowly finding his own as well.

"Yes, although I may die of suffocation if you don't let go and give me room to breathe." He tempers his words with a smile that matches hers. Julie was nice and sweet and perfect for him and they made a good couple. But more importantly, he can feel himself letting go of Quinn.

She'll always be in his life, that was not up for discussion but she wasn't the sole holder of his heart any more. He could never stop loving her but it helped to know that Rachel apparently loved her more and she was finally happy. "So I guess the dailies look good?"

"Better than good. She's amazing. I always knew that but…"Quinn still cannot get over how well Rachel had taken to not only the role but the long hours and time spent in the recording studio and all the rest of the pressures that came with the industry. She had taken it all in stride and apart from the small hesitation at the start, had done so well while still giving her support to Quinn.

"I'm the one who's a mess. She's doing and saying all the right things but I keep second guessing myself with her, you know?" Rachel had made it clear that she didn't expect anything from Quinn except for what she felt comfortable in giving her.

Every morning, Quinn would wait outside Rachel's trailer to walk her to the set. Hands deep in her pockets as she leaned against the trailer, not hurrying the brunette but letting her take her time to get ready and the smile she gave Rachel when she opened the door was something to behold.

On most days, when Rachel was not in front of the camera, she would stand near Quinn, never hovering but always knowing when to reach out or massage the back of Quinn's neck when she had spent too much time looking through the camera lens and she knew that Quinn would have a crick in her neck at a place that she couldn't reach herself.

The both of them learning about a little more about each other every day, not because they were strangers but because they needed to find their own bearings, to realize that they were so different from their high school incarnations yet shared similarities that complemented each other.

Like how Quinn would hold open the door for Rachel or how she could always sense when Rachel felt uncomfortable or needed a break. Or when Rachel would push Quinn to admit out loud when she was frustrated or angry and would then in a blink of an eye, get Quinn to relax or understand that she could share her load and that Rachel wasn't weak and she was there for her. But Quinn was still hesitant about so many things because she didn't want to hurt Rachel again.

"So just tell her that." His exasperated tone is not because he's frustrated but he knows it will push Quinn to be open to Rachel. He's actually more surprised that Quinn was actually talking about her emotions and not hiding them away or ignoring them until they leaked out in other ways. He knows it has a lot to do with Rachel and he hopes Quinn recognizes that. "She doesn't want you to be the strong one all the time."

Quinn knows that he's right as she links arms with him and walks towards the wardrobe department, mulling over his words. She does not have time to fully assimilate everything as she passes some of the minor day players and overhears Rachel's name. She stops and listens, not wanting to assume anything but knowing she'll do anything to protect Rachel.

"…So I told them that Rachel Berry's nose probably could use a bigger trailer.." There is only some scattered laughter but it's enough to embolden the man to continue as he makes his next statement. "I mean come on...plastic surgery is a rite of passage in this town but maybe no one told her when she got off the bus from…where was it…" He trails off as he laughs at his own words.

"Lima, Ohio." Quinn can feel Jackson's hand on her arm, not exerting too much pressure but still holding her back. Her voice is loud enough for most of the people to turn and look at her but her eyes are fixated on the man who had made the so called joke. "She's from Lima and so am I."

Quinn shrugs off Jackson's hand and can hear him mutter ' _God help him'_ under his breath but all she can see is red as she stalks up to the man, his eyes already wary but he still stands his ground as he casually looks at her, not acknowledging the precarious situation he had found himself in. He stands up and gives a smarmy smile the people around him even as he turns to Quinn.

"If I hear one more word about Rachel…" Quinn's voice is low and rough and her hands are already curled into fists but she still holds all her anger in as she stares the man down.

"It was just a joke." His tone is belligerent now as he crosses his arms. "It's not like it isn't true either." The words now are spoken with more bravado.

"Get off my set." Her tone final as she feels the anger within her build up and her hands shake a bit.

"That's ridiculous. I know you're friends and all.." It's his inflection on the word friends, like he's insinuating something else but is too cowardly to actually say it out, that makes her ignore Jackson's warning as she rushes forward, her arm already cocked and takes a swing at the guys nose.

The sound of the hit giving her enough satisfaction that it overrides the pain shooting up her arm even as she sees the man bend over cursing her name and threatening to sue. "You bitch, I'm going to..." His words cut off as Jackson twists his arm behind his back.

"Listen, I'd really think about quitting while you're ahead." Jackson looks at Quinn as she shakes out her hand, her expression still dark. He feels the man struggling and knows that Quinn won't let it go either. But at least luck is on their side when he sees the studio security drive up.

"Get him off the lot." Her voice is curt and she ignores the expletives laden diatribe directed at her until he uses Rachel's name again. Luckily Jackson's more prepared this time as he grabs hold of her, encircling his arms around her completely as they watch the idiot being escorted into the security car still muttering about suing Quinn.

He feels Quinn's body tense and he wants to tell her that he'll take care of the threat and all she needed to do was trust him but he knows she will always be protective of Rachel and is even more relieved when he hears her voice.

"Jackson, let her go." Rachel's worried voice catching his attention as his grip on Quinn loosens but he does not let go completely when he feels her sag against him. "I'm going to ensure that he doesn't cause any more trouble." He whispers in her ear even as he can see her pulling herself together more because she does not want to alarm Rachel.

"What's going on?", "I'm fine." Their voices overlap and Quinn can hear Jackson's low muttering of  _'No you're not'_ which Rachel also picks up when she sees Quinn cradle her hand.

"What happened to your hand?" Rachel had been on her way to find Quinn. It wasn't that they had agreed to meet but it had become a ritual of sorts for them to seek each other out. It was mostly a closed film set and since Rachel was in most of the scenes and Quinn was directing, they already spent an inordinate amount of time with each other. However, Rachel always felt a pull to see Quinn and unlike before, she was learning not to suppress her feelings.

Kurt had found an amazing dress for her to wear in one of the pivotal scenes in the movie. It was when her character decides to undo her first bad decision and she had so much to draw on for the scene that at most rehearsals, she ended up crying and leaving her costars awestruck with the strength of her emotions. All she wanted to do was to find Quinn and share that with her.

Quinn's eyes flick to Jackson who looks at her pointedly, "I'm going to see that the guy is gone", before turning to walk away. She sees Rachel look at her questioningly especially after Jackson's words. Her hand is throbbing and all she can recall is her anger bubbling up and her need to stand up for Rachel. She doesn't want to explain it though because she knows Rachel will disapprove.

"I hit something." She sees Rachel's look of disbelief even as the brunette gently takes her hand to examine it more closely.

"Quinn, who did you hit?" Rachel's soft voice and the hitch in her words show how worried she is and it makes Quinn feel even guiltier.

"One of the extras was mouthing off." Quinn never underestimated Rachel's intelligence or her so called sixth sense. She regretted making fun of it in High School because most times, it had been Rachel's empathy and intelligence that helped her. She remembered Rachel's extension of help when news of her pregnancy broke as well as Rachel's soothing tone when she felt so guilty for giving Beth up to Shelby.

So she can see Rachel coming to the foregone conclusion of why she had acted so rashly. "What did he say?" Quinn hates the way her voice wavers because Rachel Berry was talented and beautiful and she didn't deserve to feel that she wasn't. She had hidden herself away for ten years and Quinn didn't want her to feel like she had anything to hide again.

"Rachel" It's funny how they use each other's names in so many different ways and to convey so many different things. It's not only about recognizing Rachel but also about expressing her love and support with just the right nuanced intonation and tenor. Quinn flexes her fingers around Rachel's hand, ignoring the pain as she pulls Rachel towards her, wrapping her arms around the diminutive woman. "It doesn't matter what he or anyone says. I love you and I was on my way to find you and tell you."

She knows Quinn is not telling her everything and she still feels so unsure sometimes. She used to be fearless and knows she's slowly allowing herself to take risks again and trust her own judgment. So Rachel knows she can push Quinn and demand to know what the extra had said about her. It was obvious from Quinn's demeanor that the words that were said were in relation to her and not about the movie or Quinn. Only, she also can see that Quinn is asking for her trust as she looks down at their linked hands.

She had done so much for her, not only writing the script and getting her an audition. Quinn had unconditionally offered her love and Rachel knows she is stronger because of it and not despite it. With Finn, she had subsumed her own personality and wants for his benefit and became someone so uncomfortable with herself. "So you thought hitting him was going to make him stop." She brings Quinn's hand up to her mouth and slowly kisses her bruised knuckles.

"To be honest, I wasn't thinking it and he kind of did stop." Quinn sighs as Rachel kisses her knuckles again, her pain now completely superseded by a different emotion welling up within her.

"People are always going to say things about me. And more often than not, they're not always going to be good things." Rachel needs Quinn to understand that she doesn't need protecting although she completely appreciates the gesture as she kisses Quinn on the lips. "You can't hit all of them." Her lips curve up as she pulls back to smile at Quinn.

"I know." Rachel's proximity sending shivers down her spine but she knows she has to say what she's feeling as much as just showing Rachel. It made her feel better when she threw the punch but she realizes that the after effects would have repercussions not only on her but on Rachel as well. She has no issue with handling them but it was unfair for Rachel to have to live with what she had done or be tainted by it in any way. It was difficult being in a relationship when so much was at stake but Quinn knows that she has to try.

"It doesn't mean I'm not going to over-react and protect you even if you don't need it. What he said…" Quinn closes her eyes as she controls her feelings of righteous indignation that is building up"…. it was stupid and you wouldn't have cared but I.." She'll always feel a need to make up for what she did in the past and Quinn knows that she's more liable to overcompensate because of it. "I just couldn't let it go. I was wrong and I'm sorry."

Rachel continues smiling knowing how difficult it was for Quinn to admit that and knows just what she needs to say because Quinn was truly worth it. "So I'm not condoning violence in any way but.." She leans in her hand on Quinn's shoulder and whispers in Quinn's ear, "just knowing you actually decked a guy just to defend me…well it really turns me on."

Quinn's eyes go wide as she takes in Rachel's words, not sure if she's joking because of her smile but swallowing audibly because Rachel's voice had dropped to a seductive whisper that made her feel things she knows she can't, at least not yet.

They've only just started talking and like just now, shared a kiss or two or five but even though Quinn wanted to go further, she didn't want to push Rachel. And she always took all her cues from the brunette, only initiating one kiss a day if she could and leaving Rachel to decide if she wanted more.

It was a promise she made to herself and one she kept to with almost religious zeal because she didn't want to scare Rachel away with how strong her attraction was. However at most times, she had to force herself to recall various poems she had read or stick to doing mental multiplication tables in order to distract herself from her almost magnetic attraction to Rachel.

But at times like this, when Rachel would say something so guileless, it would send her pulse racing and make her seriously consider throwing all caution to the wind. Only she would then recall what happen when she had done so initially. She still considered it part divine intervention, part Jackson intervention that finally got Rachel to her doorstep.

Quinn just didn't want to frighten Rachel again. It was still complicated because she was technically still married to Finn. Divorce proceedings had started and since neither party was going to contest it, it would come through relatively quickly. So all Quinn could do was to force herself to be patient and take so many cold showers that she knows pretty soon she'd have to add ice cubes.

"Umm, I…I need to go and..umm.." She sees Rachel biting her bottom lip trying to contain her laughter and Quinn lets out a sigh, more frustrated than confused. She had been right in that Rachel was just teasing and maybe the brunette just didn't get how affected she was. "I'm going to you know, go and see if Jackson needs any help." Quinn turns to walk away only to feel Rachel grab hold of her arm and pull her in.

Rachel still cannot fully comprehend how Quinn could love her so fully. She was a mess and still had so many insecurities and the same old idiosyncrasies. Yet, every time Quinn looked at her, it was with such reverence and love that she felt beautiful and special. She knows that Quinn had been holding herself back because even she could see the hunger in Quinn's hazel eyes.

And it excited her as much as it scared her. Rachel wasn't afraid of the intimacy but this was new to her, not only being with a woman but being with someone that she truly felt connected to. Try as she might, she could never find that spark with Finn and had always thought that it would come with familiarity. But in the end, it never materialized.

With Quinn, Rachel could feel a pull, a nebulous link that made her feel whole and kept her wanting more. She pulls Quinn towards her, capturing her lips even as her hands pull on Quinn's coat, working their way under it such that her left hand is splayed across Quinn's back and her right one resting on the swell of Quinn's chest, rising and falling with each heartbeat.

Her tongue pushes into Quinn's mouth and the moan she illicit from Quinn makes her knees go weak even as she feels Quinn's hand tangle in her hair. She pulls back enough to whisper the word before the need to taste Quinn again engulfs her. "Trailer."

And Quinn can only acquiesce as she finally pulls back and takes Rachel's hand in hers before striding to Rachel's trailer, both of them finally ready to move forward together.

**End Part 10**


	12. Interlude 2

 

**Get It Right**

**Interlude 2**

The whimper escapes even as she bites down on her fist, not wanting to cry out because it would make the situation seem all the more real. However, the faint blue smiley face peering back at her as she looked down at the stick is enough to make her understand that she can't hide from the truth as her tears leak out.

They had been so careful or at least she had tried to be, knowing what could happen and learning from Quinn's early mistake. But ninety seven percent protection still meant a three percent chance. It's not that Rachel doesn't love Finn. She had already given up so much to have this dream with him and she's not sure she can give up her independence as well.

"Rach?" Finn's voice starling her out of her thoughts such that she drops the stick and looks at the door, praying that he does not come in.

"You ok?" They were supposed to go for dinner and he's back from practice surprisingly early. Which either meant he didn't make varsity again or Coach Martinez grew a heart and let them off before the sun set. She wants to believe it's the latter even though she knows it's probably the former from the way his voice sounds even if he's asking after her.

"I'll …." She takes a deep breath as she swipes her eyes, realizing that she needs to be there for Finn right now. They were a couple and he needed her support so she couldn't let him down. "I'll be right out." She swallows down her fear as her hand reaches for the door knob, and she plasters a smile on her face. "Hey, you're back early."

She sees his face fall and knows that he didn't make Varsity again. "You know I love you, right?" The corner of his mouth quirks upwards at her words and he nods even as she opens her arms and hugs him.

"Hey, did you get the part?" His words are murmured as he kisses the top of her head. She's surprised that he remembered and is actually asking her about it. The tears come fast though as she realizes that she can't take the part any longer. It had been sheer luck that she found out about the casting. An open call for a new musical that would start touring in the summer around the mid west in hope of attracting funds to stage a full blown off Broadway show.

Her music professor had given her the schedule telling her that she was the only one in her class who could pull it off. She didn't want to leave Finn but he was so sure that he would be at Summer Training camp that he urged her to try out. Auditions had been grueling because she had lost the urgency she used to feel when it came to performing.

However, her voice had yet to peak and even without the daily scales and training, its raw power gave her an edge that no one else had. But the part called for a young ingénue and in four months when the tour began, she would be showing and young ingénues weren't supposed to be pregnant.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He sees the tears coursing down her face as she hugs him tighter, her face buried in his chest. "Rach, I don't care about Varsity, as long as I have you. I love you." His tone is soothing and filled with love and she can't get any words out as she starts to sob.

Finn's completely at a loss as to what's going on. Rachel had been a shoe in for the play. He had been at her auditions, having snuck in the back door and when he saw her on stage belting out that song, it made him remember when he used to be in awe of her, when her energy and spark made him feel like he needed to do more, be more.

"So I don't care about making first string and they're idiots for not giving you the part. But we have each other. We'll always have each other." His words wash over her, cocooning her and making the fear she feels recede. It cannot disappear and she knows that she'll need to tell him about it only not tonight because she wants one more normal day. She cannot remember when she accepted that holding back the truth from Finn was acceptable because in the end, she was protecting him but she's never lied to him before.

"Sorry, you're right…I …I really wanted the part." Rachel can't help feeling guilty even if it's only a lie of omission. She look up at his face, his eyes kind and his expression solemn and she stands on her toes to kiss him on the lips before turning to grab her coat. "Let's go and grab some dinner."

"Sure." He's a bit taken aback by her almost instantaneous change in demeanor but he does feel hungry, "Let me just.." He walks towards the bathroom as Rachel stands by the door, hands in the pocket of her red pea coat as she tries to remember the lyrics to Baby Mine. She knows that family is something that Finn's always wanted and as much as she doesn't want to have a baby, she can't take the choice away from him either. Only, she just can't bring herself tell him right now because she knows that she'll have to give up even more of herself.

"Rachel." It's the way he says her name that makes her not want to turn around. She's almost sure she had thrown the stick away but belatedly remembers that he had interrupted her. She hears the urgency in his tone as he calls her name again. "Rachel." She turns around but shuts her eyes and ducks her head, only to feel his finger on her chin, gently lifting it to meet his eyes.

When she opens hers, all she sees is the expression his face, shock mixed with happiness.

"Are you pregnant?" His voice is not harsh but hopeful as he holds up the pregnancy test.

Rachel wants to deny it but the way he's looking at her, like she's the only important thing, like he's in love with her even more now than when they finally got together in high school. All of it is too much and she can only nod.

Finn has a distinct memory of Quinn telling him she was pregnant. How time seemed to stop and all extraneous noise faded away such that all he could hear was his own heartbeat and Quinn's breaths as she tried her best not to descend into a panic attack. He hadn't been remotely ready then and he didn't even question the veracity of Quinn's statement, just accepting that his life was over.

But Rachel was different; she had chosen to be with him. He had been surprised at her change in high school and even more so when she didn't apply to Julliard but to OSU because he had been given a scholarship. But through it all, she had always chosen him and he knows that he has to step up now. "Come on." He grabs at her hand, leading her towards the door.

"Finn." Her voice is so soft, tentative. "I.." he turns to see her standing there, worrying her lower lip and he realizes that she's afraid. And he feels a pressure build up within him, like he needs to make everything right for her at this very moment. He knows what he wants to do but he needs her to understand that she doesn't have to be afraid.

All she can focus on is his warm hand holding hers and her eyes widen as he steps towards her, going down on one knee, his right hand pulling at his ring finger as he finally hold it out to her. "Marry me." His voice so sincere as she looks down to see him reach out for her hand again, his time placing the ring on her finger even before she can say anything.

The ring is too big for her finger but his laugh is so endearing that she smiles for the first time tonight. He looks at her unafraid and she feels like she can just let go and trust that he knows what to do for the both of them. It's not that she's lost her direction but that she's tied herself to Finn and she does not know what else she can do except say yes.

#$#$#$#$

Jackson's seen her around campus and had even asked a few of his frat buddies if they knew anything more about her. He's never been shy with women but he's also always known that a number of them were with him more for his trust fund than his wit. So he's unsurprised when she approaches him in the Quad, a satchel slung on her shoulder, sunglasses on her head and wearing a pale green sundress.

"You're Jackson Gellar." Her voice is low as he turns to look at her, her height already putting them more or less at eye level. He sees her hand shoot out and automatically takes it, noting that it fits so well in his.

"I'm Quinn Fabray and I need your help." It's her smile that completely decimates any of his defenses as he nods not even trusting himself to speak.

"So I'm not going to assume you just said yes to what I want but that you just want to know more about why I need your help?" her playful smile and the fact that she looks down at their linked hands finally spurring him to act less moronic and hopefully more suave.

He let's go of her hand reluctantly, "So in what possible capacity can I assist you today, Ms Fabray." He sees her wince slightly at the use of her surname and wonders if there's a story behind it and whether he'll ever get her to tell him about it. He sees her take a breath and waits for the inevitable story about wanting to know him better or noticing that they had a spark and asking him out. Stories that would normally make him sigh and decline the offer straight away but for Quinn Fabray, he's almost sure he'd still say yes.

Her words come out in a rush like she's afraid that she would not go through with her request if she takes a breath between them. "I'm directing a documentary film about Oppenheimer 's time in Berkeley and how Communism played a part in his work. I was wondering if you would be interested in funding it. I have all the numbers and projections. I know it may be a risk and you probably won't get a return on it but I think or at least I know you do have an interest in supporting the arts" He sees her clear hazel eyes meet his as she looks almost embarrassed.

"I know you have a trust fund and that a lot of people probably come up to you and ask for money and I.." She wants to say that she's different, that her project is better but she's learnt that there are always so many facets to any story and the best she can do is to tell the truth.

"Listen, I know it's not the sexiest topic but we have a great script and access to his papers that have just been declassified." He actually wants to stop her right there and correct her false assumption because the passion in her voice and her presence is probably enough sexy to last a lifetime.

"You have a budget right? I will need to evaluate your budget plan and see if it fits into my tax benefits deductions. " He's at least happy that his voice is sure and he's made a sound case for needing to review the numbers even if all he wants to do is to say yes to anything she asks of him.

"Yes, I do" the smile on her face contagious as she pulls a manila folder from her satchel and gives it to him. "I have a grant from the Berkeley Film Foundation and I'm applying for more from the Pacific Pioneer Fund."

The only reason he recognizes the names was because he's on their donor list and he knows that their criteria for funding is tough which meant that Quinn Fabray, beautiful, amazing Quinn Fabray was actually as talented as she was pretty which definitely put her out of his league regardless of the size of his trust fund. "I'll need some time to review it and I should call.."

He sees her reach in to her bag again and take out a pen before reaching for his arm and writing her number on his palm. "Call me, day or night." She blushes as she says the words, ducking her head down because she can imagine them being misconstrued. "I mean, about the funding. If you need any more information, please call me."

Quinn can't get over a sense of familiarity as she makes eye contact with Jackson again. He was cute, no doubt but it was more the way his brown eyes would look at her and she sees intensity and openness directed at her. It's been so long since she's been flustered with meeting someone. It's not that she's embarrassed to ask for money since her dad had cut her off and only paid for tuition and nothing else.

She's been funding most of her student films through pure guile and working two jobs so soliciting for funds never flustered her. She just didn't expect to feel a connection to Jackson Gellar, an amorphous link that she can explain but that made her give him her phone number instead of just telling him that she would get in touch with him instead like she's done with all the other people she's pitched to.

"I'll call you." He says it so solemnly that she knows that he will and to be honest, she feels a small frisson of anticipation because she really does want him to call and she doesn't mind even if he says no to her movie.

Her smile bubbling into laughter when he bows slightly, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. "I'm definitely going to call you Quinn Fabray." His mom had told him that the first time she saw his dad, she finally understood what it meant to fall in love. And he had laughed because he had thought she was making it up.

But right now, he wishes that he had the foresight to ask her if it felt like having his breath stolen only to breathe Quinn in because of her proximity and realizing he wants her around forever.

"Ok." She feels something within her shift, a long dormant memory of needing to forge a connection but being so afraid of actually doing it. Only this time, she does not feel fear, only a small kernel of hope and an expectation for change.

**The End**


	13. Interlude 3

 

**Get It Right**

**Interlude 3**

The knocks on the door are loud and does not seem to have any intention of stopping. Quinn is glad that she's currently alone and does not have to explain to anyone why she was going to kill the person on the other side of the door. She drags herself out of bed and looks through the peephole, expecting to see anyone except the person currently leaning against her door.

"Santana?" Quinn's reflexes are quick enough to catch the Latina as she slumps forward, her nose wrinkling as she's hit with the overpowering smell of alcohol as if Santana had taken a bath in it. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"Fabray, where's the….you know…" She looks around dazed as if she's surprised to be here in Quinn's apartment and to a certain degree; she is because she lives in Las Vegas with Brittany. Or she did. "I…I need a drink." She pulls herself away from Quinn's grasp and blindly stumbles into the darken apartment, almost tripping over a side table before collapsing on the sofa.

Quinn hadn't seen Santana in seven months. The last time was when she had been shooting a music video in Las Vegas with Brittany choreographing the dance steps. Santana had been abrasive as usual whenever she joined them but Quinn could see how much she had changed from High School. She no longer hid her affection for Brittany behind any false pretenses and was comfortable with being out and in her words 'friggin proud'. But she was still Santana Lopez who sometimes had to push just because it was the only way she could handle her emotions.

So even though they had connected again, reminiscing fondly about glee club and not so fondly about cheerios, it was still difficult for both Santana and Quinn to talk about their emotions. In Santana's case, it was only with the lubrication of copious amounts of alcohol and for Quinn, she was still so deep in denial that she would never be able to fully articulate what she wanted because she had never admitted it to herself.

"San, where's Britt?" Quinn's voice is soft as she stands at the foot of the couch, looking down at Santana's sprawled body and willing her to remove her arm such that she'll be able to see her eyes. Their relationship always more complex than it should be but their bond still strong because somehow, they always could depend on each other when it mattered. And more importantly, they could tell when the other was near breaking point and not push further or go into protection mode.

"What did you do?" There is no accusation in her tone but understanding and empathy because Quinn would always be able to relate to screwing up or trying her hardest to ruin something that she knows she wants but had always been too scared to accept or pursue. Quinn doesn't fully develop her train of thought because she can't think about her, not yet and maybe not ever.

Santana shifts her arm and moves slightly as she finally makes eye contact with Quinn. "What did you do?" she parrots Quinn's words but emphasizes the word you. "When Berry did something nice for you…what did you do?" The last few words said in such a harsh tone that is more directed at herself than at Quinn.

Quinn can see the sheen of tears in Santana's eyes, "San.." She sighs as she says her name, realizing that the both of them keep repeating the same damn mistakes, taking the same decisions and expecting the outcome to miraculously change. Only deep down knowing that it wouldn't but still being too stubborn on Santana's part and and on Quinn's part, too much of a coward, for both of them to do anything else about their situations. "Come on." She pulls on Santana's hand only to feel resistance.

"Are you deaf, Fabray? I wants something to drink." The words are pushed out through gritted teeth as she looks around hoping to spot something, anything to take the edge off and to mask the pain she feels because she misses Brittany so damn much.

"You're not going to get anything from me except use of my shower and some food before I drive you back." Quinn's voice is firm as she stares Santana down, expecting an expletive laden come back only to be surprised when she sees the normally abrasive woman crumble before her, her resolve melting away to reveal uncertainty and fear as their eyes meet.

"She said if I walked out of the door,she wouldn't be there when I come back." The words are so softly spoken, hesitant and edged with panic that they don't even sound like her voice. But Quinn understands it all as she extends her hand once again, not to pull her off the couch but to pull her into a hug as Santana struggles briefly before relenting, her arms tightening around Quinn's torso as her head is buried in her neck. Quinn can feel the hot tears on her skin and feels like crying herself, not only for Santana and Brittany but for herself as well. So much regret stemming from lost opportunities and poor decisions.

"Come on, you need a shower and coffee." She leads Santana to the bathroom and gives her a change of clothes and a towel before making her way to her kitchen to start a new pot of coffee.

"Quinn?" she turns to see Santana standing in the bathroom doorway, her hands full and looking completely lost. Quinn sees her throat convulse and knows the words are stuck there not because she does not want to say them but because she's just too frighten to acknowledge them.

"I know she loves you and whatever you did or said, as long as you go back and face it...with her...Brittany's never going to leave you willingly. You guys were meant to be." Quinn actually means every word and it's only because Santana can see that she's not lying does she turn and enter the bathroom, closing the door softly behind her. Quinn can hear the water running almost immediately and ignores the faint harsh cries she can hear underlying the constant stream of water. She makes the coffee and fills up the two flasks before packing a change of clothes.

She's sitting on the couch, knees drawn up as she stares out the bay windows when Santana finally does come out. Her hair is wet and eyes are rimmed red but otherwise, she looks more calm even if her hands are shaking and in fists at her sides. "You ready to go home?" her question almost rhetorical as she looks at one of her oldest friends, willing her to acknowledge what she truly wants, out loud. It can't be too late for Santana to change and for Quinn, it would mean that it wasn't too late for her to make amends either. Her plan already in progress but just not as advanced as she would like.

"Yeah...what if..."She needs some kind of affirmation even if she knows it's unfair to ask it of Quinn. They've had phone calls and occasional visits and they'll always be friends but to ask her to promise that it would work out because she's too scared to go back otherwise, was probably asking too much.

Quinn doesn't say anything as she leads Santana to her dusty car parked haphazardly at the front of her building. At least it hadn't been towed or got ticketed. It's only when she's pulling away from the curb and Santana's buckled herself in, does Quinn finally speak. "What did you do?" there's no accusation in her voice. She just needs context in order to finally answer Santana's question.

The mood in the car is almost sombre and the conversation stilted as Santana only answers after Quinn places their order and collects the greasy bag filled with bacon topped burgers and fries. "She wants to have a baby." Santana looks out the window of the car , her hand idly turning the knob on the radio, hoping for a distraction of some kind but all she hears is static. "She wants to have my baby."

It's the first time she's said it out loud since her talk or rather fight with Brittany. And it also doesn't sound as daunting or scary as never seeing Brittany or kissing her or just knowing that when everything went to hell, just knowing she would be able to see and touch the blond was enough for her to face anything.

"And by that look on your face, I'm assuming that you've realized how galactically stupid you've been and you're just realizing that what she's asked you makes you one lucky bitch." Quinn pats Santana on her knee as she sinks back into the seat, her head flung backwards as she curses in Spanish.

"She said she wouldn't..." She swallows past the lump in her throat, "she would't be there." Santana's voice dropping off at the end as she closes her eyes, tears spilling out the sides, nonetheless.

"Do you still have the ring?" Quinn remembers the last month of senior year for two reasons. She had spent the majority of time trying to summon up the courage to really talk to Rachel but could never bring herself to say the words or admit that she had feelings for her, feelings that she could not explain and acknowledge. It was also the first time Santana had come out to her and asked for a favor. Artie had gone all out and bought Brittany a delicate necklace for graduation despite not being together for over a year.

Santana had freaked and barged into Quinn's house in the middle of Sunday dinner asking for help. In her bedroom that night, Santana had admitted how she had been in love with Brittany for as long as she could remember and although she was still not completely ready to admit it to her parents, she still wanted to show her love for the blond in a different way. In her mind, she knew she wanted to get a ring for Brittany. Something to symbolize her love and devotion. It wasn't surprising that it took the form of a small diamond faced cat. Quinn had loaned her the additional five hundred dollars to get it and had been so excited for them. Only Santana never got to give it to Brittany.

Her mother had found it along with the love letter and Santana had left her childhood home in tears but at least finally ready to admit her true self to everyone. She knew then that she didn't need the ring to show Brittany how much she loved her. Santana realized that the ring would eventually be needed to fully commit to Brittany. Not that she wasn't already committed to the blond but more that she knew she still had to prove to Brittany that she truly meant it this time, no regrets, no turning back.

"Yeah." Santana takes out her wallet and opens the zipper at the side before taking out the ring, the diamonds still sparkling like they did when she saw it that day. "Every day I think about giving it to her but..." she swallows her words, not wanting to admit that she still felt like she didn't deserve Brittany and try as she might, she tended to screw up not because she didn't love Brittany but because she knew that she just didn't deserve her. In her mind, she always felt that eventually Brittany would also realize that and leave her.

"You're meant to be with her and she loves you despite all you stupid insecurities and constant need to screw things up." Quinn turns to meet Santana's gaze. "Give her the ring, grow up and accept that you can be happy. You deserve to be happy."

She sees the tears leak out and for once Santana does not try and hide them or brush them away. Instead, she looks down at the ring, her expression a mixture of fear and realization as she contemplates everything. Finally coming to the foregone conclusion that Quinn knew she would. "It's about damn time."Quinn feels her own eyes well up. Tears of happiness mingled with tears of regret. She knows she is a hypocrite and a coward and wonders if she'll ever get her own epiphany.

Six hours into the drive, she hears Santana's husky voice asking her the one question she does not want to answer. "When are you going to admit that you're still hung up over her?"

Her only reaction being her hands tightening around the steering wheel as she takes a breath, hoping that Santana won't say anything else. Only the Latina knows she needs to return the favor and she can't let Quinn keep ignoring what she knows she really wants. "She's married and living her life and I'm living mine." Even as she says the words, she can feel the tug in her heart. A longing she cannot fulfill but can just learn to ignore.

"Bullshit."Santana draws out the word as she opens the wrapper of the candy bar, offering a bite to Quinn before taking one of her own. "You're not living your life." The words are clear even if said through her mouthful of candy. Quinn tries to work up enough righteous indignation to respond back but she knows Santana can see through her lies.

"I'm doing the best I can." Her script's almost done and meeting Selena last month was like a respite. Quinn knows exactly what she hopes to do in time. Her overall plan still on track even if it was just slowly coming together. She was still not ready to face Rachel but she knew that one day she would be.

"What's wrong with just picking up the phone and start talking to her?" the question not posed as challenge because Santana truly wants to know what's holding Quinn back.

"Don't you think I don't dream about doing that?" Quinn's voice starts out wishful only to turn into regret. "I took away her dreams and I left her. I think I'm long past the calling to say I'm sorry stage."

The first time Santana noticed Quinn staring at Rachel was in middle school. When she called her on it, Quinn turned to her blinking before walking up to Rachel and pushing past her, causing the petite brunette to trip and skin her knee. It became habit then, each time Quinn found herself drawn to Rachel, she would fight the instinct, diverting her feelings into mean words and snide remarks. Santana had seen through her though because Quinn would always stop from completely decimating Rachel. Words used were just enough to draw tears but never to the point of destroying her completely. Even then, she could see through Quinn's self hatred. How she would run suicide runs until she keeled over each time she made Rachel cry.

Santana knew that Quinn would never acknowledge her feelings. She tried to help, always more open with Brittany whenever Quinn was around but the blond never said anything. The only time she had mentioned something was when she told Santana not to come over to her house with Brittany because her dad had said something. Santana didn't care about Russell Fabray or what he thought but she remembered what Quinn had said to her, "He'll hurt the things he hates or the people he doesn't understand."

She could see Quinn looking at her, her hazel eyes pleading with her to understand that she was protecting them and by extension herself. They stopped meeting at Quinn's then and she never regretted not seeing Russell or Judy Fabray. "Maybe you could still try." Santana cannot imagine never having Brittany in her life. She knows that she's lucky that Brittany never gave up on her and even now, even with the threat of her words hanging over her, she knows that their love will prevail. Quinn had helped her before and was still helping her see that now. So she knows she needs to help Quinn along as well.

"You've loved her for as long as I can remember." her words are soft and can barely be heard above the music playing from the radio. yet she sees Quinn flinch as if she's shouted them. "You still do." they never talked about it,always skirting around the edges of acknowledging their wants. Only this time, Santana is sick of never facing the truth and she loves Quinn enough to force the issue.

"Please don't...I.." Quinn's voice is just as soft as she pleads for some sort of reprieve even as she feels that she does need to hear this.

"You have to stop running at some point, Q" she reverts to their nicknames because it highlights their connection, forged by fighting Sue Sylvester together as much as by supporting each other.

"Sooner or later, you'll have to tell her, confront her ...hell kiss her and finally find out if it was worth all this time." Quinn doesn't say a word as she looks sideways at her oldest friend, her eyes filled with so much emotion that Santana wonders how she manages not to break. "Even if you don't believe it, you deserve to be happy and so does she." Santana does not talk to Rachel but she knows Brittany does and through that link she knows that Rachel Berry is anything but happy.

"Someday.." it's the only promise she can give because saying anything else would be lying and Santana deserved more and Quinn knows she does too. She needed to admit that Rachel Berry will always be on her mind and eventually all her plans will come to fruition. She just had to be patient and build up her courage and fortitude to eventually make it right for Rachel.

It was her one dream and she knows deep down that eventually she'll be brave enough to take the first step. Quinn knows that she'll never get Rachel out of her system because she'll always wonder what it would be like to kiss her and until that happened, she would always feel the ache in her heart.

She glances at Santana and can see the Latina staring at her. "Better be sooner rather than later otherwise I'm going to drag you back to Lima myself."She sees Quinn's eyes widen in surprise and a bit of fear because Quinn knows she's not kidding."And if I don't Brittany will." Santana finally feels like things will get better. She knows Brittany will be furious with her but that the blonde would still be at their apartment. Likewise, she can see that Quinn is not completely stuck. She was still moving way too slow but at least it was towards something and not running away from it.

It seemed like a turning point for the both of them and she turns up the knob of the radio when she hears the next song start. It was like a message sent especially for the both of them as she start to sing the first verse and can hear Quinn join in almost immediately.

"I can't fight this feeling any longer..."

**The End**


	14. Chapter 11

 

**Get It Right**

_But how many it times will it take?_

_Oh, how many times will it take for me?_

Quinn never really considered exactly what it would be like to date Rachel. She never wanted to dream about something that she felt she could never have. It would just be too cruel. So to actually have the experience was just an amazing thing. Only, she still just never felt completely comfortable with the situation because all she would think about was what if. What if Rachel realized that she was just not good enough for her or worse what if Rachel could not forgive her for what she had done in High School.

The movie was coming along so well and she had spent every second of her free time that she could with Rachel but deep down she was just waiting for something to go wrong. It wasn't that she wanted to have such a fatalistic view but she just couldn't shake the feeling.

Despite spending as much time as they could with each other, neither of them could verbally broach the subject of something more or making it more official. Quinn literally holding herself back because she was so afraid of pushing Rachel or saying the wrong thing; and Rachel wanting more but not being able to fully articulate it and just relying on Quinn to do so.

Quinn hadn't been sure if Rachel needed her own privacy and wanted her own place so she kept quiet each night when she drove Rachel back to her small rented apartment. At least it was in a decent neighborhood but still she worried each time she drove away. Always waiting until she saw Rachel switch on her bedroom lights before pulling out into the street to drive the thirty miles back to her place.

"So...goodnight."Quinn's hands are deep in her pockets as she leans in to give Rachel a kiss before taking a step back and watching as the brunette made her way up the stairs to the front door of the apartment complex. As usual, she waited by her car, looking up at the third floor window, waiting for the lights to be switched on. Only she does not see anything even after five minutes. After seven minutes, her heart pounds fiercely in her chest as she runs up the front steps and pushes open the foyer door, not even stopping as she races up the stairs. Her thoughts in complete disarray as she prays that everything is alright.

She does not expect to see Rachel leaning against her door, hands crossed in front of her and an enigmatic smile on her face as she looks at Quinn, almost doubled over as she tries to catch her breath.

"Do you really always wait until I switch on my bedroom lights?" Rachel reaches out to hold onto Quinn's upper arm as the blond stares at her from her bent position, trying to discern if she was alright before answering the question.

"Umm, well.." Quinn takes a few deep breaths, trying to get her heart rate to slow down. "Yeah." Her tone highlighting the fact that she's surprised that Rachel had to ask the question. She was completely head over heels in love with the brunette. It was obvious to everyone who knew her and most of the people working on the movie. Quinn's almost certain that it had to be glaringly obvious to Rachel as well. But she's always been afraid that Rachel would remember what a bitch she had been in High School and realize that perhaps she didn't want to spend as much time with Quinn as Quinn wanted to spend with her. So she knew she would never broach the subject of moving in together no matter how much she wanted to.

"So ask me..." Rachel looks at Quinn as she says the words, hoping that she'll get the message and know that it's time. All this was new to her and she just needed to know how much Quinn cared and now that she did, it seemed so stupid to wait considering the both of them finally wanted the same thing. She knows she could easily ask Quinn the question but she wasn't there just yet. Each day since Quinn walked into her life, she's had to face so many new things; all of them wonderful and different but also a bit scary. So she knows she may be expecting more from Quinn than she should but she does not know how else to do it.

Quinn sees Rachel's coy smile and hears her request but she's still not completely sure that what she wants is what Rachel wants as well. She's been wrong before in jumping so many steps ahead and not doing things in their correct order. It is not a mistake she wants to repeat considering it's a miracle that Rachel is finally in her life and she's managed to not screw it up thus far.

Except Rachel is looking at her so intently, a soft smile playing on her face and all Quinn can think of is to close the gap between them. She finds Rachel's lips, soft and yielding and she enjoys the taste of them, only pulling back to utter her request, whispering the words. Not wanting to say them too loudly and breaking the spell that Rachel was under. It was the only explanation as to why Rachel was acquiescing to her want. "Please move in with me."She sees an unreadable expression on Rachel's face and she knows she has to make Rachel understand that as always, there won't be strings attached to her offer.

"You'll have your own room and key and all the privacy you want. I just would probably sleep better knowing you were safe in the next room and I could wish you goodnight every night." Quinn does not look at Rachel' instead closing her eyes as she kisses her one more time.

Her eyes are still closed and she can feel Rachel's breath on her skin as she waits in anticipation. Quinn strains to hear something, anything, her heart already hammering in her chest and she feels like time has stopped. Rachel smiles as she sees Quinn's eyes close. Instead of answering, she leans forward slightly, capturing Quinn's lips as she moans a yes, into the kiss.

Quinn cannot believe her luck as she deepens the kiss before finally pulling back and grabbing Rachel's hands to pull her towards the elevator. "What are you doing?" Rachel looks confused as Quinn pulls her into the elevator as soon as it opens.

"We're going home." Quinn answers like it's the most obvious thing even as Rachel shakes her head. "You said yes and there's nothing else to do but go home." She smiles at Rachel's wide eyed look.

"But my clothes and my.." Quinn cuts Rachel off with another kiss before she answers.

"I need a new wardrobe so we're going shopping tomorrow and besides, this is a fresh start for the both of us so we're both getting new clothes and whatever else you need." She had overheard Rachel on the phone to Kurt a few days ago talking about how all of her clothes were a few years old but she had been so conditioned to save money that she could not bring herself to buy any new ones even with the advance money she got from signing on to do the movie.

Quinn had been so tempted to take Rachel shopping then but Jackson had talked her out of it. He highlighted the fact that Rachel had talked to Kurt about it and not her so therefore until Rachel confided in her, she couldn't just make things right for Rachel as much as she wanted to. They were in a relationship together and she could not make unilateral decisions.

So Quinn had waited until now and it seemed like the perfect opportunity so she expects Rachel to enthusiastically agree only to be stopped short by her words. "No...I can't. Not tonight. just let me pack and I'll come over tomorrow." Rachel does not want to accept anything from Quinn except for her love. It was hard enough knowing that her current path in life was also because of Quinn. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate what Quinn had done for her.

She still had to pinch herself each time she woke up in the morning and realized what she had to look forward to. But, more importantly, she was beginning to feel like her old self again and that Rachel Berry needed to do things on her own. She didn't want to revert to depending on someone else like she had on Finn.

She had tied herself to Finn so completely that she didn't even have her own separate bank accounts. All their meager earnings had been pooled together. Finn had been as generous as he could and she knows Quinn can be as well but there was just no way she could accept anything more from Quinn.

She knows that she has fallen for Quinn but she wants it to be about loving her and not because Quinn bought her nice clothes. Rachel finally understanding what it meant to be happy and it wasn't because she was starring in an amazing movie or because she was living a dream she thought she would never have a chance to fulfill.

She finally realized what she had been missing all along and what love, true love really felt like. It wasn't feeling like she had to make it up to someone or that she had to give up part of herself or all of her dreams to do it.

True love, was loving Quinn, it was knowing that she would be absolutely happy by just waking up next to her in the morning. And it meant she would never feel like she wasn't good enough or that she was missing something. The ache in her heart long disappeared, replaced by a feeling like she's flying, like she's able to do anything she's ever wanted because Quinn is with her.

It wasn't about replacing Finn with Quinn but remembering who she had been all those years ago, and what she had wanted out of life. Not only to be a success on Broadway but to feel happy, loved and Quinn made her happy and she felt truly loved. So she knows she cannot accept anything else from the blond.

She sees Quinn's expression, a mixture of uncertainty with just a hint of impatience and she smiles, hoping to convey her love. "Just give me one day to pack and we'll be together tomorrow night and in a week or so, you'll probably regret asking me." Rachel bites her lower lip, her words spoken partly in jest and partly in fear that Quinn will really regret asking her to move in so soon.

Quinn can't help but feel slightly rejected by Rachel and she almost pushes the point only to hold back when she hears the slight tremor in Rachel's tone and the slant of her words. She realizes she misses the confident tone that Rachel's voice use to carry.

"I'm never going to regret one of the best decisions in my life." her answer back is soft as her hand reaches out to stroke Rachel's cheek before she places one last kiss on her lips. She can't understand why she feels so alone despite knowing that she had planned to drive home by herself tonight after sending Rachel back.

Even though Rachel's words are about Quinn rejecting her, deep down, she still feels like Rachel would be the one to leave her eventually. That thought is enough to scare her and she quashes it immediately, not wanting to even contemplate it.

Instead, Quinn steps out of the elevator and turns around, "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning." She stands there until the elevator doors shut before going to her car.

She's completely sure of what she wants but can also understand Rachel's fears and hesitation. She's scared too although her fears stem from Rachel leaving her while she thinks she knows what Rachel is scared of.

It wasn't difficult to guess that maybe she was still holding on to pieces of her past. Quinn knows all about holding onto the past and being too afraid to face the future but she's not afraid any longer and knows just how to make Rachel let go of all her fears.

She spends most of the night rewriting the next scene, only managing to print it out just before the sun rose. Instead of picking Rachel up, she asks Jackson to do and to bring Rachel the new scene as she wanted to go over it with Steven and her DP. Quinn thinks that with this scene, Rachel can finally put her past to rest literally and figuratively as her character. It was an elegant solution and she was pretty proud of herself for thinking of it.

She sees Kurt enter the set and waves him over, "Hey, I need you to pick out an outfit for Rachel, something in red." She sees Kurt look at her askance and knows he's about to protest because he had been looking forward to the next scene as Rachel was going to wear a Hummel original. "Just do it Kurt. I promise she'll wear your dress in the scene after." She smiles as she sees him huff but not argue as he heads straight for wardrobe.

Jackson had been surprised at the rewrite and the request to pick Rachel up but he did it anyway. The brunette was just as surprised to see him at her door when she opened it.

"Jackson? Where's Quinn? Did anything happen?" Her voice immediately betraying her concern because Quinn had promised to pick her up and the only worrying thing running though her mind is something had stopped her from doing so.

"Quinn's fine. She just had an early meeting with Steven because of the new scene." He smiles reassuringly and sees Rachel's brow furrow in confusion as he holds out the new script pages.

Rachel knows a few things about Quinn. Things she noticed since high school and always remembered. And the one thing she could recall was when Quinn was preoccupied with something, be it her pregnancy or trying to win Finn back, she would not be able to sleep and would do other things instead, like study or bake. And it seemed like this older incarnation of Quinn wrote when she was thinking too hard about something and Rachel knows that despite her denial, Quinn had taken her no yesterday as a rejection.

She reaches out for the papers and begins to read them as soon as they're in the car. The scene playing out in her head as she mouths the words. It's visceral and pretty good but Rachel knows she can't do the scene or more accurately, she does not want to.

It wasn't anything to do with Quinn's writing but more with the reason she had written it in the first place and what she was trying to do with it. Rachel is sure that Quinn is not doing it on purpose but she can't afford to have another of her relationships start off with her subsuming her personality yet again. She had already wasted ten years of her life and she was so looking forward to being with Quinn but only on the right terms.

"Rach? Are you ok?" Jackson can see her deep in thought, chewing on her bottom lip so hard that he's worried she'll draw blood. "Is it the scene? I think she stayed up all night to write it." He can see that Rachel is perturbed but cannot understand why she would be unless the scene just wasn't up to scratch. But he knew Quinn and how much of a perfectionist she was such that she wouldn't want to shoot a scene unless it was ready.

"No, the scene's really good but..." she trails off, not sure if she should raise the issue with Jackson considering that he was so close to Quinn.

"But..." he repeats her last word and can see indecision in her features. "We have more in common than you realize." He sees her looking at him, an unreadable expression on her face now and he smiles reassuringly before answering her unasked question. "She loves us both and would try her best not to hurt either of us except sometimes she doesn't always succeed because she forgets that she needs to talk to us and not make unilateral decisions." he sees Rachel nod at his words and wonders if she'll tell him what's wrong.

"Have you read the scene?" he nods at Rachel's question and sees her wait for him as if she wants him to paraphrase the scene for her. When he had read it at Quinn's place, he thought that it was good but he had been surprised that she wanted to change the scene so radically and make Rachel's character be so explicit with her motivations.

"Initially, the turning point of the movie was when your character takes the first step to undo the last bad decision she made. Your inner struggle conveyed more by minor changes in a few scenes of you going about your daily routine. However, with this new scene, your character's motivation is more pronounced as you burn all your clothes and other possessions and that acts as the pivotal scene of you deciding to change your life."

Rachel had fallen in love with Quinn's script before she had fallen in love with Quinn only to later realize that the entire story was a love letter to her. The story was nuanced and beautiful but the new scene although still good was too overt and made the story more predictable.

It had come as a bit of a surprise as to how much of a romantic Quinn was. Despite her upbringing and her teenage pregnancy, Quinn had still kept her believe in romance and love. So the new scene, no matter how good was out of character for Quinn.

Only Rachel knew exactly why Quinn had written it. Like Jackson had said, Quinn loved her but she also assumed that Rachel was still clinging to her past without understanding that she wasn't really. At least not the way Quinn had thought. So the new scene was Quinn's way of giving her some sort of catharsis.

"She thinks doing the scene will help me let go of my past."Rachel smiles wistfully as she reconciles where she had been year ago with where she was now. It was almost like a dream to her to go from a place where she had felt hopeless to seeing so many possibilities before her. And it was all due to the fact that Quinn loved and believed in her.

"Only, I did let it go the second I realized I was completely in love with her. Like irreversibly and absolutely immensely in love with her." It was like a revelation to say it out loud because Rachel realized that she had never said those words before and truly meant them. Each time she had said those words to Finn, she remembered feeling like a fraud. She had tried so hard to be in love with him such that she mistook her feelings of gratitude for something more.

"Have you told her?" Jackson's question was a valid one because Rachel is almost sure that she's never said the words to Quinn except that first day at her apartment and even then, it had been qualified with a maybe.

But Rachel's beginning to realize that the main reason she was holding back was because she still didn't trust her own instincts completely. "I guess I didn't want to be that clichéd with saying 'I love yous' and moving in together but I tend to forget that we've known each other for so long and..." she trails off as she looks at Jackson.

"And she's been in love with you for just as long." he finishes her thought but still wanted to know what was wrong with the scene."So you don't need the scene to let go of your past but that's not the reason you're having problems with it, is it?" he sees Rachel nod her head in agreement to his words.

"She thinks she can fix everything or that she needs to and...I guess this is something she shouldn't feel she has to fix. I'm the one that needs to fix this, not her." Rachel worries her lower lip, as she contemplates what she should do when they reach the studio. Quinn had spent the whole night writing the scene and knowing Quinn, it was something that she poured all her emotions into. It was not something that Rachel could just dismiss. She looks down at the pages in her lap and makes up her mind relatively quickly as she begins to memorize Quinn's words.

She sees Kurt before she can find Quinn and he's already fretting because he needs to ensure that the dress Quinn had asked for actually fitted Rachel and his mouth is full of pins as he pulls her towards the dressing rooms, mumbling under his breath. Rachel wants to ask him about Quinn but is too worried that he'll swallow the pins that she keeps quiet and tries on the red dress.

She does not see Quinn until just before the shoot and even then, they just exchange smiles, Quinn's encouraging and Rachel's almost tentative. "So we'll just run through the scene, no need for the fire or the lighting just yet. Rachel, I'm going to try film the scene in one long tracking shot so just go through all your lines and hit all your marks, ok?" As before, Quinn does not give Rachel any acting directions, just telling her how she was going to shoot the scene and letting her interpret her character the way she wanted.

Except right now, Rachel is at a loss because she does not know how to act like she's letting go of something. Her own experience had been so swift and almost automatic the moment Quinn had opened her apartment door to her, a camera in her hand and an almost sorrowful expression on her beautiful face.

The closest thing she can recall was staring at Finn in the school parking lot, the night of the reunion. How she felt her chest constrict and the heaviness she felt when Finn had looked at her and finally understood that she was not in love with him. So she draws on that memory when she hears the cue.

Quinn does not say anything as she focuses on the sixth take. She sees Rachel hold up the match, the smoke curling from its end as the brunette stares at it as if in a trance before letting it drop into the large garbage can before her. She hears Rachel say her lines but it's not what she had pictured in her head. Something wasn't right and she just could not figure out what exactly.

She's so focused on trying to understand why the scene was not working that she almost misses that Rachel was done. She locks eyes with Rachel and then it hits her, the scene wasn't working because Rachel maybe didn't want to let go of her past. Quinn suddenly feels like nothing has changed and that Rachel would realize sooner or later that she wanted to be with someone else and not her. It was such a scary thought but one that takes root so quickly that she feels her heart rate speed up and her hands feel clammy.

It would make some sort of karmic sense that she would want to hang on to some vestiges of her past. As much as Quinn would like to deny it, she knows that Rachel had loved Finn and perhaps maybe she still did. Quinn knows that Rachel wasn't still in love with Finn but that didn't man that she didn't have any feeling for him either. She calls for a break, telling everyone on set to take a break and convene back in an hour.

She sees Rachel's look of surprise and her voice is softer and close to breaking but she manages to get all her words out. "Rach, why don't you rest? We'll do some blocking and maybe you can go over the scene before we shoot the next take." She expects Rachel to nod and go to her trailer so that Quinn can take the time to pull herself together because she feels so close to the edge. Only instead of agreeing, Rachel turns to look at her, her arms akimbo and her features set.

"No."Quinn hears the word and is immediately transported to the night of the reunion. The feeling of losing the one thing she's wanted the most, the hollowness in the pit of her stomach but she tries her best to ignore all of it. "Listen, it's ok to have an off day and besides, this was a completely new scene so it makes sense that you need more time." But Quinn stops when she sees Rachel shaking her head.

"Quinn, I.." It's like a switch had been flipped and instead of letting Rachel say anything more, she gives in to her uncertainty and fear. She turns and swiftly walks away, ignoring Rachel's voice calling her name or the promise she made to herself to try and be more open to Rachel. All Quinn can think of is she cannot survive hearing Rachel reject her again.

She puts it down to survival instinct but knows it's more her being a complete coward but all she can hear is Rachel saying no; no to moving in with her and probably eventually no to being with her. The only reason to stop really was the same one that makes her want to run. She feels a pull on her arm and realizes that Rachel had followed her, but she still does not stop until she hears Rachel's voice.

"Quinn…Quinn." Rachel's voice rises even as Quinn tries to pull away. She knows people are beginning to stare and it does make her feel uncomfortable. However Quinn's obvious distress and realizing she's the reason for it, finally spurs her to say what she knows she wants to despite the public arena.

"I...I do want to move in with you." Rachel sees Quinn almost stumble to a stop as her words register. Her voice is louder than normal as she directs her words to Quinn's back, hoping the blond will turn around so she can see her eyes. "And if I haven't said it before, I'm saying it now...I love you." she hears Quinn exhale at her words but she still does not turn around.

Rachel knows she's drawing attention to them as she notices most of the people on the set still there staring openly at them, as if transfixed.

Quinn is amazed at how quickly her own emotions can turn as all she really wants to do is to protect Rachel. While she loves to hear Rachel say the words out loud, she is also fully aware that Rachel is still somewhat shy about their relationship. Their public display of affection almost nonexistent because they had still not made anything official, to each other or in public. She finally turns around, her eyes dart from Rachel to the people milling about, all trying to appear nonchalant but hanging on to their every word. "Do you want to go somewhere a bit more private?" Her words come out in a whisper and she is again surprised when she hears Rachel laugh and grab on to her hand.

"Why?" her smile is wide as she looks at Quinn, all her insecurities and fears paling as she acknowledges that she is not encumbered by her past and only has her future to look forward to, one that prominently featured Quinn. "You wrote the new scene because you think that I'm still constrained by my past in some way..."

Quinn nods as Rachel pulls on her hand such that they're standing inches apart. "But I'm not." She sees the look of realization dawn on Quinn's face but the blond still remains silent because she still does not trust her own instincts.

"At least not the way you think. I 'm in love with you and it's a new experience because I've never…" Rachel pauses, knowing she has to admit to this one thing before she can fully focus on moving forward with Quinn. "I've never been in love before."

Quinn wants to say so many things; she wants to tell Rachel that she's fallen in love just once as well and it had taken her yeas to admit it to herself before she could admit it to Rachel. So she can't complain or find fault with Rachel's reticence. At least Rachel didn't lash out like she had, not only denying her feelings it but also over-compensating for them by targeting Rachel in High School. She opens her mouth to apologize but Rachel kisses her instead.

"Still my turn." Rachel pulls back, wanting to finish her speech because she can't keep expecting Quinn to always make the first move. "I don't want you to buy me clothes. I don't want you to feel that you need to make up for the past or fix everything by yourself. I don't want you to feel like you can't be honest with me or point out when I'm acting like an idiot or hurting you unintentionally because I don't ever want to hurt you. All I want is to be with you."

 

"Still your turn?" Quinn's question makes her smile as she shakes her head. There's a larger crowd now around them, no one even trying to hide the fact that they're all closely following what's happening between Quinn and her. And Rachel doesn't care as long as Quinn understands exactly what she means to her.

"Yes." She shouts the next words. "I love you Quinn Fabray." As hoots and applause break out along with calls for Quinn to step up and kiss her, which she does.

"I love you too." Her words much softer than Rachel's declaration but her intentions obvious as she pulls Rachel in for another long kiss.

**End Part 11**


	15. Chapter 12

 

**Get It Right**

The last few weeks of the movie shoot had such a different atmosphere from the first few weeks. In the beginning, all Rachel could remember was feeling scared about everything. Quinn's presence alone had helped tremendously. However, all she really needed was time to acclimatize herself to her new surroundings and eventually, her talent and tenacious nature won out. Such that Rachel became so comfortable with the long hours and multiple takes that she never appeared frazzled or tired but always willing to do a scene a different way. Sometimes even pushing Quinn to shoot a scene differently from what she had first envisioned.

Even though it existed as a microcosm of the real world, the set was still a closed one resulting in the cast and crew bonding through working long days and longer nights but also because of the familial environment that both Quinn and Rachel had created. Their relationship not a secret on set but closely guarded by everyone working on the movie such that little of it leaked out into the gossip columns and press.

Overall, it was a completely idyllic time that Rachel completely reveled in but Quinn knew would come to an end relatively soon. She just didn't know how to protect Rachel when it did. Her focus was shifting from shooting the movie to sitting in production room and looking at the edits. She found herself spending more and more time in the editing room leaving her AD to handle the pickup shots and miscellaneous background scenes.

The last full day they had spent together was four days ago, shooting the very last scene in the movie, her character singing her final song as she finally starts over. Rachel knew she would cry when she shot the scene. What she did not expect was to not be able to stop. Quinn had noticed almost immediately and instead of staying to review the dailies, she had whisked Rachel home, holding her the whole night.

Rachel was still coming to grips with not being able to see Quinn except when they drove to the lot together or if she stayed up to wait for the blond. The both of them knew that the changes to come were not going to be easy but accepting that they would face them together and therefore not have any issues.

Rachel pinches the inner part of her arm as she tries to stay awake, her legs are curled beneath her and she has an afghan around her shoulders as she waits for Quinn, her focus not straying from the door despite the television flickering before her. She's up from the couch as soon as she hears the key inserted into the lock and wonders if Quinn is too exhausted to eat like she had been for the prior two days.

"Rach? Hey beautiful…what are you doing up?" Her voice is slurred and she tries to maneuver around the couch only to hit the side table.

"Are you drunk?" Rachel's more surprised that angry as she reaches out and guides Quinn to sit next to her, the blonde's head immediately resting on her shoulder and a contented sigh escaping from her mouth.

"What happened?" Her question washes over Quinn who takes the opportunity to snuggle closer to Rachel, her left hand already pulling Rachel closer. She's at a stage where she's not drunk enough to forget anything but just drunk enough to not let the thing that's bugging her surface. It's just the right level of drunk in her mind as she focuses on Rachel.

She hears Rachel humming softly under her breath as her hand settles on top of Quinn's and all she can think of is how lucky she is and how so very happy she is, as her eyes shut involuntarily and she remembers what she had been doing earlier that evening.

Quinn had started planning her surprise a week ago. Surreptitiously making calls when she had a few minutes to spare and even roping Kurt into it because he knew Rachel so well. She loved the way Rachel had assimilated herself into her world. Putting up with the crazy hours and countless of repeated takes and waiting around because the weather wasn't right or the natural light just didn't look natural enough. She never underestimated Rachel's work ethic but to actually see how hard she pushed herself made Quinn and the rest of the crew push themselves as well.

Despite the busy days, Rachel still took the time to know all of the crew by name and baking cookies midway for everyone, when she had refused to do Quinn's rewritten scene and thought that it had been her fault for wasting the half-day shoot. It was as if Rachel had adopted everyone on the set as her family and treated them as such. She would spend more than her allotted time in the make up trailer because Marissa was going through a divorce.

And she would pull Quinn along when she ate lunch with Julie, the Production Manager so the girl could quiz her on Jackson. She knew about their kids or significant others and sometimes even the problems they were having. Rachel kind of became the nucleus on the movie set, pulling everyone together and it made Quinn sad to think that she could have been the same in High School if they had let her; or more accurately, if Quinn hadn't ostracized her.

But what caught Quinn's attention was every once in a while, she would catch Rachel sneaking off for a few minutes. She would always be so tempted to follow as soon as she noticed. However, she wanted to give Rachel space so she would look at her watch and ensure that at least half an hour went by before she looked for Rachel.

It was difficult to wait and the first few times, she would snap at anyone asking her questions as she stared at her watch wishing the seconds would go by faster. Over the course of the shoot, she accepted that Rachel needed the time and she knew what she had to do so she would wait each time it happened before she went looking for the brunette.

Inevitably, she would find her looking off in the distance as if deep in thought, her features soft but her eyes sad as if she was missing something. Each time, Quinn would hold her, not saying anything and after a few minutes, Rachel would smile as if nothing had occurred and they would go about their day.

It wasn't difficult to decipher that Rachel was thinking about the end of the movie and what would happen to her makeshift family. And Quinn didn't have an easy answer for her except to ensure that they at least had an amazing wrap party and that Rachel's dads would also be there. Quinn knows it's a tradition of sorts to invite family to the party and she wanted to make sure that Rachel had that experience. She wanted to show Rachel that everyone appreciated her but that her family, her true family which meant her two dads as well as Quinn herself, Kurt and even Jackson, were there for her.

Julia was organizing the wrap party and Jackson had been tasked to ensure that Rachel's dads were coming. Like before, she had ensured that two first class tickets were sent to Lima and the hotel was booked. Like before, her plan coming together so well that she does not have time to assimilate what it all actually means to her. So she really felt blindsided today when she talked to Steven and finally understood that everything was truly coming to an end for her as well.

Steven had casually mentioned that he had been looking forward to meet her family during the party. It had been such a quick aside that she didn't have time to correct his assumption. It was clear he knew that Rachel's dads were coming and probably assumed that her parents were also going to attend.

Quinn knows she has Rachel in her life and she would do everything in her power to ensure that that would always be the case. And by that extension, Rachel's family would be hers as well so she does not dwell on the fact that apart from Jackson, she has no other family to call her own. It had been obvious that her most recent encounter with her parents proving beyond a doubt that they would never change.

She had been dwelling on that thought for the better part of the evening and after she left Steven's, had gone to the bar around the corner from her place. One drink turned into five but she had stopped when she realized that Rachel was probably at home, waiting for her, like she had been, the past few nights she had been delayed in the editing room.

It's then that she jerks awake, groggy and disoriented but stilling hr movements because she realizes that Rachel is lying on top of her. She can feel Rachel's arms around her and realizes that they had both fallen asleep on the couch and that Rachel was still asleep, her head nestled under Quinn's chin.

It's her most favorite position to fall asleep in, Rachel laying on top of her such that they're touching end to end and she can feel Rachel's heartbeat if she concentrates heart enough. The constant beat, each one a reminder of how immensely lucky she is to have Rachel in her life. She doesn't care that she'll have an ache in her back because one part of the couch is uneven or that her bladder is full enough to be uncomfortable.

All she can think of is that she does not want to trade places with anyone and she wishes that she could stay like this for as long as possible. Only her luck is just not with her tonight as she feels Rachel stir and lift her head up, the brunette's words already expected but Quinn still stays silent, letting Rachel get all her words out.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened or do I have to use my psychic ability to deduce why you decided to get drunk instead of coming home." Rachel keeps her tone light, not wanting to put more pressure on Quinn. She knows how hard Quinn was pushing herself to not only finish the movie but to ensure that everything from the publicity to the opening weekend date was all meticulously planned for.

So, if Quinn needed to let off steam or a few drinks, she was not going to judge or disapprove. She was just worried about her and to be honest, she missed spending time with Quinn. Rachel always knew that things would change when filming ended. She had braced herself for the changes to come, understanding that once the movie ended, she would need to decide what else she wanted to do.

There was no internal debate on the fact that she wanted to be with Quinn so her only real decision was how to keep moving forward with her career. There was still so much to learn about acting and also so many potential opportunities. The only deciding factor really as how much time she could spend with Quinn if she picked any one of them. She had been thoroughly spoilt the past three months in being able to spend so much time getting to know the real Quinn Fabray.

Finally understanding how complex she was as well as the depth of her feelings. It was a revelation, a gift that Rachel felt honored in receiving. She knows the extent for which Quinn would go for her and really hopes that her current state of inebriation was not because of her. She feels Quinn shift slightly beneath her and it triggers an almost autonomic response as her heart rate picks up and she feels heat pooling within her. She looks at Quinn and can see the flush in her cheeks that she knows is not from the alcohol either.

It would be so easy to give into her desire because she sees the same want reflected in Quinn's hazel eyes. Only she also sees something else there, an uncertainty that she knows wasn't there this morning.

"All the external shots are done and barring any issues with what we have in the can, we should be able to wrap the movie in two days." Her voice is devoid of emotions as she says the words. Only she's looking directly at Rachel and it does not surprise her to see that Rachel can divine how affected she is. Coming home drunk was probably the biggest clue but leave it to Rachel to understand just how affected she is as she feels Rachel's lips brush against her cheek and her hands tighten around her, offering comfort and a haven from her chaotic thoughts.

It's such a weird feeling to be pulled in two directions. She's so relieved to finish the movie, to see that her script had been brought to life and to be there when the last main scene had been shot. Even more so, it was experiencing the feeling that she had finally started making it up to Rachel. Giving her the ability to be able to finally give Rachel a chance to shine and the dailies showed just how amazing Rachel was going to be.

Quinn had been in her last meeting with Steven, already discussing the edits she wanted to do for the movie and he had been the one to bring up shutting down the production in two days and going into full time editing. She had turned to him, a stunned look on her face, as she finally understood that she no longer had the luxury to spend every possible second she could with Rachel.

She knows that she's being greedy and Rachel had already moved in with her five weeks ago. She finally got her wish to be there to wish Rachel goodnight and better yet, to be there to wake her up with a kiss in the morning. But it was just difficult to accept that their collaboration was in effect over.

"And the wrap party?" Rachel's question throws her a bit. It's not that she expects more tears but Rachel sounded like she was looking forward to it. Maybe it was the right attitude to have because getting drunk over it didn't really solve anything.

"Jackson arranged for it to be at the W." Quinn shifts slightly such that she's holding Rachel's hand, their fingers intertwined. "I…I think I'm going to show the first fifteen minutes of the movie. It's a kind of a preview so everyone can see what all their hard work has resulted in and to show how absolutely amazing you are."

She sees Rachel about to protest, "Not that those won't be my words as well but just so you know, that was Steven's view. He thinks it's an academy award caliber performance." Quinn knows she's completely biased when it comes to Rachel. So hearing Steven Spielberg echo her feeling was just the validation she needed to know that Rachel truly belonged in the limelight.

Rachel feels Quinn let go of her hand and concentrates on the light touch as Quinn's fingertips trail up her side. The touch so fleeting yet, Rachel can feel all of it, anticipation building up within her. It had come as a bit of a surprise how insatiable she felt when it came to Quinn. Rachel shifts her weight ever so slightly such that every inch of her body is in contact with Quinn.

She does not feel tired, instead, she feels energized, her entire being resonating with one focus, the feel of Quinn beneath her, the heat from their bodies and the desire to show Quinn how much she loves her.

Rachel hears a low moan from Quinn as her tongue finds Quinn's pulse point at the side of her neck. She feels Quinn's hand roam over her body, pulling at her shirt, undoing the buttons so nimbly so that her hands end up splayed across her back as she anchors Rachel, their bodies seemingly fused together, their movements choreographed and in tandem.

Quinn's hands are sure as she makes contact, each touch significant in her mind; each one leading up to the next, all with the singular need to show Rachel just how much she means to her. Rachel's eyes are closed yet, she knows exactly where Quinn is, her mouth finding Quinn's, the kiss signifying so many things, love, understanding and absolute need.

Their experience with each other still so new but growing each time resulting in Quinn knowing exactly how much pressure to use and Rachel innately understanding that whispering sweet entreaties in Quinn's ear arouses her as much as touching her does. Each physical encounter strengthening their bond and fulfilling every one of Quinn's fantasies about Rachel and confirming beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was nothing sexier that Rachel saying her name while she was on the cusp of an orgasm.

#$#$#$#$

"She's getting ready and we should be there in half an hour or so." Rachel holds the phone between her shoulder and ear as she rummages through the closet, trying to find a pair of heels that would at least put her on par with Quinn's height. "No, she doesn't know, at least she hasn't said anything."

She answers Kurt as her hand snags a pair of pale gold sling back heels, about three and a half inches, not completely up to Quinn's height but close enough. She knows all about Quinn's own surprise. It wasn't difficult considering her dad had called to ask about the dress code and to gush about how kind Quinn had been. When he found out that Quinn had been planning for their attendance to be a surprise, he had sworn her to secrecy and made her swear to act like she hadn't known.

"I'm almost done and so is she. We'll see you there and I really hope she likes what I've done. Bye Sweetie." Rachel puts the phone down and straps on the heels as she notes the time realizing that if she timed it just right, Quinn would get the surprise as she walked into the party. It was the least she could do considering what Quinn had arranged for her.

It was just like Quinn to think of her and likewise, she had wanted to do something for Quinn as well. Initially, when she talked to Kurt, the idea was to invite Quinn's parents and her sister. Rachel had seen Judy Fabray a few times at their performances. She never stayed long and Quinn always looked strained with worry when she had shown up. Her eyes would track her mom and as soon as she left, Quinn's shoulders would straighten as if a weight had been lifted.

As for Russell Fabray, Rachel had only anecdotal information about him. Once, after Glee practice and everyone had rushed out of the room, she had turned to see Quinn still sitting in her chair, her eyes downcast and her posture making her appear smaller that she really was. It had been one of their truce periods in high school where neither one was dating Finn and their divide seemed surmountable.

" _Quinn?" Rachel's standing by the door and her voice is soft and her inflection is such that even the slightest body language change from Quinn would send her scurrying out. Only Quinn does not move or even acknowledge she's there calling her name. It's the one thing that emboldens her so she takes a step into the room again, slowly making her way to the first row of chairs, finally choosing the one located directly in front of Quinn_

_Its then that she sees Quinn finally react, as she raises her head and makes eye contact with Rachel. Rachel's own reaction, learnt over time, is almost instantaneous as she braces her shoulders, eyes wary and expecting a cutting remark to be directed her way. Only Quinn just stares at her, her face devoid of emotion but her posture and eyes indicating that she's expecting Rachel to say something._

" _My…my dads..umm..they left for a well deserved weekend away so no one's expecting me." She's sure it's the wrong thing to say and she knows that Quinn doesn't care about her or her circumstance. Except, for the first time in their combined history, it was the absolute correct thing to say._

_Rachel almost cannot stop her gasp of surprise when Quinn ducks her head but nonetheless actually speaks to her, "At least you want your dads to come back." Quinn's voice is so soft that Rachel has to strain to hear each word. She wants to move closer but instinct tells her that it would only drive Quinn away so she remains still, her own question back as softly phrased as Quinn's._

" _Why don't you want your dad to come back?"_

" _Because he's a womanizing son of a bitch who will never accept…who will never accept me and nothing will ever change that." It's the hitch in Quinn's voice that makes Rachel feel like she needs to do something or say something. She does not think it through but reacts as her hand reaches out and settles on Quinn's, a connection that feels right to her as her fingers gently curve around Quinn's hand. Only it doesn't to Quinn who reacts just as suddenly as she abruptly stands, pushing her chair to the ground. The sound of it hitting the floor still ringing in Rachel's ears such that she barely hears Quinn's mumbled apology before the blond rushes out the door._

"Rach?" She feels Quinn's hand in hers and her fingers curl around Quinn's tapered ones. The past memory of that touch now augmented by true feelings behind it.

"Hey." Rachel looks up to see Quinn smiling at her and she returns the smile when she hears Quinn's subsequent words.

"You look…beautiful." It's the pause that always gets to her. A manifestation of Quinn's true emotions that she knows the blond has always tried to hide but never really succeeded with her. Rachel does not need to stretch as she raises her neck just a tad and kisses Quinn in lieu of a response.

"Mmmnmm..why did you have to do that?" Quinn murmurs the words as she mentally works out how much time they have before Jackson or Kurt start to worry where they are. She knows she won't let Rachel skip the party especially knowing that all the other cast members and crew were looking forward to seeing Rachel there. It's so tempting to pull Rachel back into the bedroom but she knows that this wrap party would be an amazing experience for her as she sighs and pulls Rachel towards the door. "We should go." There is regret in her voice although Rachel's whispered words back allows her to resume with the smile she had earlier.

"You're so going to get lucky later" It's the wink that she adds that sells it completely . Rachel feels the same pull Quinn does but she also knows that they both need to get to the party in order to ensure that their respective surprises are realized. She's already known for some time now that Quinn would always be a permanent fixture in her life. Even with not making any huge proclamations, every action on Quinn's part has shown her that Quinn was looking for forever. So a slight delay tonight wasn't going to matter in the scheme of things although she was very sure that once they got home, Quinn wasn't going to sleep for the rest of the night.

#$#$#$#

It' Rachel's growing level of excitement that makes her think that something else has been planned. She had driven them over and each time she glanced over at Rachel, she could see anticipation and excitement emanating from the brunette and it was almost infectious. Quinn hoped that her surprised had not been leaked but in the end, she really didn't care all that much because Rachel looked radiant and so very happy.

Her squeal as she entered the soundstage and almost immediately spotted her dads was reward enough for Quinn but the soul searing kiss that Rachel planted on her in full view of everyone and the resultant cheers for it was definitely a big plus.

"You invited my dads." Rachel's emotions not driven by her surprise at their attendance but by how much joy Quinn was getting out of her happiness. It just reiterated the pure fact that they belonged together.

"Hey Bitches! The Pierce-Lopez's are in the house." Rachel sees Quinn's eyes widen at the sound and holds her breath, hoping that she's made the right call. She sees Quinn turn around and be immediately engulfed in a bear hug by Brittany as Santana looks on, the usual familiar smirk on her face. However, unlike high school, there is no maliciousness behind her look as she nods at Rachel before surprising her further as she steps up and places her arms around both blonds.

"What?..How?.." Quinn looks at Rachel, her words stutter out as she realizes that Rachel had the same idea she did. She wanted to invite Quinn's family. Not Frannie or Judy or God forbid Russell, but the people who accepted her and loved her. The two people hugging her right now were her oldest friends.

But more than that, they were her family. She never talked about it with Rachel, not because it was something she didn't want to share but more because she knew of their complicated history. Brittany was never intentionally mean to Rachel but they were never friends and Santana had been abrasive to everyone.

To her, they were the only two people who knew who she was before she did. Brittany accepting her mood swings and passive aggressive behavior because she knew the strain Quinn would put on herself to follow her parents' ideal. And Santana always pushing her to be more like her true self than she was comfortable with. It used to drive her insane but in the end, Santana had been right. She was finally happy because she had admitted her long subsumed feelings for Rachel.

"They said we could invite family and I did for you." Rachel 's always known how reticent Quinn can be. How she would internalize all of her emotions if she could, always feeling embarrassed for having them despite it being absolutely normal and acceptable. The only time she really let go was when she had been pregnant with Beth. Quinn had blamed everything on her pregnancy hormones. Finally having an excuse to stop keeping everything inside.

It had completely taken her by surprise when Quinn had been so forward, kissing her in Lima not once but twice and going as far as to declare her intentions. It was such a revelation and Rachel knew that that was the Quinn both Santana and Brittany saw and she was glad to finally see her as well.

 

"I don't know what she sees in you." Santana keeps her arms around Quinn as she addresses Rachel, her tone even but serious. "But you make her glow." It's such an un-Santana thing to say that Rachel just stares at her in shock.

"I think you broke her." Brittany finally letting go of Quinn so she can pull Rachel into an embrace as she jokingly admonishes Santana. Quinn moves to Rachel's side, their hands finding each other as Rachel finally acknowledges Santana's words.

"I don't ever want that to change." Quinn feels Rachel's hand tighten in hers, an unspoken agreement. Rachel's words not a declaration of full commitment by any definition but to Quinn, it's more than she expected and more than she thinks she deserves. However, she's also beginning to realize that perhaps even if it were true, then she'd just have to accept that she's just so incredibly lucky and not argue against fate.

"Tell me my god daughter is at the hotel and not left behind in Vegas." Quinn's mock threatening tone causing Santana to roll her eyes.

"Brit's parents are here as well. Berry offered to pay for everyone but we had some frequent flyer miles saved up." Santana finally nodding at Rachel, not a sign of acceptance because they were beyond that but to show that she was finally family too. "Besides, she has to meet her aunt Rachel as well considering you'd have to look after her should anything happen to us."

Rachel buries her head in Quinn's shoulder, embarrassed at the tears in her eyes and she feels Quinn's arms around her. She could have never envisioned things turning out this way, so many amazing and wonderful changes and still some things that will remain constant as she hears Santana mutter, "God, still a bloody drama queen." Before she pulls Brittany away to talk to Kurt.

**End Part 12**


	16. Chapter 13

 

**Get It Right**

"That was excellent..." He looks down at the paper in his hand, "Rachel Berry." There's a hint of recognition in his voice."You just wrapped a movie?" His eyes stray to his watch for the second time and Rachel knows that he's probably being polite before he tells her that she's not who they're looking for.

So she smiles because she knows this isn't her first nor last rejection, "Yes, it's directed by Quinn Fabray." Rachel loves to the fact that Quinn's name is actually recognizable and garners a look of interest every time she's mentioned it. Naturally, the look becomes a bit more obvious the minute she highlights the Producer as well. "And it's produced by Steven Spielberg." She's not name dropping because it's all there in her bio with her head shots but she likes to mention Quinn's name nonetheless.

"That's impressive and you're obviously talented.."He trails off as if unsure of how to continue even though she's quite sure he's rejected tons of people before her. It's probably because he's finally realized that she's been interviewed in print and on TV along with her cast mates almost constantly in the past month as their film was about to be released.

"But.." Rachel pauses as she sees the man give her a sympathetic look. "I'm not who you're looking for." Rachel shrugs her shoulders as if expecting the rejection.

She is a bit surprised when he actually smiles at her, his words sounding sincere. "No, not for this role but I would very much like to keep you in mind if something else comes up." It's actually more than she expected so she nods before rising and shaking his hand.

Rachel knows that she's not being rejected as a person but it still stings just a little bit. She does realize that despite her enthusiasm and set work, she's still a novice and even the opportunity to audition for a role was a godsend. However, she's beginning to understand how really lucky she's been to have had Quinn do so much for her.

Her first foray into the business had been almost seamless and read like such a fairytale. Flying to Hollywood from Lima for an audition with a world-renowned producer and actually getting the part almost immediately. It was expected that nothing could really top that experience and she wasn't expecting a similar path.

At least she has something or more exact someone to look forward to when she got home. Quinn was finally done with everything in terms of the movie. All the publicity interviews and work was almost over as was the postproduction process. All the hard work and preparation almost done and already set in place and finally counting down to their premiere next week. They had one last interview today. The reporter had specifically asked to interview them together and Quinn had been a bit wary although Rachel finally convinced her that it would be fine.

She walks to her car, a small silver hybrid Lexus, understated and environmentally friendly. It had been a present to herself. The second big-ticket item she had bought after the wrap party. The first one had been the same car, but in black for Quinn. She had wracked her brain trying to think of what to buy for Quinn as a thank you.

The cast and crew had all chipped in and got Quinn a vintage Leica camera that she hasn't stopped carrying around but Rachel still wanted to do something else. Although responses for the test screenings have been incredibly positive, Rachel knew that Quinn had more or less worked on the movie for scale. So she would only get a huge paycheck only if the movie did well at the box office. Both Quinn and Jackson had ensured that she got a more than a decent deal on the front and back end and Rachel knew that she was extremely lucky. So she really felt like surprising Quinn because she really wanted to see the look of utter surprise and happiness on Quinn's face again.

Quinn actually already had a very nice sports car but had on a few occasions mentioned that she was looking to change to one that was more environmentally friendly. Rachel was amazed at how much information she had picked up from ten years of living with Finn. Things that she thought she would never remember came flooding back in terms of engine capacity and tire threads such that all she really needed from Jackson was confirmation of what color Quinn would like.

He had actually tried to talk her out of buying the car and only relented when she highlighted that out of the three of them, she was the one who had the biggest paycheck thus far. It wasn't huge but it was more than Jackson or Quinn got. And in the end, the look on Quinn's face when she handed her the keys had been priceless.

And it did lead to a competition for them to try and out-surprise each other. It wasn't about spending more money but just doing things for the other person. Like Quinn bringing her breakfast in bed last week or her offer of a massage for Quinn that turned into a marathon session of staying in bed the whole weekend.

She knows Quinn is currently planning something but has no idea what and as for her own surprise, she had enlisted Kurt to help out and hoped that the interview would not run over so that she could finalize her surprise with Kurt. If the interview went the way she thought it would, then her surprise would be perfect for Quinn.

#$#$#$#$#

"What if she says no?" Quinn's playing with his collector's edition rocket firing Boba Fett action figure and Jackson's paying more attention to her hands than to her words.

"You know I'm not going to break it, right?" Her playful tone still not giving him the comfort he needs considering she had accidentally torn the cloth robe of his Jawa figurine the last time she held it. "And that robe already had a tear in it." her tone moving to exasperation as she reads his facial expression and knows exactly what he's thinking.

Quinn really needs his advice so she reluctantly puts down the toy and repeats her question, "So, do you think she'll say no?" She sees Jackson finally register her words and knows he's thinking about the situation and won't give her an answer until he's worked it all out in his head.

At least he knows the entire background and context of her request even though she's still unsure of whether to go ahead or not. To her, it was an absolutely brilliant idea that would give her the chance to spend as much time as she wanted with Rachel. She just wasn't sure if Rachel would see it the same way.

She knows that Rachel would think that she had only recently thought up the idea although in her mind, it had been the obvious next step, the minute Rachel had flown to LA a year ago. Quinn knows why she wants to do it but she also does not want to pressurize Rachel into doing something that she does not want to do. It had almost happened once when she rewrote a scene in the movie and not since.

"How many auditions has she gone for?" Jackson knows the answer to his question but realizes that he needs to talk Quinn through her perceived dilemma. It's actually a surprise to him that he can more often than not think more like Rachel than she can. It's not that Quinn cannot put herself in Rachel's shoes but more to do with the fact that she would tend to be too over protective or think too much about the situation and then be more hesitant to make a decision.

"The one today would be four." Quinn's tempted to call Rachel to ask her how it went but she doesn't because she knows that if it went well, Rachel would call her almost immediately as soon as she finished. She had done it on the last two auditions, only to find out last week that the financing for the movie had fallen through for one of them and was still waiting to hear back on the other.

"You're the one who's been setting them up so how many more have you got lined up?" Quinn's voice is a bit more accusatory as she stares at Jackson. To be honest, Rachel had not complaint about any of the auditions or the rejections. In fact, she had told Quinn repeatedly that she didn't expect to get another job so quickly and all she really expected was to audition mercilessly for the next couple of months.

"There's one more call back for the TV pilot after the premiere next week." The premise of the show was an amalgamation of a couple of different past TV series. It was about a band just after the peak of its success whose lead singer dies and is replaced by a novice with a better voice. That was the part that he thought was perfect for Rachel.

The show would be mainly about how she had to adapt to new found fame and also assert her own stamp on the band despite their past success. It wasn't the main lead role as it was more an ensemble cast but it also meant that Rachel's schedule would not be full every week. It had been the second audition she had gone for and out of the eight actresses, who auditioned, only two had been called back and Rachel was one of them.

When he had read the script , he had toyed with the idea of getting Quinn to direct the pilot as well. "They're also looking for a director.." he's only joking with her because in the scheme of things, he actually feels that her idea has more merit and was probably what Rachel wanted as well.

"I..I could read the script." Quinn's a bit taken aback at the offer but any chance to spend more time with Rachel made sense in her mind.

"You don't have to. I think you should just tell her your proposal but after the premiere and after the TV audition.." He's always been surprised at Quinn's propensity to throw herself into any new project or medium as long as she felt inspired. It was obvious that Rachel was a source of inspiration for her and the added challenge of stage direction was just the thing she would relish.

The only reason to wait was the fact that when the movie became a success and he was pretty sure it would, it would then be so much easier to raise the funding for the stage version. He was also betting that Rachel would get the part in the TV pilot and he knew that although it would be a stretch, she could still do both, at least for the next year.

"So you don't think she'll say no?" Her voice is hopeful. Quinn has no idea where she'll get the funding or even if she can adapt her script for a stage version. Their movie hadn't even opened yet and if it was a failure, she was sure that there would be no chance to do a stage version. However, she's always known that Rachel's wanted to be on Broadway and it just seemed like the right step for the both of them.

"I don't think she'll say no and I think she'll also get the offer for the TV show." He sees Quinn's face light up with happiness and waits a beat before he sees realization dawn on it as well.

"She'll have to choose. That's not fair." It wasn't an unenviable position for Rachel but Quinn also didn't want to pressure Rachel into choosing to be with her or to do a TV show.

"Maybe not." Jackson had been surprised to find that he was excellent at his job. Initially, he had agreed to be Quinn's manager because he didn't like seeing her run herself ragged trying to raise funding and get the logistics together for her projects. Coupled with the fact that he did want to spend time with her and he knew that with the right management, she could make a very decent living, it seemed like a great idea. And it had been considering that he made a steady stream of income from managing Quinn.

"They're proposing to shoot the show in New York and if it's picked up, she would have at least shot the first season while prepping for your show." He knows it would mean a really hectic schedule for Rachel but it was doable with some creative time management.

Quinn knows that Jackson's thought this through and she does trust him. The only thing holding her back was the fact that Rachel was her life. She wasn't just her girlfriend or someone that she had to make amends to. Rachel was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and she just didn't want to stress Rachel out with so many commitments.

Although, it really had to be Rachel's choice and not hers even though Quinn also realized that she does want to try her hand at a different medium and doing the stage version of her script was going to be a challenge for her that she would enjoy. The added advantage of continuing the project with Rachel just made total sense.

It didn't mean that she would just stand back and present all the facts to Rachel. It was her career as well so it just made sense to work it out together. Jackson was a good proxy for Rachel in terms of getting her jumbled thoughts more in order but in the end, she had to have the full disclosure and discussion with Rachel. That was what being in a relationship meant and she was a beginning to understand all the nuances of it.

"I'll tell her after the premiere." Her voice is at last more sure that when she first broached the subject with him.

"And if she says no?" Jackson can't help but reiterate her initial words but at least tempers them with a smile because he can see that she's finally accepting the natural balance of her relationship with Rachel.

"She won't say no." Quinn retorts back, "And even if she does, I have to ask."

"Ok, one problem solved. Are you ready for your interview?" He knows she's been avoiding this topic all along. She had already tried to manage the entire situation by only agreeing to it once all the questions had been sent over. The issue was that she knew that since the interview was going to be live, there was no reason to just stick to the agreed questions. It would be the reporter's prerogative to get any exclusive information she could.

Quinn can only nod. They've done so many interviews already, most of the time separately or as a whole cast. At each of them, there had been questions about their personal lives and Quinn had been amazed at how adept Rachel had been in answering the question without giving anything away.

There were already some pictures in the gossip magazines and most interviewers would refer to them as housemates but that had been the extent of the coverage as the stories were engineered to focus more on the movie.

This interview felt different and Quinn knew that it would focus on their relationship. She wasn't about to deny any of it and truth be told, had actually received blessings from Rachel's dads, naturally only after the usual warning to not hurt their daughter.

She had been brought up catholic and had accepted the dichotomy of her religion and her life choice a long time ago. So there were only two things that were holding her back from proclaiming to the world that she loved Rachel Berry. The first was waiting for Rachel's divorce to be finalized and the second was the possibility of their relationship either eclipsing the movie or worse affect the movie's success.

She knows it's the other reason why Jackson had asked her to wait until after the premiere. It was a business after all and there were so many things that could affect the box office numbers. Quinn can see the faith he has in the movie but even Jackson can't predict how fickle the public sentiment could be towards Rachel and her when the news of their relationship broke out to a wider audience.

It was only a matter of time and Quinn's actually relieved that the news was coming out now although she knows its a risk because it really could affect the movie. The most surprising thing was receiving a call from Spielberg telling her he supported the interview and thought that one of the main reasons the movie had turned out so well was due to her obvious love for Rachel. "Steven called to say he thinks it a great idea for us to go public."

"Then there's really nothing to be scared of." His voice is soft and he figures she's not so much scared as worried. Not even about the movie but most probably about how their lives were going to be changed as soon as they became more public and their visibility increased.

"I know." Her voice matching his in tone and tinged with uncertainty until she sees him hold out the Boba Fett action figure.

"For luck." He knows she doesn't need it and is rewarded with her smile as she reaches out to take the figure.

"Because it never hurts to bring back up."

#$#$#$#$

Rachel's already in the makeup chair when she arrives and Quinn gives her a quick kiss before she's whisked away for her own makeup and sound check. They've talked about this and know that regardless of anything asked, they would be honest but also maintain as much privacy as they could. Quinn shows Rachel the action figure, telling her it was Jackson's way of showing his support.

The mood is already set as they walk out hand in hand into the studio as their names are announced. The interviewer goes through a quick summary of who they are highlighting Quinn's Oscar win and the buzz surrounding Rachel's performance despite this being her first ever role.

The first few questions are easy, pertaining to how Quinn thought up the idea and who had pitched it to Spielberg as well as how Rachel was adapting to living in LA. It naturally led to their living arrangements and it seemed natural when the question was posed to Quinn as to whether they were dating.

Quinn's affirmation eliciting applause from the audience and the next few questions revolve around their history. It's Rachel who answers most of them because she knows that Quinn still feels guilty for the way she had behaved in high school.

"So no stolen kisses in the choir room?" The question posed in jest as Rachel laughs and shakes her head and Quinn smiles as she wonders what would happen if she admitted that there wasn't a day in her senior year did she not think of doing exactly that to Rachel. She had it all planned in her head. Taking a surprised Rachel by the hand after one of their glee practice sessions, leading her to the auditorium, explaining on the way that she had been so wrong.

Apologizing for every mean thing she had said and finally confessing that Rachel was special and deserved so much. Switching on the spotlight on stage and eventually kissing her.

"And I guess your unplanned pregnancy was also an issue." The question takes her completely by surprise. They had talked about everything except for Beth. Not because Quinn did not want to discuss her, on the contrary, she actually would have answered any of Rachel's questions. They didn't discuss Beth because out of everything that happened in high school, the one thing that had brought them together even for a short amount of time was the summer before junior year. Knowing that Shelby had adopted Beth and rejected Rachel had actually brought them together.

Rachel telling her the little she knew about Shelby, never blaming her for her mother's rejection but actually giving her comfort that she had made the right choice. Quinn remembering the cadence of Rachel's voice, how it allowed her some respite from her guilt, how much she looked forward to hearing it even though she never said much in return and normally just looked sullen. Knowing that she wouldn't have made it through the summer if not for Rachel.

She'd admitted to her pregnancy before in previous interviews, not hiding it but also never talking about it except to confirm its veracity. So being asked of it now was not a surprise but before she can say anything, she feels Rachel take her hand and reply to the question.

"Actually, I think it was the way Quinn handled herself during the time that probably made me see her in a whole different light. In hindsight, you could say I started falling in love with her then. I mean I didn't know it or probably would never have understood the depth of my feelings then but the way she glowed and her love for her baby was amazing."

Rachel turns to see Quinn swipe at her eyes and she hates to make her cry but knows that the words needed to be said. For all of Quinn's faults, the one thing that Rachel knows she should never feel guilty about is Beth. Quinn had made all the right choices there for her daughter and despite the guilt she will always feel, Rachel knows that Quinn needed to hear the words.

"And how about you, Quinn, when did you realize you fell for your leading lady? Rumor has it that it happened three weeks into filming when you threw an extra off your set." The phrasing of the questions is so directed such that Quinn can just avoid any of her past issues or mistakes and pretend that she only developed feelings for Rachel recently. Rachel's divorce was just being finalized and Finn had been quite civil throughout the proceedings.

In return, both Quinn and Rachel had intentionally kept their relationship as quiet as possible out of respect for Finn but also Burt and Carol. However, Quinn knows that Rachel deserved to hear the words from her as well. It wasn't that Rachel didn't know about the depth of her feelings since she had been privy to her writings as all those pages of words expressing everything that she had kept hidden in her heart for so long.

However, she'd never really admitted out loud to Rachel that she had fallen for her so long ago that her love for her had become so intrinsic and natural such that not loving Rachel was impossibility in her mind.

"I always knew." She looks at Rachel as she says the words, her gaze unwavering. "Deep down." Quinn's hand goes over her heart, a gesture she knows Rachel will pick up on. "Ever since I first saw her." Quinn finally turning to the interviewer, as she lets out her breath. "I was just too stupid or too much of a coward to do anything about it until recently."

The first time she had met Quinn was in grade school and Rachel finally understands that Quinn had loved her since then. The revelation both a surprise and an affirmation that some things were just meant to be and all they needed was time.

"And Rachel, now that the movie is all wrapped up and premiering, what's next for you?" It was suppose to be the easiest question to answer as it allowed her to talk about so many possibilities and offers. But what she finally realizes is that she loves working with Quinn and the disappointment she felt at each audition wasn't because she wanted the job but because it wasn't one that involved Quinn.

"I..well…" She looks at Quinn, not expecting anything other than a smile so that she can follow through on the answer. But this time, it's Quinn's turn to surprise her once again.

"Actually, we're going to try and work together again. Rachel belongs on stage." Quinn smiles when she hears the accompanying applause to her statement. "And I've always wanted to try stage direction." She looks over to see Rachel's expression, hoping that she'll see happiness and she's not disappointed as she sees Rachel's face beaming with unrelenting joy.

The rest of the interview questions revolving around the movie and the songs picked, finally ending with a performance from Rachel as she sang the first song she had written way back in High School, the words taking on a whole different meaning now.

She had written it in defiance of Quinn's words, wanting to prove her wrong because she thought the most important thing in her life wasn't her own dreams but winning over Quinn because she thought that it was the only way to be happy. Singing it in the movie and subsequently right now, Rachel knows that all she needed to be happy was to have Quinn with her.

#$#$#$#$

The dresses are in the back of her car and she can't help but glance at them every now and then. Kurt had completely put aside his own ego to help her find the best dresses for both Quinn and herself. Initially, she had really wanted to wear one of his designs and she had found a beautiful pale green dress of his.

The only problem was that he didn't have anything for Quinn. Rachel had been surprised to find that although Quinn would attend the various industry functions, she didn't always like the process of choosing a dress or matching her companion. Though Quinn didn't like to talk about it much, she did admit to Rachel that Selena had been the one to do the coordination, always waiting for Quinn to pick a dress before she picked hers.

It had been Kurt who brought her the Michael Kors dress and it seemed perfect for Quinn. Initially, she had wanted to go with a black dress to contrast Quinn's red one but in the end it made more sense to also choose one in red as well.

Ever since the interview yesterday, things felt different. It wasn't that she had been seeking validation. Rachel knew exactly where she stood with Quinn and vice versa. It was just the fact that they were now more in the public eye than ever.

She had planned on meeting Kurt after the interview yesterday but had put it off instead wanting to talk to Quinn about what they had revealed during the interview. It had been good to say everything that had been on her mind and more and even better to hear Quinn echo her words. She had really wanted to talk about two things, Beth and Quinn's confession about wanting to work with her.

"  _Do you think about her?" They're sitting side by side on the couch, Quinn's head in her lap and her legs tucked under her. For the past three hours since the interview aired, they'd been bombarded with congratulatory calls and offers for more interviews. After the ninth call, Quinn had taken both their phones, shut them off and placed them in the drawer before pulling Rachel towards the couch knowing that they did need to talk to each other. Only she didn't know where to start but Rachel apparently did as her words flow over her._

_She did think about Beth but it was always in the abstract. Not about what she looked like or what she was doing but just hoping she was happy and loved and each time, knowing that she made the right decision despite feeling the acute loss._

" _I just pray that I made the right decision and that she's happy." She sees Rachel nod at her words and feels Rachel's fingers comb through her hair._

" _She is." Quinn almost sits up at her words, her eyes locking onto Rachel's. She knows of Shelby's rejection of Rachel, she had made a few snide remarks early on when Rachel first approached her the summer of junior year. But she also knows that Shelby had kept in touch, sending Rachel short notes and a few pictures that the brunette had actually shared with her because they showed Beth._

" _I could.."_

" _No." She does not let Rachel finish her sentence, knowing what Rachel was going to offer. She would always feel like she had given away a part of herself. But the hurt that came with that wound receded a long time ago. She did not want Rachel to reach out to Shelby for her benefit. "You deserve so many things. You deserve to be happy."_

" _I am."_

_She loves Rachel's response and continues, "And you deserve to be loved." Quinn takes Rachel's hand and kisses it._

" _I am."_

" _And I don't regret giving Beth up but I wished Shelby didn't give up on you." She see's Rachel's eye close at her words. "I'm never going to give up on you."_

" _So what you're saying is I'm stuck with you and your next project?" She feels Quinn shift and push herself up such that they're facing each other._

" _You know Antonioni and Bergman worked best with their muses." It's the only way she can describe Rachel. She inspired her but it had always been more than that. She just always wanted to be better for Rachel. Even when she fought her every instinct and pushed her away, it always seeped through eventually. "You're my muse."_

" _I am."_

Rachel makes the last turn to their place, her eyes again straying to the back, the red of her Escada dress bright in the sun. She's pretty sure that Quinn had won this round with regards to her surprise. The chance to actually be in a Broadway play had been a dream of hers that she thought she would never attain. Therefore, finding out that Quinn wanted to make a stage version of the movie and considered her as her muse definitely trumped coordinated outfits for their first public appearance as an official couple.

However, Rachel didn't really mind losing this particular competition. She knows there will be other opportunities and she'll never tire of surprising Quinn. She knows what she wants to do next and hopes Quinn understands the choice she's about to make.

** End Part 13 **


	17. Chapter 14

 

**Get It Right**

The domestic grosses for the movie exceeded a hundred and fifty million in its third week of release, surpassing even Spielberg's expectations. The first week of release, had Jackson calling Quinn every morning promptly at eight to tell her of the previous day's takings. His confident voice going over the amount of money she and Rachel were going to make and he just could not help in highlighting how he had been right all along with his predictions. Quinn would laughingly agree, her focus split between Jackson's call and Rachel lying in their bed, staring at her, waiting until she would hang up the phone so they could celebrate in their own personal way.

The one great thing about the movie doing so well was that if she wanted to, the three of them could actually fund a part of the Broadway production. Only, Jackson had brought even more good news the second week of the movie's release when he turned up on their doorstep, Julie in tow, to drop off an offer from a consortium of investors including Spielberg and his dad.

He had worked on putting it together even before the movie became an unqualified success and had all the paperwork signed which meant all Quinn and Rachel had to do was to agree which they did amidst kisses and laughter as Quinn opened a bottle of champagne despite it being eight in the morning.

Rachel had also been offered the part in the TV pilot and had convinced Quinn to direct it which meant that the both of them were able to fly out to New York together about three weeks ago and had spent every one of those days busy, going from one meeting to the next but at least still trying to take some time for themselves, exploring the city together, seeing it through each other's eyes. Today had been the first day where they didn't have any meetings although Rachel had woken them up earlier than usual, telling Quinn that she had a surprise planned for her.

" _Mmmmm, that" she emphasizes the word. "Was nice." Quinn's murmured voice has that satisfied quality to it as she stretches, trying not to move too much because she didn't want to dislodge Rachel from her comfortable position of laying on Quinn, her head pillowed by Quinn's stomach, Quinn's hands playing with Rachel's hair._

" _She feels Rachel's smile against her skin followed by light butterfly kisses that tingles at each touch. "We need to get up." Rachel sounds almost sad at the thought although she pushes off from the bed, already missing the physical contact with Quinn but she remedies that quickly as she reaches out to grab onto Quinn's hand, pulling her forward. "I promise I'll make it up to you tonight but I have something I want to show you today." She's solemn as she looks at Quinn, hoping that she won't ask too many questions because explaining what she's doing was going to be more difficult than just showing her._

_She trusts Rachel completely without a doubt and can see that the brunette is apprehensive about today. Initially Quinn was worried that she couldn't read Rachel because she had denied herself from opening up to her during their high school encounters. However, in their subsequent meetings, all she could see was how open Rachel still was with her feelings and emotions. Every look and gesture meant something and despite her own reservations, she found that she innately understood Rachel and always had. And she had just been too closed off before to realize it._

" _Ok." She can see that Rachel is bracing herself for an onslaught of questions but Quinn holds back because as long as Rachel's with her, she doesn't really need to know anything else. However, it didn't mean that she was just going to get up without getting at another kiss or ten from Rachel as she pulls Rachel back towards the bed._

They're walking hand in hand when they hear the voices calling out. "Mrs. Hudson?" The two small voices belonging to twin girls about ten years of age, one of whom is waving at the both of them, although Rachel does not react until she feels Quinn stiffen beside her. "Mrs. Hudson." She feels a small force hit her, hands curling around her waist as one of the girls finally catches up to them while the other pulls the hand of two adults towards them.

They've been in New York for all of twenty days, living out of four suitcases and trying to familiarize themselves with the city. Rachel, bright eyed and optimistic, taking everything in, trying not to be overwhelmed by the sheer thought of finally being here and attaining the one goal that she had cultivated since she was two. The detour she had taken in the interim now consigned to a memory and all she can see is the challenge and opportunity before her.

Quinn's been to New York countless of times, coming for festivals and meetings but this trip was different because she finally got to see the city through Rachel's' eyes. To see beyond the traffic snarl, erratic weather, busy streets, tall buildings and look at the romance and possibilities of the Big Apple.

She's ready to face anything as long as she's with Rachel. However, hearing that name and in relation to Rachel, does put her off kilter as she turns to see Rachel hug the little girl, "Chloe, what are you doing here?" Her voice tinged with surprise and affection.

"I told Kristen it was you. I told her. And we're here because you told us about Broadway, about all the musicals and how they're so magical." The little girl is bouncing on the balls of her feet, finally joined by her identical twin sister. "We miss you, Mrs. Hudson. Mummy said you had to go away, that you're different now, and you're not coming back to teach us." the words of the second little girl causing Rachel to tear a bit.

She hasn't missed much from her old life because there was nothing much to miss. However, the only two things that she really felt sad for were not being in the same town as her dads and her handful of students. After giving up her own dream, she had mirrored what Mr. Schue had done and placed her faith and passed on her dreams to her students and the two girls before her embodied that. Out of all her students, the Sullivan twins reminded her of herself the most. Not her insecurities or competitive nature growing up but just her love for the music, pure and simple.

Rachel bends down to hug them both before rising to greet their parents. "Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, it's so nice to see you." The two girls continue to hug Rachel. "I miss you too, girls." She glances down and misses the look that passes between the two adults although Quinn doesn't as she takes a small step closer to Rachel.

"This is Quinn Fabray." Her wide smile falters when she finally registers the look of sheer disapproval on the faces of the Sullivans'. What's more hurtful is seeing Mrs. Sullivan pull back her girls, placing herself between them and Rachel.

"Mrs. Hudson." The usage of her married name by Mrs. Sullivan, not used as a form of greeting but more like a reminder. "We told the girls that you were not coming back." Rachel sees Chloeand her sister looking up at her and she holds her tongue, only nodding at the words as the woman continues, her voice taking on a judgmental tone despite her words.\\. "We're not one to judge but the way you have decided to flaunt your.."

Quinn sees Mr. Sullivan step forward, clearly uncomfortable with the way the conversation is heading. Both he and Rachel look at the girls, not wanting them privy to such talk and Quinn does not wait though and acts because her main concern is for Rachel.

Her clear voice cuts the woman off as she calls out to Rachel, her hand brushing Rachel's arm. "Sweetheart, why don't you go and buy some ice cream for the girls. Chloe? "Quinn bends down to look the little girl in the eye, "Would you and your sister like to go with Mrs. Hudson to get some ice cream? I'm sure your dad can follow you and Mrs. Hudson."

The enthusiasm of the two girls make it difficult for the woman and her husband to refuse so they nod and the girls each take Rachel's hands and guide her towards the ice cream vendor. Rachel catches her eye, her face pale and her jaw clenched, like she's trying so hard to hold all her emotions at bay, not wanting to scare the girls but also not wanting to show Mrs. Sullivan that she has been affected by her harsh tone and words.

Quinn wants to reach out and hold Rachel, to kiss away her trepidation but she knows it will only incense the Sullivans' further. Living in LA somewhat shielded them from the extent to which some people viewed their relationship. Quinn never doubted that her parents would vehemently disapprove and by this time, would have disavowed her in church.

But she truly believed that times had changed and people's attitudes as well. However, even at their premiere, she recalled the small demonstration that they had encountered; a handful of people with signs, condemning their relationship and their public showing of affection.

_Quinn had taken Rachel's hand then, holding it firmly in hers as she smiled for the cameras, the flashbulbs going off and drowning the extraneous noise. But Rachel was always more sensitive than she was. She could feel Rachel stiffen next to her as soon as she noticed the placards being brandished even though the small crowd was sequestered surrounded by barricades, fifteen meters away. Quinn ignored all of it except Rachel as she stood closer to her, her hand going around Rachel's waist as she answered the questions posed to her by the reporter on the red carpet._

" _My beautiful girlfriend is wearing Escada and I'm in Michael Kors." She smiles demurely when she hears the compliment back. "Thank you but this was all Rachel. I really couldn't pick a dress if it was the only one in the shop." Rachel finally relaxes when she hears Quinn's words, knowing that they weren't completely true but Quinn wanted to bring her into the conversation.._

" _So Rachel, how does it feel to not only attend your first big movie premiere but to do so as an official couple?"_

" _I feel like the luckiest woman in the world." Rachel turns to lightly kiss Quinn on the cheek, a move so natural that she does not think of where she is or that they are on TV. The smiling reporter not batting an eyelid but the noise in the background getting louder as she hears slurs shouted at them. Words that are meant to hurt and that unintentionally brings back past memories such that she takes an involuntary step back._

_Quinn's looking directly at her and recognizes the look on her face immediately. Each time she called Rachel ManHands or Tranny. She remembers the look that Rachel would get in her eyes, like she thought she had done something to deserve such derision, like it hurt her physically._

_Those looks used to affect Quinn just as much even as she tried to ignore them and her own pent up feelings. She knew what she was doing each time, hating herself for being so weak and trying to hurt Rachel because she was hurting inside. Her reaction is swift as she pulls Rachel towards her, her arms going around the brunette as she whispers in her ear, "Just ignore them. I love you."_

_Quinn turns to the reporter, "We're very happy to be here together."_

_The noise and taunts fades for Rachel as soon as she felt Quinn's arms around her because she understood that nothing else really mattered. They had faced so many things apart that made them stronger as individuals. And by coming together, they had each other to lean on and to support. "And we hope you enjoy the movie." Rachel finishes up for Quinn before walking hand in hand towards the entrance of the theatre. The words and taunts relegated to the back of their minds._

"You have no right.."Mrs. Sullivan's aggrieved voice cuts through Quinn's thoughts as she finally turns to face the woman, her voice kept low because she does not want to cause a scene no matter how angry she is. She knows how much it would affect Rachel if things were to get ugly and that's just not something she wants Rachel to deal with.

"No, you have no right to judge Rachel or to actually understand everything she had gone through." Quinn's breathing hard through her nose but still keeps her voice as even as she can, her anger held at bay only because she can see the girls and Rachel turning every now and then to catch a glimpse of them.

"You parents were right to be ashamed of you." The women's words were meant to hurt but the message was not unfamiliar to Quinn. She had tried so hard to be whom they wanted at the expense of her own happiness. It was futile despite all her efforts and in the end, she realized she was just as ashamed of them as they were of her. She recognizes Mrs. Sullivan now. Someone from her parish, one of a number of people who was more worried about what the church congregation thought of her than her own views.

"And I hope Chloe and Kristen never learn to be ashamed of you and your small mindedness. I have no problem if you disapprove of me or my love for Rachel Barbra Berry." Quinn stresses Rachel's full name.

"But she has done nothing to hurt those girls and everything to make sure that they had the joy of music in their lives." She turns to wave at Rachel, who tentatively smiles back as she holds one of the twins' hands.

"I don't care what you think of me or what my parents have told you. But Rachel's done nothing to deserve your attitude. As much as I'd like to make a scene and give you an attitude adjustment, I know she won't approve. So when they come back, she's going to hug the girls goodbye and probably wish only the best for them." Quinn's at least happy that Mrs. Sullivan had chosen to remain silent, her mouth in a thin line and a scowl on her face.

She keeps her own voice level but it's still tinged with some regret and sadness. "And then we'll leave. I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in New York and not run into any more people like us. You know normal, successful and happy people." She can hear the girls' voices and Rachel's melodious one as she answers the questions they are peppering her with.

"No, I'm not that famous, just one movie for now." Rachel goes to stand next to Quinn, wanting to reach out and hold her hand but knowing that the Sullivans' would frown on any show of affection from her. She does catch Quinn's eyes and the unspoken connection that she feels emboldens her to turn towards Mrs. Sullivan. "I'm so glad to have had the chance to see the girls."

 

Quinn holds her breath, praying that her words had at least some effect on the woman and it surprisingly does as the woman just nods curtly at Rachel's words. She sees Rachel kneel down and open her arms to the two girls, not caring that their ice cream cones are dripping on her silk shirt. She hugs them so tightly, her eyes wet with tears as she whispers in their ear.

She does not have to hear the words to know that Rachel is saying goodbye. It was pure luck and coincidence to run into them in New York but she knows that Rachel also realizes that if the Sullivans had any say in the matter, this would be the last time she would see Chloe and Kristen.

Quinn doesn't care as she takes Rachel's hand as soon as she stands up, the physical link necessary as she can see how close to tears the brunette is, her eyes meeting Mrs. Sullivan's, hoping that the woman would still remain silent.

"Thank you." She doesn't need to say it and Quinn knows that she's thanking them for just finally keeping their opinions to themselves and nothing else. "Bye girls, it was really great meeting you."

She pulls Rachel closer to her, as they walk away, the encounter affecting the both of them in different ways.

"What did you have to say to her?" Rachel's voice carries a hint of gratitude because she knows that if Quinn had not intervene, the encounter would have turned out much worse and in the end, the twins would have been the ones to suffer.

"Don't worry; I didn't berate her….too much." Quinn looks sideways, catching Rachel's eyes as she smiles mischievously, "besides, I didn't say anything that she didn't deserve to hear." She hears Rachel sigh at her words and she wishes not for the first time that these kinds of encounters could be avoided.

"She just thinks she's looking out for the girls." Rachel stops when she sees Quinn about to object to her words, "I'm not saying she's right or that the girls will be better off with how she sees the world. I'm just saying that as their mother, at least she thinks she's doing all this because she really thinks she has their best interest at heart."

"Does it bother you?" Quinn does not mean for her question to be vague. She just isn't sure if she should bring up Shelby at this time and wonders if Rachel is thinking about her or just about the prejudice she had just encountered.

Quinn's had so much experience dealing with unfair expectations put upon her and knowing she'll never live up to them. Her parents level of affection in direct correlation to how much she did to please them. And even then, she still never felt completely loved. But she knows that Rachel's had more experience in dealing with prejudice and hate especially when she had done nothing to deserve such treatment. And she also knows that despite Rachel's love for her dads, she had been affected by Shelby's snub.

Rachel wonders if it's the right time to have such a serious conversation and to bring up Shelby right now considering she would need to later. She had planned for today to be about Quinn. Coming to New York was more her dream than Quinn's and she knows that Quinn had done everything she could to ensure that her dreams were finally achieved even if it took ten years to get here.

The fact that she had given up on them while Quinn had not is still a surprise to her but it highlighted the depth of Quinn's feelings more than anything else could. So all Rachel really wanted to do was to keep reciprocating and do something for Quinn anytime she could. "What bothers me is that despite your eloquent words and passion, she'll probably not change her view." She stands in front of Quinn, her hands on the lapel of Quinn's jacket as she pulls Quinn towards her, their lips meeting briefly before she whispers her next words, "But she's their mom and she loves them and I won't hate her for that."

She feels Quinn's forehead on hers before Quinn's words wash over her, "Did I tell you today that I love you?" Rachel doesn't need to hear Quinn profess her love because she feels it in every caress and kiss that they share. However, she does note that Quinn has taken it upon herself to say the words regardless. Like she wanted to make up for all the times she never said it before.

"This morning in bed was the first time, then when you handed me my coat when we left the hotel and I think when we stopped for breakfast although that particular remark could have been directed at the deli owner considering how much you loved his bagels." She hears Quinn's laugh and it acts like a balm for the hurt from the encounter with the Sullivans'.

"So not nearly enough then." Quinn feels Rachel take hold of her hand, guiding her to their destination. She does not know where they are headed or why. After almost three weeks of exploring New York and getting ready for the filming for Rachel's pilot while at the same time having meetings to assemble her own team to prepare for their Broadway debut.

"I love you." She doesn't keep track of the number of times she's said it and to her, any number just would never be enough.  _I trust you._ She does not say those words aloud although it's implied in her look as she follows Rachel, wanting to ask for their destination but knowing that Rachel will tell her in good time.

Rachel's right hand is firmly held by Quinn and she's literally chewing the pad off her left thumb, indicating that she's worried about something. She knows Quinn does trust her and it's enough for her to still think that what she's planned is a good idea. She takes a deep breath, finally giving her thumb a rest, as she walks towards midtown south.

"Chelsea's a nice neighborhood." Years ago when her dads first brought her to New York, she had been ten and had badgered her dads into giving her the trip in lieu of additional ballet lessons. In the end, they had paid for both and the trip made her fall in love with the city even more. During their first National showing, her love had not diminished although she had been distracted.

She had dreamed of living in Chelsea, a cosy brownstone that was near Broadway but still far enough to be her haven. She had it all planned in her head, the timeline shifting and contracting but never disappearing until she had just stopped. Her decision to pursue Finn banishing her dreams of New York almost forever. "I always thought that if I had to live here, I'd get a place in Chelsea."

Quinn can feel the light breeze blow at her skirt and the feel of Rachel's hand in hers, her thoughts have been quite erratic, jumping from anger at the Sullivans' to curiosity at Rachel's reticence and worry. At face value, Rachel's words are simple to interpret; perhaps it was time to talk about where they would move to in New York and even consider buying something considering they were going to be spending a lot of time in the city.

Laying down roots was something that she had always put off doing mainly because she had just really been waiting for the right person knowing that it would only be with Rachel. Only, she has this feeling that Rachel's not thinking about herself right now or even about the both of them.

It's not any one thing that gives her the impression but just knowing Rachel and finally not holding herself back because she was afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. "You have to show me where." They're walking almost aimlessly although Quinn can feel Rachel has a destination in mind. She finally feels Rachel bracing herself and she does the same.

"Her birthday is coming up. And I don't get it but she actually wants to go back to Lima as her present." Rachel can see the small brownstone in the distance and knows she has to give the choice to Quinn right now. Shelby and Beth were home, waiting for them to show or perhaps not. The two calls Rachel had made did not affect her as much as she thought they would but she knows her words now have affected Quinn. Quinn stops almost immediately, turning on her heel so quickly that Rachel feels the rush of air as her eyes meet Quinn's.

" _She asks a lot of questions." Shelby's voice is clear over the phone and so like her own but that and their look are the extent of their similarities. "She wants to know so many things, about her mother and father and about you." The sigh she emits signals to Rachel that Beth wearing Shelby down with her questions. The small feeling of slight satisfaction disappears almost immediately because she empathizes with Beth even if she wishes for Shelby to finally understand and realize what she had done to her._

" _What do you tell her?" Rachel's voice bears no trace of resentment because she knows how it feels to not get the answers she had been hoping for._

" _Everything and… and nothing." Shelby's answer not surprising because answering questions still does not give one context or make you feel like you matter. Knowing that you mother gave you up even though she may have loved you did not negate the fact that she did give you up in the first place. Even worse, in her own experience, knowing she had been paid to carry you, makes it all so sordid and wrong._

" _Should we come and see her?" Rachel can't help but compare herself to Beth, to remember her own past and maybe forge a connection. The first time she had suspected something wasn't right was when she was eight. A passing remark by a teacher made her think that maybe her dads weren't her only family. She had always been curious and her fathers' doted on her such that they would take time to answer all her questions one why the sky was blue or why other girls didn't always like her. So when she asked about having a mother, she had been surprised to get a vague answer of yes but she wasn't part of their life._

_Their words were meant to soothe, confirming she had a mother out there had been a surprise. Learning that the woman had done so for money and the procedure so clinical and quick was also a difficult revelation compared to her fathers' view that she was their daughter and therefore did not need any other family._

_She ensured that the weird pull she felt, to know more was pushed deep down and subsumed by her other dreams. Only surfacing from time to time like when Jesse had shown up and later when Quinn had given Beth away, Rachel finally instinctively knowing that Shelby was ready to reach out to her because she finally got another chance at being a mother to Beth._

_They had stayed in touch, letters and calls every few months or so. Rachel had been studious in keeping track of them even when Shelby moved first to Brooklyn then to Manhattan, Beth growing up and Rachel languishing in Lima. But things had changed so quickly with Quinn sweeping into her life like she had been destined to and Beth reaching that age where she began asking all the questions Rachel had asked._

_It just seemed right to ensure Beth got her answers and Quinn got the closure she didn't think she wanted but Rachel knew she needed. "We're going to be in New York. Quinn…She just wants the best for Beth…"_

" _No…Maybe." Shelby's voice wavers, a clear indication that she's more unsure than Rachel is about this. Beth knows about why her parents had given her up and about Rachel and how Shelby just wanted a second chance at being the good mother she always wanted to be. "Do you want to talk to her first? I know you said only on her birthday but maybe…"_

_Rachel talked to Beth every year on her birthday. Initially when the calls had started, she didn't think too much of the symbolism of the date chosen. But in the last year or so, realizing how intrinsic Quinn had always been to her life, it all made sense that even when Quinn had not been around, for ten years, Rachel had wished Beth a Happy Birthday, on behalf of the blond and ensured that Beth understood that she was loved._

" _Yes. I'll call her."_

_The call taking place a week after they arrived in New York. Beth thrilled to hear from Rachel, brimming with questions and sounding like Quinn. It hadn't surprised her to hear Beth's excitement at wanting to meet her biological mother. It was only eclipsed by Shelby's worry that Quinn would want more that they were willing to give._

_But Rachel had finally convinced them that it would work out, Beth would finally understand how loved she was and will always be. Shelby would see what a good mom she was and could have been to Rachel. And most importantly, the guilt about Beth that Quinn carried around with her would dissipate. It's the last reason that spurred Rachel on because she knew how much guilt had eaten away at Quinn; Guilt for her perceived abandonment of Beth and Rachel, guilt for never admitting to Rachel that she loved her and guilt for not keeping track of Beth._

Rachel's arms instinctively reach out to Quinn and they're embracing on a street in Chelsea, a silent understanding passing between them, the physical link allowing Quinn to face her fears. "She just wants to see you. See what you look like, what you sound like. She knows that there's this link out there and to not see it. It's difficult to live with. We can change that."

Quinn can hear the emotion in Rachel's voice, knowing she speaks from experience. Quinn's so used to carrying around the feeling of being inadequate, of never measuring up or doing what she knew wanted yet never following through because she had been scared. All of those feelings are flooding her but she can feel Rachel's arms around her and it's enough to make her understand that Rachel's given her the most precious gift.

Rachel had given her a chance to see Beth, to know without a doubt that she had done the right thing and to forge her own link to her own daughter; a chance to ensure that the mistakes made by her parents weren't repeated. But most importantly, her mistake was not repeated. Not the pregnancy which was an experience she would never regret but the mistake not to let the people she love know about her love for them.

"Ok." The word so simple but the meaning it carries is so great. Quinn agreeing to move forward once again, not held back by her fears and trusting Rachel explicitly with her heart and finally letting go of her guilt.

**End Part 14**


	18. Chapter 15

 

**Get It Right**

Quinn's always had this picture of Beth in her head. It's not from any photographs she's seen or even from any descriptions she heard because she had cut all ties with Beth at the start of her senior year. It had been a decision made out of necessity because she had found herself skirting so close to the edge of depression that she knew she would never recover.

Even then, she remembered Rachel trying to bring up Beth in the few stilted conversations that she had tried to initiate. It hadn't been Rachel's fault because she thought she was trying to help but all Quinn could think of was how much of a failure she had been. So she had been adamant to not open herself up or consider that maybe it made sense in the long run to stay in touch. All she felt was the deep sense of loss that she tried to hide with other things like concentrating on Finn and prom queen and taking out her anger on Rachel.

However, in her mind's eye, she had started building a picture of Beth, dark blond pigtails, lanky with skinned knees. She would have a killer smile so like Puck's and hazel eyes that shone so bright. Even eleven years ago, she had pictured Beth as a ten year old, fearless, beautiful and happy. It was the only thing she could do to make herself accept that her choice to give her up had been the correct one.

Standing on the doorstep, her hand falters and she does not carry through with the knock because she is unsure of whether she can let go of the one memory of Beth that was hers alone. She knows it's a pure construct of her imagination but it was the only thing she had kept with her for the past ten years and it had kept Beth alive in her mind. Its then that Quinn feels Rachel hand, gently curl around her fist.

"Together" The word perfect in her mind because it meant Rachel was right there with her and she wasn't going through this alone. Her presence giving her hope and courage and she feels Rachel soft push as their joint hands finally knock on the door.

It's as if Beth had been waiting for them because it opens almost instantly and all at once, Quinn's picture of Beth changes as she stares at the daughter she gave up eleven years ago. Quinn does not know whether to laugh or cry as she stares at a miniature version of her. Not the person she had made herself become but the little girl before the nose job and the exercise regime and the pressure to always be perfect on the outside without any care as to the person she truly was or wanted to become. Before her parents convinced her that what mattered most was on the outside.

She's so used to remembering her own life as transversed into two parts. Her life before where she had been so frightened to be herself that she changed almost everything she could about herself. The only thing she really couldn't change was her attraction to Rachel, although she did so many things to suppress that emotion. And then her life after when Rachel had inadvertently set her on a different path that what she had been brought up to expect.

She had been conditioned to consign Lucy to oblivion and it was another regret she can't truly make up for. Being made to feel ashamed of whom she was such that she had to change everything about herself had been so wrong, yet, her parents had endorsed it.

But right now, it all finally came full circle for her. To see Beth standing before her, smiling, happy and seemingly comfortable in her own skin with Shelby looking on from the small alcove, finally made her fully accept that her decision had been the only one she could have made.

Living with never really knowing the truth for herself, had taken a toll but the gift Rachel had given her today was something she'll never forget. She shifts slightly, her eyes finding Rachel's, conveying all her gratitude and love but also checking to see if the brunette was alright with all of it.

The soft smile on Rachel's face signifies that all is well although Quinn can read her now and can see that Rachel's projecting her calm façade, not wanting to acknowledge any effect of Shelby's presence.

Quinn squeezes her hand before turning to Beth once again, "Hi, Beth, I'm Quinn. I'm…" She's practiced this in her head a million times but right now, it's difficult to use the word because she finally truly understands and feels such a pull towards her biological daughter that she's stunned at the emotion coursing through her.

But words aren't really necessary as she feels Beth's arms curl around her waist and her own body, as if by its own volition, bend down to fully embrace her daughter for the first time in eleven years. To feel the warmth from her skin seep through and know that out of all the mistakes she's made in her life, the one thing she did right was her decisions about Beth.

Rachel sees Shelby's still worried look and it spurs her forward into the house, her arms by her side not knowing what to expect. She's almost as speechless as Quinn is when she feels Shelby pull her forward into a hug of her own, her mom's voice, soft in her ear. "I was afraid the both of you had decided not to come. I'm so glad you're here."

She nods before pulling back, not because she does not want the physical contact but more because she really wants to be there for Quinn as she turns to look at her, worried that the meeting would be too much.

She sees Quinn almost fighting back tears, "Hey Little B, why don't you invite Quinn into the house and I think you owe me a hug as well." She sees Quinn swipe at her eyes and knows she's made the right call as Quinn steps over the threshold, lead in by Beth and gives her a kiss.

#$#$#$#$

Quinn actually expects the whole meeting to be surreal, listening to stories about her daughter but not being able to empathize or relate. Trying to forge a connection borne only by genetics and nothing else seemed to be impossible. Only it's not remotely like that as Beth tells her about her life and all she sees is herself if she had been allowed to be whom she truly was.

Shelby had really done an amazing job raising Beth, allowing her to find her own way and make mistakes while all the while knowing she was loved. She had not hidden Rachel or her past choices; instead, she had been open with Beth. It was obvious she was still uncomfortable with the meeting and having Quinn there but throughout all of it, all Quinn could see was her love for Beth.

Quinn feels gratified but the one nagging thing in the back of her mind was the impact of the meeting on Rachel. The one misconception that people had in the past about Rachel was that she was selfish, always just thinking about herself. On the surface, it wasn't a difficult notion to accept as Rachel had always stood up for herself and stated her own opinions and preferences.

However, when it came down to specifics, she would time and again put others before herself be it giving up her solo for Mercedes or ensuring that Kurt was safe from bullying or reaching out to a belligerent ex cheerleader who made her life miserable for no conceivable reason. But that had all been before she choose Finn and hid herself away.

So Quinn knows that seeing Shelby look at Beth so lovingly would take a toll on Rachel even if she didn't show it. Quinn had realized early on that Rachel was an amazing actress whose face could convey so many different emotions. Rachel's default was to always be open with her feelings, never trying to hide any of it. Time hadn't changed that although Quinn had discovered that Rachel had learnt to subsume her emotions as well, to replace one feeling with another if something called for it.

It made her a great actress and right now, Quinn can tell that Rachel's acting and she does not want to prolong the encounter for Rachel. All she really wanted was to know that her daughter was happy and she had so much ample proof that there was no reason to stay.

"We should go." Her words are emphatic and she can see Beth's face fall and Rachel's eyebrows rise in surprise. Quinn's look back conveying so many different things; gratitude and love being the two foremost emotions that Rachel recognizes almost immediately. Their silent communication does not go unnoticed by Shelby.

She had her own regrets as well. Unlike Quinn who had been too young to know any better, Shelby had willingly given Rachel up, not thinking about what was best for her daughter but the opportunity it would have created for her personally. All she knew was that Rachel's dads wanted her and she always thought she wasn't cut out to be a mom.

Shelby had convinced herself of that fact for years until one day, she woke up crying, not understanding why she had been feeling so lost despite having the same life for so long. She had glanced at the calendar by her bed and finally realized that it had been her daughter's birthday. She didn't have a name or picture but in her heart, she knew she would recognize her anywhere. She had planned to take a sabbatical to find her only fate stepped in the day she decided to check out the new competition at McKinley.

And it had only taken her a split second as soon as she heard her voice, to know, in her heart that Rachel Berry, was a part of her. She had debated with herself what to do next and had practically sought her out a dozen times only to pull back at the last second. It had taken months for her to finally, settle on sending Jesse to seek Rachel out. It had been his idea to try and sabotage New Directions from within and she had gone along with it because it would have been another reason for Rachel to turn to her.

Except when Rachel finally wanted her to step up, she couldn't deal with knowing that Rachel wasn't ever going to be only her daughter. She had missed out on so many things that it felt all wrong to step in. She had hurt Rachel with her rejection and never expected to hear from her only to be surprised to see her standing on her doorstep midway through her junior year.

It hadn't been a good day for her; Beth had started teething which meant crying for the better part of the day. When the doorbell had rung, all she could think of was ignoring it except the person had been persistent, pressing the buzzer every minute or so until she opened the door almost ten minutes later.

She stood slack jawed as she listened to Rachel's verbose explanation of why she was there, her need to help Quinn Fabray because she looked so lost at school each day and not realizing that she herself looked lost as well. Shelby just couldn't say no although the extent of the interactions were limited to letters and pictures and one phone call a year.

As the years passed, she learnt a lot about Rachel even with her enforced reticence. She knew her eldest daughter wasn't happy with her own life even if Rachel would say otherwise and it broke her heart to know that she could not do anything about it.

Rachel had closed herself off to her life ever changing and all Shelby could do was hope that she would find her happiness again and also ensure that Beth's life would be different. It had taken Rachel over ten years to finally regain that special smile she had. Seeing it now as she bestowed it on Quinn was gratifying.

She knows that the both of them had been through a lot and had given Beth a gift that was so very precious. And asking for something more would be greedy. However, she had promised Beth and hoped that both Rachel and Quinn would at least consider her request. "I'm so very grateful that you came." The inflection in her voice leaving no room for misinterpretation as she feels both Quinn and Rachel turn their attention to her.

It's funny how Rachel's so protective of Quinn such that her tiny frame actually leans into the blond as if shielding her. It's such a loving gesture that Shelby wishes she didn't have to ask the favor because she knows it would open up old hurts. "Beth's birthday is next week and ..." She feels Beth's own hand in hers and she knows that she would do anything for her.

"Well, we're going back to Lima. She wants to see where she was born and to meet her biological father and maybe her grandparents." She sees Quinn's face blanch almost white and is unsure if the trigger is the mention of Beth's father or her grandparents. Most telling though is Rachel's almost immediate reaction as her hand reaches out, finding Quinn's the physical contact providing immediate solace.

"I.."Quinn knows that miracles can happen because she's seen proof with her own eyes. Miracles like Beth turning out to be wonderful and so self assured or the fact that she loved what she did and got paid to do it. But most of all, she truly appreciates that her relationship with Rachel had used up her entire lifetime quota of miracles. Not only finding each other but feeling so complete now that they had, that it truly felt like half a life before. So finding another miracle for Beth seemed impossible because her parents were never going to change.

"I can talk to Pu..Noah. He's your father." She looks at Beth, her smile really reminding her of Puck's. "But my parents…"

"Are probably visiting your sister Frannie although my dads did say they wanted to see how you've haven't seen you in person for over seven years so maybe its time that they did." The lie rolling off her tongue so easily that she knows Shelby and Beth won't pick up on it. "We won't be able to stay for long just two days before we need to come back and prep for the pilot." This time it's not a lie because even the two days was a stretch considering they needed to shoot the pilot in less than three weeks to be in time for a network pickup slot.

Quinn lets out a shaky breath, thankful as always for Rachel's timely intervention. Her parent's rejection of her had hurt so much and she carried it around for so long that it always made her feel incomplete. Her only saving grace was finding a real connection with Rachel, allowing herself to finally let the past go. She does not want Beth to ever feel like that.

She knows Russell and Judy won't acknowledge Beth not because she had been born out of a drunken encounter one night but because she was not their version of a Fabray and to be honest Quinn would never want her to be. "They won't know what they're missing in not meeting you but Rachel's dads are just so wonderful and they're going to love you."

#$#$#$#$

When Rachel first boarded the plane to fly to LA, she had been wracked with uncertainty, her hand holding on to Kurt's so tightly as she walked towards the aircraft door. Each step making her feel even more unsure about her decision to fly out and take up Quinn's generous offer. To be absolutely honest, she had wanted to see Quinn again even if she didn't want to admit it out loud and she had been so grateful to Kurt because he genuinely seemed to understand her unspoken need.

Although the one other thought running through her head was her fear that she would fly back a failure, Finn's words about not being better than Lima or being able to do anything had been ringing in her ears since he had said them. He had said those words to hurt her because he had felt hurt but it didn't mean that they weren't true.

And for a period of time, Rachel did feel like she wouldn't be good enough only to finally realize that even if she didn't have faith in herself, Quinn had so much faith in her that she bet her entire career on Rachel. And it had made all the difference as she felt free and that anything was possible.

Quinn flying her dads to LA for the wrap party had solidified the fact that she truly belonged and she didn't have to fly back to Lima, a failure. She knew that there would always be a standing invitation from her dads to visit them which they reiterated each week when she called. They had taken to asking to speak to Quinn as well, making her promise that when the both of them needed a break and wanted to disappear for a while, they would visit them.

She actually did plan on visiting eventually and though Quinn was always polite on the calls, Rachel knew that Lima held different memories for the both of them. Shared memories both good and bad that highlighted how different their experiences were but how intertwined their lives had been. She knew it would take more than just an invitation from her dads to get Quinn to go back and Beth's request changed everything.

" _What if we run into them?"There is no note of panic in her voice though Rachel can see the worry reflected in Quinn's eyes. She had been unable to say no to Beth but as the idea of actually going back to Lima settled between them, she could see Quinn begin to slowly unravel._

" _We did the last time. I think that encounter was only negated by the fact that I met you at the school later on." Quinn's confession is heartening to hear but Rachel knows that Quinn's also finally opening up to her, letting her be there to talk things through with._

" _We might run into them." She leans into Quinn, their bodies touching, "But odds are we won't. We'll all stay at my dads and Noah says he'll come over to meet Beth. We don't have to go, you know." Rachel's calm voice highlighting a fact that had crossed her mind, only, she's learnt to be so much braver in the past year._

_It had started the second Rachel had kissed her in her apartment, their third kiss but the first one initiated by Rachel. It had taken her longer to start believing in herself and understand that mistakes would be made but Rachel still loved her nonetheless. "I know, but it's the only thing she's asked from me. And did I ever tell you my fantasy of climbing into your bedroom window?"_

_The laugh that she gets from Rachel indicates that she really is getting better at this and perhaps she really would have luck on her side this time._

"As much as I would really like to hear how we can recreate that fantasy.." Rachel takes a deep breath knowing that she needs to talk Quinn down. " _You don't have to shield Beth from your parents forever. She'll learn the truth eventually and maybe it's better if it came from you." Rachel rests her head in the crook of Quinn's shoulder, her arm already draped around Quinn's torso such that she can feel Quinn tense at her words, the lighter tone of the conversation disappearing completely. But she knows that have to work this out together because going back to Lima would not only mean possibly meeting Russell and Judy Fabray but also Finn._

" _So telling her that her biological grandparents would not want her, that they would take one look at her and hate everything that they see. That would be the right thing to do?" Quinn can hear the tremor in her voice but her tone is not confrontational, she just doesn't think she can explain to Beth that their view of the world was so warped and how thankful she is that Beth had escaped that._

_Rachel knows a bit of Quinn's past, of what she had done to erase parts of herself and how it made her feel. All the regret she carried with her of bowing to her parent's pressure and wanting to look perfect despite feeling so broken inside. Listening to Quinn talk about Lucy as if she was another person had made her heart ache for the blond. But knowing all these new facets of Quinn also just made her fall even more in love with her because in the end, she finally got to meet and fall in love with the real Lucy Quinn Fabray. "You think she's beautiful."_

_Quinn feels Rachel's words reverberate against her skin and her own response back almost instantaneous."Of, course she is." The sincerity flowing through her words is augmented by her ardent tone, when Quinn looked at Beth; all she saw was her beautiful daughter, well adjusted, joyful and so beautiful outside and in._

" _Yes, she's absolutely is." She feels Rachel shift, their eyes meeting and it finally hits her. The exact meaning of Rachel's words, how she intrinsically understands just what to say and just how to make her see what was so apparent._

" _She is beautiful and she shouldn't be made to feel like she isn't."Her hand traces the side of Rachel's face. "But knowing that my parents would think that won't change the way she feels about herself because she knows that she'll always be loved." She feels Rachel's hand on her hip, her index finger drawing small circles there._

_Knowing Rachel loved her had changed her in a myriad of ways, allowing her to take chances and be brave but also feel like she mattered and that she belonged. But most of all, when Rachel looked at her, Quinn knows that Rachel has always seen beyond her outward appearance. It was never about her perfect nose or blond curls but about the person she was inside, the person only Rachel could recognize._

_Despite everything she had done in high school, Rachel had seen though the artifice and knew the person Quinn had longed to be and that had been the person that Rachel had always wanted to forge a connection with._

" _You're more than just a pretty face." Quinn had been beautiful in High School but the person she let herself become; the one sitting next to her, someone who could love unflinchingly and who wanted to make up for all her perceived mistakes, someone who wasn't afraid to fight for what she wanted. That was the person that Rachel had fallen in love with and she was stunning._

_Quinn knows that when Rachel looked at her, she saw beyond her appearance and loved her for whom she was inside. It was a revelation to her to know that she didn't need to change herself to be loved._

_Her whispered words back to Rachel, makes her smile."And you're everything."_

She sees Quinn and Beth, their heads bent together, the color of their hair different but their posture so similar that Rachel can see the resemblance, not always so overt but once you noticed, it was hard to ignore. The same could be said for Shelby and her as she stares at her mother but that link was only physical, their coloring and voice and nothing else.

"We should board soon." Quinn remembers the feel of Rachel on her skin, the way her hair would brush against her cheek, her sense memory filling in all the blanks even as she only touches Rachel's arm. Their bond so much stronger since she discovered that Rachel had always known who she was inside, eschewing her outward appearance because that wasn't what was important. No one else in her life had done that, not Jackson or Selena. She takes her time to kiss Rachel, knowing the extra two hours in bed this morning was still not enough.

"So you're convinced your dads are fine with us sharing a room, right?" Quinn's not taking any chances as she intertwines their fingers, as she watches Beth talking to Shelby.

"You do know that their room is just down the hall from mine and the walls are pretty thin. Besides, we have two spare guest rooms and the couch in the basement." Rachel turns her head slightly, not wanting Quinn to see her face and pick up on the fact that she's joking and there would be no way in hell that she would let her dads make them spend two nights apart. But she can't hold out for long as she laughs at Quinn's almost aggrieved expression.

"So, we're flying first class right?" The voice recognizable but Rachel can't believe he's there.

"Kurt?" She turns to see Kurt grinning at her and Jackson and Julie standing next to him, before turning back to Quinn. "What's going on?"

It's Quinn's turn to smile, "I talked to your dads a few days ago and they told me that they had so much room and I suggested that we ask Kurt and Jackson to join us so we could discuss the pilot and the show there in case you felt like staying for a few days longer."

Kurt hadn't even let her finish her proposal before agreeing to accompany them back. She had called him, with an ulterior motive, wanting him there to run interference in case Burt or Carol wanted to see Rachel. It wasn't that she didn't think Rachel could handle herself but more she knew that Finn would be there and despite the near conciliatory way their divorce proceedings had occurred, she remembered how angry Finn had been.

She just didn't want to take any chances with the trip, calling Jackson and Julie next, knowing that their presence wasn't necessary but it never hurt to bring back-up. Either to fill in the spare rooms in the house or more importantly to hold her back should she finally decide to hit her dad if their paths crossed.

"Stay longer than the two days? But the pilot, we need to prep for the shoot." Rachel would love the time back home, reconnecting with her dads and flying back not as a failure and because she needed to by really because she wanted to. In addition, she also needed to put her past to rest and face Finn. She hadn't talked that part over with Quinn but it was something that she knew had to be done in order to move forward completely.

"Julie's been working on scouting locations for the past week and I've already planned most of the shoot. It would mean we go straight into filming the minute we get back but we should be able to get it done." Quinn has her own reasons for extending the trip. Initially, all she wanted to do was to be as surreptitious as possible with the visit. She had planned on flying in and out in forty eight hours, just enough time to introduce Beth to Puck and let Rachel see her dads. The entire thing felt like she still was still ashamed. But that was not the case any longer.

The calls she had made subsequently were all well received and she knows that she's about to set off a chain of events that she can't stop but the encounter with the Sullivan's and her talk with Rachel made her realize that she could make a difference and perhaps it was time to take a stand as well.

"Thank you." Rachel kisses her before going to tell Beth and Shelby of their potential change in plans.

She looks on as Julie and Kurt join in the conversation, "Are you sure you want to do this?" Jackson's words reiterating her earlier thoughts. They're all finally happy and Quinn knows that she doesn't need to do more. However, she remembers what it felt like to be ashamed, to think that something was wrong with her and try and change herself.

She's lucky that Beth would never have that problem but she knows that there were countless of other people who could. She wasn't trying to change the world but maybe starting with Lima was the right thing to do. "No." She turns to face him, a rueful smile on her face. "But that just means it's the right thing to do."

"Yeah, it does." He has plans of his own as her fingers dig into his front pocket, touching the ring there. He had bought it with Quinn last week when he and Julie flew into New York. He had planned on proposing to Julie while they stayed at the Plaza; asking her to marry him as he bent down on one knee in the balcony of their room, overlooking the Park.

But each day, when they got back to their room, he just didn't feel like it was the right time. Initially he thought that it was the vestiges of his deep feelings for Quinn that was holding him back but when he bought the ring, all he could picture was it on Julie's hand.

In the end, he realized that maybe he just needed the right moment and it hadn't occurred as yet because the both of them were busy with their work and too exhausted at the end of the day. When Quinn had told him of her plans to fly back to Lima and asked if he and Julie could come with, he jumped at the chance.

It wasn't the most romantic of locations but it was away from their jobs and they would be with friends and he knew that all he needed was a chance.

"I booked you guys a suite at the Fairmont for the week. So you can celebrate after you finally ask her." Quinn had been so tempted to buy a ring when she had gone into Tiffany's with Jackson. The only reason she didn't was that she knew she still had to do a few more things to prove to herself that she was worth of Rachel.

"Thanks. I hope she says yes." He can't believe that he's finally moving on with his own life. He doesn't feel any regrets for having had Quinn in his life and even now, she was the one rooting for him and helping him plan. They'll always be there for each other and he can't wait to help her plan her own proposal for Rachel eventually. They just needed to survive Lima first.

**End Part 15**


	19. Chapter 16

 

**Get It Right**

"Oh, no they didn't…." Kurt's voice trails off as the sounds of the high school band starting out drowns any other words he would want to express. The colorful banners being carried and the sheer number of people waiting seemingly for them creates quite a spectacle. He turns to Rachel, trying to shout over the noise of the band and people calling her name.

"Talk about a homecoming. You deserve it though." He's grinning from ear to ear and can see Quinn's surprised but happy look indicating she wasn't expecting it either. "Did you do this?" His question to Jackson is also met with a surprised look and a head shake.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, welcome home. You're a star." The nasally voice over the loudspeaker is completely recognizable even if his afro and plastic black frames are long gone. Jacob Ben Israel holds up a megaphone that looks suspiciously like the one Sue Sylvester used to have before it was stolen their senior year. He waves to Rachel, winking for added measure before rushing up to embrace her.

The loud cheers accompanying his announcement is surreal and throws Quinn for a few seconds before she realizes what has occurred and deftly steps between Jacob and Rachel as soon as Rachel manages to extricate herself from Jacob's arms.

"Watch it. That's my girlfriend you're manhandling." Quinn's low growl is clear but so is her countenance such that Jacob takes a step back, the megaphone placed in front of him as if as a form of protection.

"Hey, I was only doing what you asked over the phone." He stutters out trying to hold his ground even as he sees Quinn's arched brow. "You said you wanted to make her return memorable and then you'll sit down for an all access interview with me." He flings his arms out, "This is memorable, so you better step up Fabray."

Quinn glances over at Rachel and sees her being hugged by her dads, a wide smile on her face as she tries to not be overwhelmed with emotions. She really did deserve a band and people screaming her name and Quinn can't fault Jacob for acknowledging that. She takes a step forward and he automatically jerks back until she places her hand on his forearm, leaning forward to give his a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you and you're definitely getting your interview."

"I think they want your autograph." Beth knew that Rachel and Quinn were kind of famous. Her mom had shown her their pictures when they appeared in the papers and they watched them on TV. But to see people calling Rachel's name was a completely different experience.

"Come on, you can help me." Rachel grabs her hand and moves towards her waiting fans. She's given her autograph out more and more times and during the past few months as both she and Quinn had been approached on the street or stopped by people wanting pictures. It was beyond her wildest dreams but more than that, she felt that she had been so lucky to have had a second chance and she never wanted to take it for granted, always acquiescing to fans request where she could.

She's signing her name as quickly as she can, listening to Beth give her directions on which one to do next.

"Actually, maybe you could put your number down as well." The timber of his voice unchanged and his Mohawk still there along with the killer grin. Lauren is standing next to him and she's smiling too as she nods to Rachel although her eyes drift to Beth, as understanding dawns on her and her hand unconsciously moves to her belly.

Rachel does not hesitate as she pulls him into a hug, Quinn already appearing by her side. "We should go, Puck, you should come over as well." Quinn takes Beth hand in hers as the little girl absorbs her first fleeting meeting with her father.

**#$#$#$#$**

"Did you love him?" Her question is said with such seriousness as she stares at Quinn, her mom tensing up next to her such that she has to reach out and take her hand. She's always felt loved doubly so because her mom would overcompensate, attending every single concert, performance, PTA meeting and even coached her soccer league despite not knowing anything about the game.

She never suspected anything untoward until she started noticing that she just didn't look or act like her mom and when she finally screwed up her courage to ask about her dad, the answer back had been both surprising and unsettling. Knowing she had been adopted and the reasons behind it still made her feel like she hadn't been wanted.

Despite her mom and even Rachel trying to give her comfort, it just didn't ring true until she met Quinn. Looking at her biological mother and seeing the same hazel eyes staring back and finally witnessing the smile from her father so like her own made her feel like she finally fit in somewhere. "I mean, you made me right? So you should have loved him."

Quinn remembers the day so clearly in her mind. Practice had been brutal because most of the squad had busted their weight limit when they had been weighed by Coach Sylvester that morning. Finn had been acting up again and she had finally screwed up enough courage to talk to Sandy Ryerson in order to see if she and part of her squad could join the choir.

She didn't want to examine her intentions too closely even as she had peeked in on choir practice to see the total sum of losers who were still part of the club including a brunette that she didn't want to acknowledge. Her reasoning to Sue had been flawless, take over all the clubs in school and their budgets as well. The cheerios could always use back up confetti canons.

Then, it happened, Finn had been talking to her about his practice when Rachel had walk by, her outfit not unlike her previous ones but the short skirt coupled with a tight sweater with no animal prints, had turned both their heads.

The guilt she felt even more pronounced when she realized that she was just as attracted to Rachel as Finn was. Her self loathing mixed in with the cruel remarks by Coach Sylvester all but primed her to accept Puck's lascivious invite back to his place. The wine coolers only made it easier to let her inhibitions go and imagine that she was being kissed by someone else.

She had used Puck even more than he had used her and she would always feel bad for that. Quinn knows that she cannot lie right now as she takes a deep breath before answering Beth as honestly as she can. "I was sixteen and I didn't know what love could be." Her only view of it had come from her parents and all she could discern was that it meant giving up what she wanted for what was expected.

"I didn't love him but I learnt what love could be when I found out I was pregnant with you." She's not sure if she's said the right thing but both Shelby and Rachel are looking at her and she has a feeling she has.

For the rest of the car ride, they start a game of twenty questions where Quinn learns that Beth is allergic to seafood, Rachel learns that Shelby will not sing a country song under any circumstances and both Shelby and Rachel learnt that Quinn was contemplating studying Judaism.

#$#$#$#

"You know you broke every single speed limit to get here, right?" Lauren's voice cuts across his pacing and he stops to turn to look at her. They've been together the longest out of all the couples from Glee Club. Even he can't believe it sometimes. He had envisioned his life so differently then, wanting to live free, party hard and enjoy his youth.

But when he found out about Beth, something in him changed irrevocably and he knew he wanted to step up and show that he was different from his dad. For a short time, Quinn had given him that, she had allowed him to glimpse at the man he could become. He owes her for that and when she called to finally collect, he could not say no.

Puck looks over at Lauren, how her hand unconsciously keeps going to her stomach and hopes that she's truly ok with this. "I'm sorry." His voice is surprisingly contrite because he's apologizing for more than just his semi reckless driving and she knows it as she sighs before she turns to look at him.

He wants to finally commit to her as well. He does love her and he knows she loves him. His flirtations nowadays mainly reflex as oppose to actually wanting to hook up with anyone. He wants to ask her to stay forever and he knows she's already made up her mind to do so but the words are just not there for him; at least not yet.

"Noah." Lauren only uses his first name when she has something serious to say. The first time was when she told him she loved him. He had been contemplating his life and had actually considered enlisting when she had rushed back to Lima from college, first proclaiming his idiocy and then revealing that she loved him and missed him.

Most recently, she had use it when she woke him up, her hands warm against his back, her words whispered softly but clear enough to penetrate the fog of semi sleep. ' _Noah, I'm pregnant.'_ His reaction almost comical as he shot up, nearly sending her flying off their bed only to grab a hold of her, pulling her towards him as he kissed her. Letting her know how happy he was.

Right now though, he can't tell what message she wants to deliver as she stares at her, his body tense, his hands pushed deep into his front pockets of his jeans.

"You're going to make a great dad." She knows this as a fact, had always understood that despite his irresponsible ways with her heart, he had loved Beth enough to want the best for her and would love their child as well.

"Just tell her the truth." She can tell he's not sure what that is though, "Not about how you got Quinn drunk although I'm going to tell her that part of it when she's older or I'm very sure Quinn or Rachel would." She steps forward, her arms coming around him as he finally relaxes into the hug. "Just remember that you loved her and only wanted the best for her."

He sees the cars pull up behind his and Quinn exit, Rachel's hand held firmly in hers. That was a relationship he would never have called. Not that he didn't think it was possible but more because he knew both of them and always figured that they would never get over their past. But they had and maybe he could too.

He nods at them before his eyes stray to the little girl walking up the path behind them. Her hazel eyes so like Quinn's and her smile causing his heart to constrict. "Noah, this is Beth." He hears Rachel's introduction and knows he should wait for Beth to say something but he can't help himself as he scoops her up into a hug.

Rachel ushers them all into her childhood home, taking charge and assigning rooms even as her dads stand beside her, handing out bedding and welcome bags. Quinn and Shelby hover near the front room, peering at both Puck and Beth, until Jacob comes to demand his interview so that he can make the next morning's paper.

Puck feels almost reborn, like a new man, someone who had actually done the right things in his life when it mattered. He looks at his daughter and wonders how she got to be so smart, asking the right questions and making the connections even when he couldn't fully articulate all his thoughts. "I run a bar in town and my band plays there on weekends." When his mom had passed, he had used the money she left him to send his sister to college and as a down payment for a hole in the wall bar downtown.

He made enough for the mortgage and found out he could make more when they had live music. Lauren would do the first set and then they would switch and she would tend the bar when he sang, his eyes always following her.

"Is that your girlfriend like Rachel is Quinn's" All the answers she's received finally giving her a picture of how she fits in the world, her links to her family both genetic and chosen. Everyone she's met on the trip so far finally giving her context to her short life.

"No." His voice is suddenly solemn and she's unsure as to what has occurred until she sees his stand and beckon to Lauren to join them. "Beth, this is Lauren and I hope she'll be more than just my girlfriend." He feels Lauren's hand tighten in his and he knows that it's her way of saying yes. His hand covering Lauren's tummy, "And this is going to be your brother or sister. You'll always going to be part of our family too."

#$#$#$#$

Her dads haven't changed, in fact, they've seemed to have saved up every ounce of attention over the past months, just for her, asking her questions and telling her of what had occurred in the past year. Even though they've talked on the phone weekly but sitting down, face to face made all the difference as they recounted the highlights of their lives , all the while asking her so many questions about her life with Quinn.

"So, you'll be staying the week?" Daddy's tone is hopeful and the smile he gives her when she nods reminds her of her own. "Now young lady, your father and I are as liberal as they come but the fact that you and Quinn are in our house means that .."

Rachel almost chokes on her drink before she recovers and cuts him off, "But Daddy, I'm an adult divorced woman who has finally found exactly what makes me happy. Isn't that what you've always wanted for me?" Her beguiling tone, not completely working as her lawyer dad narrows his eyes before finally jumping in, "Now princess, we've always wanted you to be happy but that doesn't mean you get a free pass from the rules we have. So.." He holds up his finger as soon as he sees Rachel open her mouth and has to control his urge to smile when she snaps her mouth shut.

"Just keep the noise level to a minimum considering Beth and Shelby are in the room next door." His smirk a lot like Quinn's when she wins an argument and Rachel can't help but realize that she's not going to win this one. "Fine." She huffs but returns the smile that her dad and daddy bestows on her. Before standing, "I'm going to see how Puck is doing with Beth and check in on Quinn just in case Jacob.."

"Just in case, Jacob does what exactly?" Quinn walks into the kitchen, snatching a quick kiss from Rachel before nodding to Rachel's two dads. She had initially thought that the interview would tire her out, rehashing the past always made her feel smaller and less than whom she was. But Jacob's questions had been both insightful and respectful and the honesty in her answers actually made her feel proud of what she had done and the choices she had made.

"I don't know; maybe sweep you off your feet and away from me." The sheer absurdity of her remark sending all of them into peals of laughter.

"No one could ever do that. Ever. "The weight of Quinn's statement does not go unnoticed and both her dads look at each other, their silent communication borne of years of familiarity while they watch their only daughter forge a bond of her own as she too, looks at Quinn, conveying so much with that one look that they actually feel like voyeurs in their own house.

#$#$#$#$

Breakfast the next day is a rambunctious affair. Apparently Shelby and Rachel's dads subscribe to it being the most important meal of the day such that the table is overflowing with food. One half vegan friendly and the other filled with bacon that makes both Jackson and Quinn salivate.

Quinn's surreptitiously glancing at Julie's hand and when she does not see the ring there, she arches her eyebrow as she stares at Jackson. His returning shrug of his shoulder indicating that he's still holding back and Quinn knows that it's her turn to push him because he's always been there for her.

"So what do you guys have planned for today?" The idea had already formed in her mind when they got in yesterday. "I was thinking of stopping by to see Mr. Shue." She glances at Rachel who nods enthusiastically because she knows what Quinn is planning to do and wholeheartedly supported it.

Jackson narrows his eyes as he sees Quinn's grin, wanting to question her but is stopped because of Kurt's arrival, his arms full with copies of the local paper that he distributes immediately before turning to her. "Quinn, the interview.." His eyes are bright with unshed tears as he stares at her. His own experience in high school had been fraught with bullying and self doubt but through it all, his dad had been a cornerstone in providing him with love and support.

He had the added support of friends like Mercedes and Rachel and eventually the love of Blaine and Finn's older brother protection. He knew that Quinn had struggled but she had always projected an air about her; like she was untouchable, only showing rare glimpses of her emotions and even then, only to a few of them. Rachel had probably been the only one that really saw through Quinn's façade and had tried to reach out.

Quinn had admitted as much in the interview, chronicling her confusion in high school and her strict upbringing all adding to the fact that she hated herself so much, it made her want to change everything about herself. Her honesty in detailing the things she had been ashamed of as well as the ways she had tried to make up for them all added to someone that he knew deserved the happiness she had finally found.

She looks at the various faces around the table, her hand holding onto Rachel's as she waits for them to digest the article. She had asked Shelby's permission to talk about Beth. No mentioning of names but just to highlight that she was proud of how her own daughter had turned out. Likewise, telling Jackson that she wanted to talk about their relationship and how he had saved her with his love and friendship even though he knew that she didn't love him back the same way.

She had been reticent about her relationship with Rachel, telling Jacob that she wanted some parts of her life to remain private and all she could say was that she felt blessed to have found someone who didn't have any expectations for her except to be happy and feel loved. Her entire past published for everyone in Lima to read, finally allowing her to come full circle and be the person she had always wanted to be.

#$#$#$#$

"So what are we really doing here?" Jackson remembers the school from his last visit and is glad to walk down memory lane with Quinn and Rachel. It would take his mind off the fact that the ring he had been carrying around for more than two weeks was still weighing heavy in his pocket.

When they had woken up this morning, he had looked at Julie, the words on the tip of his tongue,  _'I love you, will you marry me?'_  Only, he just could not get them out. The words so clear in his mind but stuck somewhat in his psyche.

"Rachel's taking Julie on a quick tour and we're going to meet them in the auditorium." She takes his hand to lead him there only to feel some resistance and she realizes she has to ask her next question because she's scared that his reticence is her fault. "Is it me? Did I break you somehow?"

His parents were just waiting for his call to tell them that he was finally engaged. His lawyers already drawing up the papers to give Julie a half share in his apartment. He really does love her, from the smile she bestows upon him every time she sees him to the fact that she actually was more of a geek than he was, her Star Wars action figure collection larger than his and her ability to recite the entire dialogue to the Princess Bride all added to the fact that she was made for him.

But something was holding him back and he finally understands what that is and it does have to do with Quinn but not the in way she thought. They had been there for each other for more than seven years, just a phone call away but most times closer. It had been true even when she finally got together with Rachel as he had been her one source of clarity each time she felt her insecurities take over. But he knows that things will change.

He takes both her hands in his, wanting to wipe the look of distress off her face, "No, you most definitely did not break me." He looks into her hazel eyes and sees the love she has for him reflected back. Different from the love he sees from Julie. He had always tried to prescribe more to Quinn's feelings than what was plainly obvious.

Her platonic love for him would never fade and would strengthen over time despite the change that was about to come. "I guess I…I don't want you not to be in my life but I need to accept that you're not going to be at the centre of it." The words acting like a release as he feels his heart finally let go of Quinn.

She cocks her head to one side as she looks at her best friend, innately understanding that he's somehow asking for her permission to let her go and she's happy to give it as she pulls him into a fierce hug. "Rachel and I are going to be there when all your five kids are born and I'm going to make sure you treat Julie right and Rachel's going to be her shoulder to cry on when you occasionally screw up."

She hears his low chuckle as she releases him, turning him around before pushing him towards the auditorium, "Mr. Shue's Glee Club is going to serenade her with her favourite song any minute now and I would suggest you get on stage when they're done and man up, Gellar."

She sees him break into a run and keeps pace with him as he rushes into the auditorium. She's not surprised to hear Rachel's voice soaring above the rest and cries when she sees Jackson finally get down on one knee to propose and Julie accept. Her eyes seeking Rachel's out and even in the dim ambient light, she hopes Rachel can see her own promise in her look back.

They stop over at the Fairmont, ordering champagne in the suite Quinn had booked for Jackson. Their voices all overlapping as Julie and Rachel discuss dresses and wedding colors and Jackson talks over the budget of their show with Quinn. Her ringing phone finally stopping their conversation surprised to see that it's Rachel's dad.

"Mr. Berry, hel." Her greeting cut off almost immediately.

"Quinn, I think you should come back to the house as soon as you can." He does not sound anxious but his words are measured and she immediately thinks of the worse.

"What's wrong? Did something happen to Beth?" She feels Rachel's hand on her back and it gives her focus, "We're at the Fairmont and can be there in twenty minutes or less. What's going on?" Her voice also not panicked but laced with a sharp edge as she wills him to give her an answer.

"Your mom's here. She turned up five minutes ago asking to see both you and Beth." His calm voice the only thing that prevents her from slamming down the phone and rushing back to protect Beth. "We and Shelby thought it best that you come back first before we let her see Beth."

"I'm leaving now." She hangs up, her hands shaking until Rachel takes them in hers. "My mom is at your house." She sees Jackson react to her words but Rachel just keeps still, her entire focus on Quinn and it prompts Quinn to take a breath of her own. Her relationship with her mom was never complicated. She knew exactly all the rules that she was required to follow in order to gain her love.

And the moment she diverged from them, she remembered how it felt to feel so alone, not abandoned because that would only come later when her dad found out about Beth. Her mother had perfected the art of just ignoring the parts about her she didn't approve of and in time, she learnt to do the same.

"So we'll go back there, listen to what she wants to say."

Quinn shakes her head at Rachel's words, not wanting Rachel anywhere near Judy, in fact she would be the happiest if both Beth and Rachel were not even in the same State as her parents. "I don't want her to see you or Beth." her voice tremors with emotions. "She'll say these things that are meant to hurt and there's just no way I want you or Beth to see her." This time, there's an underlying note of finality to her words as she looks at Rachel.

More than that, she needs to face her mom and finally break away from her cycle of always feeling like she's never going to be good enough. Being with Rachel changed her and made her see that she deserved to be happy and nothing could change the fact that she was loved because of who she truly was.

Rachel knows she can insist on going because she wants to be there to give Quinn as much support as she can. Only Rachel completely understands Quinn's dilemma in not wanting her to meet her mother. The implicit message she's conveying is so clear and all Rachel can do is nod. She has to trust Quinn to know that she'll ask for her support when she needs it because they're together now and she'll always be there for her.

"Whatever she says, remember I love you." The words punctuated with a kiss that Rachel hopes expresses how much faith she has in Quinn. If Quinn could face her mom despite the past then Rachel knows she'll also have to step up.

She walks Quinn to the car and almost does not let go instead contemplating getting in as well but she knows that Quinn wants to prove something to herself. It's not difficult to divine that Quinn wants to prove that she's stronger now, different from before when anything her mom said would affect her even if she tried not to show it.

As much as she felt scared for Quinn, Rachel knew that it was the right thing to do. It was difficult just to kiss her goodbye and see her drive off but it also finally gave her impetus to make the call that she had been dreading.

Her hands shake imperceptibly but she puts it down to the cold and not her nerves because she's Rachel Berry, not the girl who lost her way ten years ago but the one who finally knew exactly what she wanted and where she belonged. She hears the line connect and his voice is so familiar that it brings back a flood of memories, both good and bad.

 

"Finn."The silence on his end is understandable so she takes the initiative, "I guess you know that Quinn and I are in town?" The inflection at the end indicating a question although she's more than sure that he's read Quinn's interview in the paper.

Quinn had ensured that Finn's name wasn't mentioned and in deference to Burt and Carol, she had reiterated that their relationship had started after Rachel got to LA and even then it had taken them months to finally admit their feelings. It was a version of the truth that they could live with because the both of them knew the truth and that was all that mattered. Rachel knew that Quinn had loved her for the longest time and in hindsight, had she known then, things could have turned out so very differently. "I just wanted to.." She trails off, her bravado finally waning.

"How long are you in town for?" His voice is not gruff but guarded as if he is unsure of where this was all leading.

"A few more days. Would it be ok if we met up? I have a few hours free and I thought…I wanted…" She rushes the words out, her own uncertainty seeping through because she's sure she'll hang up if she doesn't get the words out. She hears him sigh over the phone.

"I'm at the shop." Finn knows he can say no and she would accept his answer but he remembers loving her, the feeling of wanting to make her happy and see her smile even though he could never elicit it in the last few years they were married. The pictures from the magazines that he's glanced at when he was picking up milk from the store showed him that she was smiling again.

He had done the best he could and does not regret his choices as much as he knows she regrets hers and maybe it would be good to see her again, listen to what she had to say to him and finally put the past behind him like Quinn had done with the interview.

"Just you though." He knows that they're together and he still can't fully accept it.

"Ok." Her tentative reply so familiar such that he wonders if she only talks to him like that.

**End Part 16**


	20. Chapter 17

 

**Get It Right**

The mere sight of the garage brings back a flood of memories for her. Finn had been so proud the day Burt handed over the keys to him. He had driven them over almost immediately, holding on tightly to her hand as he showed her the place, telling her of his plans to expand and asking for her advice for the color of the walls.

Rachel had been happy for him even as she finally processed that they were settling down in Lima for good. The end of college wasn't going to be a start of any adventure for the both of them. Finn had everything planned out in his head their last year at OSU. She had given him an out when she had come back from the doctor's a week after they got married but he never took it.

" _I'm not….I'm not pregnant." The sheer relief at the news is only overshadowed by the look of complete disappointment on Finn's face. He had been holding a tiny grey and scarlet OSU jersey in his right hand as he pulled her in for a kiss the minute she walked through the door._

_It was his way of apologizing for missing the doctor's appointment with her. He had driven to see Burt the night before and bad weather had prevented him from arriving on time this morning when she had her first pre-natal appointment._

_In the end, she had been so glad that he hadn't been there because there was no mistaking the tears of joy that coursed down her face when Dr. Peters had gently broken the news that she wasn't pregnant and stress was the most likely reason for her false positive test results._

" _What?" His talk with Burt and Carol had gone so well especially when he revealed that Rachel was pregnant. They had gone down to Lima the weekend they got married as Rachel had insisted on telling her dads face to face but through all the tears, both expected and unexpected, Rachel had kept silent about the pregnancy._

_He had thought that she was embarrassed and therefore never said anything and besides, he didn't want it known that his son,he had a strong inkling, was conceived out of wedlock so he kept quiet too, only finally revealing it to Burt yesterday when he proposed taking over the shop._

" _But the test…I told my mom. She was so happy." He feels like something's been taken away from him; his chance at leaving a legacy as his eyes drift to the small jersey in his hand. "Did you lose it?" His voice is tight and full of guilt for having left her even as he scans her face expecting to see such sadness etched on it._

_Rachel feels him pull her close, his arms wrapping around her and this time, the tears in her eyes are for him because she can feel his grief so strongly. "No…I…it wasn't like that. Dr. Peters says that it was just a false positive."_

_He feels her tears dot his shirt and holds her even tighter, wanting her to know that he loves her regardless. "We can try again. When you're ready, we can try again. I love you Rachel."_

_She wants to say no, to tell him that they don't have to be tied down so soon but the hope in his voice stops her cold as does his next words._

" _I'm buying over Burt's shop. He agreed to sell it to me. I'm using my dad's insurance money." He had told her of the small sum of money his dad had left to him. His only link to a man he's never met but the one thing that would allow him to start providing for his own family._

" _I have it all worked out. We'll stay with Burt and my mom after we graduate. Just for a few weeks until we find a place of our own. I'll start working at the shop now when I can. Get to know the customers. We'll be a family soon, I promise." He can picture everything so clearly in his head, their life, so simple and happy. Rachel making him brown bag lunches for work as he kisses her and their son good bye, the smile on both their faces enough to sustain him for his workday ahead._

" _We deserve to be happy." Her words said in a whisper, a hope for their future that she knows she'll have to work at because she had no other choice._

Rachel sees him sitting at his desk off to the side, a carburetor in front of him as his hands deftly work at it, his face full of concentration. She is surprised to see a discarded brown lunch bag off to the side and wonders if he finally learnt how to make lunch for himself.

"Hi." Her voice is still tentative and she's not sure what to expect when he finally notices that she's here. Her hands fidget at the hem of her t-shirt, realizing that it's actually Quinn's and as always, she's thankful for having Quinn in her life.

Finn looks up, at the sound of her voice, the sight of Rachel standing before him, looking so different from what he remembered. She's dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, and he tries to pinpoint why exactly she looks so different but he can't quite grasp any one thing even as he marvels as how beautiful she is.

"Hey." He rises from the chair and walks towards her, stopping just a foot away as he takes the cloth from his back pocket to clean the grease off his fingers. "You look….great." He smiles when he sees her blush. "Can I get you a drink? It's pretty hot out." He turns to grab a few sodas even before she can answer giving her time to get her bearings.

Her call had been unexpected and he had thought about hanging up or refusing to see her but in the end, he knows that they do need to talk about their shared past, to acknowledge it somehow and stop it from affecting their futures. He can't speak for her but each time he thought back through the past ten years, he can't help but think that they had both made so many mistakes in not talking to each other as openly as they could have.

She's still standing at the entrance to the shop when he finally walks up to her, two bottles of soda in his hands as he bends down to hug her, her hands finally going around his waist. He does not notice the photographer across the road, only concentrating on how she feels in his arms.

Rachel breathes him in, the familiar smell of motor oil and his aftershave mingling together. She curls her arms around his as he leads her to the two chairs near the table he was working at. The silence they're sharing not oppressive as it had been before but more a breather for her to gather her thoughts.

Truth be told, she hadn't really planned on what she needed to say, just understanding that she had to see him and finally tell him the truth. Not that he didn't know parts of it already but more the parts that highlighted her own mistakes over the past ten years. She owes him that.

"Thanks for signing the papers." He glances away at her words before taking a long pull from the soda bottle. He had agreed to a no contest divorce citing irreconcilable differences, their year apart allowing for the divorce to be final as soon as he had signed all the papers.

She expects him to say something about how she should have told him she was unhappy or how angry he still is about her leading him on except he finally surprises her with his question proving that he was never as clueless as he made himself out to be.

"Did you know she loved you even back then?" It's the first time he's ever acknowledged it out loud, the inking at the back of his mind about Quinn Fabray. He never questioned why they had been together in High School, always accepting the convention that they had a right to be. The Quarterback and the Head Cheerleader was always supposed to get together, even if they didn't want to be. But, he would notice how distracted Quinn would get when they were together, how when she smiled, it never reached her eyes.

Joining Glee Club was a rebellion for him and the first time he actually saw her get really angry expressing emotions that she only alluded to. Her reactions initially explained as jealousy against Rachel Berry taking up more of his time. Only he noticed her eyes lingering on Rachel as much as they had lingered on him.

It was easier to accept that she hated Rachel even when she joined Glee Club. It was difficult to ignore when she could not hide behind her uniform after she got kicked off the Cheerios, the longing looks and smiles so difficult to hide when Rachel sang. So he continued to ignore those inconsistencies and focused on the fact that Quinn had fought for his attention, wanting to be with him, using him to validate her place in the social hierarchy.

"She never said anything. Not one word." Rachel knows everything about Quinn now but back in High School, all she remembered was never really understanding the blonde, her words always in diametric opposition to her actions every time their paths crossed. "I wouldn't have been able to accept it then. I was too caught up with wanting to be liked and forgetting that I needed to be loved." She has to be honest with him now, owing it to him.

They had talked about this as well, late at night with the lights off and she feels Quinn's arms around her and hears her heartbeat in her chest, knowing that they're forever linked now and she can be herself.

" _What are you thinking of?" Quinn's murmured voice accompanied by the feel of her fingers tracing a pattern on her back makes her almost forget her train of thought and think of Quinn's fingers tracing a path further down as she swallows thickly before answering the question as honestly as she can._

" _I was wondering what I would have done if you had kissed me in High School." What she knows for sure but will not articulate is that back then, no matter how such a kiss would have made her feel, she would have run as far away from Quinn in the end._

_Her life already so complicated with Shelby and her dads, all she had wanted back then was to be accepted into the mainstream. To feel normal and as far removed from being different to most of the student population. She feels Quinn's lips on her neck and it reminds her that normality is an over-rated concept for people not brave enough to embrace being different._

" _Sometimes I wished that I had but most times…" There's wistfulness in Quinn's voice, "I figured that you wouldn't have believed me."_

_Rachel turns around, one hand resting on Quinn's hip as the other traces her cheek. "I believed in you." her play on words revealing so much about her true feelings. Despite the name calling and slushie attacks, she had truly believed in Quinn's propensity to be a good person. It was the rare glimpses of Quinn's true nature whether it was helping Mercedes or her that made her think that eventually they would find common ground and in the end ten years wasn't so long to wait for true love._

" _I believe you now."_

"I guess you loved her too." He says it without a hint of anger coloring his voice although there is a palpable sense of regret. "I was in love with you, you know?" He says it not to spite her or make her feel guilty but to explain why he stayed.

Rachel nods, her eyes focused on the way his hands are peeling off the label from the bottle he's holding. She remembers him holding her and how he would say the words only she never felt them resonate within her. "I know and I'm sorry for never telling you the truth and thinking that I could learn to love you."

She sees his jaw tighten at her words, "I thought that if I tried harder, did more…" her words trail off as she meets his eyes and can see how much they've hurt each other by not just telling the truth. "I did love you. I just was never in love with you no matter how much I wanted to be."

She had stayed with him, giving up her dreams and supporting him even when he knew it was hurting her but he never said anything himself, just accepting that she was always going to be there and perhaps that they would eventually get it right. And in the end, she had been the one brave enough to admit that it wasn't working.

"I know. And you were right…." His unencumbered smile finally shining through as he understands that she's here to make sure he's ok because she cared about him even if she never was in love with him. He sees her questioning look.

"We deserve to be happy." his response finally eliciting the smile that he finally recognizes from such a long time ago as she hugs him again.

#$#$#$#$

The drive to Rachel's house takes her less than twenty minutes, her foot pressed hard on the accelerator even as she kept as close to the speed limit as she could, not wanting to get pulled over before she can be there to protect Beth from her mother.

She sees her mom's BMW parked in front of the house and parks haphazardly by the street, the door already opening before she cuts off the engine. All she can remember is the way her mom would make her feel, like she had done something wrong, like she needed to make up for being who she was and for feeling a certain way.

She sees Rachel's daddy open the door for her and she rushes in, not sure what to expect as he indicates that they're in the kitchen. She walks in to note her mom sitting in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in front of her as she talks to Rachel's dad. "Well, the secret to my momma's mint julep has always been a dash of cognac."

It's then that she spots Quinn, the smile on her face dimming slightly as she rises up; her arms open as if she expects a hug, the need to show civility so much more important than the actual deed.

Quinn does not move, not wanting to pretend to put on a show for Rachel's dads as she crosses her arms in front of her. "What are you doing here?" The question coming out curt but at least her tone is semi civil.

"I read your article in the papers this morning." She's had her first drink to settle her nerves as she read the interview. All the words running together as she tried to assess the damage it would do to their standing in the community. The next two drinks she had downed in quick succession as she fielded calls from her so called friends, all wanting to offer platitudes while at the same time extract more information about why her youngest daughter would want to go public with such information.

"How could you?" The accusation in her voice now apparent as she stares at Quinn, wondering just what she had done that would make her daughter hate her enough to cause her so much embarrassment. "After all that we've done. This is not how we raised you. You have no right to..."

She cuts her mother off, not caring that her voice rises as well, "Don't you dare tell me what I did was wrong." She sees Judy recoil and it gives her some satisfaction even though she knows that it's fleeting because nothing she will ever do will change the fact that she'll never change their minds. "All I ever wanted was to know that you loved me even if I wasn't always who you wanted me to be."

"Why couldn't you just love me?" The plea in her voice is unmistakable and she sees different emotions flit across her mom's face. For a split second, she sees regret and thinks that may be this time it will be different.

Judy feels here alcoholic buzz wearing off and knows she can't get through this conversation in this state. It's all too hard to explain that she never chose to be this way. She had dreams of her own before Francesca and Quinn came along. She remembers Russell promising to love and cherish her forever and then catching him and his secretary in flagrante in his office a year into their marriage.

She had been pregnant with Frannie and he had sworn that he would never do it again, his promise lasting about as long as her sobriety as she started having drinks at dinner so she could ignore the scent of perfume clinging to his jacket or the lipstick stains on his collar.

He doted on Frannie even though she didn't take after him, her hair darker than his and her disposition more like her family than his. So she never expected his attention to last and wasn't surprised when she felt him drifting away and that had spurred her to try again. When Quinn had been born, hazel eyes and fine blond hair, she finally saw what she had been missing all along, pure love reflected in his eyes, but not when he looked at her, only when he looked at Quinn.

She buried her regret deep inside, instead focusing on making Quinn perfect, drinking to forget the rest. Russell loved Quinn regardless, even when she hadn't lost her baby fat and her hair turned darker, much like Frannie's. But Judy lived in constant fear that he would tire of Quinn so she pushed her daughter, molding her into someone Russell could be proud of always.

And he had stayed, proud of the family he had at last, never contemplating straying again until Quinn disgraced them with her pregnancy. How could she explain that Quinn had been the one who had made it all disappear with that one selfish act and then had the audacity to come back to town and flaunt all of it for all to read.

All the love she feels for Quinn tied up with the hate she feels for Russell and the person she had become and all she can acknowledge is the need to take the edge off as her hands start to tremble. She cannot reach out to her daughter because she doesn't know how.

"I think it's time I left. Thank you for the coffee." She brushes past Quinn, her words unfailingly polite as she tries her best to ignore the sob as it tears through her daughter. Shutting the door firmly behind her even as she feels the pull to turn around and maybe for the first time ever offer comfort to Quinn.

She cannot change the course of her life now and will not apologize for her actions. Quinn would survive this as she had everything else and maybe in time, Quinn will understand that she had done the best she could with the life she had. She drives off, her mind now focused on where she can get a drink without running into anyone she would know.

Quinn almost stumbles forward when she hears the door shut and the sound of her mom's car driving off. She does not understand why she can't stop crying as she feels Rachel's daddy wrap his arms around her before his quiet voice asks his husband to call Rachel and get her to come home. She wants to tell them that she's fine but she can't form the words, her throat tight and her lungs hurt.

She hears a keening cry and wonders if its Beth only to realize that it's coming from her, the sense of loss and rejection manifesting itself at long last.

Her tears are hot against her skin as she scrubs at her eyes, willing herself to stop because she's known this for the longest time. It wasn't a new revelation and she tells herself that her mom's reaction was expected which was why she didn't want Rachel there. But deep down, she knows that she had harbored a sliver of hope. A tiny wisp of a wish that her parents could see her like Rachel had.

She didn't dare envision them accepting her, Rachel and Beth with open arms but she thought that maybe if she finally accepted herself, then maybe they would learn to accept her too, that in time, they would see that she deserved their love as did Beth.

She had hoped that in reading the interview, her parents would understand that she never wanted to hurt anyone. All the mistakes she had made solely her own doing and all she really wanted to do was to make up for them and show that she was finally ready to accept who she was and she hoped that they would acknowledge her as well. To finally accept that that was never going to be a possibility was devastating and she knows she's finally mourning for what she had never had and would never have.

She's guided to the living room and finally stutters out one word, "B-B-Beth?" not wanting her daughter to see her in this state.

"Shelby took her to the park the second your mom showed up."He wonders if she truly knows how special she is and how proud he is of her and his daughter. He glances up to see his husband peering at them as he talks on the phone, knowing that Rachel would rush back as soon as she could.

"It's going to be alright, sweetheart." He's not sure if his words are getting through as Quinn continues to cry; her tears not subsiding, not until she finally feels Rachel's arms around her, leading her up to their room, Rachel's soothing voice allowing her to finally drift off into a fitful sleep.

#$#$#$#$#

She feels Rachel's arms around her as she blinks open her eyes, her muscles aching as she slowly extricates herself from the comfort of Rachel's embrace, not wanting to wake her knowing that she had actually stayed awake most of the night, looking over her. Each time she woke, she would be looking into Rachel's concern brown eyes and hear her singing softly, lulling her back to sleep.

Quinn puts on her running gear and slips out of the house, the crisp morning air at odds with her overcast mood. She still feels off kilter from her encounter with her mom yesterday and knows that she'll have to accept that there are just some things she cannot fix no matter how much she would want to.

At least she's not alone any longer and knowing Rachel's always going to be there for her does make it easier to accept that she'll never be able to have a relationship with her mom. She gets into the rhythm of the run, feeling the tension in her body slip away only to be replaced by the feeling of her muscles burning as she pushes herself.

It's then that she almost stumbles when she sees Rachel's face smiling back at her from the newspaper tossed in her path. She knows that Jacob will always have a crush on Rachel, it was difficult not to. So she does expect him to do a write up on her. Quinn catches her breath as she looks over the pictorial that Jacob had put together. He had decided not to interview Rachel, instead going for a tribute and by the looks of it, using his own memorabilia collection that he had amassed over the years.

Pictures of her in grade school and middle school, her knee high socks always a staple. She sees pictures of Rachel from Glee and various other School Clubs that she had joined along with a few candid shots of her in school, decked out in one of her argyle sweaters but always with that amazing smile on her face.

Quinn cannot understand how she could ignore that smile but realizes that she was always too afraid back then. Its only when she flips the page does she feel her breath leave her once again as her eyes settle on pictures of Rachel hugging Finn. His arms wrapped snugly around her as she stands on tip toe, her eyes closed. Her eyes wander to the caption,  _'Rachel Berry and ex-husband Finn Hudson, still close'_

She recognizes the clothes Rachel is wearing, knowing that the picture was taken yesterday. Quinn wants to think rationally, knowing that there should be a good enough reason as to why her girlfriend was hugging her ex-husband. Only, she can't think straight as she starts to run, the paper still in her hand. Her destination on the other side of town but she doesn't care.

#$#$#$#$

She sees him pushing a tire towards the back of the shop and cannot control herself as she throws the rolled up newspaper at his head, enjoying the sound of it connecting more than anything else.

"What the hell!" Finn whirls around, his hands in fists, not expecting to see Quinn standing a few feet away, looking as if she was ready for a fight as well. His eyes finding what she had thrown at him as he sees the paper on the ground, Rachel's smiling face staring back at him.

He does not know why she's here in his shop so early in the morning and he really does not care. "Go Home, Quinn." Finn turns to get back to what he was doing only to feel her hand on his forearm as she tugs at him.

"What did you say to her?" All she sees is red right now and she knows that she's bordering on being irrational but she does not want to confront Rachel and she feels the strong impetus to do something even if she knows Rachel will not approve. So she settles on shouting at Finn.

"That's none of your god damn business." He lets his own anger spill out because try as he might, he can't not be angry at Quinn. If she had only said something back then, maybe all of the past ten years could have been avoided. He knows that it's really not as simple as that because they had all been young and stupid. But she had no right to come here and confront him considering she finally got everything she ever wanted.

He pulls his hand away only to have her step in front of him, blocking his path. "Do you still love her, is that it? Did you ask her to come back to you?" There's the one picture of Finn holding on to Rachel, her face lit up with that special smile. It's the one that makes her heart speed up and her knees go weak.

She knows Rachel loves her but she had been married to Finn for ten years and after her confrontation with her mom, she really doesn't feel like she can trust her instincts right now. All she wants is an overt denial from Finn.

He sees her standing there, her hands in fists by her sides like she wants to hit out at him but then he sees her eyes. Finn was never as stupid as he made himself out to be. It wasn't that he wanted to be thought of that way but it made life easier somewhat when people didn't expect more from him. He knew Rachel had been unhappy the past few years even as she tried to hide it from him.

He had tried to make it up to her, buying her that old piano and wanting to start a family but in the end, he knew that he could have done more and right now, he's actually been given a chance to do so. He remembers that he always loved looking into Quinn's eyes because it was the one thing that she could never hide from him.

Everything she was feeling, he could discern just by looking into her eyes. She had learnt to shield them later, when her parents kicked her out and especially when she gave Beth up. It was as if all the pain finally taught her how to hide. And then, the only glimpses of her emotions came when she looked at Rachel.

And right now, even talking about her, he can see how worried and broken up Quinn was feeling, her clear hazel eyes emanating such pain that he can't ignore it even if he wanted to.

"Christ." He curses as he stalks to the fridge in the back and this time takes out two bottles of beer. He opens it and drinks half of it in one swallow before turning back to her and proffering the other bottle to her. "If I'm going to have this conversation with you, we're both going to need this."

Quinn figures that drinking right now is the least of her issues as she takes the bottle and follows Finn's lead, downing half of it in one gulp. She wonders if this is her first step towards alcoholism but even that didn't sound as bad as losing Rachel to Finn.

"I told her that I didn't want to see you when she asked if she could meet with me." He sits on the floor, his back leaning against the deep blue mustang he's been trying to fix. It was suppose to be a present for Rachel, to replace the crappy car she had been driving for far too long because she was helping him with the payments for the shop. He hears Quinn snort beside him as she makes herself comfortable too, her head leaning back against the door of the car.

"Why? Didn't think you could take me in a fight?" She feels him tense, "Relax , I'm just joking." She sighs before taking another sip of the beer, bracing herself because she knows that she'll have to hear the truth sooner or later.

"When she left, I thought it was only a matter of time before she came back." It wasn't that he wanted Rachel not to succeed but knowing that when she did, it would just be further proof that he had been the one holding her back all those years and he already felt like a jerk for the way he behaved those last few weeks. "But she's always been the one to prove me wrong."

"She was so scared then and I didn't make it easy for her." Quinn's soft voice carrying just a hint of guilt she felt when she had kissed Rachel in Lima, knowing that the brunette was still confused and needed a friend more than anything else. "But, yeah…she was always meant to be in the limelight."

"She just wanted to tell me that she's happy and that she never really loved me, not the way she loves you." He hears her intake of breath and wonders if all the California sun has fried her brain because anyone could see how much Rachel loved Quinn. All the pictures in the magazines, not the ones from the interviews but the ones candidly taken as they're walking along the beach or when Rachel's just looking at her even as she does something mundane like buy coffee.

"You are an idiot." He feels confident in saying that, knowing that he's partially right even if he's as big an idiot as she was.

"I'm so very sorr.."She wants to apologize to Finn as well and is surprised when he cuts her off.

"Don't." He knows that she wants to apologize to him, maybe not for hitting in the head with the newspaper this morning but definitely for being the way she was in High School, blowing hot and cold and pulling him into her crazy assed plans to hide her true feelings. "I could have stopped you back then. Told you it wouldn't have worked out. I could have left Rachel too. I could see she wasn't happy" All he really wanted was a simple life. He thought if he went along with everything, then it would all work out eventually.

It's a difficult admission for him but he knows what he wants now as well. "Just don't hurt her. She can be…" He glances at Quinn, seeing her smile for the first time today as she finishes his sentence.

"Complicated" Rachel Berry was all that and more and everything Quinn had always wanted and she knows that she's been incredibly lucky to have Rachel in her life. "And I love her."

He hits the neck of her bottle with his before finishing up the beer while she does the same. "Get out of here." He helps her to her feet and pushes her towards the exit.

"What? No ride back?" Quinn can feel her muscles start to lock and does not envy the journey on foot back to Rachel's house as she sees Finn shake his head.

"You threw the paper at my head." His response back enough to know she wasn't going to get any sympathy from him. "Just leave Lima." He says the words with a smile. "You already got everything you've always wanted."

Quinn nods at his words. She didn't need Judy or Russell to validate her existence and the family she had chosen, Santana, Brittany, Kurt, Jackson, Rachel's dads and even Shelby and Beth, they were all that mattered and they had chose her too.

** End Part 17 **


	21. Chapter 18

 

**Get It Right**

Rachel does not question her about her morning run, at least not until they're back on a flight to New York and Quinn's slowly drifting off to sleep, her hand holding onto Rachel's under the blanket as she feels the plane's ascent.

"Did you know you broke skin when you hit him with the paper?" Rachel's at least smiling when Quinn jerks her eyes open, hoping that she'll be able to talk her way out of any trouble otherwise she knows she'll end up sleeping on the couch back at the hotel and that was not an experience she wants to have.

"I didn't mean..I mean I said I was sorry, it was just an.." She's fumbling for the right words but notices that Rachel's still smiling at her and feels her hand still held firmly in hers. And it hits her that Rachel's not mad but maybe just a tad curious. She should have answered the phone yesterday but had been too busy arguing with Kurt on the colors of the wardrobe he had picked for Rachel's pilot.

She really did love Rachel in red but knew that like her character, she had to evolve before wearing the color that signified how strong her character really was. So in the end, they settled on muted tones to begin with before slowly using pieces of red in Rachel's wardrobe, a scarf, maybe gloves all the while working up to her full character transformation as lead singer in the band.

She had been happy with the visual and didn't think much when she saw Rachel sneaking looks at her as she talked on the phone. She had even forgotten to check who had called, instead celebrating with Rachel that night, actually fulfilling one of her long held fantasies as she laughingly climbed through the window of Rachel's room.

" _Shhh, can you at least try and keep it down." She can hear Rachel's frantic whisper even as her own giggles are getting out of hand. She always thought it was going to be a piece of cake climbing up the trellis to Rachel's bedroom and the hard part would only come later in convincing Rachel to let her stay. So that's why she never tried to do it in High School despite it being a mainstay of most of her fantasies. And despite working out regularly and thinking she was still in pretty good shape, she still needed Rachel's help to pull her through the window, the trellis almost giving away under her feet._

_Quinn catches her breath and is looking forward to this part only she stops as she stares at Rachel, "What are you wearing?" There's a wonder to her words as she takes in the short red skirt and white and red top, its a perfect facsimile of a cheerios outfit without actually being a cheerios outfit. She stands there gaping even as Rachel turns around, the skirt twirling around long, tanned legs making her throat go dry and a triggers an immediate visceral reaction in her such that her knees go weak._

" _You're not the only one with a High School fantasy, Quinn." It's the timber of Rachel's voice that makes her shiver as much as the look in Rachel's brown eyes. All come hither with a hint of uncertainty that makes it so very very sexy in Quinn's mind even as she backs Rachel up towards the bed, her hands already expertly finding the zip at the side of the top._

" _I hope you're not planning on wearing that the whole night."_

_She feels Quinn's teeth nip at her neck and the sound of the zipper suddenly so loud to her ears even as she stills Quinn's hand, "But you haven't even heard my cheer." She hears Quinn's frustrated growl in response and figures that the cheering would come later as she let's Quinn's hands carry on with its singular task._

It was the reason why she was so tired on the flight, the whole night spent making Rachel cry out her name in as many ways as possible even if it was just a whisper or covered with a kiss or exhaled into the pillow because true to their word, her dads had put Shelby and Beth next door.

"That was Finn on the phone yesterday afternoon?" Rachel nods at her question and can see Quinn trying to gauge how angry she is even though she's always been more worried than angry ever since she came home to find Quinn crying after her meeting with her mom. She had been relieved that she wasn't driving and Finn had called her a cab because all through the ride, she kept thinking the worse and to see Quinn lying there on the sofa looking so broken, had made her question her pacifist ways.

It had taken her all of her willpower not to drive over and scream at Judy for being not only a coward but the worse excuse for a mother ever. Quinn had needed her that night and on the subsequent three days, they never spent more than five minutes apart, as she waited to see the after effects on Quinn. She wasn't sure what to expect so she just waited and tried to find out more from the others.

Jackson had told her everything that had occurred from their last trip out and even Santana had called to explain how much of a waste of space Judy had been all those years ago, either too drunk to care about Quinn or not drunk enough to hide her disapproval when Quinn didn't meet her exacting standards.

But ever since that night and the run in she had with Finn, Quinn had appeared fine and so like herself that Rachel wondered if she has just relegated all her bad memories somewhere deep within her, never to surface again. It scared her a bit to know that Quinn could will herself to forget. She remembered how mean Quinn had been to her in High School and realized that she's always had that ability to just lock her feelings away. But Rachel knows now that through it all, Quinn had loved her even if she couldn't accept her feelings then.

"He just wanted to know if you got home ok." Finn had actually told her a bit more than that. Going into detail about how she had looked so jealous when she confronted him but in the end, knowing that they really deserved each other because all he really wanted was something less complicated and a whole lot more pegged to his level of understanding.

"I saw those pictures in the paper." She closes her eyes, embarrassed to explain that she loved and trusted Rachel absolutely but she just didn't trust Finn one iota.

"He set me straight" She hears Rachel giggle at her choice of words and can't help her own grin. "Or rather he resigned himself to the fact that we're meant to be together, completely made for each other." She captures Rachel's lips before snuggling next to her, their hands still linked.

"I wished…" Quinn knows that she's shown Rachel how much she's loved her, every caress, every kiss, every time she looked at her spoke volumes. But what she's always had difficulty in doing was talking about her fears and her own issues.

When things got too much, she'd open up to Santana or Jackson but even then, she had only done so under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol. Not unlike Judy and maybe that's what scares her as well, wishing things were different but knowing she's more like her mother than she would ever like to admit.

"I wanted her to tell me that she loved me." She doesn't want to see pity on Rachel's face and is glad she doesn't but the sadness she sees on it is just as heartbreaking. "Don't" She touches Rachel's cheek. "Don't feel sad for me."

Rachel tries to smile for Quinn but she can't because her heart still aches at the unfairness of all this. She knows Quinn deserves so much and it hurts to know that Quinn has to accept less than what she deserves because her mom was too caught up with her own issues.

"Finn made me walk back home that morning." She sees Rachel looking a bit confused by her segue but still staying silent and letting her get all her words out. It's amazing how much people change for those they love. Rachel was the one person who could just not keep quiet if her life depended on it but in the year that they've been together, Quinn's seen her just stay absolutely still, her lips not even firmly pressed together but just being quiet and waiting for Quinn to express what she needed.

"I was so sure I wouldn't get home in time and you'd be awake and worried and I couldn't explain how I felt and we'd have this big huge fight and you'd leave me and decide you're better off without me." She sees Rachel's eyebrows rise and her lips start to press together and know that right about now, Rachel really wants to cut in and refute what she's just said, only she still doesn't.

"Only about five minutes into my walk, my legs almost turn to jelly and all I could think of was just wanting to see you and then how lucky I was in knowing what love was. Always having S watch my back when she wasn't trying to beat me down or finding Jackson to show me that someone could actually love me and then the most miraculous thing in finding you." Rachel feels the last word exhaled around her and everything she's been holding back and wanting to say just disappears.

Rachel doesn't need to say anything now because Quinn was verbalizing it all for her. "I chose to be with you and I chose you as my family and I will always chose you." It's as close as she's come to a proposal but she knows that she still needs to be a bit more patient because Rachel deserved so much more and she's working her way up to that slowly but surely.

Quinn can see Beth peering at her from two seats down and she winks at her daughter before she feels Kurt's kick the back of her seat and she interprets that as him letting her know that he's there and she's on the right track with Rachel. Otherwise, she was almost sure he would have said something out loud and probably embarrassing to her.

#$#$#$#$#$

The housing broker looks on, harried and impatient as he sees Quinn and Kurt look around the apartment. He hopes this is the one but knows that its not the case when he hears her words.

"I give up." She flings her arms out taking all of it in, "This is just so wrong." Quinn has never sounded more defeated and it only spurs Kurt on to push his point for what feels like the twentieth time.

"You said that you're not going to stop until you found the perfect place for the both of you. You said and I quote." He actually has the audacity to air quote in front of her face even as she's trying to find the exit from this hell hole or according to Kurt, avant garde duplex that cost more than it should but at least less than the Taj Mahal.

"I need to find her a home." He finishes what he needs to say before nudging her towards the unassuming door at the end of the stairwell. He motions for the broker to follow albeit at a distance as he waits for her answer.

"Yeah" Quinn runs her hand through her hair, wondering if it was just her bad luck or if every apartment in New York was built with thin walls and windows overlooking your neighbor's house. "Some place she can come home to and feel safe and where we can make love and not have the neighbors stare at you…" She should the last few words as she walks past another open door, a balding man peering out at her and Kurt.

"Ok, I have to admit that the last three.." He sees Quinn whip around to stare him down, "Fine, the last five apartments were duds. But you said close to Broadway and nice which all of them were, in their own way. He is trying his best with what you told him"

She can't argue with him because she hadn't been specific to the housing broker and he just didn't know Rachel. She had been running ragged all week and Rachel had been worse. How she thought shooting a TV pilot while at the same time trying to mount a Broadway production was going to be doable, she cannot fathom. But they had been doing both and Quinn could see the toll it took on Rachel when they dragged themselves back to the hotel every night or sometimes at three in the morning.

The suite was great, bigger than most New York apartments with an unobtrusive cleaning service and Butler to boot. But it wasn't home and she could see Rachel needed to find someplace she could consider to be hers and have her own kitchen where she could make funny vegan pancakes or hot chocolate because she just wanted to taste the marshmallow floating on top.

"She has this picture in her head of her dream house, Dark wood furniture and a big bright kitchen. Understated and comfortable, colors but not a riot of them, you know." Quinn hadn't been to Rachel and Finn's house in Lima although she can guess as to the way it looked even with Rachel's own sense of style. She knows Kurt has though, "What was her house like?"

Kurt knows that Quinn's not asking as a way to put Finn down because apparently somehow in Lima, they had finally come to an understanding of sorts. Apparently it involved some violence and some alcohol but in the end, both Finn and Quinn settled on wanting what was best for Rachel.

"She made it bright, getting Finn to paint the old furniture and opening all the windows even when the weather wasn't too forgiving. She never really liked to bake, not the way Carol did but she did it anyway because it made it smell homey even if it just looked…" He sees Quinn looking thoughtful at his words, "even if it just looked run down. How do you know what her perfect house is?"

Quinn looks at the last address he has listed for her, not an apartment this time but a small brownstone, in the Upper West side, near enough to Shelby as well as to a number of Roman Catholic churches and synagogues. She sees the area circled on the map and finally feels like maybe she's on the right track, "She says things, little snippets here and there. Pointing out furniture she likes and fabrics that catch her attention. Once we were at a restaurant downtown with an open concept kitchen and she loved the mosaics and the set up..." she trails off as she sees Kurt looking at her askance.

"What?"

"You really listen to her." He wishes that he had their relationship, that there was someone out there who loved him enough to listen to him when he rambled about a color or sweater weave that caught his eye. He's so happy that Rachel finally got what the both of them always dreamt of. Someone who loved her unconditionally, someone meant only for her. He knows that deep down none of them are really surprised that it's Quinn, except for maybe Mr. Schue and Sam. He sighs when he hears Quinn's answer back, wondering if it's only a matter of time for him and hoping he'll not spend it alone.

"Always." She smiles at him, "And we need to check out the last house on the list. I have a pretty good feeling about the place."

"Why, does it come with ten inch walls and no neighbors?" He's reverted to bitchiness and Quinn links her arm to his, always grateful that he had been there for Rachel when she couldn't be.

"No." She smiles, "Because it has a great guest room in the back that you should be perfectly comfortable in." She laughs at his double take and knows that Rachel would have insisted on the same thing.

#$#$#$#$#$

"Ok, how about this…'It's only a matter of time, I need to keep my head above the water, just breathe and wait for a sign…' Rachel sings the words, the tune not quite right but she knows it's getting there when she sees Leo start writing furiously.

She's never worked with a composer before but so far the experience like everything before it, has been a good one. When Quinn had broached the subject of her writing a few more original songs for the musical, she had been surprised.

" _I thought you were just going to use songs we knew?" They're sitting outside on the balcony of the hotel room, or rather Quinn's sprawled in one of the armchairs and Rachel's on her lap, their limbs intertwined._

" _I could do that but…" She's a bit distracted by her hand splayed across Rachel's stomach, feeling the warmth it radiates and wondering just how private the balcony was. Considering it was advertized as completely private, Quinn wonders if she should test that theory to ensure its veracity for the Hotel's sake of course._

" _Quinn!"Rachel giggles as she feels Quinn's hand drift downwards. "We're talking about the show. Does everything make you think about sex?" It's a rhetorical question mainly because she's the same way. Quinn could be chewing on the end of a pen and she'd find it sexy and actually get turned on just by looking at her._

_She sees Quinn's arched eyebrow, "Yes." She answers the question solemnly, "But only when it pertains to you." Her first encounter with Puck was over even before she could process the act. Jackson had been respectful and tender but she knew that there just wasn't that spark. And Selena had shown her how to sometimes let go, be a little wanton but she could never fully give herself over no matter how much she wanted to. And in the end, it was obvious that it was Rachel whom she burned for. She was addicted to her, her senses all attuned to the feel of Rachel and to her smell and taste._

_But she does still her hand, "Ok, fine. We should talk about this but I'm not moving my hand." now placed just below Rachel's stomach, the tips of her fingers underneath the waistband of Rachel's jeans, tantalizingly close but at least she knows her perseverance will pay off eventually for the both of them._

" _I was thinking that maybe you could write a few songs. You've done it before and Rach…they were amazing. Full of heart and just right." It's an idea she had been toying with ever since she started to adapt her screenplay for the stage. They had to give the other characters some of the songs and it hit her that Rachel had more than one gift. The songs she had written even in High School had stood the test of time and maybe she would want to write a few more._

" _But I'm not a ….Quinn…this is Broadway, I just can't.."Quinn's looking at her unperturbed as if her request was something so simple. "Do you really think?" It's not that she doesn't believe in herself but it would seem that Quinn always believed in her more._

" _We'll get a composer and a lyricist if you want but if you think you may want to try it, I know you'll do great." She has such faith in Rachel. She can't really explain it but she just knows that it's the right decision when Rachel kisses her in response, her hand already unbuttoning her shirt._

" _So, the hotel brochure did say private balcony, right?" Rachel's question coming out in between each kiss as she moves to straddle Quinn._

" _Yeah and I do believe we need to ensure that that statement is correct, you know for consumers everywhere." She smiles as she feels Rachel removes her shirt and her hands undo the buttons on Rachel's jeans._

" _Right." The word panted out as she feels Quinn's dexterous hands start to perform their magic._

"Earth to Rachel! C'mon Rach, you were on a roll." She hears Leo calling her and has to shake her head and focus on his words.

"Sorry, I just got a bit distracted." She shrugs hoping he'll understand that it's not that she does not have a work ethic but that she just misses Quinn. At first she thought that the need she felt to see the blonde constantly would eventually fade. But contrary to that, it never went away. Ever since Quinn had shown up in Lima, their meeting in the choir room, Rachel had felt this pull to be near her. She had fought that instinct and tried to ignore it like she had ignored the ache in her heart but the moment she had given into it, it felt right and she never looked back.

She sees Leo grinning at her like he can read her mind, "So where is the love of your life? I thought she wanted to hear what we have so far." He had graduated from the conservatory of music only three years ago but had got his big break when he won a Jonathan Larson grant two years back. He's staged two short musicals but had never worked on Broadway until now.

He had been shocked when he got a call from Quinn Fabray, her name sounding slightly familiar but he had not been able to place it at the time, only agreeing to meet with her. Then she and Jackson had shown up on his doorstep hours later, offering him a chance that he thought he wouldn't get for a few years at least. It had be Jackson who found him and when Quinn had heard his work, they had both been convinced that he would be perfect to work on their show.

And here he was, working with Rachel Berry. Her voice was astounding and he has to admit that if he wasn't gay, he could totally fall in love with her especially after watching Quinn's movie. He had rushed out to rent it when he finally recognized Quinn. Watching it on repeat and falling just a little bit in love with Rachel nevertheless. It wasn't just her voice that captivated but she radiated this light and intensity that came across so strongly.

Best of all, he got inducted into their rag tag family having lost his own parents a few years back. Meeting Julie and Kurt had been great and finally meeting Rachel as well. They had just accepted him, Kurt already ragging him for being the only gay man with no sense of style in New York such that he would find pieces of clothing in his bag each time he went home; a vest, two pairs of pants and weirdly a kilt two days ago.

It's then that he finally gets the melody right in his head, the notes rearranging themselves, a perfect accompaniment to Rachel's lyrics. "Let's just get this verse done and I'm sure she'll be here soon."

"Sure."Rachel nods and wonders where Quinn is. She had said she would meet her at the theatre as soon as she took care of something and she knows Kurt is with her so she's not worried. She is curious though, wondering if Quinn was planning something and remembering the look she had given her in the auditorium in Lima when Jackson had proposed to Julie. That look had spoke volumes to her, a promise of things to come, a vow that they'll be together always and that one day, when she was ready, Quinn was going to say the words.

So, she's not expecting a proposal from Quinn, at least not yet. It's not that she hasn't already pledged to spend her life with Quinn because in her mind, that was inevitable. She had rushed into her first marriage and had been swept away not by any romantic gestures but just the fear of needing to fit in. She knows for a fact that she and Quinn fit together and had so much to look forward to that she does not need a ring as proof or a piece of paper to tell her that they belong together. And maybe, she didn't have to wait for Quinn, when she felt the time was right, maybe she should be the one to propose. "Let's get back to work."

#$#$#$#$

"Why are you in such a hurry all of a sudden?" Kurt can barely keep up as Quinn tries unsuccessfully to flag a cab down. He hadn't been surprised when she had signed the lease to the brownstone without even batting an eyelid on the price.

The minute she saw the hardwood floors and the bright yellow walls of the kitchen, she had already started picturing Rachel there. He could picture it too along with the fact that Quinn had this gleam in her eye that meant he wouldn't be able to move in until they christened each and every room their own special way. "I know you're excited to tell her but just promise me if you do, do it in my room, I don't want to know about it."

His words almost making her trip before she stops and whirls around laughing, "Kurt! What makes you think we're going to have.." her voice trailing off when she sees the look he's giving her; part disbelief and part 'I'm gay not blind'

"Fine. We won't tell you but you have to admit that you put the idea in my head and now I can't not think about it." her smile so wide until she hears his next words.

"If you go in looking like that, she's going to think you're going to propose." It's an off the cuff remark made because Rachel had told him of Quinn's propensity to look so happy when she had a surprise for her that she could always guess as to how big the surprise was because it was in direct relation to how happy Quinn looked and right now, she looked positively estatic.

"What?" Or she did until he opened his mouth. Kurt's eyes widen as he sees Quinn stalk up to him, "Does she think I'm going to propose? Does she expect me to?" her rising voice indicating her panicked state as she pulls on his jacket. "Kurt!"

He has to pry her fingers from his Burberry suede jacket, hoping her nails hasn't scratched it even as he startles at the way she uses his name. "I don't know." He only realizes it's the wrong answer when she takes hold of his jacket again, this time he can see her nails digging into it as he sighs hoping he'll find another one like it.

"Kurt, does she want me to propose?"

"Have you thought about it?"It's a valid question to ask and he hopes it buys him enough time to gather his thoughts because he's not sure if Rachel has thought about it either.

Quinn reminds herself to breathe and not panic before she answers Kurt. "No…Yes…Yeah, I do think about it but I also think that she wouldn't want to rush into anything. I…don't want to rush her either. Knowing she loves me is enough." She vacillates between thinking that she wants to show Rachel that she's fully completely irrevocably committed and giving her space to find her own way first because she had lost ten years in doing things that were not for her own happiness.

"Sweetie, I don' think it's about what she wants or what you want but what's finally right for the both of you. And no, she's never said anything about expecting you to propose. I mean after what she went through with Finn, I guess maybe she would want to propose to you." And it did make sense the moment he said it. Rachel Berry always knew what she wanted and he's willing to bet good money that it was only a matter of time before she realized that she wants to marry Quinn.

Quinn's never thought of the fact that Rachel could be the one to broach the subject of marriage. Between the both of them, she was more the traditionalist even though Rachel had been the one to test the institution of marriage first. But she knew that that decision was driven more by fear and the fact that Rachel thought she was pregnant.

"I think I may want to make another stop before we get to the theatre." a plan already forming in her mind. She sees Kurt looking at her, curiosity written all over his face.

"I'm not going to propose, at least not today." He recognizes that look of determination that Quinn has. It had got her through a lot and he knows that whatever she's planning, he can't stop her but at least he can ensure that she doesn't go overboard.

"But I need to be prepared such that when I do or when she does, it'll be perfect."

** End Part 18 **


	22. Chapter 19

 

**Get It Right**

Quinn's looking out the window and even though the view is stunning, all her thoughts are focused on Rachel and the fate of the pilot as she hears the TV execs discuss the show in the background. Jackson is sitting next to her and she can feel his uneasiness as he shifts in his chair.

She glances at him and smiles, letting him know that whatever their response, she had loved every minute of it because she had been able to spend it doing what she liked with the people she loved. The meeting had been set up to screen what she had shot and to see if it would fit into their fall schedule. The Head of the Division is sitting on her other side, a bit too close for her liking but she does not say anything even as he tries to catch her eye every now and then.

She's as new to this as Jackson is but she can read a room and she knows that they are not as enthusiastic as she would have liked having taken a cue from their boss. She's unused to not doing well and it bothers her though what rankles most is them not seeing how amazing Rachel was. Each time she appeared on screen, she sparkled and Quinn could see a few people noticing this but all of them still keeping quiet because the man next to her was the main decision maker.

"So gentlemen, do we have a consensus?" Jackson addresses the room although his focus is on the man sitting next to Quinn. The Head of TV Production who has been staring at Quinn in such a way that he knows does not bode well for either of them.

"Well, that's all up to Ms Fabray…Can I call you Quinn?" He puts his hand on top of Quinn's, turning his chair to face her as he leans forward, whispering something in her ear. All Jackson sees are the tips of her ears going red and her jaw tightening.

Jackson is amazed at his audacity and the fact the Quinn hasn't put him in his place only to understand that Quinn's literally holding herself back and the reason for that was blindingly obvious. She loved Rachel and knew that this was as much about Rachel's career as it was about hers.

"Scott, perhaps you'd like to share your opinion with the rest of us?." The inflection of his voice indicating a question although it comes out a bit harsher because he can guess exactly what had been said to Quinn and it made his blood boil. Jackson really hated guys like Scott and knowing that he could have been like Scott if it weren't for Quinn and his parents who actually raised him to respect women.

"Actually, Jackson, is it? You know, perhaps this discussion would go by so much better if Quinn and I had it alone, say later today at six? Some drinks, good company…." He looks at Quinn his hand still resting atop hers and Jackson almost smiles to himself as he anticipates Quinn's response, hoping that she doesn't hit the guy but knowing that if she did, he may be able to get in a punch of his own as he tried to restrain her.

"Fine." Her voice is tight and she forces herself to focus on the big picture here, knowing that she wouldn't care if it were only her career at stake but knowing that the jobs of Kurt and Julie and Rachel's future were also at stake. She cannot afford to make a scene right now and perhaps she'd actually be able to convince the prick that the pilot was good or at least extricate herself and protect Rachel's career at the same time.

"What?" She hears Jackson's exclamation and can understand his concern but she's a big girl and it's not the first time she's had to deal with unwarranted and unwanted propositions. In the past, her response would have been swift and probably painful for the other party. However, she's cognizant that there are other ways to handle the situation and hopefully Jackson trusted her enough to go along with her.

She looks at him and can see how worried and angry he is but as always, he concedes because he does trust her. So he lets out a sigh and looks away.

"Scott, I'll meet you at the Living Room at the W at six." She stands, nodding to the rest of the guys in the room before walking towards the elevator. She feels Jackson take her elbow just as she enters, showing his support for her even if he completely disagrees with her method.

"Are you insane?" At least he waits until the elevator door shuts before he launches into her. His words are part incredulous part worried even as he tries to understand her motivation. "The guy is slime, Quinn, pure and simple. What were you thinking?"

"No, I'm not insane." She looks so earnest and he holds his tongue as she tries to explain.

"If I had slapped him or told him no in front of his lackeys, what would he have done?" Quinn takes his hand, needing his understanding because she is terrified of what she has done even if she knows that she didn't have a choice unless she wanted to ruin any chance any of them had to make this TV show work.

"He wouldn't have picked it up but so what? He's an asshole and meeting him isn't going to change that unless you're…" He trails off, wondering if Quinn was really crazy and he was in some kind of twilight zone situation, "I mean you're not going to...Rachel, you love Rachel….." His voice rising even as he understands that this was Quinn and Rachel and there was no way Quinn would do anything to jeopardize her relationship.

She turns on him then actually amazed that he would even consider, "Of course, I love Rachel and I would never, Dammit Jackson, I was thinking of all of us. You, Julie, Kurt. This slimeball could make life difficult for us and all I'm going to do is to decline his offer and ensure he never makes it again. I just need your help to get ready for tonight and…" It's her turn to look hesitant.

She's never kept anything from Rachel but telling her this would serve no purpose so she takes a breath and can see Jackson already shaking his head, "No, Quinn, you can't.."

"Nothing's going to happen and I'll tell her about it after. Just please.." The old Quinn would have decked the guy, not caring what it did to her reputation but she's different now. She knows about consequences and all she really wants to do is try and salvage this for Rachel and the rest. It's a gamble but she wants to at least try.

She has a plan and she needs Jackson's help and she hopes that it'll work out and when she does explain it to Rachel, she's praying that Rachel will understand it as well even if she's only about fifty per cent sure that Rachel would forgive her this particular transgression.

"You said you won't lie to her, ever." He's just telling her what she already knows as he sees her nod at his words.

"If she asks me about it, I'll tell her everything upfront. But…" Quinn knows how much Rachel loved this role. The songs she'd get to sing and the way her character could develop, it was like a dream part and it would allow her not to be pigeon-holed in one particular character or genre. Quinn had written her script for Rachel and the musical was an extension of that but this TV series was something Rachel could do on her own, to prove that she really was that amazing talent, a really true triple threat.

"Jackson, she loves this role and if I can just..I will tell her after the meeting regardless of how it goes. I just need to try and make this guy see that she deserves this." Quinn won't lie to Rachel and she prays that she's going to be able to pull her plan off because she does know that Rachel's going to be furious with her when she does find out the truth. But at least the one thing she knows is that she loves the brunette and would do anything in her power to make her happy.

"Fine, but I'm going to be at the W as well." His mouth is set in a grim line even as he sees her about to argue. "Don't even try. He's scum and whatever you're planning, I'm not letting you do it alone."

"Thanks." She hugs him.

"You're going to be sleeping on my couch when she finds out." Quinn can only nod at his words but she knows in the end, it would be worth it because Rachel deserved everything she could give her and more.

#$#$#$#$#

Rachel hugs Leo, the music so perfect for her lyrics that she looks around; wanting to sing the entire song for Quinn only to realize Quinn wasn't there. She sees Kurt loitering by the side of the stage and knows that he's still not over this morning's incident as he avoids her gaze, instead walking purposely up to Leo as she goes to check her phone to see if Quinn had called.

Kurt still cannot look Rachel fully in the eye and is at least glad that Quinn isn't there although it has resulted in him doing something that he was not yet ready to do but he had no choice considering that the alternative would be to apologize to Rachel yet again.

So instead, he chose to suanter up to Leo, muttering incoherently such that both Rachel and Leo had looked up surprised. His mumblings, making Rachel move closer to him, her mind no longer dwelling on the episode this morning.

"Are you asking me out?" Leo's voice is surprised and tinged with more than curiosity as he smiles at Kurt. Rachel's standing next to him, trying to hide her own smile even as she tries to push Kurt forward as unobtrusively as possible. Finally giving up pretending that she's not invested in this, as she gives him a big nudge, because she knows how much Kurt tends to equivocate more than he should and it was obvious that he really liked Leo. She had always been worried about him ever since Blaine broke his heart in High School.

He had dated since but she could tell that he had always been afraid and would pull back at the slightest hint of a bump. Hence most of his relationships, if she could call them that only lasted a few months. But with Leo, she had noticed that Kurt would steal glances at him and most telling were the gift of clothes. Kurt always loved dressing up the people he fell for or had an affinity to.

"Yes..yes he is." Her clear voice brooks no response from Kurt even as he turns to glare at Rachel before nodding to Leo and finally finding his own voice, "I thought we could go for a show before grabbing a bite at Nobu." He sees Leo nod and smiles in return.

"So what movie are you taking me to?" He's always had eclectic taste generally and wonders if it's something else that he and Kurt have in common besides just both being gay or actually even that wasn't so special because with Quinn and Rachel, they kind of already outnumber the straight people working on the show.

"It's Fashion Week." Kurt's looking at him through narrowed eyes, a confused expression on his face as he continues to stare at Leo who looks back at him blankly. Making him realize that Leo actually does not get the importance of the occasion,

"We're…going…to…a …fashion…show." His hands indicate the both of them as he enunciates each word slowly. Only to realize almost immediately that it's not the right tact to take as he feels Rachel elbow him in the ribs.

"Owww" Kurt realizing he deserves the hit for more than what he had just said.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea." Leo looks at both Rachel and Kurt and wonders what he's gotten himself into.

Their voices overlap and Rachel rolls her eyes at Kurt even as she reaches out to link her arms with Leo, "Kurt hasn't actually asked anyone on a date in ages so he's a little slow. But he does get great seats at Nobu and maybe instead of going for a fashion show, you guys could go and see one of the new off off off Broadway plays."

"Ok." Leo's voice is not totally convincing but Rachel big smile at least gives him some comfort that perhaps this date wasn't the worst idea in the world. He did find Kurt cute and truth be told, he does have a bit of a crush on the costume designer ever since he found that first piece of clothing in his satchel weeks back.

Kurt wonders when Rachel started looking out for him when he always considered that it was his job to look out for her. However, if he were being honest, she had always been there for him, starting with his breakup with Blaine.

They had been such a mainstay during senior year, double dating with Rachel and Finn and it had seemed so easy back then to think that they would be like that forever. Blaine transferring to McKinley and their plans to take New York by storm all already worked out in his head.

Then Rachel had just stopped her dream and even if he didn't understand it, it was difficult not to see how happy Finn was with her. He had tried to change her mind, not enticing her away from Finn but showing her that she could still have both like he had with Blaine had.

He would talk about New York as if it was an inevitability only to finally realize that both Rachel and Blaine would look away each time he did. And then it happened just before senior prom. Blaine had not asked him as yet and he thought that he would just do the honors this time so he waited outside Blaine's house.

It had been a dreary day and Springsteen's Secret Garden had come on the radio and he was singing to it softly when he saw the convertible pull up in front. Blaine laughing as he got out of the passenger side, his arm still partly in the car as if he were being held back. He remembers the next part so clearly, because he had not taken his eyes of his boyfriend even as he jumped out of his own car.

Blaine turning back towards the driver, their hands linked and seeing him kissing Charlie or Michael or Luke; he still does not care about the driver's name although he remembers that the guy was blond and cute and just not him. And that was when he stopped wanting to go to New York.

When Rachel had found out, she had made Finn drive her over to Blaine's and even though she had denied it completely and so had Blaine, he knew that Blaine's black eye actually came from Rachel as oppose to Finn.

Ever since that incident, he had promised himself that he would always look out for her as well, the both of them sticking by each other over the ten years since. He remembers crying to her over the phone as she tried to comfort him and tell him that he'd find someone. And likewise, he hated hearing that spark missing in her voice each time he called to talk to Finn and ended up talking to her, wishing that he could make her see how special she was. And thank God, Quinn had been there in the end. He sees her surreptitiously glancing at her watch and knows that she's just waiting for Quinn to call now.

"Let's go." He takes her hand as she looks at him." We need to get out of here and I am in need of retail therapy." He hears Rachel laugh know just the place to pick up a few things to make up for his what he had done this morning. And maybe end up people watching until Quinn called.

#$#$#$#$

"Maybe they're discussing the entire season and breaking it down because they're so happy with the pilot." Kurt pulls out one of the dresses from the rack he's perusing and shows it to Rachel even as he tries to convince her that Quinn not calling wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

She does not know everything about show business but what she does know is that good news travels around while bad news normally translated into the phone not ringing. She's tempted to call Quinn not because she's anxious about the pilot but because she misses not hearing from her. They had barely had time this morning because Quinn had needed to make some last minute revisions to the pilot before she showed it to the TV Execs.

And she knows Kurt still feels a bit guilty for his faux pas as he puts another scarf on the counter for her, maxing out his credit card.

" _Wait." Quinn feels Rachel hand grab hers as she reluctantly gets up from the bed, trying not to step on the open boxes strewn around. She loves their house, but she knows that it's having Rachel by her side that makes all the difference and even if she were living in a cardboard box underneath the freeway, she'd be completely contented if Rachel was right there next to her._

_Best of all, they'd actually did manage to christen all the rooms in their own special way, as Kurt had only moved in yesterday. All in all, she knows that she's so incredibly lucky and would never take any of it for granted and would always ensure that she looked out for Rachel always. She loves playful Rachel though, never expecting her to be so forward but reveling in the intimacy they shared._

" _My god woman, are you that insatiable?" She loves to hear Rachel laugh but it's as much of an aphrodisiac for her as everything else Rachel does as she feels the heat buildup in her belly even as she let's herself be pulled back on the bed._

_Rachel does not respond with words instead using her mouth for a more exploratory task. Quinn shivers, not from the cold but from anticipation. She cannot quantify how much she loves Rachel or even what she would do in order to protect her because all she knows is that she loves Rachel beyond all measure._

" _Quinn, there's a call for you!" She hears Kurt's voice but chooses to ignore it only to hear his exclamation as he opens their door, "Holy Mother of God!" His face crimson even as he tries to avert his eyes. "I am so sorry."_

_Her body about to arch upwards only to be startled by Kurt's voice such that she rolls unceremoniously off the bed, landing with a thud as Kurt covers his face with his hands before shutting the door. She hears Rachel's sigh before a giggle escapes and soon, Rachel's tumbling on top of her, the both of them laughing at the absurdity of the situation before realizing that regardless of the circumstance, they loved each other unconditionally. The kiss they share once again relegating everything to the background as Rachel focuses on Quinn._

_Quinn's hooded eyes give her all the impetus she needs as her fingers and mouth start to work in tandem._

"You didn't interrupt us completely, you know." She looks at Kurt's mortified expression and wonders when he became such a prude. "I mean when you left, we just carried on. Quinn does this thing where she kisses me, her fingers doing these flexes … let me show you.." She trails off and can see him debating internally whether to cover his ears or just walk away.

"Maybe you need another skirt?" It's the desperation in his voice that makes her cave as she smiles and links her arm with his.

"Fine, no more sex talk as long as you promise never to open our room door. Ever." She stresses the last word.

"Deal." Kurt can't say the word fast enough although his embarrassment stems from the fact that seeing them together makes him feel even more alone. He actually loves seeing them together even though it hurts his heart but in a good way because it also gives him empirical proof that true love really did exist.

"So you're not going to ask me to move out?" He feels like the third wheel even if they've never given him any indication of it.

"You're family." She says the words like its obvious and Kurt realizes that there's really nothing else that needs to be said even as they finally hear her phone ring.

Her side of the conversation starts out fine and he can tell its Quinn just by her smile. Even in high school, they always seemed hyper aware of each other. It was more obvious with Quinn maybe because she had known even then that she was in love with Rachel. Always trying to subsume her feelings even as they leaked out each time she watched Rachel sing or when they were on stage together, their hands touching as they performed their steps, always seemingly by accident but in reality by design.

"That's fine, we can meet later. I'm with Kurt anyway." Rachel's face belies her words. She's been looking forward to telling Quinn about Kurt and Leo. But more than that, she really just wants to sing to Quinn. The song she had just finished was inspired by Quinn and really, all she wants to do is sing it to her. "I just wanted to…you know, never mind, I'll wait up for you anyway." Rachel's beginning to realize that the songs that she had written, even back in High School were all linked to Quinn in some way be it because of something she had said or because Rachel had felt a burning need to express what she was feeling inside.

But Quinn sounded different over the phone, a bit distracted and like she was worried about something. It's the subtle change in her voice and inflection that Rachel picks up on. What Quinn didn't say was always as important as what she did express. And Rachel always had the knack to pick up on it. Even in High School, she always sensed the underlying emotions in Quinn's voice.

Something that she suppressed out of habit and need yet it would shine through every time they talked. Nothing overt but always there underlying each word, each look. That was what drew Rachel to her and made her never give up on trying to forge a connection with Quinn each time Quinn would let her.

"Of course I love the role but I.." She's cut off by Quinn's words again and can feel that something is just not right. "Quinn, it's ok…I understand." She doesn't really but she knows that there's something going on. It doesn't scare her but she wants to support Quinn and try and help her even if she knows Quinn won't tell her what's really happening. "I love you, bye." She hangs up and stares at Kurt.

"What's wrong?" He's seen that look on Rachel before. It's part worry and part need to do something and whatever it was, he wanted to help especially if it concerned Quinn.

"I'm not sure." The call wasn't unexpected and really, all Quinn had told her was that the pilot still had a chance but she needed to go for another meeting so she had to cancel dinner plans. All the words making complete sense but Quinn's inflection was just off. And her statement about how much Rachel loved the role was also unexpected.

Rachel did love the fact that the role played to her strengths but it was always just being able to be on set with the people she loved which really mattered. "She says they haven't said no but the TV head just wants a bit more convincing. Maybe I'm just…" She looks at Kurt and sees him nodding encouragingly, allowing her to actually verbalize her uncertainty.

"She sounded worried like she needed me to be ok with her only Quinn's always been.." She's struggling to find the word.

"…restrained." Kurt sees Rachel nod at his choice even though they both know that Quinn was slowly changing and perhaps that was what had flowed across the phone conversation. "Was she worried about the meeting?"

Rachel stares wide eyed at Kurt, a possibility taking root in her mind, only she does not want all the pieces to fit. "She sounded…" She realized exactly where exactly she had heard Quinn sound like that. It had been a fleeting encounter, just before she had been forced to go to Principal Figgins regarding Sandy Ryerson's propensity to give all the leading roles to the boys he wanted to flirt with. But the memory is suddenly so clear in her mind and she knows that it's significant.

_She holds her books close to her chest as she walks as close to the wall as possible. It had been another dreadful day made worse when Mr. Ryerson had once again pick Ronnie for the solo and made him stay back to practice leaving Rachel to walk the halls with the other choir members and as usual get slushied as they passed the football players waiting for them by the lockers._

_At least Finn Hudson had not been amongst them and by the time she had cleaned up and changed to her last set of clothes, she had at least got to see him at Quinn's locker. She wasn't sure but it had seemed that he had stared at her, not in that passing way but actually locked eyes with her as she walked by them. But then, so had Quinn and Rachel couldn't figure out the look on the blonde's face. She had expected hate tinged with disgust only she could not really decipher Quinn's look that day. And it had stayed with her the whole afternoon, all through . She really just wants to go home and rewatch Funny Girl. She's just about to turn the corner when she hears a familiar voice._

" _Fine, but…" Quinn's voice is still recognizable to Rachel as she stops in her tracks, not wanting another confrontation today. But the blonde's voice is different somewhat, not laced with the confident tone, instead she sounds vulnerable and like she's holding so much back. "No one can know, please." The words are whispered out, edged with desperation and colored by fear._

_Rachel hears a guy responding, "Sure. Come by at five." and she thinks its Finn but he's never talked to her so she can't really tell. She waits two more minutes before she turns the corner and she sees Quinn still standing by her locker, the door open but she's not looking into it, instead, she looks up and meets Rachel's eyes for the second time today._

_Rachel braces herself for the mean words as she sees Quinn open her mouth, a sigh escaping before her words are said, "What do you want?" The tone not at all harsh and it throws Rachel because Quinn sounds almost desperate, the words exhaled with her breath and her eyes suddenly vulnerable._

_Rachel does not understand any of it as her eyes dart about, finally noticing the football player whom Quinn had most probably been talking to, walk into a class room. It didn't look like Finn, his hair was shaved and he seemed shorter. But it's not enough of a distraction as her eyes are drawn back to Quinn and she wants to answer her, to tell her that she's never wanted anything except maybe to be friends. Only it's not something she could say to Quinn Fabray so she shakes her head, holding her books even tighter to her chest as she hurries away._

_Quinn's final whispered words following her, whispered so softly in such an unfamiliar voice that she's almost sure that the blond had not said them because it was what she had been thinking._

" _We should have been friends."_

It had been the day Quinn had decided to sleep with Puck. And Rachel had wished she had turned when she heard Quinn's whispered words then. She may not have been able to stop Quinn but she could have said something back, maybe changing how their lives had played out. Maybe it had been right not to say anything then but Rachel won't take the chance now, her fingers already dialing a number on her phone as she sees Kurt waiting for her to elaborate but she cannot explain her intuition.

She trusts Quinn completely and knows that she would never do anything to hurt her. But that did not preclude Quinn from hurting herself for Rachel's sake. It's happened before and Rachel's prays that she's wrong as she finally hears her call connecting.

"Jackson, where's Quinn?" She hears his response and shakes her head, causing Kurt to look even more worried. "Don't lie to me." Her words come out louder than usual and she can sense Jackson's unease.

"Please..I know.." She pauses, unsure of what to say because she's working off her instinct and an old memory. "I just want to know that she's alright." She hears Jackson sigh and almost shouts when he tells her where they are. "I'll be there soon."

"Quinn's meeting with the Head of TV Production at the W." She grabs Kurt's hand, waving an apology to the woman who had served them as she drags Kurt out of the store.

"What is going on?" Kurt has seen that determined look on Rachel before. It had been something he has missed seeing in her for ten long years and to see its return was something he wanted to celebrate although he can see that she's worried too.

"I think the man's Quinn's meeting wants something more from her." She flags down a cab and pushes Kurt in even as she sees him turn to look at her in astonishment.

"What? How? But Quinn wouldn't…" The words tumble out even as he hears Rachel give the cab driver detailed instructions how to get to the hotel before turning back to him, her tone a bit indignant.

"Of, course she wouldn't…." She's worrying her lower lip, "But she would still try." Rachel's glad that Jackson's with Quinn but it still make her stomach turn to think that Quinn was putting herself in a situation that she didn't want to be in all because of the show.

#$#$#$#$

She feels his knee brushing hers for the fifth time and pushes back her chair until it touches the wall in order to keep out of his reach. His hand is already on top of hers and she can feel its weight and roughness, so different from Rachel's tapered soft hand.

"Scott, as I've told you before. I'm in a committed relationship." She sees him smile at her words and shake his head at her naiveté.

"And I'm married." He laughs because it's like an inside joke to him and he wonders if she's really that naïve or just playing hard to get. "Quinn, I'm not looking for a relationship." His hand strokes her until she pulls it back. It angers him a bit but he's met her kind before and knows that it's all an act.

"Fine, you want me to say it, I will." He takes a sip of the twenty five year old scotch. The expensive bottle on the table, just another trophy like Quinn Fabray was going to be. "Your pilot's really good and it does deserve a slot on the network's schedule." He sees her about to get up even as his hand reaches out to grab hers.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Quinn feels the pressure of his fingers as he grips her forearm but she does not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he's hurting her, "You just said the pilot was good." Her voice calm even as she sees the anger on his face.

"So what? The network wants it but I will bury it so deep you won't even see a five second clip on youtube, if you don't play along and come upstairs to the room I have." He sees her swallow at his words and thinks that she's finally come around. Except, she looks at him and smiles, not a coy smile or one that signifies acceptance. Her smile is triumphant as he sees her fingering her small clutch purse.

He's not a complete moron as his other hand shoots out to grab her purse, while he pulls her back into the chair with enough force that her hip hits the side of the chair and she lets out a hiss of pain.

She tries to grab her purse back though and it gives him just the information he needs as he drops it on the floor by his foot before stomping on it. The sound of broken plastic and metal and Quinn's wince confirming what he had guessed as he grabs Quinn's arm once again, the pressure he's exerting causing her to wince even more.

"You little bitch, you were recording me, weren't you?"

"I really don't think you should talk to my fiancée like that. And if I were you, I'd let her go right now." Quinn's as startled by the words as she is by Rachel's sudden appearance. Her eyes meeting Rachel's and all she sees there is pure blazing anger and she finally feels scared for the first time tonight even as Rachel's words finally register. .

**End Part 19**


	23. Chapter 20

 

**Get It Right**

Quinn knows that she's been lucky in being able to witness the gamut of Rachel's emotions because despite her own fears, she had always been drawn to observing Rachel every chance she got. Some of it she remembers from a long time ago. Like the way Rachel would sit in the front of the class in middle school, her clothes meticulous and always wearing something in the shade of pink; be it her t-shirt or cardigan and once an array of barrettes adorning her chestnut hair.

And then later Quinn remembers watching her stomp out of Glee practice to show her displeasure at Mr. Schue's song choices or the team's perceived lack of commitment. She also will never be able to forget the look on Rachel's face when she sang, so much emotion and feeling just pouring out of that tiny frame. It had been mesmerizing and something that she missed so much in the intervening years such that she had worn out her DVD copies of their Regional and National performances.

Likewise, when she had gone back to Lima, meeting up with Rachel had finally allowed her to see that the-would be diva hadn't changed where it mattered. She still felt things so strongly even though she had suppressed so many things over the ten years of staying with Finn. Rachel was passion personified and Quinn felt so blessed to be at the receiving end of that passion every single day.

However, the one thing she's never fully witnessed was Rachel completely incensed. She'd seen her angry like the time she came back from meeting Finn to see Quinn crying on the couch. But Rachel had tamped down on her anger and comforted Quinn. Even in high school, Rachel had been more irate than completely livid. However, right now she practically sees the anger rolling off Rachel in waves but it's that one word that Rachel had uttered that still grabs most of her attention.

' _fiancee'_

And her brain is just stuck on that one word even overriding the pain of Scott's fingers digging into her forearm or the fear she feels in not being able to salvage this situation before Rachel got hurt.

#$#$#$#$

Rachel had rushed into the hotel, not knowing what to expect but just knowing that she needed to be there for Quinn. Jackson had been at the bar nursing a beer but all she wanted from him was Quinn's whereabouts. She didn't ask so much as demand and as soon as he pointed to where Quinn was, Rachel had been off. Her legs propelling her forward the second she saw Quinn, but what made her lose all train of thought was seeing Quinn's face twist in pain.

She had always had this view of Quinn, of how strong she was and how nothing seemed to faze her because she was Quinn Fabray. In high school, that persona had scared her and in the end, she had to be honest and admit that she chose Finn because she thought she could finally win against Quinn even though they were never in competition.

Over the past year of being with Quinn, she finally realized just how strong Quinn was in not only overcoming her own insecurities but to actually focus on her dream and ensuring that Rachel got hers as well. It took willpower and strength and Rachel never doubted that Quinn had it in spades.

Only, seeing her now, sitting in that chair, the man's hand grabbing at Quinn's forearm, made her look vulnerable and it was like a trigger for Rachel. She felt her heart rate pick up, her vision suddenly so clear as she focused on getting to Quinn as fast as she could.

She had not planned on saying anything, only wanting to get Quinn out of the man's grasp. There were only two things going through her mind right then. First was the sage advice Puck had given her in Junior year when Santana had threatened to beat her down for supposedly stealing Brittany's solo.

' _Don't hide your thumb unless you want to break it and put as much weight behind the punch as you can. Considering your size, just take a running start.'_

But fighting for equal prominence was the absolute need to stake her claim on Quinn. That feeling that Quinn was hers had always been there for her. Ever since she left Lima, it had taken root in her heart that Quinn was  _THE ONE_. Even in her thoughts, she can see it capitalized, italized and sprinkled with glitter such that it shone.

It was a fact, something completely incontrovertible and therefore something that needed to be said, out loud even if she had never planned on doing it in this particular way. In her mind, there were flowers and music and preferable Quinn naked or rather the both of them but at times like these, all Rachel can do is go with her instinct as the words tumble out of her mouth, when she hears the man's harsh tone.

"I really don't think you should talk to my fiancée like that." Her eyes flick to Quinn automatically, "And if I were you." Her voice drops, her tone suddenly menacing. "I'd let her go right now." Rachel's hand is already fisted as she takes another step forward, her target so clear.

But Quinn is faster as she wrenches her arm away, propelling herself forward as her arms go around Rachel's waist, stopping her forward momentum even as she sees Jackson's hand pressing down on Scott's shoulder and Kurt turning to the room and indicating to everyone staring at them, that everything was fine.

"Don't." Her entreaty is enough for Rachel to stop pushing even as she feels Rachel's arms go around her neck, pulling her down for a kiss before pulling back, their question to each other overlap "Are you ok?"

Rachel waits to see Quinn nod before she kisses her again, answering Quinn's question the only way she knows how. Quinn wishes that she could kiss Rachel forever but she knows that Scott is still a problem as she reluctantly disentangles herself from Rachel's embrace, ensuring that their hands are still linked when she finally turns to look at Scott.

She can see him wincing now as Jackson's hand presses into the side of his neck. "You're right about the recording although destroying my phone is useless as it was simultaneously uploaded."

She sees his face morph as fury takes over and Rachel's voice cuts in. "I don't care if the pilot never sees the light of day." She feels Quinn's hand in hers. "But if you ever touch Quinn again…." She's never threatened anyone in her life but her tone and demeanor belies that fact as she sees Scott's eyes widen. She knows it's more from the fact that Jackson's exerting pressure on him as opposed to just her words but she does finish the threat nonetheless as she bends down and whispers in his ear.

Quinn does not hear the rest of Rachel's threat although she sees Scott go a bit pale and Jackson looking at first surprised and then staring at Rachel with such a look of admiration. She does not have time to dwell any more on it as she feels Rachel tug at her arm and lead her towards the exit.

She sees Kurt scoop up her purse and Jackson also having a few last words with Scott before they're all outside, the sounds of the city and the lights reminding her that she's not in LA and things here were different. But at least having Rachel with her, actually arriving to save her, just proved that they really needed each other in every way.

Quinn looks at Rachel looking at her, as if expecting her to say something. She does not know what to say though. _'Thank You_  'sounded trite,  _'Will you marry me?'_ perhaps a bit presumptuous although fitting considering Rachel did call her fiancée. And truth be told, that particular word is still reverberating in her head. She does not have time to savor it though because she's still trying to reconcile the Rachel she knows with the force of nature who barged into the restaurant.

' _What did you say to him?'_ is hovering in her mind but it didn't matter because whatever Rachel had said, it had worked.  _'How did you know to come?'_  Following closely on its heels because there was no conceivable reason Rachel would know she was in trouble apart from her possible psychic powers. So there really were only a few words she could say to the love of her life.

"I love you." The words heartfelt and said often enough although the way she's looking at Rachel, like she's finally seeing her in a completely different light. The brunette always had that amazing ethereal beauty, her strong nose and large expressive eyes actually giving her such an indefinable ingénue quality.

However, right here, right now, she looked confident, strong and sexy. Rachel was no longer that scared, downtrodden housewife that Finn had made her. That iteration of her personality was finally gone and in its place was the Rachel that she could have become if she hadn't stayed back in Lima.

Quinn steps forward, pulled as if by a magnetic force, wanting to taste Rachel's lips, almost connecting before Rachel's words make her freeze.

Logically, Rachel completely understands that the threat is over and Quinn is safe. But that clarity brings with it a sense of fatalism as she thinks of what ifs and what Quinn had exposed herself to because she wanted to still keep fixing things herself even when Rachel was more than ready to help her. It was infuriating and it just made her so mad because Quinn could have been hurt and all because she thought Rachel wanted the part more than she loved Quinn. It was stupid and it made her think that perhaps what they had didn't mean as much to Quinn as it did to her. She knows that its not the case but knowing that as a fact was different than feeling that there was a sliver of a chance that it was true. All her anger comes bubbling to the forefront as she shouts at Quinn.

"What the hell were you thinking? Or were you not thinking at all?" Rachel's angry or to be more precise, she's pissed beyond reason. The bright ambient lights around them, highlight the contrast of the blue black bruises forming on Quinn's pale skin.

She can't think straight even as she tries to even her breaths but all she can remember is the look of Quinn's face in pain and that odious man's hands clamped onto Quinn's. Rachel sees Quinn recoil at her words and wants to temper her tone but her emotions are so raw and already unleashed and she knows she needs to leave before she says something she will most definitelyregret.

Quinn had done it all not because she had wanted to but because she felt that she needed to fix things without help and without Rachel. It was a difficult pill to swallow because she knew she needed Quinn. The blonde was essential to her like air and water. In fact, Rachel was almost sure that she could survive without air by just kissing Quinn Fabray.

The only problem was that even though Quinn loved her, tonight kind of proved that Quinn still wanted to do things on her own especially if it concerned Rachel. And the one scary thought in Rachel's mind was the fact that Quinn would willingly put herself in danger. Even if Jackson was there, that man could have still had time to hurt Quinn.

"I…I need some time." She backs away from Quinn, trying not to compare the way Quinn's face now twists in pain to the way it did in the restaurant. She wasn't trying to hurt Quinn, she just didn't think she could listen to her explanation without saying something that would hurt the blonde further.

"Rachel." It's the way Quinn says her name, like it's the only word she can utter, her lifeline and the only thing she can grab onto or else she would drown. Rachel knows exactly what Quinn is trying to say to her because it changes each time she hears her name fall from Quinn's lips.

_Rachel's had this question bouncing around in her head for quite some time. She knows Quinn still responds to Q but only from Santana or Britt but other than that, she never used nicknames for her friends and definitely not for Rachel. They called each other love or sweetheart every now and then but more times than not, Quinn would use her name, either Rachel or Rach._

_She's heard a few of Brittany's pet names for Santana and they do make her blush and she wonders if Quinn ever thought of her that way. Even Santana called her Diva in an affectionate way. But Quinn would just use a different pitch or tenor depending on what she wanted to convey but every time Quinn used her name, Rachel could just tell exactly what the blonde was feeling or wanted to express._

" _Why?…I mean why don't you have a special name for me?"She sees Quinn look up at her, the book in her lap forgotten because Rachel's tone and question indicates she needs to give Rachel her undivided attention._

_She's a bit surprised by the question even though she does have a good answer for it, its not something she's particularly proud of. "You mean like Diva or Honeybunch." She smiles when she sees Rachel duck her head._

_Quinn wants to keep their conversation lighthearted but she loves Rachel enough to tell her everything even if it meant that she needed to dredge up her dreaded past._

" _I never really have apologized for calling you Manhands or Treasure Trail or any of those awful, hateful names, have I?" Her voice is soft but she sees Rachel's head snap up, their eyes meeting. Quinn can see the past hurt in them but Rachel still tries to mask it as she shakes her head, her lower lip gripped between her teeth._

" _I am sorry." She sees Rachel's head shake get a bit more vigorous like she's refusing the apology._

" _You don't-"Rachel wants to go to Quinn but she knows that right now, she just needs to listen first._

" _Yes, I do." Quinn cuts her off because she knows that she finally has an opportunity to make some of her past up to Rachel. "I called you those names because I was hurting inside and I wanted to hurt you. It was stupid and childish and I am sorry." She sees Rachel nodding at her words, accepting them and it gives her courage to continue._

" _And now, it just seems pointless to give you a pet name, I love you, all of you and you're Rachel and saying it,…The ability to say your name every time reminds me that you're mine and I love you." She almost topples over the chair as Rachel launches herself at her. Quinn's arms coming around the brunette as she whispers her name once again._

" _Rachel."_

"Rachel" Quinn says its softer this time, all she wants to do is reach out, to try and explain that she was just trying to do what she thought was right. In hindsight, she had been naïve but that didn't mean that she had wanted to hurt Rachel. Although by the look on Rachel's face, she had done just that.

"I didn't mean it and I'm so sorry. Please, I…" She trails off, wanting to plead for Rachel not to leave but she can see her trembling with the effort to keep not only her anger in check but all her emotions from spilling over.

Quinn bites down on her fists when she sees Rachel turn away and tries to flag down a cab. She feels Kurt touch her elbow, his words not really offering comfort but its all she has, "She's been so worried when she found out where you were and what you were up to. And right now, maybe she just needs some time."

He sees Quinn stare at him, her eyes expressing what she's too frighten to articulate. "She's only this angry because she loves you so much and hates to see you put yourself in that situation especially if you did it for her." He squeezes Quinn's arm before he chases after Rachel, entering the cab right behind her because no matter what, he was her friend and she needed him right now.

Quinn wants to call out but swallows her words even as she feels Jackson's arms around her, his voice soft in her ear, "It's going to be fine. She's just angry and you need to give her some space."

She wants to protest but she knows that he's at least part right in that Rachel was angry. More angry than when she first appeared in the restaurant and to be honest, Quinn had expected her reaction deep down, which is why she had hoped for Rachel never to find out. Only that was really not how she wanted to live her life. Hiding from Rachel or not telling her everything was in hindsight the second dumbest thing she had done in her life. The first dumbest was of course waiting ten years to make it up to Rachel.

"What am I going to do….?"  _'without Rachel'_  She can't even finish the sentence because it's unimaginable and something completely absolutely scary. She burrows into Jackson, feeling so cold and alone.

"You're coming home with me and we'll figure something out." He feels her trembling and knows that she's scared, probably more scared than she's ever felt before and his heart goes out to her.

"No." She shakes her head for further reiteration. She needed to go home. In the back of her mind, she's praying that that's also where Rachel was headed even though she knows that it's probably not the case, at least not yet. She just wants to be there when Rachel did finally turn up. She does not use the word if even if she feels that it is a distinct possibility no matter how small the probability of that happening was.

"I need to go home." Quinn's voice does not waver but it's still laced with fear as she catches Jackson's eyes. She sees understanding there and a hint of  _'I told you so'_  even if he's too much of a gentleman to say it out loud.

"Ok." He holds her hand and flags for a cab. He feels her squeeze his hand, her own form of saying she's sorry for dragging him into this.

"And you need to go back to Julie." Her voice is firmer now as she looks at his profile, realizing that she's already taken so much of his time and she cannot take more considering he's engaged and in love and in a much better place than she was right now. It would be cruel to drag him down further with her.

"Quinn, you need-"

"I need Rachel and right now she needs to be away from me so I guess I need to be patient. I just want to go home and think about what I need to tell her if….when she's ready to listen."

Jackson pulls her into another hug, "She does love you so I'm not going to wish you luck. Just try not to beat yourself up too much over this. Rachel may not like what you did but I think she'll understand why."

He opens the cab door for her waits by the curb until it turns the corner, knowing that he's right about Rachel but hoping that Quinn was also going to be ok in the meantime.

#$#$#$#$

She's scarily silent and so unlike Rachel that he has to restrain himself from filling the silence with random patter as he stares at her. He sees her throat convulse as if she's swallowing her words before they can escape. Her eyes blink open and close and he knows she's trying her best not to cry even as her hands, open palmed are rubbing up and down her thighs as if trying to create some warmth.

Kurt slowly reaches out and sees Rachel flinch at his touch and he understands that she wishes he were Quinn instead. Despite their surprise parting ten minutes ago, he knows that Rachel misses her regardless.

"What you said back there…" He sees her close her eyes at his words and he knows he has to be more specific. "What you said to Scott." She still does not look at him though he knows that she's listening. "Did you mean it?"

"Yes." Rachel could pretend that he's talking about her threat as oppose to calling Quinn her fiancée but she knows him as much as he knows her and she's never meant anything more in her entire life. It wasn't a spur of the moment thought or a Freudian slip. Quinn meant everything to her and thinking of her as her life partner was an obvious thing as least in her mind. Except she had left her behind because she had been so angry at Quinn even if she still felt so much love for her.

"I didn't want to leave her but I left her." She's whispering the words, her voice hollow as she realizes what she had done. Rachel turns and meets Kurt's gaze, her own eyes wide as she takes in what she had done.

"You needed some time. Tonight was intense for both of you." His words bring no comfort because he can see the regret all over her face. Rachel's always been the most open and loving person he knew. Even in high school, she would in the end always put aside her own needs for other people. Despite sometimes coming off as a diva, she had the best heart amongst them all.

"But I shouldn't have left her. She did it for me..for us. And all I did was shout at her." She feels an ache forming in her chest as she recalls the look on Quinn's face when she backed away. She needs to override that memory with something else and in the back of her mind, she knows what she wants to do although she's not sure if Quinn would accept it after what she had just done.

"So, go back, tell her that you love her and everything will be fine." He makes it sound so easy and Kurt's pretty sure that for any other couple, it would not be the case. However, he sees the way Quinn and Rachel have been together; their coupling making them stronger, braver, better than them as individuals.

They were meant to be and nothing would change that. He sees Rachel's brow furrowed as she worries her bottom lip and knows she's working things out, planning in her head. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to talk to my dads. They have something I'm going to need." Kurt recognizes that tone and nods instead of asking the other fifty questions he has rolling around in his head.

"Leo's place is five minutes from here. We can go there." He sees her relieved expression on her face and hopes that he'll get to see Quinn's one as well when they finally realize that just need to be together.

#$#$#$#$#

The first thing Quinn does when she gets home is to switch on all the lights in the house. It's stupid to think that it would act like a beacon for Rachel but Quinn doesn't really care because she just hopes that it does.

She stares at the phone, hoping to see a message light and waits a good five minutes before heading to their bedroom. Her plan now so clear in her head as she pulls out their two suitcases from the closet and opens them on the bed. Quinn takes a breath before she surveys the drawers, pulling out t-shirts and sweaters and underwear and placing them as neatly as she can in the suitcase on the right. She ignores the small blue box in the back of her bottom most drawer, for the time being.

Quinn tries not to think too much, knowing that she needs to do this. She still feels scared and adrift but she knows that its because Rachel wasn't with her and there was only one remedy for that so she fills up the first suitcase before turning to the closet and pulling out clothes to fill out the second one.

She carries them to the front door, placing them by the side and only then is she ready to go back to their room and face that small blue box. The feel of it a bit foreign in her hand, mainly because she's only carried it once before, when the woman at Tiffany's had handed it to her after she signed the credit card slip.

Kurt had been almost in tears at her choice because he had agreed whole heartedly with her that the ring she had chosen had been perfect for Rachel. Quinn had spent almost two hours going through their entire ring collection until she had spotted it.

It had been tucked away in one of the showcases, a vintage tiffany's ring not actually for sale. Only Quinn had been adamant, pleading and offering doubled the valued price. But it had finally been the way she had talked about Rachel throughout her sojourn in the store, describing the brunette, her smile and everything that made her special. The manager who had been serving her had been so enthralled that she convinced the store manager to finally sell Quinn the ring.

And all she had been waiting for was the right time to give it to Rachel. Except in her mind, she didn't really know what would constitute the right time. Maybe it was waiting until their play opened on Broadway or when Rachel won one of the countless awards she would most probably be nominated for because their movie had been an unqualified success not in the least because of the talented brunette.

Quinn had truly thought that she needed to wait for Rachel to feel comfortable with her and to perhaps get used to being in a relationship with her. But the fact was that she loved Rachel and that would never change. They'd get angry at each other like tonight. And Rachel could even walk away from her like she did more than an hour ago.

But deep down, Quinn knew one truism that negated all her fears and uncertainties. She and Rachel Barbra Berry belonged together. It was providence and destiny and there was no other truth.

It's then that she hears Rachel downstairs, she had called out but Quinn could not make out what exactly, only recognizing her voice. Her hand tightens around the blue box.

#$#$#$#$#$

Rachel actually had a hard time trying to convince Kurt to stay at Leo's. She had been surprised that he almost fought her on that, citing that they were his oldest friends and beacon of hope. She had almost cried at his words but still held herself back that is until Leo had also piped in that he'd be happy to be loved even half as much as Quinn loved Rachel. And to top all of it off, her dads had given her their blessing as well.

Her stomach was still twisted in knots even when Kurt had put her back in a taxi to take her home to Quinn. It was only his parting words that help loosen some of them.

"You wouldn't be this angry if you didn't love her beyond all reason."

And she knows he's right and she's also not angry anymore, the emotion dissipating like mist in the morning the moment she realized that she didn't want not to be with Quinn. And there was only one thing she could do to ensure that they would never be apart.

And the final knot in her stomach finally disappears the moment she sees all the light ablaze in their house, like a guiding light home. She does not hesitate as she rushes to unlock the door, Quinn's name on the tip of her tongue until she caches sight of the luggage by the door.

Her heart stutters in her chest, her hand covering her mouth because she does not want to process what they mean. The only thing going through her mind is a litany of no's. It was inconceivable that what happened tonight would have culminated in Quinn wanting to move out. She had worked it all out in her head and thought that Quinn would have done the same. But the packed bags in the corner signified something final and frightening such that she can't help one of them from escaping, "No." She says it out loud and wishes she could take it back.

 

Quinn opens her mouth but Rachel's response kills her words even before she can utter them, her face falling because she thought that she truly got it right this time.

**End Part 20**


	24. Chapter 21

 

**Get It Right**

_**But how many it times will it take?** _

_**Oh, how many times will it take for me?** _

_**To get it right.** _

Rachel has spent years coming to terms with herself. Acknowledging her flaws and accepting that try as she might with all her good intentions, she would still on occasion screw up and just never get things right. It wasn't by design or what she wanted for herself but every time it occurred, she would feel foolish and like such a failure.

She knows that her one greatest flaw is her inability to admit early on that she's wrong. She'd hang on to her decision long past its due date. Trying every which way to make it right, to make it fit, hoping t that her tenacity was all that was required to get it right.

Only knowing each time she felt like that, it would take its toll on her, her shoulders would bow just a bit more and her heart would fill with doubt. And overall, in the end, she could not remember what it felt like to get anything right until Quinn came back into her life.

She still made mistakes but they didn't seem insurmountable with Quinn by her side. They didn't make her feel less like who she was or like she was losing a bit of herself; that indefinable essence that made her Rachel Barbra Berry. She never feel like her world was getting smaller or she was disappearing. And she knows its because they had chosen each other and it had really been a choice.

One that Quinn had made early on, not understanding the long-term implications on how it would affect her life. How she would suffer for it not because she had chosen to love Rachel but because she had denied it for as long as she could. Replacing want with mean words and taunts and ignoring her need by not accepting who she was and hiding behind whom her parents wanted her to be.

But Quinn still chose her in the end, slowly but surely accepting that she loved her completely, absolutely, inevitably loved her and there was no going back from that the millisecond her choice had been made all those years ago. And Rachel understood that her Quinn just needed time.

And by extension, the choice for Rachel could only be made once Quinn finally committed, not because Rachel could not accept Quinn or her love. But she needed time to admit that what she wanted was what she never thought she needed. Quinn had never been part of her thirty-year plan but then neither had Finn Hudson until she made that one mistake.

Coming back from it took time and guts and it took Quinn's absolute belief in her. It took Lucy Quinn Fabray telling her that she deserved her happy ending and it took Rachel Barbra Berry to accept that the mistake she had made, could be rectified and that she deserved to love and be loved in return.

And standing in the hallway of their house, the one that she pictured their children in, running up and down the stairs even as Quinn shouted at them to keep the noise down because their mom was still asleep upstairs, the one thing Rachel realizes is that she should not have left Quinn tonight.

And she hears herself repeat the word." No"

That one word is clear, concise. It's meaning cannot be misunderstood or misrepresented. And yet when she looks at Quinn, standing on that last step of the stairs, her expression morphing from quiet contemplation to panic and pain, Rachel cannot help but realize it's the wrong word to use. Rachel knows she does not shout the word, yet it seems to echo around them and its effect on Quinn is almost physical.

Then it suddenly all becomes so clear. Rachel just cannot say no to Quinn, she would never, in fact could never deny her anything. All Rachel ever wanted was for Quinn to never be sad. She knows it's an impossibility but it didn't mean she would not try to make it so. It was an autonomic response for her to always want Quinn to be happy and in doing so; it made her happy as well.

And she holds her breath, as she counts to five in her head, each heartbeat adding a number even as she bends down on one knee. Rachel doesn't have a ring to give and Quinn was already in full possession of her heart but it does not stop her from proffering the folded piece of paper in her hand as the words that have been always on her mind finally flow out.

"Lucy Quinn Fabray, Will you marry me."

" _I need Grandma Berry's ring." Her voice is solemn as she chews on her bottom lip, her head bent down so that her dads can see her on their screen. She can hear Kurt whispering furiously to Leo in the background, probably filling him in on everything that had transpired since they left the theatre._

_It seems like ages ago now and not just happening in a span of a few hours. But life was like that, time being relative such that important moments happen in a blink of an eye while moments that don't matter feel like they take forever._

_Right now, Rachel just wants to move forward, to go home and see Quinn and tell her that she loved her and wanted to spend the rest of her life with her._

" _Hello to you too, sweetheart." Her dad's deep voice not really admonishing her but just reminding her that she's still their daughter and he expects some form of greeting before they deal with her new drama. At least he's smiling and so is her daddy as he winks at her._

" _Daddy, dad, hello. I hope you're well and I will gladly love to hear about how you've been but I just need you to listen right now and agree to what I have to say, please." She takes a deep breath as she sees them nod at her words,_

" _Now, I really really need Grandma Berry's diamond ring. You know, the one she said I would wear when.I...well..I…" She trails off not because she's afraid of saying the words or is unsure of what she desperately wants to do. In her head, she's actually planned so many steps in advance that she already knows which knee she wants to go down with and the exact words she wants to use to ask Quinn to be hers._

_She trails off because she sees her daddy's tears as he realizes exactly what she's planning. And unlike the tears she had witnessed when she told them she had married Finn so many years ago, she can see joy here. He's not trying to hide his emotions like he did the last time as he buried his head in dad's broad shoulder. He's beaming despite the tears, happy that she's happy and thrilled that she's finally doing something that she wants and not something that she thought she needed to do._

" _Baby, are you sure?" Dad's question not because he's worried about her decision or wants to second guess her but he's still her father and he just needs to hear her say the words out loud._

" _I love Quinn. I love her more than I thought I could love anyone and each day, I just love her more." She's crying when she hears Kurt sniffle behind her and even her dad now has tears in his eyes as he nods._

" _Ok, then, we'll courier the ring over to you tomorrow. We need to get it out from the safety deposit box but you should have it tomorrow night."_

_It's not that she expected to get the ring right the second but she does not want to wait until tomorrow to ask Quinn. In fact, she wants to propose the second she sees Quinn. "Um, ok but can you well, can you send me the picture you used for the insurance and appraiser?"_

_Rachel sees their questioning look and wonders if she should tell them what happened tonight. She's not ashamed of the way she acted although if given the chance, she wouldn't have just walked away without giving Quinn some sort of sign that she still loved her despite her anger._

" _I..I kind of got angry at Quinn tonight and did what you would recognize as a Rachel Berry storm out." She sees her daddy smile in reminiscence while her dad gives her a look that she recognizes as his 'young lady, I thought you knew better' look._

" _Only, I finally realize that despite getting angry at her or frustrated or wanting to yell at her because she's being intransigent, despite all of it, I love her so very much and I cannot contemplate not always having her with me. I just wanted to tell her that as soon as possible." It didn't hit her like an epiphany and it definitely didn't gradually creep up on her like it was building on each memory she shared with Quinn. It just was and Rachel finally understood that they were just meant to be._

_She sees her daddy rush out of the room as her dad tells him that the file is in the study downstairs before turning back to her, his words and implied approval comforting._

" _You give her the picture and tell her the real deal is coming tomorrow."_

She's not doing this because she thinks Quinn is leaving her, even if the bags in the corner are a scary reminder that Quinn really could be. Rachel wants to marry Quinn because any other decision, any other choice was just not valid. They belonged together as much as they belonged to each other.

The anger than she had felt seemed so trivial in the face of her decision now and though she regrets walking away, Rachel also knows that she may do it again, never for good with no intention to return but just because she has finally accepted that she was Rachel Berry. Which meant she was loud, sometimes obnoxious, completely passionate and so obviously in love with Quinn, but there would always be times where she would still get angry at her because of who they were.

However, underlying every facet of her emotions was this certainty that they were always going to be together. Even apart, stretched by distance, denied because of fear, Rachel never hated Quinn. Their relationship always more complex because it was about what they wanted to say to each other but just couldn't get the right words out because of so many stupid reasons that no longer made sense.

So she's on bended knee now because Rachel finally realizes that she needs to ensure that Quinn understood that this was it for her. She didn't need anyone or anything else as long as Quinn said yes. She doesn't care about the TV pilot or the Broadway show. All she cares about, the only person she's loved beyond all measure was standing before her and all she wants to hear is  _yes_.

#$#$#$#$#$#$

Quinn's always prided herself in knowing that she's strong enough to survive a lot of things. Rejection to her was just another phrase for her to try harder, do more. And if that didn't work, she'd learnt to pick herself up, take a deep breath and move on, as she learnt to hide all the emotional scars she had acquired along the way.

" _Daddy, please…", her voice quivering because she wants him to look at her like she's a person, someone who's made mistakes but who was still his daughter, only he's looking at her like she's nothing and she cannot comprehend how he can just cut her out like that. Quinn always thought that loving someone meant forever, even through resentment and fear, the love would always be there._

" _You're a disgrace." The words don't hurt her as much as the look she sees on his face, like he can just not care about her any longer and it's something she does not want to accept even though it is plainly obvious that she has no choice._

" _I love you." He closes her eyes at her words and turns away. And it's then that Quinn realizes she has to accept that he doesn't love right now._

_#$#$_

" _Quinn." The way Finn says her name speaks volumes. It's part reprimand, part incredulity that she would actually slushy Rachel in front of him._

_So she stands there, looking at the grape ice bits drip off Rachel, her insides twisting not because of Finn's admonishment. She feels like a hypocrite and a liar because she's been trying so hard to live in denial, to think that all she needs, all she wants is to have Finn next to her and a stupid crown on her head._

_Only, all she wants to do is to reach out to Rachel but she won't let herself do it. She already feels bad even though underlying that is a feeling of pure relief that she does not have to continue one of her charades as she hears Finn's next words._

" _I..I don't think we should go to the prom together." She does not meet his eyes nor does she look at Rachel as she stares at the floor. "In fact…" He continues as if he finally understood that she was never with him because she wanted to be but maybe because she thought she had to be._

" _Maybe..we shouldn't see each other anymore too." And she thinks she hears a collective gasp from the students all staring at them. But Quinn does not feel embarrass as she finally meets Finn's gaze and nods, surprise on her face but also a sense of defeat because she sees Rachel looking at her before the brunette turns to Finn gratitude in her eyes because he finally chose her._

_It was bound to happen that way and Quinn learns to ignore the ache she feels in her heart, trying to convince herself that it's because Finn had broken up with her in front of everyone just before senior prom as oppose to seeing Finn hold onto Rachel's elbow as he leads her love away._

_#$#$_

" _Please don't cry." Jackson's entreaty and kind voice only making her cry even harder. She never wanted to hurt him. Quinn had never expected to meet someone like Jackson and it had surprised her that they fit somehow. She never questioned why she was attracted to him or why she would stare at him sometimes, expecting him to sing or say something inappropriate._

_And when it did hit her, like a proverbial two by four, all she felt was so much guilt and regret that it was almost palpable. And the only thing she could think of doing was to show him what a bitch she was, to make him angry with her because she had used him. Even if it was never her intent, she had used him and for that she would always be sorry._

_Except, even with her plan all thought out, she just couldn't go ahead with making out with Brent. He had been willing and the alcohol she had consumed had made her relaxed enough to initiate that first kiss. Only every time she closed her eyes, she saw Jackson's face and worse yet, most times, she would picture Rachel, standing in the hallway, grape slushy dripping down her face. It reminded her of everything she had done wrong and never getting even one thing right._

" _Quinn, I'm sorry for bringing this up now." And it's only then does she stop her tears because she hears that resigned tone in his voice, like he knows he has to be the one to do this and it's hurting him more than he lets on._

_She hates herself so much for letting him take this on himself but it just adds to the fact that she's not worthy of him and definitely not worthy of Rachel._

" _I think I've been getting too serious here and..well we're still young and there's um..so many other women.." He sees her hazel eyes looking at him, pleading for him to continue and he does even as he lowers his gaze because he can lie to her but he won't look at her while he does it._

" _Anyway, maybe we should take a break. I mean we're always going to be friends. That's non negotiable." It's then that he feels her squeeze his hand, like it's a lifeline and the only thing that is stopping her from drowning and maybe it is._

_He does not know why she won't open herself up to him and even though he can see that she loves him, he fully understands that she's not in love with him, her heart either locked away or given to someone else a long time ago._

_She breathes a ragged sigh of relief, as she holds on tightly to Jackson, his words far from hurtful but they do give her pause. She's been using him as a proxy for Rachel and hearing him break up with her also opens up the possibility that if she ever had the chance to be with Rachel, the brunette would eventually leave her as well._

And because of that, Quinn had even prepared herself early on, to expect a rejection from Rachel as and when she finally worked up the courage to speak to her. It was all mapped out in her head, how she'd approach the brunette, her words contrite and her voice low. Each scenario just slightly different such that she had been up to possibility one hundred and eighty seven in her mind, when the actual encounter occurred.

And nowhere in the preceding one hundred and eighty six scenarios did she envision being able to hug Rachel, her arms going around the diminutive woman, like they were always meant to fit together so well. Yet the way it had occurred when she went back to Lima for the reunion emboldened her in the end, making her think that maybe there was a tiny possibility that all her dreams could come true and she could not only make it up to Rachel but that they could be together.

So, every step of the way, everything she said or decision she made was in hope that she could make Rachel Berry happy. It wasn't only about making up for all her past mistakes but trying to be the person that deserved someone like Rachel. In the end, Quinn understood that all she really wanted was for Rachel to love her as much as she loved the diva.

However, in knowing what she could survive also made her cognizant of what she couldn't survive. And Quinn knew that after being with Rachel in all sense of the word, coming together physically, understanding each other emotionally and just fitting because they were meant to, after all of it, Quinn knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she could not survive not having Rachel in her life.

She just knew she could not go back to living half a life, to just enduring each day, knowing exactly what it felt to be complete but never able to feel like that again. The box she's holding behind her back symbolizes more than just her commitment, to her; it meant she was promising to give Rachel everything that she was and all that she could be.

It meant that she would spend all her life ensuring that Rachel understood she was always going to be there, next to her until her last dying breath. She had loved Rachel Barbra Berry for as long as she could remember; the flutter in her heart always there every time she saw the brunette, starting in middle school and never ever going away.

Quinn had spent years not understanding that feeling, thinking that it would eventually fade with time and distance and some determination. Only to have it intensify each time she saw Rachel. In High school, it meant moving then to denying it before ignoring it altogether. Subsuming the pull she felt with Cheerios practice, AP classes, Finn, Sam and anyone else she could hide behind.

She remembers how she would make up mean things to say to Rachel, forcing herself to practice them every morning so that when she saw the brunette, she could make her face crumple and sometimes cry. All of it just to prove to herself that she didn't really love Rachel Berry, not if she could keep hurting her.

Except her love for Rachel was still always there, burrowed so deep in her heart that she could literally feel her heart ache with the knowledge. And even if she had done everything and anything she could imagine to snuff it out, it always burned so bright.

Quinn finally accepting that she was made to love Rachel Berry, it was coded within her DNA, intrinsically part of her soul. Which made her choice so simple and to be honest so obvious. Wanting to spend the rest of her life with Rachel would take the patience of Job, Samson's strength and possibly a miracle never seen outside the old or new Testaments. But Quinn knows that whatever trials or tribulations she needed to face, it would be worth it because she loved Rachel.

She's memorized the flights to Lima, always knowing in the back of her mind that this day would eventually come. And she knows that she doesn't need permission but she's always been a traditionalist. The princess cut three-carat diamond ring in her hand was just the first step.

Flying to Lima with Rachel on the seven am American Airlines flight was next. She had always intended to ask Rachel's dads for permission to marry their daughter. She could envision Rachel scoffing at the idea and also telling her that it was unnecessary. However, deep down she knew Rachel would cherish the thought that Quinn respected her dads.

So she had packed their bags, knowing that despite Rachel's anger, the love they shared could indeed conquer all. And Quinn understands that all she really needed to do was to be honest, to admit that she had acted rashly and that she had made a mistake by trying to fix everything on her own.

It wasn't that she didn't trust or love Rachel. Far from it, she loved her so damn much that in her addled brain, all her decisions tonight were because she wanted to protect her. Only it took Rachel walking away from her and feeling her own heartbeat literally stop for the seconds it took to realize how stupid she had been.

So hearing Rachel finally come home, like she knew she would only made her decision seem so right. The box in her hand and the words already forming on the tip of her tongue as she walked down the stairs.

_**To get it right.** _

Except she hears the word no fall from Rachel's lips and she just cannot reconcile how she feels with Rachel's initial incongruous response.

However, Quinn finally has faith, not just amorphous hope or a tenuous wish but actual faith that they will get it right. And even though she feels her hear tear just a bit, she does not say anything just yet, and tries to hide the hurt she feels because she has faith in their love.

And then it happens, she sees Rachel go down on one knee and her heart swells because nothing hurts anymore. She sees the paper in Rachel's hand and hears those amazing words and Quinn is at a loss as to what to do next.

And it takes her all of five seconds to realize that Rachel is being bold and brave but she's also putting her heart on the line and Quinn not saying anything was just as bad as Rachel walking away from her outside the hotel.

So she launches herself at Rachel, her knees skidding across the polished wood floors as her arms go around Rachel's neck, their lips meeting as they were always meant to.

Kissing Quinn was an art. The blond was taller, leaner and often times more reserved than she needed to be. But then Rachel had found out a secret about her lover early on. Quinn was addicted to kissing her. She could tell that early on in their relationship, Quinn had to literally hold herself back, she would count the number of kisses she bestowed on Rachel because she had been so afraid of scaring Rachel away.

And when they finally got together, Quinn would devise ways of stealing as many kisses from Rachel as possible, waking her up in the morning with them, placing one behind her ear as she talked on the phone with her dads. Waiting by the door when she got home, a glass of wine in one hand and a kiss on the cheek that more often than not turned into a make out session that more than one neighbor had witnessed.

And in return, Rachel leant the art of kissing Quinn Fabray. How she loved it when Rachel's hands tangled in her hair or the whimper she would let out that make Quinn's knees go weak, when Quinn's teeth scrapped her bottom lip.

And how her lips would trace the curve of Quinn's neck causing the blond to tremble in anticipation and then the way she would tilt her head back just a fraction and Quinn would tilt forward and their lips would meet.

There were no fireworks going off in her mind because each kiss with Quinn resounded within her, making her feel loved and cherished and beautiful. Each kiss fortifying their connection, tying them together. And as Quinn finally pulls back, Rachel knows this particular kiss is their most special yet as she looks down to see Quinn slip on a ring onto her finger and finally hears Quinn's response.

"Yes."

The both of them, together, finally getting it right.

**The End**


	25. Epilogue

 

**Get It Right**

**Epilogue**

It's a beautiful spring day in New York but no one cares about the weather outside because within the four walls of a small church on the edge of Manhattan, a small group of people have gathered, family linked not always by blood but by promises and love. All of them there to support the two women standing at the altar, facing each other.

"I promise to always be there for you, always by your side and holding your hand every step of the way. And I promise to ensure that you will always know how much I love you, every millisecond of every day for as long as I live. You're my life, my love, my heart." Quinn's words echoing in the small church as she faces her soon to be wife, one hand holding the ring while the other grasping Rachel's left hand.

"I've loved you even before I understood what love could mean. And after I finally worked up the courage to embrace that love and accept that you were it for me. All I know is I was made to love you and every day, I will always love you more than the day before." She's had the words for years, changing a word here and there. Testing her inflection but always knowing exactly what she wanted to say to Rachel when given the chance.

"With this ring, I pledge my love, fealty, my heart and soul to you." She hears a few sniffles from their small group of family and friends but all she really has eyes for is the one person standing next to her as she places the ring on her finger.

Rachel's never been at a loss for words. Even when she had felt downtrodden and knew that her life was going around in circles and she felt like she had nothing to look forward to except for regrets, she was still never bereft of her ability to express herself. The only thing she had really stopped doing was to sing. Even when she gave lessons, she focused on pitch and tone but never really sang herself.

But with Quinn standing before her saying her vows, Rachel really has no words. Every nuanced emotion she had been feeling had been so eloquently expressed by the blond. Her own vows, written longhand on four single ruled pages are so clear in her mind and she knows Quinn will listen and love what she has to say. She plans to quote Keats and the Bible, throwing in some Shakespeare and Rilke for good measure so that she could tell Quinn just how much she meant to her.

Only, she wants to give Quinn something more than just her words. Quinn had given her everything and Rachel knows that the one thing she's always been thankful for, her one saving grace had been her voice. "You made me want to sing again."

Rachel sees the shimmer of tears in Quinn's eyes at her simple declaration. "I want to tell you how much I love you and I will forever ensure that I commit to memory how many times I declare my love for you because whatever number I get to, it will never be enough."

She looks down at the ring adorning her finger and puts a similar one on Quinn's finger. "Bright Star, would I were steadfast as thou art…"

She feels Quinn squeeze hand and instead of continuing with her written vows, she starts to sing to Quinn instead. Her voice soft at first, the melody simple but it builds within the confined space of the church as she knows that she's finally getting her happy ending.

#$#$#$#

Rachel hears the knock and smiles, knowing immediately that it's Quinn even before she hears her voice coming from the other side of the locked door.

"Rach, come on, you can't be serious." Her tone is part exasperated, part cajoling but overlaid with love because she just could never hide that fact and there really was no reason to.

Quinn's hand goes to the back of her neck, her fingers massaging the knot she knows is forming there and hoping that she'll manage to at least get Rachel to open the door. "Please." Her voice goes softer, her palm now splayed on the door and she's almost sure Rachel is now standing on the other side, her hand on the handle.

"Quinn, I just think it's bad luck." Rachel smiles as she says the words, knowing that she'll garner a sigh from Quinn but she gets more than she bargains for as she hears a soft thunk when Quinn's head collides with the door.

"Sweetheart" Quinn's voice is pleading now, "you do know that's just for your wedding dress and not the opening night of you first Broadway show, right?"

_Everything hadn't been going like clockwork; the whole day leading up to tonight had been less than perfect. The weather overcast for the longest time and even the infamous New York traffic had decided to give them an even harder time than normal._

_The rain had started pelting down and the cab ride to the theatre taking longer than required because the cabby was new to New York. Quinn's stomach rumbling but she hides it behind a cough because she knows she doesn't have time to pick up any food for herself and at least was happy that she had made Rachel eat something at home._

_Rachel's hand firmly held in Quinn's as the Iranian cab driver tried to make sense of the GPS directions. At least he recognized Rachel although him wishing her a broken leg in his limited English made her wince._

_At least Quinn's heart had swelled when the cabby smiled indulgently at the both of them and the wink he give's Quinn enough for them to realize that he's also rooting for them together._

_Leo, Kurt, Jackson and Julie had already arrived and Quinn had been tempted to open the champagne bottle she had in her bag but she held back, because her entire focus was on Rachel as the brunette walked around the stage, gently touching the props there, her neck craned to look out at the seats, an almost wondrous expression on her face. Like she didn't believe all this was happening._

_Quinn just felt so blessed to see her there, so in her element yet still keeping that wide eyed enthusiasm despite every difficulty she had to endure to get here."You're going to be amazing." She takes Rachel's hand and can see the brunette swallow nervously._

_It was endearing though in her mind wholly unnecessary. They had planned to have ten preview performances at their off Broadway venue but had to cancel six of them when Rachel came down with laryngitis. Even then, word of mouth for the show was so good that tickets were selling out fast but according to Jackson, not as fast as to make it an instant hit, at least not yet._

_So Quinn can understand Rachel's nervousness. This had been her dream for so long. When she had been friendless, tormented with slushy facials and cruel taunts, her dream of opening on Broadway was the one thing that kept her going._

_Rachel turns to her, her profile so familiar that Quinn closes her eyes because she's memorized every contour of that beautiful face and knows that Rachel's going to kiss her. The kiss so soft but she feels it from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. "Thank You."_

_The word not necessary because Quinn feels thankful everyday but she understands what Rachel is telling her. It's not about the opportunities Quinn had created for her but the fact that Quinn was there with her, that they were together in all sense of the word. For that, Rachel would always be thankful too._

" _You need to get dressed. I'm going to say hi to Steven and the other investors and then I'm going to be front and centre waiting for you to come on stage." She sees Rachel nod and is reluctant to let go until she gets another kiss from Rachel. This time, she feels Rachel's hands cupping her face as the brunette stands on tiptoe._

Quinn had a whole list of things planned in her head, thanking all the investors for still believing in them and ensuring that all the press had their tickets reserved at the box office. She even stopped to give Leo a pep talk, his nervousness actually eclipsing Rachel's as Kurt just barely managing to talk him out of a panic attack.

She had planned everything to the last second knowing that in the end, she would have maybe five minutes to wish Rachel good luck and kiss her before she had to go on. It wasn't ideal but this was Rachel's debut and she wanted it to be perfect despite the small setbacks.

But apparently, that wasn't going to be the case when Kurt interrupted her to inform her that Rachel had locked herself in her dressing room, refusing to see anyone. It made her drop everything and rush backstage, her list unfinished and abandoned because nothing was more important than Rachel.

She takes a deep breath and tries one last time, "Please." This time her voice is much softer, her forehead resting on the door and she can almost picture Rachel on the other side, biting her lip. She sighs and straightens as soon as she hears the lock disengage.

Quinn rushes into the room, ready to offer words of comfort or anything else that is required, only they die on her lips as she sees the room awash in candle light and a fully set table with bacon and eggs on one plate and one of Rachel's vegan tofu meals on the other.

"I love you." Rachel smiles.  _(nine hundred and eighty seven)_

"You made sure I ate before we left but knowing you, you never got around to it. So for the next hour and a half you're mine." Rachel looks at Quinn, her expression morphing from worry to surprise and finally settling on that special smile that she recognizes now. It's dazzling because Quinn looks happy and at peace and most of all, she looked like a woman in love.

"And you want to spend the time eating?" Quinn's voice drops again, this time coming out in a seductive purr that sends electric sparks up Rachel's spine. She kicks the door shut and pulls Rachel towards her, her hands already undoing the buttons of Rachel's top. Quinn swallows Rachel's answer with a kiss, knowing that she needs to satisfy one particular hunger first. The moan she elicits from Rachel is enough to know that they both want exactly the same thing.

#$#$#$#$#$

Instead of taking her seat front and center, Quinn spends the whole show in the wings even though Rachel's perfect, never missing a cue and singing the house down. Her voice meant for the stage and the standing ovation lasting for more than ten minutes but as soon as the curtain comes down, she rushes into Quinn's arms.

"I love you." ( _Nine hundred and eighty eight she counts)_

They're all planning to stay up the night at a small restaurant around the corner. It's Quinn who's nervous about the reviews while Rachel just holds her hand and traces her palm with her finger as if invisibly marking Quinn as hers and the blond truly was. "Stop fidgeting, I love you." ( _Nine hundred and eighty nine)_

And Quinn actually does stop because it's her turn to surprise Rachel as she draws her attention to the door. "Our family's here." She does not take her eyes off Rachel as she sees her face light up when her dads walk in but it's that look of utter surprise when she sees the rest of their defacto family walk in as well.

Mr. Shue, Emma and the whole Glee club as well. Tina and Mike with their baby son and even Santana and Brittany with their daughter. Finn does not show but he does send flowers and she cries when Kurt tells her that Finn's seeing a woman he met in church.

Her tears are tears of joy and relief, to finally understand that her life, the one that she had stopped living for a while was finally back on track and she was where she was suppose to be, sitting in New York, with Quinn's arms around her and surrounded by family.

Everyone's still with them when the first reviews come out and Quinn cannot keep from crying as she reads all the gushing praise heaped upon Rachel. Each word so true but to see it in print and to see the joy suffusing Rachel's face was an amazing thing.

The feelings of joy only eclipsed when Rachel pulled on her arm, getting her to her feet. "You guys have been amazing and I love you all but I need to get my wife home." There's this look on her face as she turns to Quinn. "Because I need to show her just how much I love her. _(nine hundred and ninety)._  She sees Santana and Noah smiling widely at her declaration while Kurt clapped so wildly until she was sure his hands would be red for a week. And even if the rest didn't get what Rachel had meant, her searing kiss just as they reached the doorway finally gave it away.

#$#$#$#$#

Winning the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical gave Rachel about even odds for winning the Oscar as well. But the only trophy she still kept on their mantelpiece at their New York house was the glued together Nationals trophy she had.

To her, it signified that anything that was broken could be pieced together with a strong enough force. And she's more than sure that they love she and Quinn shared was strong enough for anything even never ever wining another award.

Quinn feels Rachel shift next to her and places her hand on Rachel's thigh. It's an hour into the awards show and she can feel the tension in the brunette ratcheting upwards by the second. "Remember our bet." She whispers in Rachel's ear and is rewarded when she feels her love shiver in response.

"So you're referring to the bet wherein if I lose, you'll distract me with your feminine wiles and if I win, we'll celebrate by locking ourselves in the hotel for the week?" Finally there's a smile tugging the side of her mouth as she exhales, trying to relax despite the butterflies in her stomach. "Why aren't you nervous?"

Quinn looked positively serene and Rachel can't fully comprehend exactly why. Their movie was up for four awards, of which Quinn could actually win three of them for Best Director, Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay. Yet, she was almost slouching in her chair, seemingly uninterested in the proceedings and totally just focused on Rachel. "Because I have everything I've always hoped for. You're all I ever wanted."

"I love you"  _(one thousand three hundred and four)_  Rachel feels the butterflies disappear, only to be replaced by a sense of contentment. Of knowing that she would love to win but not really caring because she's already won the most important prize in her life.

And the smile she has almost glows such that when her name is actually announced and even though she does not win, it remains on her face as she turns to Quinn and gives her a kiss.

"Let's go." She feels Quinn tug on her arm and has to pull back because Quinn's categories are coming up.

"No, you're going to win and we're staying here." Her voice is firm even as Quinn shakes her head.

"Rach, I..You deserved to win." Quinn knew all the stats by heart, the odds of Rachel winning not too bad but she had been up against more established actresses. The fact that Rachel looked happy despite the loss still did not make Quinn happy about it.

"I don't believe that you're upset that I lost but don't care if you win or lose. You are crazy." Rachel shakes her head as she stares at her wife.

"Crazy for you." It's a cheesy line and Quinn is almost sure she can do better as she leans in, betting that her rusty high school French was still passable. "Amour de ma vie. Jje t'aime de tout mon coeur."

She sees Rachel's pupils dilate and hears her short intake of breath and figures she's convinced Rachel to leave until she hears her words.

"We're staying although, since I did lose the bet, I guess you've already started your campaign to distract me." Rachel leans in for a kiss.

Rachel feels like she really does win in the end as she holds onto Quinn's hand when they announce the nominees for Best Original Screenplay. Quinn's name announced as the winner just as she turns to kiss her again, "I love you."  _(one thousand three hundred and five)_ , their show of love caught on camera for all to see.

And in Quinn's acceptance speech she spends all of it talking about Rachel and thanking Jackson, Steven and all the cast and crew only in the last fifteen seconds but nobody takes offence because Rachel's a mess of tears and Quinn can't stop staring at her.

#$#$#$#$#

Rachel rushes through the doors, pushing with all her might and not slowing down as she runs towards the stairwell. She can hear Jackson's footfalls behind her and represses the urge to shout at him to keep up. She's at least glad that he had been driving and knows she owes him for reacting as quickly as he did with stepping on the brakes when she opened the car door, planning to jump out.

She's barefoot, her five inch louboutins in her right hand as she takes the steps two at a time. And as soon as she opens the door to the third floor, she swears she can hear Quinn's voice, like she's muffling her scream of pain and it hits her such that she almost stumbles.

Rachel rushes into the room, her hand on her chest as she tries to catch her breath, her eyes darting about as she skims from face to face, finally focusing on the woman on the bed, her hands holding tightly onto the bedrails.

"I'm here. I love you." ( _four thousand five hundred and forty one)_  her voice breaking on the last word as she goes to hold her wife's hand.

Quinn's been through this before although she cannot quite remember the pain, only the relief she had felt when she held Beth in her arms for that small amount of time. This time the entire experience had been one of pure bliss, Rachel's excitement and happiness fuelling her every step of the way.

Seeing Rachel's astounded expression as she explained that she wanted to carry Rachel's baby was at that time, one of the top three reactions she had managed to elicit from the brunette. The first being Rachel's look when she opened her door to her in LA and the second being the way Rachel looked at her on their wedding day.

However, right now, the way that Rachel is looking at her, like she's her entire universe, wrapped up in miracle and infinitely precious. It takes her breath away but it also takes away the pain as she focuses on Rachel's voice, breathing in tandem with her words, hanging on to each word because they echo in her heart.

"I love you."  _(four thousand five hundred and forty two),_ Rachel wishes she could do more but the serene expression on Quinn's face, so different from the pain filled one when she first entered the room, makes her think that perhaps she's doing alright.

Quinn knows Rachel counts each time she tells her she loves her, not because she's rationing them out like Halloween candy but just to see how high up she can go. And just hearing the words makes her feel safe and loved as she realizes that everything would work out for them.

He's ours and he's going to be beautiful."

And that one look from Rachel supersedes all the ones before because they're going to have a son together, a baby that they will love unconditionally.

_Who will get christened in a church in Lima like his mom and undergo B'rit Milah with his Uncle Puck when he's eight days old. And always knowing that he will be looked over by an extended loving family that they chose._

_A boy who will learn to play guitar from Uncle Artie when he's five and slamming dance moves from Uncle Mike when he's eight. And when he's ten, he learns about heartbreak when Tiffany Chang lets him down gently and he cries on Aunt Tina's shoulder._

_A son whom Aunt Santana will take aside when he's fourteen and explain the right way to treat women because that was what eventually got her Aunt Brittany. Who learns how to put together a V8 engine from Uncle Finn when he's fifteen. And who gets the scariest talk of his life from Aunt Lauren when he's sixteen such that he almost does not date the whole year._

_A young man whose graduation speech references the ACLU and quotes from Dylan, Kennedy and the Dalai Lama which gets him a standing ovation led by his big sister Beth. A man who proposes with his momma's ring after she slips it to him when he's rushing to catch his flight back to Chicago without a plan but with the knowledge that if it felt right, he couldn't waste his chance._

 

Each and every one of these milestones just waiting to happen and all because they finally let themselves love each other like they were always meant to be.

#$#$#$#$

"I love you"  _(eighty nine thousand five hundred and sixty nine)_

**The End**


End file.
